Why are pretty women....

[LionLover]

Oh look, another gender war. Just what the world needs

[norajane]

I know that every woman (and man) is judged outwardly. I simply said that I don't like it. Or maybe I should say instead that I don't appreciate too much emphasis being put on things which aren't the most important parts of me... or anyone else for that matter. I appreciate a sincere compliment from certain people. But it honestly means more to me to hear that I did something well. Can you sympathize with that?

 

I wasn't trying to vent about a "problem" just trying to highlight that not EVERYONE is the same, and that different people feel differently about certain treatment.

 

In my opinion, some of the ugliest people walking around today have what society would call "pretty faces." If he can show me that he cares about more than that and he might peak my curiosity.

 

This thread was started by SouthernT to ask why pretty women were treated so badly in dating:

 

treated so badly in the dating world? That has been my experience along with all of my other pretty and good looking friends. The age old debate of a beautiful woman, succesful in their careers, educated.....Yet we are the ones that are single. Now granted, none of those things make for a succesful relationship or a succesful partner. But men so often want a woman who is able to bring their share to the plate. BEAUTY, BRAINS....AND SINGLE

 

After reading through the thread, SouthernT then replied with:

That's why, when it comes to being pretty, it's nice to receive a compliment or two, but the guy who ends up getting my attention is usually the guy that DOESNT oogle and make a big idea about it.

And you agreed with her:

 

Yep! I don't take compliments well at all though. I don't like when some random guy tells me I'm pretty or the like. Say something else instead. Most men don't approach women because they're impressed by her shoes.

My point is that you aren't being treated badly when a random guy approaches you and compliments you by telling you you're pretty.

 

Maybe you shouldn't be weeding out so many men who tell you that they think you're pretty in favor of the ones who don't say so. Maybe if you give them a chance to get to know you, they'll see other attractive things about you and care about those, too. Maybe you'll get to know them and show that you care something about them.

[CommitmentPhobe]

My point is that you aren't being treated badly when a random guy approaches you and compliments you by telling you you're pretty.

 

Maybe you shouldn't be weeding out so many men who tell you that they think you're pretty in favor of the ones who don't say so. Maybe if you give them a chance to get to know you, they'll see other attractive things about you and care about those, too. Maybe you'll get to know them and show that you care something about them.

 

Why should she be doing anything? She sounds like she has the right idea. She doesn't want a guy that barks around her like a puppy dog.

[norajane]

Why should she be doing anything? She sounds like she has the right idea. She doesn't want a guy that barks around her like a puppy dog.

 

I don't know how else to make my point clearer...

 

She's the one holding the cards - she has beauty, brains, everything. She has her pick of men. If she thinks men are treating her badly, then why not pick different men? SHE is choosing them from the ones who come up to her. She is choosing the ones who end up treating her badly.

 

If these beautiful and wonderful women are ending up alone, why blame the men for treating them badly? Why not look at the choices they're making in men?

[vonerik012]

This is my question..

 

Is the woman who complains about the attention she receives on her looks...

 

Doing her hair or coloring it? Nails? Wearing nice clothing, or form fitting clothes? Wearing make up? Heels? Showing cleavage? Any of the above?

 

If you cut out all of the above, chances are you will get less attention based on your looks. That will solve your problem.

 

A lot of women also think they know what men want, but have no clue.. Smiling being nice, flexible,giving, kind, goes much further than what career you have.

[KinAZ]

This thread was started by SouthernT to ask why pretty women were treated so badly in dating:

 

Uh... yeah... and I was replying to something that she said specifically, in relations to what the other poster (the one who I replied to, and she quoted me on) said. Sooo... yeah!

Maybe you shouldn't be weeding out so many men who tell you that they think you're pretty in favor of the ones who don't say so. Maybe if you give them a chance to get to know you, they'll see other attractive things about you and care about those, too. Maybe you'll get to know them and show that you care something about them.

 

 

I never said what I do or don't weed out. My point wasn't at all about me, I was only using my personal feelings as an example (as I've already stated), in my reply to what someone else said. She replied to my reply to him, and I replied to her reply to me... all still in the same context. No, not complaining about a problem. Maybe you should read what I initially replied to...

 

Again, my only point was that not all people are the same...

[KinAZ]

I don't know how else to make my point clearer...

 

She's the one holding the cards - she has beauty, brains, everything. She has her pick of men. If she thinks men are treating her badly, then why not pick different men? SHE is choosing them from the ones who come up to her. She is choosing the ones who end up treating her badly.

 

If these beautiful and wonderful women are ending up alone, why blame the men for treating them badly? Why not look at the choices they're making in men?

 

Please quote me where I said "men are treating me badly." Never said nor implied it once. I never even said I was alone, or can't find a good man because of xyz. At NO POINT in ANY of my posts in this thread have ever stated or implied anything of that sort.

