Illilcit Love Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I have been involved with a MM for a while now, and I can tell you it has been one rollercoaster ride. I have known my MM for about 12 years, we grew up together and we were very good friends. Basically, this whole thing started as a 'FWB' situation, a few years went by, I will skip the details but a long story short... he is now married and I feel like I’m a stuck in purgatory. I can honestly say I do not know how I managed to get myself into this mess. This is not how I pictured my life would be. We are amazing together, we share so much in common, and we are best friends but we can’t be together. It breaks my heart knowing all of this and not being able to do anything about it. I have tried NC a few times but it never works, because we share the same friends, it is impossible not to see him. It is nice to know that although we all think our situation is different we all have our similarities. The position of the other woman is a very lonely one and I hope I can find some support here. Thanks.
Owl Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Reading your post, I'm not sure if you're hoping to end the affair, or continue it? What do you WANT to happen from here?
mytruelove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 illilcit love, from one FWB to another. i've known my guy for ten years. the friendship just turned to more over the last year. the timing has always been off for us and neither has ever been truly available. he was married, i was married, he had a girlfriend and kids. we've been friends through it all. when it became clear a year ago my marriage was over. i expressed how i really felt to him and he returned the feelings. we fought a physical relationship until two months ago, when it just became too hard. the chemistry is off the charts. i think i would have to kick BOTH our A***** if either one of us gets married again to anyone BUT each other don't think i could handle that. if he was married i would not be involved with him. he does have a g/f right now though...did when i told him how i felt. it has been one of those "you jump, no you jump first things" he has been extremely patient with me and i am trying to be patient. now that i have jumped... i have to admit, i'm getting impatient waiting for him to take the final leap.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Welcome! Do you want the R to progress? Are you satisfied with what you are getting out of it? Or are you looking to get out? Or do you just want a place to vent and get support and encouragement?
Author Illilcit Love Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 Right now I am still in the A, I do not want to continue it, but at the same time I do not know how to end it. I am so mad at myself for being so weak and letting myself get back into this mess.
Author Illilcit Love Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 Welcome! Do you want the R to progress? Are you satisfied with what you are getting out of it? Or are you looking to get out? Or do you just want a place to vent and get support and encouragement? I would love for us to be able to be together, but I know we can't. Yes I want out, a place to vent, all of the above, actually.
wildsoul Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Hello and welcome! I recently ended my 6-mos relationship. It's just so hard to have the feelings of being with the right person, but in a futile situation. We just kept crashing into the futility wall. What I'm saying is I understand. It's painful to want more, but keep hitting that wall that makes it impossible. And yes, lonely too. You will find people here that understand though. It's a wonderful group of people.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Right now I am still in the A, I do not want to continue it, but at the same time I do not know how to end it. I am so mad at myself for being so weak and letting myself get back into this mess. Ok, first you need to concentrate on the anger at yourself in a more constructive way. Hating yourself neither helps you heal or get out of "this mess." Be proactive. You're relinquishing control here. The thing that OW do not realize is that it is the OW that drives the R. The MM should not be the one calling the shots. Believe me, if they think that you're going to jump ship they will do whatever is in their power to keep you happy enough to stay. If you really want to end it, then just end it. There's no sense in you staying in something where you're not getting what you need and then beating yourself up. Does no good. Forget about calling yourself weak. That you're still sane at this point means that you are strong. If you don't like your life, change it. You're living in purgatory because you want to, not because you have to. GEL
Author Illilcit Love Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 I just feel so torn, my head is telling me move on and let him go, he had his chance. But my heart just wont let that happen, I love him. We have tried to go back to just being friends, but it didn't work, (as you can see). I just don't know how to end it without up-rooting my entire life.
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