First time dumpee... i need support...

[luckyinlove]

I just had a detailed post on the Dating board about some problems my boyfriend and (mainly) myself were having. Unfortunately, I've had to switch to this board for help...

 

He broke it off with me last night after 2 years. Over instant messenger. At 4am. The day before we were scheduled to work together.

 

Talk about horrible.

 

I'm terribly hurt right now, and the last thing I want to do is see him, but I have to leave in an hour to go to work with him.

 

He was my first real love, and I've never even been broken up with, let alone broken up with by someone i really truely cared about.

 

I can't imagine being with anyone else, I just don't feel like there's anyone else that will understand me like him, and nobody else I can feel attracted to.

 

1.) How can I handle this breakup?

and

2.) How can I get through a day of work with him?

[saams]

i know how you feel, most of us in here if not all been through the exact same thing. it's not easy to deal with and it's gonna take awhile before you get over him..

 

but belive me there will be others just like him, you feel this way now becourse you probably love him and after 2 years you are most likely verry attached to him.. but we all felt this and it will go away, you just need some time to calm down and see it's not the end of the world.

 

as for working with him.. i would say you needed some time with absolutly no contact with him, if you have to go then try not to talk to him while your there. try to act cool and just focus on the work.

 

Imo you should cut all contact with him for awhile, no calls or on msn or anything, it will be much easyer for you to handle this if your not in contact with him..

[ImLost07]

Ohhh I know exactly what you must be feeling. Rejection, sadness, denial, hate, etc. Back in the day, my first boyfriend ever broke my heart and I had to see him every single day for the entire school year for 2 hours in class and about 20 hours a week outside of class. It was brutal. If you must, I suggest changing jobs.. if you cant.. you will just have to grit your teeth and bear it. And I know it sucks, but just take it 30 minutes at a time, then an hour, then a day and eventually it will be weeks. Just keep telling yourself "Ill get through the next 15 minutes" and you will.

 

And I bet in a few months, you two can sit down and either reconcile, or find out what really happened and that you might be better off without him.

 

hope this helps

[atzorvas]

I feel your pain! I had been going out for 2 years with this girl and she recently broke up with me through facebook (it was my first time too). Its been about 3 weeks since the break up and I'm on my 10th day of no contact. What really helped me was the closure that I eventually got from her. She told me that she feels nothing for me and never wants to be with me again. Did you get something like that from your ex?

 

I'm not sure of the reason he broke up but I do know that the first week will be rough and emotional especially since you see him at work. Try to keep yourself busy (gym, music, friends) and fight the urge to contact your ex. When you think of your ex, don't fight it or you will only feel more hurt. Instead try and direct your thoughts to practical things..say to yourself, ok whatever happened, happened and how can I make myself stronger and better able to deal with this?

 

I was feeling really hurt initially and didn't get much sleep/lost my appetite. But keep yourself busy, direct your thoughts, and don't contact your ex..the hurt will fade away. This is what I did and right now I still think of my ex but I don't feel any pain. Its an awesome feeling, you will get through this!

[luckyinlove]

the main thing i'm worried about is ever getting over him..

 

BUT i've been thinking a lot today about the fact that i am in no way attracted or interested in meeting or dating anyone else. i feel like i wont find anyone that i will ever be attracted to again both mentally and sexually.

 

is this normal? will it go away?

 

i see guys that i consider good looking, but anytime i think about another guy sexually it disgusts me. he's the only person i want, and i feel as though i'll never find anyone that i'll be able to relate with on a really personal level like i could with him.

 

i just don't feel like i'll connect with anyone else in the same way.

 

he knew me so well, and we thought the same way on almost everything.

 

has anyone felt this way post-heartbreak? will it go away? how can i help it along?

 

gaaaah. =(

[confused11]

lucky...oh hun I've been there...I am there again...I'm not gonna lie, the first time is crushing but I promise you it does get better. 5-1/2 years I was with my first love...then I rebounded with a good friend (which is soo bad because I attached myself to him). My first real heartache...I was devastated. I lost my appetite (and 25lbs.) I was down to 100 lbs. I was so love sick that it consumed me for months but please don't let this consume you. When I look back now...I laugh because I don't even know what I was thinking!! Seriously, I am soo happy I am not with either of them...I get a little embarrassed. I promise you you will get through this. It will happen again but each time gets a little easier.

 

Right now I'm am heartbroken again but from what I have been through I know it is not the end. Some days are harder and I'm sad sometimes but I just gotta push through. Surround yourself with friends and family that will let you talk about how you feel (only when you need to though). Coming here also helps me because I get to communicate with people who are sharing my emotions (plus when my friends get sick of me analyzing the situation lol).

 

Sometimes for no reason people fall out of love with someone...it sucks and it hurts but walking away really is the hardest thing to do. I know right now your heart doesn't understand what is happening but eventually it will.

Unless you did something (like betray his trust or something) do not try to convince him that he is making a mistake. Respect his wishes and wish him well.

 

I did the begging and pleading then when it was done to me I had no words. Was this how I looked...pathetic? It's sad to say but it is true. I vowed I would never do it again and I haven't.

