SouthernT Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 treated so badly in the dating world? That has been my experience along with all of my other pretty and good looking friends. The age old debate of a beautiful woman, succesful in their careers, educated.....Yet we are the ones that are single. Now granted, none of those things make for a succesful relationship or a succesful partner. But men so often want a woman who is able to bring their share to the plate. BEAUTY, BRAINS....AND SINGLE
Shygirl15 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Very true. I'm told I have been treated badly in relationships because I'm "nice". Not sure if I'm nice or not, but I always treat people with respect, exactly the way I want to be treated. If that's nice, so be it.
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I have noticed the same thing. Absolute knockouts who are always single, many times unhappily. Of course every case is unique, but I feel sometimes either... A. Their expectations are too high. I have known a few single very attractive women who seemed to be chasing CEO's, men with private jets, etc. B. Many beautiful women are very self absorbed, vain, very much into themselves. This type of woman does not make a good partner.
Shygirl15 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 C. Seem to be attracted to the wrong people e.g badboy types.
brothermartin Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Physical beauty is a very powerful tool that some women use unethically. From a man's point of view, it's hard to trust or respect a woman that dose this, and it enforces an ugly generalization about ALL physically attractive women.
sumdude Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 A super attractive woman may make men think twice to even approach them. Thoughts men might have: Out of my league. Too hard too keep, always getting hit on. Surely she already has a boyfriend, or two.. and hundreds after her. Generally intimidated Very attractive women also develop an unconscious 'attitude shield' because of all the unwanted advances/ogling etc.. Quality mates are hard to find and if you have high standards, which is a good thing, it could take a while for the right one to come along.
Angel1111 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Women learn to be somewhat aggressive in the professional world and that can carry over to the dating world. The problem is, the two just don't mix. Women will approach a man, ask a man out, be very direct, demanding, confrontive, and they no longer remember how to be a lady with a man. I see it all the time, and it backfires all the time, but they still don't get it.
brothermartin Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Women learn to be somewhat aggressive in the professional world and that can carry over to the dating world. The problem is, the two just don't mix. Women will approach a man, ask a man out, be very direct, demanding, confrontive, and they no longer remember how to be a lady with a man. I see it all the time, and it backfires all the time, but they still don't get it. I agree. I've been approached by women like that before. It's like they don't realize that I'm not some problem to be solved or a bonus to be won. But I guess women have had to put up with the same s--t from men for so long.
Angel1111 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I agree. I've been approached by women like that before. It's like they don't realize that I'm not some problem to be solved or a bonus to be won. But I guess women have had to put up with the same s--t from men for so long. But most women don't look at it as putting up with s--t from men. I know there are exceptions but typically women like to be pursued and men want to be the pursuer. When women step into the pursuer role, things get really screwed up and women never seem to understand why.
brothermartin Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 But most women don't look at it as putting up with s--t from men. I know there are exceptions but typically women like to be pursued and men want to be the pursuer. When women step into the pursuer role, things get really screwed up and women never seem to understand why. Not always. My girlfriend pursued me, and we're very happy together. Still, I see your point. Men often don't know how to handle being pursued, and women often don't know how to pursue without scaring the man away.
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 A super attractive woman may make men think twice to even approach them. Thoughts men might have: Out of my league. Too hard too keep, always getting hit on. Surely she already has a boyfriend, or two.. and hundreds after her. Generally intimidated Very attractive women also develop an unconscious 'attitude shield' because of all the unwanted advances/ogling etc.. Quality mates are hard to find and if you have high standards, which is a good thing, it could take a while for the right one to come along. I’ve gotta’ agree with this. I remember when I was 19; a really gorgeous blonde, blue eyed girl was interested in me. I didn’t really know it at the time and I didn’t want to believe it either. Everyone who knew me kept encouraging me to speak to her. I just couldn’t speak to her. Every time I tried to talk to her, I just felt a centimetre tall next to her. I felt she was well out of my league. I also found it off-putting that so many men hit on here and I was shocked when I found out she was single. Needless to say, I felt like a really ugly porcelain ornament next to her, so I settled for a girl who wasn’t as attractive, intelligent or as bubbly. I think a lot of men are intimidated by attractive women and won’t admit it.
Shygirl15 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Not always. My girlfriend pursued me, and we're very happy together. Still, I see your point. Men often don't know how to handle being pursued, and women often don't know how to pursue without scaring the man away. I have only pursued 2 guys in my life; my ex and we ended up getting married, and this other guy at my job who said "oh, no... you know, I'm not really sure I can make you happy in bed"
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Regardless of physical attractiveness or not, each person is where they put themselves. There's only a minute percentage of people who can't find a relationship, if they sincerely wanted one. It's about how much work you're willing to put into it, be it time or effort and how narrow your criteria becomes. The wider you open up your requirements for an acceptable partner, the more likely you'll find a partner. Having said that, I won't settle for anything less than the perfect person for me, which isn't anyone perfect. I accept that I've filtered out about 99% of the male population through my list of requirements. It's also okay if someone else considers me undateable. Numbers are meaningless to me. What's meaningful is appealing to the right group of men. So far, so good. These broad generalizations of attractive, successful women are like most other generalizations. More often miss than hit. I've never pursued a man in my life and have no plans to do so in the near future. I'm type A to the max. when it comes to career. People are and can be multi-faceted with their actions varying per situation/dynamics of situation.
