Why are pretty women....

[Trialbyfire]

I am nearing my mid twenties and I understand what you are saying, I guess the older the alpha male; stereotypically the more mature he should prove to be, but of course, the novelty wears off after a while.

No doubt there are immature men and women in any age category, although once you've reached a particular age with a lot of responsibilities and a certain level of experience in life, you get tired of the numbers game. With the balance of my criteria, it's helped me filter out some smarmy individuals, to say the least.

 

Once again, I think people confuse alpha with player. An alpha has high self-esteem and confidence, where a player has low self-esteem and low confidence which is why he needs to feed his ever-growing ego off women. Female players are the same way.

 

I'm afraid I have no idea why I have done about 90% of the pursuing in my life. It could be because the women that caught my eye were conventional and wanted a man to pursue them. There could be other reasons -- maybe some of the women were not attracted to me all that much and of course I have been rejected a fair number of times. This is another reason.

 

Again, I really dislike the word need. My girlfriend said to me once, what do you need from me? She was being emotionally profound (something to do with her hormones, I guess?) and I said "I don't need anything from you, but I want such and such from you and I listed the most important things I want in someone and in correspondence to a relationship. I make it crystal clear before I enter a relationship with someone; that if they need me then I am walking out of the door and never coming back. I don't want to be needed or depended upon, I want to be wanted by someone. I want someone who will rest her head on my shoulders and watch the world drift onwards with me. I don't need these things and that is what makes my relationship and my life so much more fruitful, because I am not someone who needs, but someone who wants.

 

I think this whole need and want case is a bit like those who see things as they are and ask why and those who dream about things that never were and ask why not.

You and I are debating semantics.

[Trialbyfire]

So if people want to say I'm too picky, so be it. I am picky because I didn't seem to be picky enough before and look where it's gotten me. I won't go there again. And if it means staying single for the rest of my life, then so be it because I prefer that to a bad marriage. Nothing compares to a bad marriage.

No kidding! The younguns will learn in time, if they don't choose the victim route of it always being everyone else's fault, that having more stringent standards for your SOs can only be beneficial to you.

 

Call them high, mid, low, unreasonable standards, call them fish if you want to, but not knowing them or applying them can easily result in horrific LTRs and marriages.

 

If anyone's arrogant, I think those who assume that settling is the best way to go will change their tunes quickly, when shyte hits the fan.

[vonerik012]

Who is better off?

 

A normal and balanced person who can find happiness in a wide range of people?

 

A neurotic female with an entitlement attitude that feels only 1% of men on Earth can meet her standards?

 

So is the first person a "settler"? Or just normal?

 

Being a man perhaps it is easier, because I do not need a woman with a high income. I am sure that is the main reason only 1% are meeting her requirements.

[Trialbyfire]

If this means I've been discounted by a misogynist...YAHHHHH!!

 

vonerik, quit making things up in your head and then projecting your personal baggage/insecurities onto me. You're blatantly ill-equipped to judge what's normal and what's not. Tunnel vision is just that.

[vonerik012]

If I had tunnel vision, i would be the one saying "99% of females do not meet my requirements" I also might say that if I had a lot of emotional baggage. People with wisdom know how silly it sounds, and it isn't even near the truth.

 

What if a "1 percenter" never asks you out? I guess you would have to be asked out by 100 men to come into contact with a 1 percenter.. Anyway, tell us your requirements.. Or are they so shallow that you are afraid to?

[sumdude]

If I had tunnel vision, i would be the one saying "99% of females do not meet my requirements" I also might say that if I had a lot of emotional baggage. People with wisdom know how silly it sounds, and it isn't even near the truth.

 

What if a "1 percenter" never asks you out? I guess you would have to be asked out by 100 men to come into contact with a 1 percenter.. Anyway, tell us your requirements.. Or are they so shallow that you are afraid to?

 

You obviously have some sort of axe to grind... if you look at it 1% isn't exactly a small number and is only tossed around as a guesstimate. Take 100 people... out of them you might find 25 attractive to you. Out of those 25, ten might be available.. out of those ten, three might actually be interested in you. Out of those three one might be in the mood to give it a shot.

 

Heck just browse a dating site.. I bet maybe one out of 20 is attractive to you if even that.

 

Simple math and makes total sense.

[sumdude]

Who is better off?

 

A normal and balanced person who can find happiness in a wide range of people?

 

A neurotic female with an entitlement attitude that feels only 1% of men on Earth can meet her standards?

 

So is the first person a "settler"? Or just normal?

 

Being a man perhaps it is easier, because I do not need a woman with a high income. I am sure that is the main reason only 1% are meeting her requirements.

 

:laugh: crack me up ... normal and balanced... whew...

[vonerik012]

Do I have to draw a Venn diagram?

