Author SouthernT Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 I also believe that really good looking (insecure) people tend to just want a bit of arm candy and would not be seen with someone deemed as 'plain' You learn as you get older that looks mean nadda! True. It's not about eye-candy per say. It's about chemistry. Women (Well, MYSELF), we don't have to have the finest hottest guy walking the earth. But there has to be some degree of attraction/chemistry. My highscholl sweetheart was NOT the cuttiest guy. But our relationship lasted over 5 years and we are still really good friends. There just has to be mental chemistry and personality chemistry and some degree of physical attraction.
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 And that's exactly it, finding someone that you fit with, similar types, backgrounds and aspirations. That's why I don't get it when someone makes a list of "requirements" down to the shoe size, I find it really weird. Plse reread what you wrote. You're debating semantics. That fit is a list of requirements.
amerikajin Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 True. It's not about eye-candy per say. It's about chemistry. Women (Well, MYSELF), we don't have to have the finest hottest guy walking the earth. But there has to be some degree of attraction/chemistry. My highscholl sweetheart was NOT the cuttiest guy. But our relationship lasted over 5 years and we are still really good friends. There just has to be mental chemistry and personality chemistry and some degree of physical attraction. At the risk of making a generalization, guys probably need to be arm-in-arm with eye candy more than women. I think women tend to look for more in terms how men behave. But I think men and women both tend to look for more substance as we age. I like eye candy as much as anyone, but as you say, you learn over time that looks aren't everything. I agree that chemistry is the key. A lot of pretty women I've met have eventually revealed a lot of insecurities. They often try to portray themselves as 'uber-confident' on the outside, but I've come to understand that a lot of that is actually an attempt to mask insecurity. A lot of pretty people go out of their way to look good because they're worried that if they don't look good, their personality won't be enough to keep someone. When they're in a relationship, they're sometimes doing things like dating multiple people at the same time and never committing to any one person. They'll say that they're playing the field or that they haven't found the right one yet and they need time - that's bullsht. That's insecurity, plain and simple. They're afraid that if they actually make their move and fall for someone, that person might end up not liking them as much in return or eventually leaving them for some other reason, so they always keep a few "backups." Or sometimes they'll date one at a time but break up after two or three dates because they have one or two slight imperfections, all the while not consciously considering their own flaws. You can't find a partner if you don't give them a chance to be human. What needs to be clarified here is that we're talking about a fair number of pretty women but certainly not all. I know some pretty women who know exactly what they want and their boyfriends are the envy of every guy around, because we all know that they've not only got a great looking woman but a great woman, period.
amerikajin Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I also believe that really good looking (insecure) people tend to just want a bit of arm candy and would not be seen with someone deemed as 'plain' You learn as you get older that looks mean nadda! I also think that when you get older, it's easier to become more confident about yourself -- at least it is for me. I was a very insecure person when I was in my 20's. I was always into my looks, going to the gym and getting my hair cut and obsessed with finding trendy clothing. I still do all that from time to time but I think about all of that in my idle time, not when I'm standing in front of someone on a date. I'm generally more satisfied with who I am as a person than I used to be. I feel a lot more comfortable, and at the risk of sounding a tad cocky, I feel more attractive as well.
2sunny Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I also think that when you get older, it's easier to become more confident about yourself -- at least it is for me. I was a very insecure person when I was in my 20's. I was always into my looks, going to the gym and getting my hair cut and obsessed with finding trendy clothing. I still do all that from time to time but I think about all of that in my idle time, not when I'm standing in front of someone on a date. I'm generally more satisfied with who I am as a person than I used to be. I feel a lot more comfortable, and at the risk of sounding a tad cocky, I feel more attractive as well. i enjoy a man's perspective - thanks A!
You'reasian Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Men often don't know how to handle being pursued, Yes we do - ever see Fatal Attraction with Micheal Douglas....jk and women often don't know how to pursue without scaring the man away. I'm comfortable with a woman persuing me for a relationship. Not sure why, even though I prefer it the other way around.
Jake Barnes Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Most of the women I was ever involved with pursued me first I have pursued women too but I seem to have a lot less luck that way
D-Jam Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Wow...this topic has really gotten out of hand. I still stand by that if your selection standards (male or female) rule out most of the populace, then they're set too high. Selection standards are all about finding someone who might be an ideal match, but carry a desirable look, attitude, and lifestyle...but it's also people who will find your look, attitude, and lifestyle attractive. They key is to make sure you have a large sampling of people to choose from. So if you're out on the street and think almost every woman is ugly, while another thinks half the women are hot, then it shows your standards are set too high. Anyone is welcome to set them too high as well. There's just no guarantee you're going to get that in a mate. In the end it's then your own fault you're single, not society.
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