Why are pretty women....

[Lishy]

So are you saying in all of these relationships the man is at fault?

 

What I am actually saying is that because of my past experiences I am emotionally damaged. Because of that damage I am in self preservation mode, and whilst in that mode my thinking is that I will not let anyone else hurt me.

 

I was joking when I said I hate all men BUT my friends/family and had major breakups lately and that has made me feel even more reluctant to get into a relationship. I could say from what I have heard that it was the mans fault every time lately BUT I do not know both ides of the story so I would not say that.

 

So although I could not write you a list of what I want, I could write a list of what I dont want and that would rule of most men BUT if I went out tomorrow and met a guy who knocked me off my feet then who knows ... That list would probably fly out the window!

 

It is all about a present frame of mind and I am sure when TBF said what she did, she said it because of where she is at emotionally and not because she is a man hater

[Trialbyfire]

Man-hater, me? Not even close. 1% of 1/2 the world's population is still equivalent to over 33 million men. Using a very conservative and simple form of guesstimation, by dividing the number down by 8 equal portion decades, you'll still find almost 4.2 million men who might meet my criteria within the age category I'm interested in. I suppose I could weight it properly but am too tired and lazy to look up the stats.

 

Regardless, the odds appear to be in my favour.

[Lishy]

Yeah but you do know that most of those 4.2 million men will live in China or India? and that 4.1 million of them will either be married or have very small willies!!!!!!

 

Dating SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I dont want much, just a fun loving sweet and kind millionaire with the prowess of a lion!

[Lishy]

.......... double post

[Nevermind]

I dont want much, just a fun loving sweet and kind millionaire with the prowess of a lion!

 

Stay away from my future husband!

[Lishy]

Stay away from my future husband!

 

Shall we take this outside? ::rolls ups sleeves::

 

[LovehateLove]

Are you in your twenties? I ask this because I date alphas in their mid-thirties to mid-forties. I'm guessing this is an age and stage in life difference.

 

So why did you have to do 90% of the pursuing? Is it because 90% of the women who you've dated were convention bound or could it be possibly something else?

 

 

Exactly it depends on what boxes she doesn't tick. If it's a need box, you'll walk. If it's a want box, you might stay. To change the terms to something that might be more acceptable terminology for you, use negotiable wants v. non-negotiable wants...

 

I am nearing my mid twenties and I understand what you are saying, I guess the older the alpha male; stereotypically the more mature he should prove to be, but of course, the novelty wears off after a while.

 

 

I'm afraid I have no idea why I have done about 90% of the pursuing in my life. It could be because the women that caught my eye were conventional and wanted a man to pursue them. There could be other reasons -- maybe some of the women were not attracted to me all that much and of course I have been rejected a fair number of times. This is another reason.

 

Again, I really dislike the word need. My girlfriend said to me once, what do you need from me? She was being emotionally profound (something to do with her hormones, I guess?) and I said "I don't need anything from you, but I want such and such from you and I listed the most important things I want in someone and in correspondence to a relationship. I make it crystal clear before I enter a relationship with someone; that if they need me then I am walking out of the door and never coming back. I don't want to be needed or depended upon, I want to be wanted by someone. I want someone who will rest her head on my shoulders and watch the world drift onwards with me. I don't need these things and that is what makes my relationship and my life so much more fruitful, because I am not someone who needs, but someone who wants.

 

I think this whole need and want case is a bit like those who see things as they are and ask why and those who dream about things that never were and ask why not.

[Woggle]

Many women who feel they are super attractive really are not that attractive at all. They do a lot of work on their bodies and they end up looking almost fake. A truly attractive woman is beautiful even when she first wakes up in the morning. I realize I have different standards of attractive than most men but being obsessed with your weight, wearing tons of makeup and designer clothes does not an attractive woman make.

 

Many of these women even if they are physically a knockout are an utter nightmare to be in a relationship with. Who cares how good a woman looks if you can't have drama free conversation with her or have a good time with her without her getting angry about something. Many of these women are stuck up snobs and think way too highly of themselves. This would make the most beautiful women in the world look ugly and I would much rather be with an average woman that I could enjoy myself with and be relaxed around.

 

The dating world is not cruel to attractive women for being attractive but being desirable to men tends to give some women a complex and it goes to their heads. This makes them intolerable to live with and that is why they have a hard time and can't seem to attract a quality man. The quality men are all dating women that won't be one huge headache.

[Shygirl15]

 

We could meet a guy/girl tomorrow who is everything we want ...

 

Good job

Good looking

easy going

fun

generous

fit

and the list goes on ...

 

and then 3 years later he/she could have been fired then got depressed, put on weight, moody cos of no money/feeling fat , get older and everything you want is GONE!