 

If I say 99% do not meet my requirements, that is based solely on my requirements. It has nothing to do with mutual matches. Mutual matches would be much lower, or maybe even non existent, depending on who is in her 1 percent.

 

If in your example, I find 25 out of 100 attractive, then I can say "25% of the female population meets my physical requirements"

 

You cant tell the difference between these 2 statements?

 

"1 our of 100 females meet my requirements"

 

or

 

"1 out 100 females would be a match for me"

 

The first one is arrogant, and the second one could mean anything. Maybe someone in a wheelchair would say it, as not many men want to date a woman in a wheel chair...

[torranceshipman]

TrialbyFire has said a lot of sensible stuff in this post, and it is perfectly acceptable to say that 99% of men are not right for her. She is obviously very sensible and doesn't want to settle - she didn't say 'i am better than 99%', she just said she isnt compatible with 99%. Fine. Why are some posters taking this personally, as if she somehow said something personally offensive to them? There's nothing offensive or arrogant in her statement - it just reflects her preferences and the fact that she's clearly independent and happy to be alone until the right person comes along. That's a great quality to have!

 

Society puts so much pressure on us to be in a relationship, but really, there is nothing wrong in being single. That means we are all in our rights to be selective and stay single, until the right one comes along! If only 1% of men match with TrialbyFire (I'm taking your stats figuratively, but you get my point!), then where is the issue with that? And to be fair, if she is beautiful, intelligent, strong in personality,etc - then its likely that there are only a small % of men who would actually make a great match for her. Why anyone finds that concept offensive (Vonerik, etc), I have no idea.

[vonerik012]

TrialbyFire has said a lot of sensible stuff in this post, and it is perfectly acceptable to say that 99% of men are not right for her. She is obviously very sensible and doesn't want to settle - she didn't say 'i am better than 99%', she just said she isnt compatible with 99%. Fine. Why are some posters taking this personally, as if she somehow said something personally offensive to them? There's nothing offensive or arrogant in her statement - it just reflects her preferences and the fact that she's clearly independent and happy to be alone until the right person comes along. That's a great quality to have!

 

Society puts so much pressure on us to be in a relationship, but really, there is nothing wrong in being single. That means we are all in our rights to be selective and stay single, until the right one comes along! If only 1% of men match with TrialbyFire (I'm taking your stats figuratively, but you get my point!), then where is the issue with that? And to be fair, if she is beautiful, intelligent, strong in personality,etc - then its likely that there are only a small % of men who would actually make a great match for her. Why anyone finds that concept offensive (Vonerik, etc), I have no idea.

 

 

This is the exact statement...

 

"I accept that I've filtered out about 99% of the male population through my list of requirements."

 

Why must everyone change her own words if what she said is not coming off as conceited? She did not say "I am not compatible with 99% of the male population". The latter statement has a completely different inference.

[sumdude]

This is the exact statement...

 

"I accept that I've filtered out about 99% of the male population through my list of requirements."

 

Why must everyone change her own words if what she said is not coming off as conceited? She did not say "I am not compatible with 99% of the male population". The latter statement has a completely different inference.

 

You must have loved the debate team..

[2sunny]

pretty is very subjective when it comes to describing women!

[Taramere]

This is the exact statement...

 

"I accept that I've filtered out about 99% of the male population through my list of requirements."

 

Why must everyone change her own words if what she said is not coming off as conceited? She did not say "I am not compatible with 99% of the male population". The latter statement has a completely different inference.

 

Say my number one requirement that I will not compromise on is fidelity, and I will not therefore be with a man who has cheated on a previous spouse. Number two requirement is that he's older than me.

 

Brad Pitt turns up in my local pub one night and says "Taramere, I've been reading your posts on Loveshack. I'm glad I managed to track you down. I love you, so let's hit the aisle."

 

On the plus side, Brad Pitt is a little older than me, so he meets my number 2 requirement. The bad news is that he has a record of infidelity. The chances of him being faithful to me are slim. So if I adhere to my number one priority, Brad is out of the picture.

 

Does this mean I think I'm too good for Brad Pitt? Too young? Too beautiful? Too successful?

[GoodOnPaper]

TrialbyFire has said a lot of sensible stuff in this post, and it is perfectly acceptable to say that 99% of men are not right for her. She is obviously very sensible and doesn't want to settle - she didn't say 'i am better than 99%', she just said she isnt compatible with 99%. Fine. Why are some posters taking this personally, as if she somehow said something personally offensive to them?

 

I'll take a stab -- some people may translate "I'm not compatible with you" as "I don't respect you as a sexual person", and THAT would likely strike a nerve for many people.