 

I was replying specifically to someones theory on "hott women."

[KinAZ]

This is my question..

 

Is the woman who complains about the attention she receives on her looks...

 

Doing her hair or coloring it? Nails? Wearing nice clothing, or form fitting clothes? Wearing make up? Heels? Showing cleavage? Any of the above?

 

If you cut out all of the above, chances are you will get less attention based on your looks. That will solve your problem.

 

A lot of women also think they know what men want, but have no clue.. Smiling being nice, flexible,giving, kind, goes much further than what career you have.

 

Heavens to Betsy! I cannot believe that what I said was taken the way it was! WOW!

 

I do what I do when I feel like doing it, with full understanding (generally) of the reactions I may or may not get. I don't go out of my way to do all sorts of things to get attention in general, but that's not to imply that I never have.

 

I polish my nails because I LIKE IT. Most guys I know like natural nails, not polish! I wear nice clothes because I like nice clothes. And if I don't feel like going through the trouble, I WON'T. All summer I have only worn shorts once! Now ask me why... Is that fair? (No, not a complaint... just an example!)

 

I tend to be conservative because I DON'T like to draw certain types of attention to myself in general, and that's EXACTLY why I quoted what you said about "hott women" trying to get attention.

 

And just to highlight it, in case you missed it, women often wear heels because they simply like shoes! Or color their hair because THEY like it. That might be a difficult concept to grasp, but it's true. Not everything a woman does that titillates a man is done for the sake of a man! I might wear a thong because it's my naughty little secret, even though I don't plan to show it to anyone!

 

Yes, some women "try too hard" on a regular basis. But that has nothing to do with whether they're "pretty" or "average". Whether they have self-esteem issues or simply like to doll up because that's their understanding of true femininity, it's just not the same for everyone.

[vonerik012]

So if you are home alone all day, where no one will see you, you get dressed up, do your hair, do your nails,put on make up, and wear uncomfortable heels all day just for yourself? Ok fair enough..

[The Collector]

One thing I learnt early on is don't compliment beautiful women on their looks. They've heard it a million times, and while they recognise the power of those looks, it's not something they feel particularly proud of, compared to things they've actually achieved in life. Or their personality, even if it's bland or horrible, a hottie wants to connect on a mental level and not just seem like a piece of meat.

 

However most men have no clue and tell them how stunning they are and the woman loses interest. The super-hottie wants a challenge, an equal or preferably someone better, who takes her beauty as a given or isn't fazed or overly impressed by it.

 

Unfortunately, these types of men tend to be rampant ego-maniacs (hello) or bad-boys (well.. when I was younger) who may not make the best partners. If regular, decent men could lose their stupid tendency to over-value beauty and not put women on a pedestal because of it, they'd do much better at getting the babe in question and the hotties wouldn't be stuck with the psychos.

 

So ultimately it's men's fault. But also the woman's a bit, because sometimes they know damn well they're picking a dangerous bad-boy, enjoy the drama, then wonder why they can't find a decent man.

 

The ideal man (hello again) has a bit of a naughty bad-boy in him, remains a challenge by standing up for himself, and is also capable of being loyal, loving and fun. But there really aren't many of us around.

 

Having said that, attractive people have more power than most in the dating game - only trumped by attractive and smart.

[KinAZ]

So if you are home alone all day, where no one will see you, you get dressed up, do your hair, do your nails,put on make up, and wear uncomfortable heels all day just for yourself? Ok fair enough..

 

It would be nice to be home alone all day once in awhile, but I don't have that luxury. Last night, I changed my nail polish, and no... simply because I was tired of the color. I don't get "dressed up" to leave the house, I wear what I feel like wearing, as long as it is appropriate for the occasion. Do I put on make up? If I just bought something new... Sure! I might play with it, try it out, but no... I don't wear shadow everyday. And I usually wear lipgloss, not lipstick... so yeah... I'm not one who paints her face.

 

Do my hair? Do what to it? I deep condition it. I wash it. I trim my ends. Just because I want to look neat and presentable doesn't mean I'm trying to impress anyone beyond simply being proper/socially acceptable.

[Jilly Bean]

One thing I learnt early on is don't compliment beautiful women on their looks. They've heard it a million times, and while they recognise the power of those looks, it's not something they feel particularly proud of, compared to things they've actually achieved in life. Or their personality, even if it's bland or horrible, a hottie wants to connect on a mental level and not just seem like a piece of meat.

 

However most men have no clue and tell them how stunning they are and the woman loses interest. The super-hottie wants a challenge, an equal or preferably someone better, who takes her beauty as a given or isn't fazed or overly impressed by it.

 

If regular, decent men could lose their stupid tendency to over-value beauty and not put women on a pedestal because of it, they'd do much better at getting the babe in question and the hotties wouldn't be stuck with the psychos.