 

There are no guarantees

 

Very interesting point.

[sumdude]

 

I dont want much, just a fun loving sweet and kind millionaire with the prowess of a lion!

 

Well at least you're honest... in the end it's almost all about the $$ !!!

[SouthernT]

NOW...if we're talking women who are 8's, 9's, and 10's being treated badly, they have to bear in mind that because they are so high on the looks scale, many many more men will be pursuing, often times with different agendas. Some might see them as GF potential, others just want to claim her and nail her...like a trophy...but they have no intentions of commitment or anything.

 

 

• Some of the hot women believe they only deserve the best males in the world, mostly based on looks and money. They forget to also prioritize the important things like "good personality" and "treats women right"
  
• Many hot women suffer from low self-esteem, mostly brought on by bad fathers, broken families, etc. The reason why it seems every hot woman is also a headcase is because they work so hard to look good out of a need to be wanted and valued. They see things as that if guys don't want them, then they're ugly and worthless. They also tend to be "pleasers" in life, hence why they never have backbone towards terrible boyfriends.
  
• 
  

There are good women out there, but they won't come packaged as Adriana Lima or Angelina Jolie. Men who want the decent women need to find COMPATIBILITY, not the hottest thing they can show off.

 

Same goes for women.

 

 

WOW folks! I started this thread yesterday morning and got so busy with work I that I didnt have a chance to check it and jump in the conversation.

 

NOW...with that being said. Alot of you are making good points. But after reading through the post, this particular post stood out to me because I think he made some very legitimate statements.

 

So I kinda want to redirect this thread/discussion now because after thinking about it and reading the responses, maybe this should NOT be a discussion about PRETTY vs. NOT SO PRETTY Women. But RATHER a discussion about women who have difficulties even finding a boyfriend and/or relationship vs. the women who have no problem at all finding a man who actually WANTS to be with them.

What are THESE women doing that other women are not doing? What do THESE women understand that other women don't seem to understand yet? I know that everyone's personalities are different, but there seems to be a basic template that men follow just like us ladies....

[LionLover]

Well said..

 

If you ask me, the most important traits in a mate are integrity, flexibility, and giving.

 

Ditto! well said. Throw in empathy and you have a good mixture of ingredients

[Shygirl15]

So I kinda want to redirect this thread/discussion now because after thinking about it and reading the responses, maybe this should NOT be a discussion about PRETTY vs. NOT SO PRETTY Women. But RATHER a discussion about women who have difficulties even finding a boyfriend and/or relationship vs. the women who have no problem at all finding a man who actually WANTS to be with them.

 

What are THESE women doing that other women are not doing? What do THESE women understand that other women don't seem to understand yet? I know that everyone's personalities are different, but there seems to be a basic template that men follow just like us ladies....

 

The reasons are likely to be the same, I believe.

[sumdude]

What are THESE women doing that other women are not doing? What do THESE women understand that other women don't seem to understand yet? I know that everyone's personalities are different, but there seems to be a basic template that men follow just like us ladies....

 

 

This entire discussion is equally valid for men.. I have a group of good friends, we're all right around 40. These are good guys.. I mean it GOOD guys, I don't wont to hear about all that nice guy bull. Generally considered good looking, we have careers we're doing pretty well with, not mysogonists or self centered types, we actually want to commit to someone worthwhile etc etc Yet here we are most of us single and been through some bad relationships having a heck of a time finding the right fit. Some of us have considered giving up on it.

 

Sure you can adjust your standards and make something work... but I can tell you from experience that it won't last.

[KinAZ]

 

• Some of the hot women believe they only deserve the best males in the world, mostly based on looks and money. They forget to also prioritize the important things like "good personality" and "treats women right"
  
• Many hot women suffer from low self-esteem, mostly brought on by bad fathers, broken families, etc. The reason why it seems every hot woman is also a headcase is because they work so hard to look good out of a need to be wanted and valued. They see things as that if guys don't want them, then they're ugly and worthless. They also tend to be "pleasers" in life, hence why they never have backbone towards terrible boyfriends.
  
• Many of these same hot women with the low self-esteems also never had good male role models in their lives. So when you see them passing up decent men for bad men, it's mostly out of a need for a very masculine mate. They see anyone who is decent to them as feminine, thus why guys can treat them badly and get them.
  
• Some hot women want a celebrity lifestyle, so they pursue trust fund babies and yuppies with big paychecks who party hard. They are willing to be his "ornament" if he's picking up the checks and taking her shopping
  

Sounds to me like you're defining beauty as something that can be bought from a store.

