Virgo1982 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I think it could be a little of both... Often times, what I've noticed were guys who had bad experiences when they were YOUNGER (teenagers), and even as adults they expect that they'll run into the same level of maturity and same expectations all over again. That's not to imply that there aren't adults who behave selfishly, but rather that many of us learn better with time and experience. Yes, as one poster said, if you're always looking for negativity, you're bound to find it.
Virgo1982 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Confidence is sexy, being conceited is ugly. Being conceited almost always stems from insecurity. It is always easier to delude yourself by saying the problem lies within others, not yourself. "I am single because 99% of women do not meet my requirements" is far easier than to ponder "What do I do wrong in dating, and how can I better myself? What is wrong with me?" I guess what she's saying is, "I can not 'better myself' and I'm fine with 'what's wrong with me."
KinAZ Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Confidence is sexy, being conceited is ugly. Being conceited almost always stems from insecurity. It is always easier to delude yourself by saying the problem lies within others, not yourself. "I am single because 99% of women do not meet my requirements" is far easier than to ponder "What do I do wrong in dating, and how can I better myself? What is wrong with me?" This is sort of funny to me. Do you honestly think that most people meet one another's requirements? I don't think that most people are randomly compatable with any given individual. So no, I don't think it's at all far fetch to say that 1-5 in 100 men might REALLY work out well with me. And honestly, I think that's the case for most people. I know painfully insecure people who DO think that there is something wrong with them, and that is probably why they're single (and not the other way around). I'm all for self-examination and self-awareness, but people can become doormats when they don't honestly consider requirements. It's a delicate balancing act...
Jake Barnes Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I dont think you guys got the poster's point. She didn't say that 99% of guys aren't hot enough or that shes better than 99% of guys. She said she didnt feel 99% of guys were a good match which is entirely different. If youre just dating to date its one thing, but if someone wants to get more serious they get more selective as to what would feel right
dazed.1 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I just have no clue as to where you came up with the 99% figure. Yeah I know.. 99% of men cannot match your honesty, level of morals, or integrity. We are all scum. But if it makes you feel better about being single, then more power to you. wow you are bitter....you are totally missing her point.
A.G.Doren Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Obviously we go out with people we are attracted to. The way I was raised, I would feel like an arrogant jerk proclaiming "99% of women do not meet my requirements", but i guess we were all raised differently. Perhaps you do not meet the requirements(looks personality etc) of 99 out of 100 men yourself. Everyone has a right to date or not date whomsoever they chose. If her choice helps or hurts her, reveals arrogance or not its her choice, dang.
Jake Barnes Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Although both women are men in our society are incredibly superficial, I don't think theyre actually selective enough about who they date or jump in bed with Thats art of the problem with modern society...no values and no self respect and im guilty of it too
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Well perhaps I am anal about wording. " 99% of the population would not be a match for me " , is far different than saying "99% of the population does not meet MY requirements." Maybe she could list what those requirements are, and we can help her?
dazed.1 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Well perhaps I am anal about wording. " 99% of the population would not be a match for me " , is far different than saying "99% of the population does not meet MY requirements." Maybe she could list what those requirements are, and we can help her? Actually that is exactly what she is saying...someone who is not a match would also not meet her requirements....WOW
KinAZ Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Although both women are men in our society are incredibly superficial, I don't think theyre actually selective enough about who they date or jump in bed with Thats art of the problem with modern society...no values and no self respect and im guilty of it too Well said!
Jilly Bean Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I don't know if pretty, successful women are so much poorly treated, as they often have a smaller selection pool of appropriate candidates. I think the dating pool is very much like a bell curve, and is very much like our economic classes. There are a small amount of really, truly crappy people, then a HUGE amount of average, and another smaller percentage of higher-end people. Of course, this means people can fall on the lower side of average, and the higher side of average, etc. So, if a woman is very attractive, very successful, intelligent, etc. and is in, say, the top 5% of all women, then her pool of worthy, like-minded men will be equally small.