 

This is very true, and very evolved of you to recognize.

 

When I was in my teens, I loved being complimented on my looks. But as I got older, and realized that my worth to a man was more than my exterior, it began tweaking me. These days, if that is what a guy focuses on, then correct, he has lost my interest.

 

On my OLD profile, I (like to think) have a decent little write-up. Witty, informative, even intelligent in parts - lol. But, when a guy can only write me, "wow! you're hot!", he earns an instant delete.

 

Yes, I want my man to find me attractive, and sexy, but not to the exclusion of everything else about me. I prefer he consider my hotness mere bonus, but the core of me is what counts.

 

Sadly, as you pointed out, only evolved or older men are smart enough to realize that they need and appreciate more from of a woman than "hot".

[norajane]

On my OLD profile, I (like to think) have a decent little write-up. Witty, informative, even intelligent in parts - lol. But, when a guy can only write me, "wow! you're hot!", he earns an instant delete.

 

Yes, I want my man to find me attractive, and sexy, but not to the exclusion of everything else about me. I prefer he consider my hotness mere bonus, but the core of me is what counts.

 

Sadly, as you pointed out, only evolved or older men are smart enough to realize that they need and appreciate more from of a woman than "hot".

 

Do your pictures in your old profile look like your AV today? That might explain some of the 'wow, you're hot!' emails.

[Jilly Bean]

Do your pictures in your old profile look like your AV today? That might explain some of the 'wow, you're hot!' emails.

 

LOL. Uh no. My profile pics are only head shots.

[SouthernT]

This thread was started by SouthernT to ask why pretty women were treated so badly in dating

 

LOL!!! Thanks!! But we can't seem to stay on topic but the conversation has gotten rather funny

 

My main point in starting this thread was to argue that pretty women are treated poorly or worse than no so pretty women. Now is it the guys they are choosing or is it the way they allow themselves to be treated?

 

I dare to make this argument: I kinda feel that pretty women end up in bad relationships b/c they come across a guy who isn't kissing their tale and it brings about more interest from the woman. Because for the first time in her life, she isn't being fed with a silver spoon (per say....for lack of a better term)

 

Now I don't really know where I am going with this argument, but it really seems like a valid point to me. Just random thoughts.

 

Opinions everyone????

[SouthernT]

On my OLD profile, I (like to think) have a decent little write-up. Witty, informative, even intelligent in parts - lol. But, when a guy can only write me, "wow! you're hot!", he earns an instant delete.

 

Very true....

[LovehateLove]

No doubt there are immature men and women in any age category, although once you've reached a particular age with a lot of responsibilities and a certain level of experience in life, you get tired of the numbers game. With the balance of my criteria, it's helped me filter out some smarmy individuals, to say the least.

 

Once again, I think people confuse alpha with player. An alpha has high self-esteem and confidence, where a player has low self-esteem and low confidence which is why he needs to feed his ever-growing ego off women. Female players are the same way.

 

 

You and I are debating semantics.

 

My friends aren't players, no these Alpha males are surprisingly faithful in their relationships and will only have one night stands when they are single. They're great people, but they cannot keep a relationship for more than a couple of years. One of these men lost his girlfriend because he wasn't emotionally deep as she was. When she felt fat, he'd tell her to go to the gym, when she was sick, he told her to go to the doctors and he rarely admitted how he felt about her and in the end, I guess she needed consolidation and a caring arm around her shoulder. He just never offered it.

 

It's easy to confuse the entire list of pigeon holes that people are placed in. A lot of women confuse a "nice guy" with a "good guy". That because irritating, I know from past experience.

[LovehateLove]

One thing I learnt early on is don't compliment beautiful women on their looks. They've heard it a million times, and while they recognise the power of those looks, it's not something they feel particularly proud of, compared to things they've actually achieved in life. Or their personality, even if it's bland or horrible, a hottie wants to connect on a mental level and not just seem like a piece of meat.

 

However most men have no clue and tell them how stunning they are and the woman loses interest. The super-hottie wants a challenge, an equal or preferably someone better, who takes her beauty as a given or isn't fazed or overly impressed by it.

 

Unfortunately, these types of men tend to be rampant ego-maniacs (hello) or bad-boys (well.. when I was younger) who may not make the best partners. If regular, decent men could lose their stupid tendency to over-value beauty and not put women on a pedestal because of it, they'd do much better at getting the babe in question and the hotties wouldn't be stuck with the psychos.

 

So ultimately it's men's fault. But also the woman's a bit, because sometimes they know damn well they're picking a dangerous bad-boy, enjoy the drama, then wonder why they can't find a decent man.

 

The ideal man (hello again) has a bit of a naughty bad-boy in him, remains a challenge by standing up for himself, and is also capable of being loyal, loving and fun. But there really aren't many of us around.