 

I think you say what you said above because you only notice the "hott" as the ones who are trying too hard to be noticed. There are MANY attractive people in the world who DON'T go through the trouble of trying to buy more beauty. And honestly, the prettiest people (male and female) who I've seen are not the ones who seem to take 2 hours on hair and make up every morning. Those are the ones trying to create what they don't have (or don't believe they have). Ah! But aren't the ones who try to create it (according to what I highlighted above at least) the ones who seem to stand out as "hott" most often in the eyes of some?

 

Nevertheless, there is a point hidden in all of that, I think. Often pretty people have been pretty since birth, and have always been praised on their appearance. It varies from person to person of course, but their appearance was always turned into an issue. If it seemed to be the most important thing about them to those around them, it could create an imbalance depending on how they handled the situations. But no, I don't think that pretty people try harder to be prettier (on average) than average or not so pretty people. Believe it or not, some pretty people resent the high value on their physical appearance...

[A.G.Doren]

WOW folks! I started this thread yesterday morning and got so busy with work I that I didnt have a chance to check it and jump in the conversation.

 

NOW...with that being said. Alot of you are making good points. But after reading through the post, this particular post stood out to me because I think he made some very legitimate statements.

 

So I kinda want to redirect this thread/discussion now because after thinking about it and reading the responses, maybe this should NOT be a discussion about PRETTY vs. NOT SO PRETTY Women. But RATHER a discussion about women who have difficulties even finding a boyfriend and/or relationship vs. the women who have no problem at all finding a man who actually WANTS to be with them.

 

What are THESE women doing that other women are not doing? What do THESE women understand that other women don't seem to understand yet? I know that everyone's personalities are different, but there seems to be a basic template that men follow just like us ladies....

 

 

There is a book where Dr. Phil talks about the difference between the women who do find relationships and the ones that don't. Its interesting. The main premise is that the woman in a relationship knows what she wants and looked for it hard and also knows what she has to offered and worked it to the best of her ability. She also understood how to distinguish between relationship wants and relationship needs.

[A.G.Doren]

I am nearing my mid twenties and I understand what you are saying, I guess the older the alpha male; stereotypically the more mature he should prove to be, but of course, the novelty wears off after a while.

 

 

Again, I really dislike the word need. My girlfriend said to me once, what do you need from me? She was being emotionally profound (something to do with her hormones, I guess?) and I said "I don't need anything from you, but I want such and such from you and I listed the most important things I want in someone and in correspondence to a relationship. I make it crystal clear before I enter a relationship with someone; that if they need me then I am walking out of the door and never coming back. I don't want to be needed or depended upon, I want to be wanted by someone. I want someone who will rest her head on my shoulders and watch the world drift onwards with me. I don't need these things and that is what makes my relationship and my life so much more fruitful, because I am not someone who needs, but someone who wants.

 

I think this whole need and want case is a bit like those who see things as they are and ask why and those who dream about things that never were and ask why not.

 

 

Caring for and taking care of someone are acutal human needs. If you don't have meaningful human contact with someone for an extended period of time there is a part of you brain that will atrophy and can possibly die. So while your theory may look good on paper it isn't at all realistic.

[Lishy]

Actually I think this thread is great!

 

Ok I was joking about me wanting a millionaire, my wants are far more simple - If I am ever going to share my life with a man again I have few needs but they are a MUST -

 

I need a man to be my friend

This is so important to me,I tend to end with guys I cannot be 100% honest with through fear of them throwing it back at me. I want to be with a guy I am comfortable with and and can trust and rely on and I would make it that he could rely on me too. I am not a jealous person and could not be with a man who didnt trust me or vice versa.

 

I dont care how much money a guy has but a guy who works is important to me as I could not respect a man who did not work

 

I know I am a good girl and I also know I am not hard work to be with but I do not suffer fools gladly.

 

Now, I think where some people go wrong is that they look at someones looks alone... BIG mistake!!!!!! The best looking person in the world would become ugly if they are not a nice person and that is where good looking people fall. The better looking the person, the more insecure they are and they will not be seen with anyone remotely plain. And two insecure people together is a HUGE recipe for disaster!

[LovehateLove]

Caring for and taking care of someone are acutal human needs. If you don't have meaningful human contact with someone for an extended period of time there is a part of you brain that will atrophy and can possibly die. So while your theory may look good on paper it isn't at all realistic.

 

You're brain does die, you are correct. I believe the medical condition is commonly known as alzheimer's disease. Taking care of you and caring for you is just as important as caring for someone else. And who doesn't care about something or someone? There's a not a person on this planet who doesn't care about someone.

 

It is realistic, because it works for me. Wanting is better than needing and you can have your wants fulfilled without needing to have them fulfilled. Neediness is what I'd associate with small children and pets like checkers the dog. Not with an adult.

[SouthernT]

There are MANY attractive people in the world who DON'T go through the trouble of trying to buy more beauty.

