LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 How many male friends do you have? What personality types are they? Do they all agree with you on this? If so, are they all in relationships where the women pursued them? Roughly fifthteen to twenty male friends. I know eight of them inside out, I have known them for years. Their personality types vary, I mean three of my friends are what you would call feminine, there's a couple of men's men and a few alpha males in the mix. It's quite surprising we are all friends. The alpha males under no circumstance will accept a woman who pursues them, because it will bruise their ego, but do they get a kick out of women wanting to pursue them? Yes. The men's men are happy for a woman to approach them and if they are feeling the attraction and feeling the chemistry then they'll get their number and arrange a date at somepoint. The more feminine friends of mine, love it when women come up to them and pursue them. Two of these men are actually attracted to domineering women. No, they are not all in relationships and they are not all in relationships with women who pursued them. One of the more feminine members of our grouping is married to a woman that pursued him. I am dating a woman who did at least half of the pursuing it and if our relationship continues to flourish, I'll be asking her for her hand in marriage. One of the men's men dated a woman who pursued him, but nothing developed between them. It's not universally accepted that women should do the pursuing, but from what I have seen the men I know aren't turned off by women who are courageous enough to venture over to them and start striking up flirty conversation. It's refreshing to see women break the shackles of the rigid and uncompromising dating rituals.
Lizzie60 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 treated so badly in the dating world? That has been my experience along with all of my other pretty and good looking friends. The age old debate of a beautiful woman, succesful in their careers, educated.....Yet we are the ones that are single. Now granted, none of those things make for a succesful relationship or a succesful partner. But men so often want a woman who is able to bring their share to the plate. BEAUTY, BRAINS....AND SINGLE I know.. it sucks to be beautiful, intelligent...educated, successful... rich.. and single.. gosh it sucks...
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Let's pretend you're just like Joe, in that you "must have" a woman who's capable of deeper emotions. Do you think you'd be happy in an LTR with someone who can only return shallow emotions? Do you think you'd stay in a shallow relationship? Again change "must have" to "want". So, I am Joe and I "want" a woman who is capable of deeper emotions. I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who couldn't offer me what I "want" and I would not stay in the relationship because the woman cannot give me what I want in a relationship. I don't need things, I want things, TBF. There is a difference and it is a difference that has served me well.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Roughly fifthteen to twenty male friends. I know eight of them inside out, I have known them for years. Their personality types vary, I mean three of my friends are what you would call feminine, there's a couple of men's men and a few alpha males in the mix. It's quite surprising we are all friends. The alpha males under no circumstance will accept a woman who pursues them, because it will bruise their ego, but do they get a kick out of women wanting to pursue them? Yes. The men's men are happy for a woman to approach them and if they are feeling the attraction and feeling the chemistry then they'll get their number and arrange a date at somepoint. The more feminine friends of mine, love it when women come up to them and pursue them. Two of these men are actually attracted to domineering women. No, they are not all in relationships and they are not all in relationships with women who pursued them. One of the more feminine members of our grouping is married to a woman that pursued him. I am dating a woman who did at least half of the pursuing it and if our relationship continues to flourish, I'll be asking her for her hand in marriage. One of the men's men dated a woman who pursued him, but nothing developed between them. It's not universally accepted that women should do the pursuing, but from what I have seen the men I know aren't turned off by women who are courageous enough to venture over to them and start striking up flirty conversation. It's refreshing to see women break the shackles of the rigid and uncompromising dating rituals. Sure men get a kick out of women who pursue them. It's an ego-stroke, external validation. As for accepting a woman who pursues, does it surprise you that the men I date tend to be alphas? I don't pursue men...period. Never had to. It's not my style and not because of convention.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Again change "must have" to "want". So, I am Joe and I "want" a woman who is capable of deeper emotions. I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who couldn't offer me what I "want" and I would not stay in the relationship because the woman cannot give me what I want in a relationship. I don't need things, I want things, TBF. There is a difference and it is a difference that has served me well. Let's pretend you start dating a woman who meets every single one of your wants but the two, at the bottom of the list. Do you think you could be happy with her?
D-Jam Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I don't moan and complain about being single. Never said you did. Was more pointing out about others who complain...but yet set their selection standards way high. Wasn't aimed directly at you.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Never said you did. Was more pointing out about others who complain...but yet set their selection standards way high. Wasn't aimed directly at you. Then we agree because I also get tired of people who whine and moan about being single, blaming the world for their lack of, when effectively, they've placed themselves there. Victim mentality.