 

More on topic, I'm always very surprised when hearing about attractive women that have difficulty finding mates. Due to my own self-confidence issues, I routinely disqualify women that I think are "too" attractive and assume that they are taken or have physical standards that I wouldn't meet. Do those of us guys with this mindset make it more difficult for said attractive women by taking some otherwise-compatible men out of the selection pool? I don't know.

[bayouboi]

Say my number one requirement that I will not compromise on is fidelity, and I will not therefore be with a man who has cheated on a previous spouse. Number two requirement is that he's older than me.

 

Brad Pitt turns up in my local pub one night and says "Taramere, I've been reading your posts on Loveshack. I'm glad I managed to track you down. I love you, so let's hit the aisle."

 

On the plus side, Brad Pitt is a little older than me, so he meets my number 2 requirement. The bad news is that he has a record of infidelity. The chances of him being faithful to me are slim. So if I adhere to my number one priority, Brad is out of the picture.

 

Does this mean I think I'm too good for Brad Pitt? Too young? Too beautiful? Too successful?

 

No, it just means you're a liar if you're trying to tell us that you wouldn't drop everything at once to get with Brad Pitt

[Taramere]

No, it just means you're a liar if you're trying to tell us that you wouldn't drop everything at once to get with Brad Pitt

 

Haha. In all honesty - no, I would hate to be in a relationship with a celebrity. My number one priority, in reality, is that I connect with the person. I'd feel very uncomfortable with Brad Pitt, in Brad Pitt's world I'm sure. I can't imagine us connecting. And so....beautiful, wealthy and successful as he is, I don't want to sleep with Brad Pitt. I really don't believe either of us would enjoy the experience.

 

Also, his mouth is kind of rosebuddish looking...don't you think? No rosebuddish mouth. That's in my top three now.

[Trialbyfire]

I'll take a stab -- some people may translate "I'm not compatible with you" as "I don't respect you as a sexual person", and THAT would likely strike a nerve for many people.

 

More on topic, I'm always very surprised when hearing about attractive women that have difficulty finding mates. Due to my own self-confidence issues, I routinely disqualify women that I think are "too" attractive and assume that they are taken or have physical standards that I wouldn't meet. Do those of us guys with this mindset make it more difficult for said attractive women by taking some otherwise-compatible men out of the selection pool? I don't know.

I don't understand this. What has sex and respect got to do with each other? I can clearly respect my male relatives but aren't interested in them sexually. I can clearly respect some of the men I've dated but have decided that they're not compatible even though some of them have been sexually attractive. I like the look of Brad Pitt but wouldn't touch him, due to his infidelity.

 

As for men taking themselves out of the dating pool for certain women for whatever reason, this is okay. Maybe a man prefers women who aren't career-oriented or intelligent, preferring someone who's more shy or unintelligent. This is really okay.

[torranceshipman]

Vonerik, that's just semantics. I read the same statement as you did at the start of this thread, and she isn't conceited at all - she's just stating preferences. I am sure Trial would think the same as me-that if a guy thought he didn't match well with me, or 99% of the female population for one reason or another, then fine, that's his choice and I wouldn't feel overly rejected. Everyone likes something different and thats ok. There'd be other guys out there that think I'm lovely so I can date them instead, so it's all good

 

I don't understand why this is getting under your skin so much....your response is like she's rejected you, specifically, and he hasn't!

[GoodOnPaper]

I don't understand this. What has sex and respect got to do with each other?

 

Depends on your need for external validation. The more one needs, the more sex and self-respect may be interconnected. Reminds me of a thread on universal attractiveness I once read.

[Angel1111]

You must have loved the debate team..

 

Honey, I think he WAS the debate team.

 

Like I said before, the guy just likes to bait people, especially women, in order to argue and make them feel bad. I suspect he goes by several different names, too, in order to back up his own arguments. I don't even waste my time reading those posts.

[Trialbyfire]

Vonerik, that's just semantics. I read the same statement as you did at the start of this thread, and she isn't conceited at all - she's just stating preferences. I am sure Trial would think the same as me-that if a guy thought he didn't match well with me, or 99% of the female population for one reason or another, then fine, that's his choice and I wouldn't feel overly rejected. Everyone likes something different and thats ok. There'd be other guys out there that think I'm lovely so I can date them instead, so it's all good

 

I don't understand why this is getting under your skin so much....your response is like she's rejected you, specifically, and she hasn't!

Absolutely I agree. Even if vonerik rejected me for his reasons, I would be perfectly fine with this or more realistically speaking, quite happy!

 

Am I conceited? Well, I know I'm attractive but I don't believe I'm god's gift to mankind. I do know that I'm incredibly particular about who I date since I need to know who they are, from the inside out. Once again, many of my wants and needs might not be what's considered universally attractive to all women.

