ahhhchooo Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I'm a very introverted person and easily give my trust away to others (over time, that is changing), but I am very selective about who I do give it to - which has led to me not making very many friends in life (but the friends I have are very good ones). After devoting myself to my SO for so long and then having her disappear, I noticed that she filled a MASSIVE hole in my life. The activities I was involved in while I was with her are suddenly complete points of non interest - for her and for me. As a result of this, I realised how badly I had been neglecting my other friends, to the point where I barely noticed most of them had travelled overseas, gotten girlfriends of their own or just forgotten about me. NC is hard, but it's really hard when there's noone else to even be around! Did anyone else come out of the relationship realising you didn't have anything else in life as a fall back plan? That you are now having to rebuild your life as if from scratch?
nowhereman82 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Righ there with you. I got distracted with dating a girl recently and realized she was filling that void...but I hadn't fix the problem. So I did the hard thing and ended it. We both have a hard road ahead of us. Don't really have any answers yet but I am going to try.
foreverlove06 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I dont make friends easily either, and like you I am a complete introvert. Its a constant struggle to "talk" to people I dont know... just to get myself out there & be friendly with people. I am so jealous of those who can just be outgoing & make friends with people in a second. ... My boyfriend & I have not broken up and hopefully never will (Knock on wood.) but sometimes when I am not with him & dont see him for a while, i really notice the certain things I have neglected in my life!... And i do know for a fact that if by some chance we were to seperate, my life would be unrecognizable from when we first met. So i can understand completely why you would feel this way. I try to have other things in my life seperate from my boyfriend, so i can have "my life" and then "our life". But its very challenging.... Just remind yourself that everything is a growing experience.. Its what you make of it. Try to rebuild your old friendships, constantly try to make new friends.. (And i should try to follow my own advice here really.... lol) Maybe this will make you even less introverted, and ready for the next wonderful lady to come along! I am rooting for you.
Peter_pan Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 with you also on that. when my ex didn't want me back i felt a huge void. i had to start from scratch since i moved away from family and old friends. however i find it very easy to make friends so where ever i go that is not an issue. what is an issue is that even though i have loads of friends i still feel incomplete i loved being ridiculously close with the ex, where i can say what ever and she listens. ive rebuilt my life twice since our split and im preparing to do it again for the third time
sultry33 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I'm a very introverted person and easily give my trust away to others (over time, that is changing), but I am very selective about who I do give it to - which has led to me not making very many friends in life (but the friends I have are very good ones). After devoting myself to my SO for so long and then having her disappear, I noticed that she filled a MASSIVE hole in my life. The activities I was involved in while I was with her are suddenly complete points of non interest - for her and for me. As a result of this, I realised how badly I had been neglecting my other friends, to the point where I barely noticed most of them had travelled overseas, gotten girlfriends of their own or just forgotten about me. NC is hard, but it's really hard when there's noone else to even be around! Did anyone else come out of the relationship realising you didn't have anything else in life as a fall back plan? That you are now having to rebuild your life as if from scratch? Hi op, i too do not have many friends due to moving alot, having children and i dont trust very easily if at all.. im very guarded in my home and dont like asking people over as its my private space with my children so yeah it can get lonely. In the relationship he was my best friend and we did everything together and most of our activities/hobbies interests was his really.. so therefore any friends we did make are still with him..as he has same interests belongs to the clubs etc... me i just do my own thing and im ok with it now but in the begining of our split i was really upset as i lost him and had no distractions like work.. i work from home! he had his interests... our friends:sick: but im a fighter and my weekends are full now with partying.. cannot say it helps really as i go home alone through my choice though.. but its where im at.. weekends is the hardest for me as that was our time aswell as the car club stuff:) i guess i need a hobbie.. maybe you do too? hope you feel happier soon:)
mollers Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Yes that happened to me. It has taught me a real lesson. I completely immersed myself in the relationship to the point that the relationship was defining who I was. If/when I move into another relationship I so intend to keep my own life and interests on an equal par with the relationship. My ex, on the other hand, continued his own life/hobbies/interests/friends and I can now see that I 'slotted into' his life rather than vice versa. Big wake up call.