Jake Barnes Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Then we agree because I also get tired of people who whine and moan about being single, blaming the world for their lack of, when effectively, they've placed themselves there. Victim mentality.But what if theyre selfish and irresponsible and have put themselves in their situation because they dont have vision and impulse control and would pursue instant gratification at the expense of making themselves more valuable
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Sure men get a kick out of women who pursue them. It's an ego-stroke, external validation. As for accepting a woman who pursues, does it surprise you that the men I date tend to be alphas? I don't pursue men...period. Never had to. It's not my style and not because of convention. You got the first two sentences right. I get hit on by some women when I am out and about and it does make me feel good. I go home and tell my girlfriend and we have a laugh about it. Women seem to be more open-minded, ready and more accepting to the prospect of pursuing men. Of course, not every woman will pursue a man. It all depends on what works for an individual person. No, it doesn't surprise me. The alpha males in my social circle have always and always will get more women than anyone else, but unlike me and the rest of the clan, they can't keep a woman for more than three years at most. In my life, I have done 90% of the pursuing and I do not have a problem with pursuing a woman, I have confidence in myself and a few attractive qualities which shine through. However, I am not against a woman pursuing me and if a woman is comfortable and confident in pursuing a potential mate, then she should be able to do so without having to lower her head to ridiculous conventional courtship/dating. Let's pretend you start dating a woman who meets every single one of your wants but the two, at the bottom of the list. Do you think you could be happy with her? It depends what boxes she doesn't tick doesn't it? If I want a woman who is independent and can go out with her friends without texting me every five seconds and the woman in question is clingy, dependent and can't leave me alone for more than five seconds, then no, I wouldn't be very happy with her.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 But what if theyre selfish and irresponsible and have put themselves in their situation because they dont have vision and impulse control and would pursue instant gratification at the expense of making themselves more valuable Regardless, I still like you Jake.
zicke Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 We would all like to learn... Explain to us how you discovered 99% of men do not meet your requirements? Actually that sounds like something a woman would say that hates men. It also sounds like you are the one that has a large amount of baggage if your limited experiences with men was so bad that you feel 99% cannot meet your requirements. Dude, she has her list of wants and she is entitled to them...just like you are! Remember the thread where you bashed American women? The thread where you pretty much discounted any American woman as too demanding, etc...to date? I guess based on your response to TBF, you have dated every American woman and found all of them lacking...right? (Not an American, but live in America) TBF has her priorities, let her have them, how is this skin off of your nose? Do you want to date her?
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 No, it doesn't surprise me. The alpha males in my social circle have always and always will get more women than anyone else, but unlike me and the rest of the clan, they can't keep a woman for more than three years at most.Are you in your twenties? I ask this because I date alphas in their mid-thirties to mid-forties. I'm guessing this is an age and stage in life difference. In my life, I have done 90% of the pursuing and I do not have a problem with pursuing a woman, I have confidence in myself and a few attractive qualities which shine through. However, I am not against a woman pursuing me and if a woman is comfortable and confident in pursuing a potential mate, then she should be able to do so without having to lower her head to ridiculous conventional courtship/dating.So why did you have to do 90% of the pursuing? Is it because 90% of the women who you've dated were convention bound or could it be possibly something else? It depends what boxes she doesn't tick doesn't it? If I want a woman who is independent and can go out with her friends without texting me every five seconds and the woman in question is clingy, dependent and can't leave me alone for more than five seconds, then no, I wouldn't be very happy with her. Exactly it depends on what boxes she doesn't tick. If it's a need box, you'll walk. If it's a want box, you might stay. To change the terms to something that might be more acceptable terminology for you, use negotiable wants v. non-negotiable wants...
Lishy Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Well my demands for a new man rules out 99.9% of the male population! I hate men! I am gonna take lessons in Lesbianism! So boys, put that in ya pipe and smoke it!
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Well my demands for a new man rules out 99.9% of the male population! I hate men! I am gonna take lessons in Lesbianism! So boys, put that in ya pipe and smoke it! LOL, Funny, but maybe some truth to it. If 99% of the opposite sex does not fit your requirements, maybe you should switch teams.
Lishy Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 LOL, Funny, but maybe some truth to it. If 99% of the opposite sex does not fit your requirements, maybe you should switch teams. To be honest I do not think any guy will be good enough for me as men and women think so differently and I am literally watching one relationship after another (of my friends/family) go down the tubes and it is making me completely despondant (sp) about every guy! I may feel different in the future but until then I will stay single! I think we all feel the way we do because of past experiences and you cannot pick someone to pieces because of hurt emotions.