45Reverse Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Ick...another masterbaiter... You know...You don't HAVE to comment. I'm not interested in baiting you into anything TBF. Your avatar is a train wreck. Your posts suggest there's good reasons for it. My thoughts on much of your advice to others regarding relationship matters is that a train wreck is appropriate. I speak my mind and that's that...If you don't approve of what I have to say, or think I'm just trolling you ought to just move along and say nothing at all.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 You know...You don't HAVE to comment. I'm not interested in baiting you into anything TBF. Your avatar is a train wreck. Your posts suggest there's good reasons for it. My thoughts on much of your advice to others regarding relationship matters is that a train wreck is appropriate. I speak my mind and that's that...If you don't approve of what I have to say, or think I'm just trolling you ought to just move along and say nothing at all. Ick...your advice reminds me of someone who settles often. If you prefer to settle for whatever comes your way, that's your choice. My advice normally centers around having self-control and taking responsibility for your actions. If you don't like my advice, move along... I'm seriously fed up with people who run around telling others to settle. That's why there are so many broken relationships and marriages. Too many people lacking self-knowledge of what they need in a partner, in order to make a successful go of it. People literally bumble into relationships, work and work and work. What a waste of time and effort for everyone. Better to take your time, self-analyze and wait until you find the right person at the time when you're not emotionally fracked.
Suiyobi Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Why are pretty women.... ...not going out with me, yet? Come on, I'm right here!
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Ick...your advice reminds me of someone who settles often. If you prefer to settle for whatever comes your way, that's your choice. My advice normally centers around having self-control and taking responsibility for your actions. If you don't like my advice, move along... I don't see how his post implied he is a person who "settles" at all--for someone who claims that everyone else is projecting, you sure seem to project a lot as well! That said, I agree that in an ideal world, nobody should have to settle--but in reality, I think most people realize their limits (or else every guy would be trying to date Angelina, or whichever celebrity is the hottie of the week). Thankfully, I found my 1%
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Ick...your advice reminds me of someone who settles often. If you prefer to settle for whatever comes your way, that's your choice. My advice normally centers around having self-control and taking responsibility for your actions. If you don't like my advice, move along... I'm seriously fed up with people who run around telling others to settle. That's why there are so many broken relationships and marriages. Too many people lacking self-knowledge of what they need in a partner, in order to make a successful go of it. People literally bumble into relationships, work and work and work. What a waste of time and effort for everyone. Better to take your time, self-analyze and wait until you find the right person at the time when you're not emotionally fracked. I'm not going to get into an entire debate on arranged marriages, but it is amazing that many of them work out so well. One human loving another human, whom they had little say in picking. That is due to their mindset. Everyone settles. I would rather "settle" than be alone forever. It just depends on the degree to which we settle. Many men would prefer a woman who looks like Adriana Lima, is intelligent,fun, loves sex, loves to cook, is not materialistic, is wealthy, honest, loyal, and caring. Ok, obviously we cannot have that, so we settle for someone else. Do you really think you are your future SO's number one choice in the world?
45Reverse Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Ick...your advice reminds me of someone who settles often. If you prefer to settle for whatever comes your way, that's your choice. My advice normally centers around having self-control and taking responsibility for your actions. If you don't like my advice, move along... I'm seriously fed up with people who run around telling others to settle. That's why there are so many broken relationships and marriages. Too many people lacking self-knowledge of what they need in a partner, in order to make a successful go of it. People literally bumble into relationships, work and work and work. What a waste of time and effort for everyone. Better to take your time, self-analyze and wait until you find the right person at the time when you're not emotionally fracked. Hmmm...Have no idea how you arrive at the above conclusions. But whatever. If you knew my current gf I doubt you'd think I "settled". Independant, sexy, cool, thoughtful...all sorts of good stuff. And to put a nice little cherry on top- She's from the UK and has an accent that's totally hot! No...I surely do NOT "settle" And the word "ick" is something I usually only hear out of little kids.
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 . Too many people lacking self-knowledge of what they need in a partner, in order to make a successful go of it. People literally bumble into relationships, work and work and work. What a waste of time and effort for everyone. Better to take your time, self-analyze and wait until you find the right person at the time when you're not emotionally fracked. Change need to want, then we are in full agreement. I need oxygen, I need shelther, food and some form of clothing. I don't need a girlfriend, a relationship or sexual intercourse. I want these things in my life, so I choose to have them in my life. I think many relationships are ruined by those who need and not by those who want.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I don't see how his post implied he is a person who "settles" at all--for someone who claims that everyone else is projecting, you sure seem to project a lot as well! That said, I agree that in an ideal world, nobody should have to settle--but in reality, I think most people realize their limits (or else every guy would be trying to date Angelina, or whichever celebrity is the hottie of the week). Thankfully, I found my 1% Read his historical posts. It's all about settling...errr...being open-minded...advice for women. Also, he's the type of guy who really likes it when women pursue him so that's the type of advice he tends to give to women. Realistically speaking, no one's advice is applicable to everyone but...more often than not, if a woman pursues a man, good luck to her. Most men prefer to pursue.