 

How do you get through the breakup? One day at a time, keeping busy and doing things that make you feel good about you. I find retail therapy works for me On another post recently, I wrote how this weekend I went for a mani/pedi...I got a new haircut, and I went shopping...yeah it might sound stupid but it made me feel good as hell Nothing makes me feel better than spoiling myself and that's what you need to do. Maybe try to make something. Also try not to be alone a lot. I did girls night with my friends. We got some wine, did facials, listened to music then watched rock of love (it's so stupid but it showed us that it could always be worse!) I find that being with people or at least being on this site helps me not focus on my issues but let's me share my experiences to maybe help others. I feel better when I can help others.

 

Think about what you want to do for you and what makes you happy (aside from your ex) and do them. It is going to be hard but each day gets a little easier. Yes some days you might relapse and be hurt but hey there's always another day.

[replicator]

That is some excellent advice Confused.

 

I was dumped for the first time in my life, after a ten year relationship to a girl I was planning to marry and I was in shock because I didn't see it coming. I did the begging, pleading, crying.. Basically was a zombie for a few months. I still have some raw emotions, and there are relapses, but I know I'm going to make it through this.

 

Hang in there and be good to yourself. Whenever you're down, remind yourself that however you choose to spend your day, it's going to pass - so try to make the most of it. I know it is hard when you're drowning in emotions, but you need to give yourself some positive affirmations and keep up a daily routine.

[sunshinegirl]

the main thing i'm worried about is ever getting over him..

 

BUT i've been thinking a lot today about the fact that i am in no way attracted or interested in meeting or dating anyone else. i feel like i wont find anyone that i will ever be attracted to again both mentally and sexually.

 

is this normal? will it go away?

 

i see guys that i consider good looking, but anytime i think about another guy sexually it disgusts me. he's the only person i want, and i feel as though i'll never find anyone that i'll be able to relate with on a really personal level like i could with him.

 

i just don't feel like i'll connect with anyone else in the same way.

 

he knew me so well, and we thought the same way on almost everything.

 

has anyone felt this way post-heartbreak? will it go away? how can i help it along?

 

gaaaah. =(

 

This is very normal. VERY. Try not to worry yet about being with someone else - you broke up two days ago, for goodness sake! Of course the thought is repulsive. It will take some time, maybe a lot of time, for you to feel ready to open your mind and heart to someone new.

 

HOWEVER, from my past experience I PROMISE that you will move on from this guy. You will get over this guy. In fact, you may wonder, one day, what you ever saw in him.

[4dviceJunki3]

Okay, honestly, everyone is going to tell you this because it is the truth behind dealing with the heartbreak. You will need to keep yourself occupied with music, friends, work, gym, etc.

 

I know that even if you think about doing those things, ANY slight chance you get in between those activities, you will think about the situation and you will get that sick sensation in your stomach. Thoughts of you never finding someone that will understand you the same as him or who will never be the same as him are PERFECTLY normal. The reason you feel that way is because you dedicated time into the relationship and put effort, you let your emotions fly free towards him and now your mind is in denial of the fact that he's gone. It's like this with anything. Trust me, if you were to be given an object that you devoted your life to and just put a lot of time into it to get yourself attached to it, and you lost this object, you would feel the same way. Reason being is because the human mind is naturally built that way to feel like it shouldn't lose what it has just lost. It's our way of understanding the value of life and everything in it.

 

I am not going to lie to you, regardless if you keep yourself occupied or not, those feelings are going to be there; that's the sad part. But you have to understand that a brighter day WILL come..trust me..IT WILL COME! You just don't see that right now because your mind is cluttered with thoughts all relating to him. When you hear someone say time is the best healer, they are not lying. Time is truly the essence of the healing process.

 

Here's my personal experience so that you can understand that we ALL deal with this at one point in our lives:

 

I met a girl about 3 yrs ago, ended up getting with her and was with her for 2 1/2 yrs. After all that time of devoting my life to her, thinking of how I could give the world to this girl, treating her with so much respect and care and love and get this..NOT ONE SINGLE ARGUMENT throughout our entire relationship..you know what I came to find out? She ended up finding someone else and broke up with me to go LIVE with him in a city 2 hrs away from where she used to live. Imagine how I feel? What was even worse was that she told me that it wasn't ANYTHING that I did. How do you want me to cope with that? So you're telling me that I didn't do anything wrong and after 2 1/2 yrs of giving my life to you, you leave me for somebody else and I don't even have anything to be guilty of so that I can get over you? She completely tore me apart and she left. To top it off, she called me when SHE GOT THERE to tell me that she's arrived. Well guess what? I turned it around and used the entire situation that had occurred as my stepping stone to get over her. It took me 1 month exactly to get over her. But during that 1 month, my world turned dark. My friends had never seen me that way, they were tired of hearing me cry about her all the time, I literally cried so much in bed, in shower, in my room, I couldn't concentrate at work at all, I couldn't eat or go out or even look at other girls let alone talk to them. I somehow ALWAYS related anything around me to her and it reminded me of her. It killed me. I seriously thought that this girl was going to be the one and all my hopes and dreams were shattered; I seriously felt useless to this universe. But look at me now, it's been about a year and when I look back at it, I feel embarassed that me, a man, actually shed that many tears for a women who did that to me. I thought to myself, OMG, it took me a month to get over her, it should have taken me no more than a freakin SHOWER to get over her!

 

This is just something we all have to deal with sweety and it's not the greatest sensation in the world trust me, we understand but deal with it because what cannot kill you, can only make you stronger and that's as real as it gets!

 

SORRY FOR TYPING SO MUCH BUT WHEN I DRIFT INTO THOUGHT, I CANNOT STOP MYSELF HEHE!