tensor Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 At some points it's been a dream...others it's a real nightmare... We met 3 years ago online. We chatted for a year before we began writing each other letters. We flirted a lot and shared many common interests. For a year and a half, we’ve agreed that we are going to try and meet up. She lives out West, I live out East. We agreed that when we meet we’d go out on a date together, regardless of if we were seeing anybody. In the early spring, she told me she's pregnant. It hit me pretty hard. I called in sick to work soon after because I couldn’t focus. This really concerned me, and made me question how I felt about her. We spoke about a week later, and admitted that we both had serious mutual feelings. We resolved that we are going to meet this summer, come hell or high water. After that we talked pretty constantly for a month.. Just before the trip, she said she's moving in with the father. Again, hit pretty hard. The father was never mentioned, and that falls back on me for not asking about him. We met, and had fun. We got physical with each other when he was gone. Not sexual, but we, rubbed, spooned, massaged, and kissed. We both initiated contact. We knew we’d be in trouble if anyone saw us. We both offered each other chances to back down (which we always turned down) We did all of this knowing that they are living together, that it's his baby. Yet she still let me touch her, she still kissed me and touched me. We didn't end up going on our date, instead the three (me, her, him) of us hung out for the extended weekend and explored the city. The day I left, we spent several hours cuddling in bed. I told her I loved her when I left, and she kissed me. (Our goodbye was very rushed, last minute events came up and I didn’t say everything I wanted to) In the end, she stayed, I left. If things had gone well, I was prepared to stay, and knew exactly what I would have given up. It's been several weeks, I've had a pretty rough time of things. Now, there is a chance she could be coming out to see me...I was just about prepared to let her go, and completely remove her from my life...now I'm not sure quite what to do...if I had met her after they were a couple, I would never have taken it this far. Knowing her like I do, I would step it up to be a parent to be with her...but I know two that there are two sides here: What I want, and what is best for the baby (which I know, isn't me...) Consciously, I know that I'm the other guy, and that it isn't practical, or moral, or right that the two of us would work out...but subconsciously, I just can't let go...
Owl Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 She's not married to the father, right? Then she's had the choice all along of choosing to be with you, or not. Instead, what she's chosen was to use you to meet SOME of her needs, while she was having the rest met by him. She's chosen BOTH of you. And that's the way she's been living all this time. The question is...is the little she's giving you enough to keep you going in this three way relationship?
rproctor Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Hmm I think that you would be foolish to continue this relationship. Why are you so infatuated with her? You said you were prepared to stay, and leave everything behind... Why? This girl, she cant be all that! You guys dont even have enough yet to make a stable relationship, dont be a fool here and give up everything you have, just for a chance with a woman who is cheating on her babys father with you... Come on man, open your eyes. If she really wanted to be with you she would be, not preggo with another mans child. Take that as your sign that you guys are not right for each other, and find a new woman to take your mind off things. Trust me, she is not right for you. You already know this, that is why you are posting here.
wildsoul Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Speaking a little facetiosly after a long hard day... There are so many single women who would love to be with a man who loved them and wanted to be a father. Hell, a lot of us single women wanted love so much that we ended up getting involved with married men. Honey, there is no shortage of available women. Go for the gold. Find your soul mate and have her all to yourself. It's not to late now to back out gracefully. So much easier to do it now. If you're the kind of man who wants a committed relationship and family, it will be easy for you. Most women want that too.
crystal_lostheart Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Some words from someone who is having a 'really bad' day..... sorry if it's very blunt and to the point.... 'The girl of your dreams' as you have called her - is someone that would not be making you feel like you are living a nightmare. Let her go....
Author tensor Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 She's not married to the father, right? Then she's had the choice all along of choosing to be with you, or not. Instead, what she's chosen was to use you to meet SOME of her needs, while she was having the rest met by him. She's chosen BOTH of you. And that's the way she's been living all this time. The question is...is the little she's giving you enough to keep you going in this three way relationship? That is true, she and the father are not married, or engaged. According to her, they are giving the parenting thing a shot, and are living together. They weren't a couple when she conceived. She moved home when she found out, and they re-connected along the way. I've really be searching to figure out why I feel so strongly about her. We've always clicked when we've spoken, share a lot of interests (sense of humour, taste in music, both artists, both quote random things that we both get). When we met face to face and had our time alone, we were on fire. We had each other in absolute hysterics, and even had some moments were we didn't say anything and just smiled and cuddled rproctor is right. It is something I do know. That's something that's really troubling me. Why can't I let her go...the whole nightmare part is that I have to sit here and keep going through everything in my mind about why we can't give it a try (I'm not working right now, so my days are chock full of basically nothing to do) We spoke recently about her visiting, and honestly I doubt it will happen. I think I just need to hear her say it won't happen to help make it more real that it's over. But, she didn't, which both worries and excites me. This past weekend I've been prepping myself to shut this whole thing down, and get her out of my life... but something always happens when I get my resolve up to pull everything right back
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