monkey00 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I've come to this somewhat epiphany today at the idlest possible day of work. I tend to notice I date girls who likes to take things slow and feel me out before committing, by the time they wise up it's too late and I've lost interest. In the beginning I'm really interested and I'm out there and excited to see them or plan dates. After awhile things eventually get stale, and new opportunities always seem to be presenting themselves. Never in the past would I consider dating multiple girls or just dating for the sake of dating. But I think I've reached a stage in my life of laid-backness where I want to do this, where I don't want to commit to just anyone, where anyone could be a possible soul-mate. I hardly dated when I was younger, and it seems my past is trying to catch up with my present. Does anyone else feel the same or am I catching nyc fever?
Lovelybird Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I think you deep down fear rejection. You never believed you deserve others cares or dedications for you if you ask them, so you never directly ask them what you want because you fear their rejections, so they don't know what you want, but as the time went, you tired of being 'unloved and unsatisfied', and think they don't really care about you, and you cannot taste sweetness of a relationship and being vulnerable, so you run to next one hope they can guess out IMO you have to deal with the fear of rejection, and learn to handle rejections, and give other and yourself more chances I could be wrong though. Usually commitment phobia is controlled by fear
Capricciosa Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I think you deep down fear rejection. You never believed you deserve others cares or dedications for you if you ask them, so you never directly ask them what you want because you fear their rejections, so they don't know what you want, but as the time went, you tired of being 'unloved and unsatisfied', and think they don't really care about you, and you cannot taste sweetness of a relationship and being vulnerable, so you run to next one hope they can guess out IMO you have to deal with the fear of rejection, and learn to handle rejections, and give other and yourself more chances I could be wrong though. Usually commitment phobia is controlled by fear How can you tell that from his message? I think you are assuming a lot here.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 You're just catching NYC fever. It's hard to stay single for long in NYC, but it's also it's hard to stay committed to one person. That doesn't mean that you're a commitment phobe it just says that you're more adventurous as a person and your interests always changes. Just go out and date, don't be so serious.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Join the club. I am a 3 month relationship specialist.
Capricciosa Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Join the club. I am a 3 month relationship specialist. Well, in all fairness, it takes 3 months to figure out if someone is right for you, and a lot of them just aren't going to be. I don't know if it actually has to do with commitment. You're not supposed to just commit for the hell of it.
Author monkey00 Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 It seems like the older I get the harder it is for me to find that one person I really really like, and who really really likes me. I guess yea this nyc fever thing is a way for me to feel out the right person. I hear ya, it's easy to ask someone out and go out on a date. But to keep things interesting in a relationship is the real challenge. I don't think I'm afraid of falling into that challenging relationship. I think what I'm really afraid of us is being committed to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Let me ask you girls, how many of you would be ok with the idea you would be 1 of 2 or 3 other girls the guy is dating?
xpaperxcutx Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 It seems like the older I get the harder it is for me to find that one person I really really like, and who really really likes me. I guess yea this nyc fever thing is a way for me to feel out the right person. I hear ya, it's easy to ask someone out and go out on a date. But to keep things interesting in a relationship is the real challenge. I don't think I'm afraid of falling into that challenging relationship. I think what I'm really afraid of us is being committed to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Let me ask you girls, how many of you would be ok with the idea you would be 1 of 2 or 3 other girls the guy is dating? If I was really interested in a guy I would in a way find it offensive that he has me lined up in no.2 or 3. But then again I make it known that since we're not really official or anything that it's okay to date other people, since I'll be dating other people as well. So it's a win- win situation.
Capricciosa Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Let me ask you girls, how many of you would be ok with the idea you would be 1 of 2 or 3 other girls the guy is dating? It would be ok at first, though I wouldn't want the details, and the understanding was I could do the same. But after an initial period, it would have to progress to something more exclusive, or it would end.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Sorry I meant to do an edit, but never mind.
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