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Telling someone to open up their horizons and then saying “well I exclude 99% of the male population” isn’t helpful advice at all. In fact it smacks of elitist behaviour. Each and every one of us has a preference or preferences and no one should have to alter their preference unless they have an unrealistic perspective of what is important in a potential mate.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Perhaps you overlooked the first paragraph of my post or it wasn't clear enough. We've each put ourselves where we are. If it's a place that people aren't happy with, then fix it. I'm happy where I am so it's where I choose to remain. This doesn't smack of elitism. It smacks of acceptance of personal responsibility and personal control.
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Regardless of physical attractiveness or not, each person is where they put themselves. There's only a minute percentage of people who can't find a relationship, if they sincerely wanted one. It's about how much work you're willing to put into it, be it time or effort and how narrow your criteria becomes. The wider you open up your requirements for an acceptable partner, the more likely you'll find a partner. Having said that, I won't settle for anything less than the perfect person for me, which isn't anyone perfect. I accept that I've filtered out about 99% of the male population through my list of requirements. It's also okay if someone else considers me undateable. Numbers are meaningless to me. What's meaningful is appealing to the right group of men. So far, so good. These broad generalizations of attractive, successful women are like most other generalizations. More often miss than hit. I've never pursued a man in my life and have no plans to do so in the near future. I'm type A to the max. when it comes to career. People are and can be multi-faceted with their actions varying per situation/dynamics of situation. Are you better than 99% of the male population? I seriously doubt it. Or does it just sound empowering to say, and a good justification to yourself for being single? You talk about men making blanket statements.. How many men have you had relationships with? A couple? And you extrapolate your limited experience to saying 99% of men don't meet you requirements? lol Please..
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Are you better than 99% of the male population? I seriously doubt it. Or does it just sound empowering to say, and a good justification to yourself for being single? Eh? What has better, equal or worse, got to do with 99% of the population? It's called preferences and yes, I can bring to the table what I expect. It doesn't mean it's the top-tier. It means that those are my requirements. I have no doubt that the 1% of men I'm interested in, wouldn't necessarily be attractive to all women. Understand now?
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I just have no clue as to where you came up with the 99% figure. Yeah I know.. 99% of men cannot match your honesty, level of morals, or integrity. We are all scum. But if it makes you feel better about being single, then more power to you.
brothermartin Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I have only pursued 2 guys in my life; my ex and we ended up getting married, and this other guy at my job who said "oh, no... you know, I'm not really sure I can make you happy in bed" Hmm... Ok. Thats a first for me. But I'm glad things worked out for you and your ex!
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I just have no clue as to where you came up with the 99% figure. Yeah I know.. 99% of men cannot match your honesty, level of morals, or integrity. We are all scum. But if it makes you feel better about being single, then more power to you. Methinks you're projecting your personal insecurities and baggage into this thread. I couldn't be bothered to explain myself to a misogynist. Do enjoy playing with yourself.
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Perhaps you overlooked the first paragraph of my post or it wasn't clear enough. We've each put ourselves where we are. If it's a place that people aren't happy with, then fix it. I'm happy where I am so it's where I choose to remain. This doesn't smack of elitism. It smacks of acceptance of personal responsibility and personal control. I read it and understand it, thanks. Fell free to break it down further if you would like to. Beautiful women just need patience; they don’t need to compromise their preferences. Sometimes it takes a while to meet someone special. Good for you, that you choose not to compromise, I don’t think anyone should make wholesale compromises either. I gather you are happily in a relationship with a man who ticks all the right boxes?
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 We would all like to learn... Explain to us how you discovered 99% of men do not meet your requirements? Actually that sounds like something a woman would say that hates men. It also sounds like you are the one that has a large amount of baggage if your limited experiences with men was so bad that you feel 99% cannot meet your requirements.
LovehateLove Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 We would all like to learn... Explain to us how you discovered 99% of men do not meet your requirements? Actually that sounds like something a woman would say that hates men. I don’t think TBF should be vilified for her comments. She is just being honest, there is nothing misandrist about her comments. If she chooses to comply to her preferences and believes only 1% of the male population fit her preference, then all the best to her. Men aren’t vilified when they refuse to date overweight women, so I don’t see why a woman should be scorned for only being attracted to 1% of the male population.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I read it and understand it, thanks. Fell free to break it down further if you would like to. Beautiful women just need patience; they don’t need to compromise their preferences. Sometimes it takes a while to meet someone special. Good for you, that you choose not to compromise, I don’t think anyone should make wholesale compromises either. I gather you are happily in a relationship with a man who ticks all the right boxes? Right now, I'm relationship resistant aka situationally commitment phobic. I'm working on some internal issues due to a couple of poor judgement calls on my part, one right after another. These are two reasons why my list has grown astronomically, particularly the non-negotiable portion. Next time, there won't be any settling. Until I work through these issues with time, any relationship would be a disaster and completely unfair to either myself for a potential partner. I will also openly admit that I love my freedom. So, overall, I am where I put myself and technically want to be.
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