Peter_pan Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Ok i feel that i never got the closure i needed due to the way the relationship ended. I went on holiday waiting for a reply to an email wanting her back and for us to start again when she was ready. and then she emailed me a reply to my email. in this email she announced the bad news that she was seeing this new guy. i was devastated. i then came back off holiday and never spoke to her and only saw her once and that was her walking in town with him arm in arm. this was beginning of feb time. i couldnt take it anymore knowing she was with him and not me and that she wasn't talking to me at all. so i called her on on V day. she said she was upset i wasnt talking to her and that she wanted to stay in contact etc. i told her it was to awkward and hard for me, to which she replied "its nothing serious" so i said i dont care what it is you are still calling him your bf, and unless i had moved on then it would be to hurtful for me, wished her luck and said goodbye. she then txted me straight away and said, "he dosnt even work at this club anymore hes gone off to run another one but it dosnt change how much i love it here.... i didn't reply I received maybe 2 txts after that, one saying does my shop sell a certain cable for her tv and another one a week later early in the morning saying she has some of my post and asked me to change my bank details. i then broke NC again and asked what she was up to, she said she was in town with her dad and bro, i asked if i could meet for a coffee, but then i realised i couldnt handle it and said actually it dosnt matter now ive got something i need to do, but can i call you later. she said erm if you want, im just getting my hair cut. anyway i didnt call her and after that i never heard from her again. i then broke NC again end of may, however she never replied. i simply said it would be nice to see you again before i leave here as i may not see you again. no reply. so week later i ask her best mate why she might be ignoring me, she said erm i think its because she dosnt want to talk to anyone about him. (so at that point i knew something was up). so a week after that i txt her best mate again asking her why what happened between the? she said its because they had been not getting on etc and where arguing or something but think there ok now. And so she didnt want to talk to anyone about and she thought i might have heard something (which i didnt). she didnt even speak to her best mate about it and so didnt want to talk to me incase i mentioned him, since im the "ex" its "weird" so anyway ive got to shoot off to work, i will finish this when i return. basically i am wondering how i will ever get closure. some say time and no contact is closure. for me its not good enough and i need to know what im going to do about everything
nowhereman82 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 She won't give it to you. Give it to yourself. People suggest sitting down and writing it all out. Everything. And when you're done....write some more. Don't make the mistake of giving it to the ex. Burn it. Nothing you can say or do with her will give you closure at this point. Closure is a state of mind and nothing she can say will make you change your feelings.
nopainnogain Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I agree ^^^^^ Youll never be satisfied trying to get closure from anyone, only within.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 interesting views, i think that it would be nice to talk again and i would like if if she apologized and i forgave her or spoke about us. she never really gave any real reasons. i hope she now knows what it is like to be left. i still find it hard that i am living 600 miles away from her and that we are the "past" i am also finding it very hard to think that i am never going to find anyone as "attractive" and yes i know looks are not everything and i know that now, however it makes me miss her more because she was pretty and a good person. i still think what she did was not very nice but she get led along by him, he was a player. one friend said be patient and one day she will probably contact you but until then you cant put your life on hold, otherwise it would a big waste of time. he said maybe you should keep an eye on her and in 2 years or so you could maybe speak with her and see whats what. thats if i havnt found "the one" in the mean time if closure is a state of mind, then i dont know how i will find it. i really dont. i cannot let her go. it kills me. i know that i miss her, i miss us. i wanted to work on things not go seperate ways. i know if we got back i would resent her somewhat. i could never look at her the same way, i would constantly be paranoid. my family would resent her. she could leave me again. knowing these things i still want her back..... wtf
roghornio Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 It sounds too me like your holding on in hope of her coming back. I think even if she did contact you , you might even fool yourself into believing it was for reconciliation… in the grand scale of things iots only been a few months since you split. And it was your first – that’s bound to be really hard… it will take time but you will pass through it , but you really need to do yourself a favour and try your hardest to let go. Stupidly I broke NC the other day – the urge was overwhelming. No reply – but you know its actually made me realize I couldn’t give a flying f**k! You’ll get there my man – just hold on…
Author Peter_pan Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 yeh your right, i am still holding onto that hope in a way and i realised that people who go nc use it as a tool to heal and move on, not to get there ex back, i on the other hand used it as a tool to try and get her back, because i was left with no option other than to go nc since she was with someone right away i dont think i'll ever be able to let her go. a big part of me wants to speak with her yet my head cant think why. she is on my mind all the time, that cant be normal for 6 months down the road..