 

Nevertheless, there is a point hidden in all of that, I think. Often pretty people have been pretty since birth, and have always been praised on their appearance. It varies from person to person of course, but their appearance was always turned into an issue. If it seemed to be the most important thing about them to those around them, it could create an imbalance depending on how they handled the situations. But no, I don't think that pretty people try harder to be prettier (on average) than average or not so pretty people. Believe it or not, some pretty people resent the high value on their physical appearance...

 

(((HAND CLAP))) you are soooo very on point with everything you said above. When people are born this way and others have maginified it from birth, it begins to shape that person's personality and the way they deal with things from VERY VERY early on.

 

And if you think about, people who are not as good looking, what do they do? They learn how to work OTHER aspects of their personality that they DO have going for them.

 

When people keep telling you something about yourself, you eventually begin to actually believe it and LIVE it subconsciously almost.

 

That's why, when it comes to being pretty, it's nice to receive a compliment or two, but the guy who ends up getting my attention is usually the guy that DOESNT oogle and make a big idea about it.

 

By judging whether or not to approach a good looking woman based on her looks and thinking she's already taken or has issues or whatever...by doing that, the guy is ALREADY MAKING IT AN ISSUE RIGHT OFF THE BAT

[Angel1111]

Regarding the topic about being overly picky or settling - let me put it this way, from my perspective. I've been married 3 times. Each time I saw things in that person that bothered me but I thought I could deal with. And I could have if they had stayed at that level. But it seems that once I get married, the guy seems to think he now has license to behave in a different manner, or show me this 'new' side to himself. Those issues can be anything like control, anger, laziness...whatever. That's why I always tell people that if there's a problem in your relationship that's bugging you a great deal, it will be way worse when you marry. So in my case I married these guys anyway and if things had stayed pretty much the same as when we dated, I would've been fine. But things escalated so high, so out of proportion to the way they were before we married, that I found myself really taken back by this and didn't know what to do about it. On the other side of that, none of my husbands ever told me that I had changed or that they felt I deceived them in the way I was when we dated compared to how I was when we were married. So if I can be who I am and not disappoint them, I don't think it's too much to ask the same of someone else that I'm with.

 

Even now I'd like to be married because I prefer companionship - but I will NEVER marry anyone again when I see signs of dealbreakers. Because the pain of being in a bad marriage is just too much, and the pain of divorce is just too much. I know there are no guarantees but I will not make the same mistakes again. And to meet and date guys who fit this description are, unfortunately, rare. There seem to be a lot of nuts out there and they seem to be attracted to me because I make them feel stable. And even if they're not nuts, that doesn't mean we're compatible or that we click in any special way. That's just the way it seems.

 

So if people want to say I'm too picky, so be it. I am picky because I didn't seem to be picky enough before and look where it's gotten me. I won't go there again. And if it means staying single for the rest of my life, then so be it because I prefer that to a bad marriage. Nothing compares to a bad marriage.

[45Reverse]

Post a pic of the two of you, with a written greeting to LS dated today and I'll be more than happy to tell you who's settling...

 

No one should need anyone but everyone has needs in a relationship.

 

For example, Joe needs a woman who is capable of deep emotions. Julie can do this. This doesn't mean he needs Julie. It just means he's self-aware.

 

Julie needs a man who can emotionally communicate effectively. Joe can do this. This doesn't mean that she needs Joe. It just means she's self-aware.

 

In this example, Joe and Julie appear to be a compatible couple. Keep in mind that other people can also meet these needs.

 

Oh Jesus Christ...Listen to you. Like you're in any kind of position to judge whether or not someone you don't know from Adam has 'settled'. And you can do it from a picture no less...My what an amazing display of wisdom and experiance.

 

You know, I used to think Liz60 (or whatever her name is) was the most arrogant poster on this board. I was wrong...

[Shygirl15]

You know, I used to think Liz60 (or whatever her name is) was the most arrogant poster on this board. I was wrong...

 

I think someone should start a "who's the most arrogant poster" thread..have a couple of names myself :D

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah but you do know that most of those 4.2 million men will live in China or India? and that 4.1 million of them will either be married or have very small willies!!!!!!

 

Dating SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I dont want much, just a fun loving sweet and kind millionaire with the prowess of a lion!

 

Hey, if I found my dream man in Timbuktu, I would so go there! We could spend 6 months in Timbuktu and 6 months in my location.

 

As for the haters, you've all been discounted due to obvious baggage!

[sumdude]

 

Even now I'd like to be married because I prefer companionship - but I will NEVER marry anyone again when I see signs of dealbreakers. Because the pain of being in a bad marriage is just too much, and the pain of divorce is just too much.

 

 

Wow... and to go through it three times and still even consider it at all again... is amazing to me.