 

Having said that, attractive people have more power than most in the dating game - only trumped by attractive and smart.

 

I enjoyed your post and agree with it. Vonerik enjoys knocking women off of their pedestal.

[Taramere]

I enjoyed your post and agree with it. Vonerik enjoys knocking women off of their pedestal.

 

The difference between Vonerik and the Collector is that C comes across as the type of guy who probably gets on pretty well with women in real life and actually quite likes them. V doesn't come across like that.

 

Maybe he's just going through a bad patch right now...but if the way V has been talking to and about women on the forum is being perceived by as "how to neg women and be the bad boy they all love" then it's not surprising a lot of Internet guys consistently run into problems with women.

 

When it comes to romance, bodily parts are just handy tools for igniting sexual desire. So if a man continually compliments a woman about her physical assets, essentially he's repeatedly saying "I want to have sex with you". Sex isn't something most women have any difficulty in getting. Love, genuine affection and respect is more elusive.

 

So when somebody with the current mindset V seems to have walks up to a woman and sets about making her feel crap about the way she looks and the way she is as a person ("lower their self esteem and in turn they'll lower their standards...") the message he's giving out is "I don't really want to have sex with you, but in the absence of anything better you'll do. By the way, I dislike and disrespect you - and don't expect any affection or to feel in any way good about yourself as a result of any encounter we might have." To which the automatic response of most women would be "On your bike, mate. There's nothing in any of that for me."

 

C, on the other hand, is saying "a very attractive woman already knows that assuming you're heterosexual, you want to have sex with her...so there's no need to labour the point by harping on about her physical appearance."

 

If you think she genuinely underestimates herself, then let her know you find her attractive. The more physically attractive you are, the more important it is for you to let the woman know you thinks she's pretty. If you're physically unattractive - then yes, it's probably a good idea to steer clear of the topic of physical appearance or "hotness" as it'll only encourage her to draw comparisons between your socially ascribed level of hotness and hers.

 

That's not the same as knocking someone off their pedestal though. If you think someone's spoiled and conceited then you might tease them (with varying degrees of sarcasm, depending on their ability to cope with humour) off it. That's not misogyny in my book. That's just a man discouraging a beautiful woman from taking herself and her looks too seriously.

 

Misogyny is active dislike of women....and it's never fun or pleasant to be on the receiving end of. All it does is create negativity, mistrust and gloom.

[amerikajin]

treated so badly in the dating world? That has been my experience along with all of my other pretty and good looking friends. The age old debate of a beautiful woman, succesful in their careers, educated.....Yet we are the ones that are single. Now granted, none of those things make for a succesful relationship or a succesful partner. But men so often want a woman who is able to bring their share to the plate. BEAUTY, BRAINS....AND SINGLE

 

I think a lot of times attractive people (men and women) get caught up in physical attraction and don't spend enough time figuring out what they really want in a relationship. The result is, they end up with poor matches, which makes them only more confused about dating.

[Lishy]

I think a lot of times attractive people (men and women) get caught up in physical attraction and don't spend enough time figuring out what they really want in a relationship. The result is, they end up with poor matches, which makes them only more confused about dating.

 

Agree, agree and triple agree!

 

I also believe that this thread has touched a few raw nerves!

[Lishy]

I also believe that really good looking (insecure) people tend to just want a bit of arm candy and would not be seen with someone deemed as 'plain'

 

You learn as you get older that looks mean nadda!

[CommitmentPhobe]

I also believe that really good looking (insecure) people tend to just want a bit of arm candy and would not be seen with someone deemed as 'plain'

 

You learn as you get older that looks mean nadda!

 

Dunno about that, it's all subjective but in my experience good looking people tend to go out with good looking people because they match together easily. If you go out with someone less attractive than your normal range you don't feel quite right about it. It's about familarity, not insecurity. Have you ever noticed how people of similar attractive stakes tend to hangout closely, well that's because they have similar life experiences.

[Lishy]

Yes I do think that we catagorise ourselves and then when we meet people we automatically deem that person as above, on or below us, without even knowing that we do it

 

If I am out and there is a guy who looks like a male model I would not look twice at him.

 

I have also had lots of guys say to me "no way is a girl like you single" and I never knew what they meant

[CommitmentPhobe]

Yes I do think that we catagorise ourselves and then when we meet people we automatically deem that person as above, on or below us, without even knowing that we do it

 

If I am out and there is a guy who looks like a male model I would not look twice at him.

 

I have also had lots of guys say to me "no way is a girl like you single" and I never knew what they meant

 

And that's exactly it, finding someone that you fit with, similar types, backgrounds and aspirations. That's why I don't get it when someone makes a list of "requirements" down to the shoe size, I find it really weird.