Author ahhhchooo Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 Well I'm getting back into life and my hobbies, went for my second run tonight and went out with a couple of old friends, went for dinner with my parents. She contacted me today. Wants to talk later. Don't know why but she used my pet name in the SMS. Though, no matter what happens tonight, I'm sticking with my new, forward facing, positive life. Can't ever let myself feel that hopeless again.
borelandkaren Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Yes that happened to me. It has taught me a real lesson. I completely immersed myself in the relationship to the point that the relationship was defining who I was. If/when I move into another relationship I so intend to keep my own life and interests on an equal par with the relationship. My ex, on the other hand, continued his own life/hobbies/interests/friends and I can now see that I 'slotted into' his life rather than vice versa. Big wake up call. Ditto. And then I moved interstate as well. I'm slowly seeking out others and some lovely things are starting to open up for me. Finding new friends is never an easy thing to do but I'm finding now that because I'm opening myself up to new experiences, things are changing. My ex and I were together 24/7 and when I left, there was a huge void. I have family fairly close which is good and friends all over Australia but very few here in Qld, so I've had to start seeking them out. Work has been one option for me. Neighbours, etc. There are some really nice people out there and they want to know you. You just have to look for them. Good luck and take care.
replicator Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 I'm a very introverted person and easily give my trust away to others (over time, that is changing), but I am very selective about who I do give it to - which has led to me not making very many friends in life (but the friends I have are very good ones). After devoting myself to my SO for so long and then having her disappear, I noticed that she filled a MASSIVE hole in my life. The activities I was involved in while I was with her are suddenly complete points of non interest - for her and for me. As a result of this, I realised how badly I had been neglecting my other friends, to the point where I barely noticed most of them had travelled overseas, gotten girlfriends of their own or just forgotten about me. NC is hard, but it's really hard when there's noone else to even be around! Did anyone else come out of the relationship realising you didn't have anything else in life as a fall back plan? That you are now having to rebuild your life as if from scratch? Yep, that same scenario. When I was with my ex, she had no friends, so she always wanted me to spend time with her. I neglected my friends, and distance grew between me and everyone other than her. Then she moved away, made new friends, and then left me. Starting over again. Reaching out to old friends, but not the same now that everyone is busy with their own life.
backspacectrl Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 i had the same thing but not... i lost my bestfriend we did everythng together she had my trust, untill she broke it and i then lost a bestfreind and a boyfriend over the same thing. he cheated on me with her. but the thing is that i pushed all my other friends away because they didnt under stand what i was going through at the time so i became ultra close to my bestfriend. and when i lost her i had to repair what was left of my old friendships, it was like life was on hold. i was always scared people were staring at me as i walked down the halls at school but when they really were staring i couldnt have cared less.
gennamoon Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 I still kept up with my friends while I was with my ex...however, a lot of them moved and were closer to the area he lived in so I would visit with them until he got off work...now that we're broken up I don't really see them because it's an almost 30 minute drive for me... Not to mention, most of the people that I would spend Friday nights with are mutual friends of ours so now it's a little strange. I feel like I need to recreate myself somehow, but in the area I live in there isn't a lot to do...I've tried...I do think I might start taking a yoga class again and possibly a ballroom dance class, but that still doesn't give me something to do on a Friday night when I don't have my kids and find myself twiddling my thumbs...
muse82 Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Yep, that same scenario. When I was with my ex, she had no friends, so she always wanted me to spend time with her. I neglected my friends, and distance grew between me and everyone other than her. Then she moved away, made new friends, and then left me. Starting over again. Reaching out to old friends, but not the same now that everyone is busy with their own life. me to. My ex didnt have any friends and while i were with her i forget about most of my friends. She left me , made new friends got a job started working out started playing tennis quit her benzodiazepins(tranqulizers) and seems happy. i have little friends no job.. its sad not to be a part of her life when she is doing that good. I helped her alot with motivation when we ere together and i think i played a large role in her getting her act together. Hate being used
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