LionLover Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Let's pretend you start dating a woman who meets every single one of your wants but the two, at the bottom of the list. Do you think you could be happy with her? Trial that all depends on the person. I think what some of the others are saying is that it's ok to have certain "requirements" going into it. But just because someone doesn't meet a pre-set list of criteria, ruling them out over it seems a little ridgid. I'm not saying you, I'm just saying in general. If somone can't be happy/fulfilled with another individual just because he/she does not meet every single requirement, then perhaps those requirements need to be re-evaluated. There has to be a balance, certain things are negotible but the main ingredients shouldn't have to be.
Lishy Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 We could meet a guy/girl tomorrow who is everything we want ... Good job Good looking easy going fun generous fit and the list goes on ... and then 3 years later he/she could have been fired then got depressed, put on weight, moody cos of no money/feeling fat and everything you want is GONE! There are no guarantees
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Trial that all depends on the person. I think what some of the others are saying is that it's ok to have certain "requirements" going into it. But just because someone doesn't meet a pre-set list of criteria, ruling them out over it seems a little ridgid. I'm not saying you, I'm just saying in general. If somone can't be happy/fulfilled with another individual just because he/she does not meet every single requirement, then perhaps those requirements need to be re-evaluated. There has to be a balance, certain things are negotible but the main ingredients shouldn't have to be. This is the difference between wants and needs. If you negotiate away your needs, you WILL regret it. Wants are all negotiable unless every single one of your wants aren't being met.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Seems to be a lot of talk about wants, needs and requirements but not a lot about what someone has to give
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Are people this picky about everything else? Have you travelled around the world and ruled out 99% of cities to settle where you are? Ruled out 99% of career paths in order to choose your ideal job? Ruled out 99% of houses to pick your place to live? Do you rule out 99% of movies/cinemas/bars that you go to etc. etc. etc. Or do you just sometimes make do with what's available? What seems to be a common trend among singles on this forum is that a)they're heavily analytical and b)they're a remarkable catch that can't find someone that meets their needs.
vonerik012 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Seems to be a lot of talk about wants, needs and requirements but not a lot about what someone has to give Well said.. If you ask me, the most important traits in a mate are integrity, flexibility, and giving. From reading many of these posts, I am thinking at least the last 2 of the above traits seem to be non-existent amongst some of the posters.
sumdude Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 To be honest I do not think any guy will be good enough for me as men and women think so differently and I am literally watching one relationship after another (of my friends/family) go down the tubes and it is making me completely despondant (sp) about every guy! I may feel different in the future but until then I will stay single! I think we all feel the way we do because of past experiences and you cannot pick someone to pieces because of hurt emotions. So are you saying in all of these relationships the man is at fault?
Virgo1982 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 No sex is better than the other. We're simply different. If we made better choices and have a realistic view of who we are and what we're worth, we'd all be better off. I appreciate the differences between the sexes and like to date men who feel the same way. I don't think I should try to make a relationship work with every and any man, but I don't think overlooking minor annoyances to make something special happen is out of the question. If that makes me a settler, whatever. If that makes me conceited, whatever. All I know is everyone I meet is not going to be the one. But I also know I'm not the one for everyone. Neediness and narcissism are both turn-offs for most. If one does not have the desire/mental capacity to self-evaluate and make adjustments, it is their perogative. Most of us find a happy medium. However, happiness is a state of mind. So, small, medium, or large...You have your pick.
brightskies Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Obviously we go out with people we are attracted to. The way I was raised, I would feel like an arrogant jerk proclaiming "99% of women do not meet my requirements", but i guess we were all raised differently. Perhaps you do not meet the requirements(looks personality etc) of 99 out of 100 men yourself. No need to be so angry about it. I don't think it's about conceit or arrogance. I think her point was, she knows what she's looking for in a partner and she knows what she has to offer. Good for her. There's nothing wrong with knowing herself. It means less confusion for her and for the men that she meets.
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 No need to be so angry about it. I don't think it's about conceit or arrogance. I think her point was, she knows what she's looking for in a partner and she knows what she has to offer. Good for her. There's nothing wrong with knowing herself. It means less confusion for her and for the men that she meets. This is exactly the point of my last thread about universal attraction and why it's my rant. These guys feel threatened since they feel discounted.
Recommended Posts