jayden Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I watched an old episode of Grey's Anatomy last night and there is a scene where Meredith says: "I think it's better to have someone, even if it hurts, even if it is the most painful thing you have done, even if it's the most painful thing you've ever had to do. I think it's better to have someone."
jj33 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 It sounds like you feel that way. But in time I hope you will see that is not a great place to be. There is an old french saying its better to be alone than to badly accompanied. Love is not supposed to be filled with pain. And it doesnt have to be. Sometimes you go through rough patches but this is different. Being with someone who causes you pain because you are not his number one is not the same thing as having a rough patch with someone or standing by someone when they are going through a rough patch. Yes you could end up like Meredith and whatever his name is, but Meredith is not a role model. She is not a happy character. She is troubled. And it is natural that you would be hurting now but that is not what love is about. There are loads of people men and women who make loads of compromises to make a relationship work. But you should think long and hard about whether this is a compromise you are willing to make. Sorry to disappoint. You may find others more agreeable on this point.
wildsoul Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Interesting topic. No, I don't agree with that. Being in an unhappy relationship affects the whole of my life. It all goes to hell: work, income, friendships, health, self-esteem. The costs are numerous. It's true that without a love relationship, I feel that something is missing, and that is painful, yet at least I have the other things that are positive.
Lucky_One Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I don't agree with that. My D had some high school friends who HAD to have a boyfriend at all times. She thought they acted ridiculous - and their reputation isn't stellar, either, bc they were "I love you, Ben" and then 4 days later "I love you, Hank", just so they could have someone with them. I think that HAVING to be with someone shows that you don't like yourself very much, and will do anything to avoid spending time with that person that you don't like.
Owl Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Exactly. An unhealthy relationship HURTS everyone involved. Better to learn to be strong on your own and available when the RIGHT person comes along, than to remain in a relationship that's only destroying your self-confidence, self-esteem, and prevents you from moving into a positive relationship.
norajane Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Oh, jeez, if it hurts THAT much, that's a sign there's something very wrong about the relationship! A good relationship enhances your life. If it's causing major pain, then sorry, it's not worth it.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 "I think it's better to have someone, even if it hurts, even if it is the most painful thing you have done, even if it's the most painful thing you've ever had to do. I think it's better to have someone." Hell no! I'd rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. That's why I left my M so many years ago... It is better to have "the one" than anyone. GEL
mytruelove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 it was like you were reading my mind. i just asked the "is the hurt worth it?" question in another post. granted my situation has not played itself out completely yet... i would say right now most definitely YES...until i met my guy i was someone who would not take risk at all...this is the hugest risk i've ever taken in my life...and he has the power to hurt me like no other. i know this. i do not regret any second of anything i've done with him so far. he taught me how to feel again after years of being numb. he taught me that it is okay to express myself, my every thought and emotion and that i could be "safe" with someone to do so. he is a big part of me becoming the mature person i am and helping me find myself again. has it hurt? yes. does it hurt? yes. am i sure there is going to be much more hurt in the future? yes. but, call me a smuck, but i think that is what love is all about. i don't think there is real deep true love without hurt. i don't think it can be achieved without being willing to go through the hard times and the hurt to get there... a BIG part of it is being able to go through that together and it is what makes love stronger and real, surviving the struggles. on the flip side, being with him makes me happier than i have ever been in my life. there is a sense of completeness...a sense of purpose with him that i haven't had with anyone else. right now, would i trade even any one of the special moments i've had with him thus far so i didn't have to go through the hurt and growing pains...NO WAY...there mine...all mine...and a part of me... and no matter what happens i will always have them. i DO realize that in doing so, i do have to look out for my own best interest first and love myself first. i have to find a way to love him... guard myself and protect my feelings at the same time and also not lose my own identity...if that makes sense. thanks for posting this thread. i look forward to others responses.
mytruelove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 all the post before mine came when i was writing so i didn't get to respond, but one brought up a good point for me...owl... about being available when the RIGHT person comes... i made a mistake marrying someone when he was not the right one for me. the guy i talk about here always told me "don't get married". i didn't listen and did it anyway...knowing i had feelings for someone else and knowing all the red flags and warning signs of the marriage i was about to enter. hence... i was NOT available when the right one was. i will not make that mistake again. YES, better to be alone and wait till the right one is available...that's why i will have serious reservations about getting involved with anyone else for a long while... i feel like if i got involved with anyone else...yes, most definitely my life would go on...not by choice, but because it would be what i had to do, BUT, honestly, this guy has a big big part of my heart and i will always be lonely without him and a big part of me will be missing. i guess i just don't know if i can give my whole heart to anyone else? if that makes sense.
Owl Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- all the post before mine came when i was writing so i didn't get to respond, but one brought up a good point for me...owl... Thank you. The sooner that all of you ladies start realizing that OWL IS ALWAYS RIGHT, the better off that everyone will be!!! :) :)
Terminator Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Thank you. The sooner that all of you ladies start realizing that OWL IS ALWAYS RIGHT, the better off that everyone will be!!! :) :) <-- would type something in response but I'm laughing too hard to be able to type coherently
astra77 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Thank you. The sooner that all of you ladies start realizing that OWL IS ALWAYS RIGHT, the better off that everyone will be!!! :) :) Actually i second this wholeheartedly
Adunaphel Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 "I think it's better to have someone, even if it hurts, even if it is the most painful thing you have done, even if it's the most painful thing you've ever had to do. I think it's better to have someone." Change "someone" with "your soul mate(happy ending for everyone included)" and I might be tempted to agree.
Agent_99 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Thank you. The sooner that all of you ladies start realizing that OWL IS ALWAYS RIGHT, the better off that everyone will be!!! :) :) Oh my! That's precious! As for Jayden's post. I can't agree either. This last spring I would have, but there comes a point when the pain just isn't worth it. It's better to be alone and working on yourself than with someone just so your not alone. If your in a bad relationship your gonna feel lonely anyway. ~99
beautifullove Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 The reason why many OM/OW exist is because often times people end up marrying the wrong person. I would love to meet The One, but if it means an eternal web of unhappiness, I would prefer to be single. As I've gotten older, I put more emphasis on not just hoping to meet The One, but rather hoping to meet the RIGHT one.
me003 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I don't agree. I kept breaking up with my XMM because of this reason. Just somehow until 2 months ago it became official. I am currently dating, but no one that is taking my heart away. However, I have more time to make ME happy and to work on ME. I have now replaced him as #1 with ME as #1. I may not be complete at this moment, but he was also not completing me (my happiness) I will wait for the right person or close to it and then go from there. Hopefully by them I will be completely whole and make the right R choice.
mytruelove Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 "I have more time to make ME happy and to work on ME. I have now replaced him as #1 with ME as #1." - so well put ME, this is such a new concept for me and i am definitely working on it - i can honestly say this is the first time in my life that i have ever really truly loved myself enough to have REAL honest concern for myself ahead of others and enough love for myself to put ME first. i understand noone else grabbing your heart - that's how i feel and why i will be leary of other relationships - just don't see anyone else hitting me like that... but hoping we can have a real relationshp with someone like that...faith and hope.
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