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 . Most men prefer to pursue. Really? It seems to me you are stereotyping a bit. Of course, if you have statistics, then by all means prove me wrong, but from what I have seen men are open-minded to women approaching them, if not surprised when it happens. My girlfriend wasn't afraid to do some of the pursuing when we first met, in fact it was 50/50. The golden rule of our relationship, no less...
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Hmmm...Have no idea how you arrive at the above conclusions. But whatever. If you knew my current gf I doubt you'd think I "settled". Independant, sexy, cool, thoughtful...all sorts of good stuff. And to put a nice little cherry on top- She's from the UK and has an accent that's totally hot! No...I surely do NOT "settle" And the word "ick" is something I usually only hear out of little kids. Post a pic of the two of you, with a written greeting to LS dated today and I'll be more than happy to tell you who's settling... Change need to want, then we are in full agreement. I need oxygen, I need shelther, food and some form of clothing. I don't need a girlfriend, a relationship or sexual intercourse. I want these things in my life, so I choose to have them in my life. I think many relationships are ruined by those who need and not by those who want. No one should need anyone but everyone has needs in a relationship. For example, Joe needs a woman who is capable of deep emotions. Julie can do this. This doesn't mean he needs Julie. It just means he's self-aware. Julie needs a man who can emotionally communicate effectively. Joe can do this. This doesn't mean that she needs Joe. It just means she's self-aware. In this example, Joe and Julie appear to be a compatible couple. Keep in mind that other people can also meet these needs.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Really? It seems to me you are stereotyping a bit. Of course, if you have statistics, then by all means prove me wrong, but from what I have seen men are open-minded to women approaching them, if not surprised when it happens. My girlfriend wasn't afraid to do some of the pursuing when we first met, in fact it was 50/50. The golden rule of our relationship, no less... How many male friends do you have? What personality types are they? Do they all agree with you on this? If so, are they all in relationships where the women pursued them?
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 No one should need anyone but everyone has needs in a relationship. For example, Joe needs a woman who is capable of deep emotions. Julie can do this. This doesn't mean he needs Julie. It just means he's self-aware. Julie needs a man who can emotionally communicate effectively. Joe can do this. This doesn't mean that she needs Joe. It just means she's self-aware. In this example, Joe and Julie appear to be a compatible couple. Keep in mind that other people can also meet these needs. Now, this is entirely different. I still don't use the word "need", I hate the word "need". No, again, I use the word want. I want someone is capable of communication, honest, opinionated, caring, affectionate and full of life. Need to me symbolizes a weakness, I associate any type of "need" as being clingy and dependent. Neither of which are attractive traits in a person.
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 One of two things will happen if you have the "99% of the opposite sex does not fit my requirements" attitude. You will stay single and never feel romantic love in your life. Not all of us are meant to be in relationships. You are not "entitled" to anything. You can want it, but that does not mean you will get it or deserve it, just because you think you do. Or, you will one day realize that being single sucks, and DRASTICALLY diminish your little list of "requirements" that are unattainable for 99% of the human male population. It would be more beneficial for certain people to come to this realization sooner than later, because as you age, your pool of dating candidates is dwindling. If we all lived to be 1000 years old, sure why settle? But life is too short to spend alone seeking some perfect imaginary person that we made up in our own mind based on false perceptions.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Now, this is entirely different. I still don't use the word "need", I hate the word "need". No, again, I use the word want. I want someone is capable of communication, honest, opinionated, caring, affectionate and full of life. Need to me symbolizes a weakness, I associate any type of "need" as being clingy and dependent. Neither of which are attractive traits in a person. Let's pretend you're just like Joe, in that you "must have" a woman who's capable of deeper emotions. Do you think you'd be happy in an LTR with someone who can only return shallow emotions? Do you think you'd stay in a shallow relationship?
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