roghornio Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 she is on my mind all the time, that cant be normal for 6 months down the road.. It's perfectly normal. As i said to you before - my first girlfriend took me over a year to get over. She moved back to brighton about 2 months after i split up with her never to see her again. I found out after she had cheated on me. In fact i also remember her at a party at my house about a month after we plit and she was lying on my bed with this other guy, and she left with him... i kicked the **** out a cuboard door that morning LOL. anwyasy this was about 10 years ago... i thought about her every day for around a year (stupid huh). It was truly horrible... But i bounced back - several G/F's since then and each one slightly more suited to me. In fact i remember thinking stuff like you (never will meet anyone so attractive, so perfect blah blah)... nonsense. You probably miss having someone you care about who cares for you rather than miss her? You probably also want what you cant have, and the green eyed monster instesfys it call cause she chose someon over you? I promise you that it will pass with time! She is only human - there are another few billion woman out there - your telling me none will match her? nonsense!!!!
Author Peter_pan Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 i wish i could think like that im not hopeful. also what would i have to lose if i did contact her? i mean why would she speak to my close mate, she could have easily got my number from her best mate who has is. she was obviously checking up on me and that annoys me cause i dont know what was said. i am going to ask him to be very specific.
roghornio Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 [FONT="]What you would have to loose is a million steps back. Whatever you hear will hurt. Even a simple thing like she’s off on holiday could send you into a spin. Don’t ask after her, it will only lead to heart ache. If she wanted to speak to you she would I’m afraid – she knows where you are. I think your maybe looking too deep into things that possibly have nothing in them. It is very hard mate, I really know your hurt… but until you stop hoping/ looking backwards you will never heal[/FONT]
iain Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Everything Rog is saying is right, Stop holding onto the hole she has left in your heart and stop using it as a reminder of how good/whole she made you feel. Choose to heal.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 so trying to get her back is a no no . a good friend of mine said he thinks i shouldn't contact her, its to much of a difficult situation to get back into. i think i will always miss her, and wonder what we could of had if we only met when we where older
replicator Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Pete, it's just sometimes how the chips fall. I know it is difficult, and it feels like a constant struggle to forget, to let someone go you really care about. She made her choice, and now you need to make yours. You have many more days left on this earth, but not enough to waste pining over someone. It's ok to feel sorrow, to feel pained, but don't let it hold you back from carrying on with your life.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 cheers buddie yeh its the worst experience ive had in my life. i just feel if i knew what i knew now i could have stopped it all from happening
replicator Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 I hear you. It was the worst thing by far that I've been through, but I know I'm going to come out stronger from it. If you can come out of this horrible blow as a stronger and better person, then you've won and it wasn't for nothing. Don't wonder about what could have been. I did the same for a long time, and it held me back. I kept blaming myself. You just need to learn from it. Also, everyone makes mistakes, and if your ex believed in you enough, then she would have been able to see you through. She wasn't the one for you, at least not now. If you put in the time and effort, the next time around, you won't make the same mistakes. How we handle ourselves when we are faced with difficulties is what will define who we are. Let the worst of situations bring out the best in you.
Author Peter_pan Posted August 16, 2008 Author Posted August 16, 2008 thanks mate i appreciate your words. i really do. yeh i think she did believe in me but i gave her reasons to doubt me through my lack of commitment or happiness and like when i look back i know what i did wrong. thats why i wanted her to give me and US another chance but i never got it. rat bag did. i know i am a better person now than i was back then. i feel like i was a jerk and can see why she got fed up. and it confirms to me that why would she contact me? why would she want me back? im in such a bad place. i cant amend my wrongs. i feel stuck.
borelandkaren Posted August 16, 2008 Posted August 16, 2008 Pete, we all get stuck at some point. That's how we all found LS. Caliguy says it best when he says that you can't move forward by looking back. Never truer words spoken. It's been 5 months for me now and I still think about him every day. The thing I've realised is that, even though I loved him deeply and with everything I had, nothing was going to make him into the person who would be with me in the end. That's why we're no longer together. As far as closure is concerned, it's something that most of us on here have not had. Closure is in us. Not them. And the sooner you realise this, the sooner you'll be able to move on and see that this girl was simply not THE ONE. You are. Take care.
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