[KinAZ]

(((HAND CLAP))) you are soooo very on point with everything you said above. When people are born this way and others have maginified it from birth, it begins to shape that person's personality and the way they deal with things from VERY VERY early on.

 

And if you think about, people who are not as good looking, what do they do? They learn how to work OTHER aspects of their personality that they DO have going for them.

 

When people keep telling you something about yourself, you eventually begin to actually believe it and LIVE it subconsciously almost.

 

That's why, when it comes to being pretty, it's nice to receive a compliment or two, but the guy who ends up getting my attention is usually the guy that DOESNT oogle and make a big idea about it.

 

By judging whether or not to approach a good looking woman based on her looks and thinking she's already taken or has issues or whatever...by doing that, the guy is ALREADY MAKING IT AN ISSUE RIGHT OFF THE BAT

 

Yep! I don't take compliments well at all though. I don't like when some random guy tells me I'm pretty or the like. Say something else instead. Most men don't approach women because they're impressed by her shoes.

 

Not everyone deals with it the same way. Some people do feel the need to live up to expectations, and I think that this is probably in the same percentage as those who feel they have to work hard to create "beauty".

 

Growing up, I sort of resented the fact that jealousy was sited as the reason that many other girls would give me a hard time. On the other hand, I have a cousin who is getting by on his rapidly fading looks... and that's it! Some people do stick with what they know. Others try to stay away from it, as they don't want their OTHER qualities to be overlooked.

 

I guess it reminds me of the thread asking whether men think women with large breasts are dumb. While my appearance may in some ways define my personality, I'm more than my cup size, more than my face, and more than the color of my skin. I simply don't like to be defined by anything outward in general.

[vonerik012]

TBF has a good grasp of the English language, and I feel the words she chose were not by accident. It is arrogant, and I won't be convinced otherwise.

 

I always had a pet peeve for people who have "lists of requirements". It's just not wise, and it is usually a defense mechanism "I am single because 99% of the female population cannot meet my requirements!!!".. It also lacks sincerity.

 

Is this something you would tell the guy you are on a date with as well? If so it might be a huge turn off.

[norajane]

Yep! I don't take compliments well at all though. I don't like when some random guy tells me I'm pretty or the like. Say something else instead. Most men don't approach women because they're impressed by her shoes.

 

Not everyone deals with it the same way. Some people do feel the need to live up to expectations, and I think that this is probably in the same percentage as those who feel they have to work hard to create "beauty".

 

Growing up, I sort of resented the fact that jealousy was sited as the reason that many other girls would give me a hard time. On the other hand, I have a cousin who is getting by on his rapidly fading looks... and that's it! Some people do stick with what they know. Others try to stay away from it, as they don't want their OTHER qualities to be overlooked.

 

I guess it reminds me of the thread asking whether men think women with large breasts are dumb. While my appearance may in some ways define my personality, I'm more than my cup size, more than my face, and more than the color of my skin. I simply don't like to be defined by anything outward in general.

 

Every woman is judged and defined by her outward appearance. Certainly at first, and many times in dating, that first impression is all there is - they don't bother to go beyond the external and get to know the kind of person she is.

 

Ask the ugly girls how they feel about being judged and defined by their outward appearance. Ask the ugly girls if they don't know how to graciously accept compliments from random men. Forgive us if we can't quite sympathize with your problem.

 

You are starting from a position where you receive way more attention from men on any given day than those less attractive women, so you have way more men to choose from. Most people would love to be in your shoes where you get so much attention you can pick and choose to whom you bestow all your gracious charms and reject the rest.

[KinAZ]

Every woman is judged and defined by her outward appearance. Certainly at first, and many times in dating, that first impression is all there is - they don't bother to go beyond the external and get to know the kind of person she is.

 

Ask the ugly girls how they feel about being judged and defined by their outward appearance. Ask the ugly girls if they don't know how to graciously accept compliments from random men. Forgive us if we can't quite sympathize with your problem.

 

You are starting from a position where you receive way more attention from men on any given day than those less attractive women, so you have way more men to choose from. Most people would love to be in your shoes where you get so much attention you can pick and choose to whom you bestow all your gracious charms and reject the rest.

 

I know that every woman (and man) is judged outwardly. I simply said that I don't like it. Or maybe I should say instead that I don't appreciate too much emphasis being put on things which aren't the most important parts of me... or anyone else for that matter. I appreciate a sincere compliment from certain people. But it honestly means more to me to hear that I did something well. Can you sympathize with that?

 

I wasn't trying to vent about a "problem" just trying to highlight that not EVERYONE is the same, and that different people feel differently about certain treatment.

 

In my opinion, some of the ugliest people walking around today have what society would call "pretty faces." If he can show me that he cares about more than that and he might peak my curiosity.