nicole430 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I have been with my boyfriend for just about 2 years now. We have gone through tough situations and things together, but tell eachother that we want to be with eachother forever and how happy we are together. He has been going through very stressful things in his life...working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, immigration problems, etc. He finally got his temp. green card a few weeks ago and told me he was leaving right away to go back home almost 3000 miles away to see his family. I dont blame him...he hasnt seen his family in over 10 years. I was happy to see him go because he missed his parents so much, but I was so scared things would change between us. I told him I was afraid he would leave me and not want to be with my anymore and his feelings would change and he wouldnt call me a lot. He told me that wasnt his plan to leave me, I shouldnt be afraid, and he would try to call me as much as he could because he didnt know the situation back home because he hadnt been there in such a long time. He left two weeks ago...it took him 9 days to call me! He told me that it might be a few days before he could call me because he was going to be so busy, but 9 days? He said he didnt call because he was sick, which he did sound to be. The phone call lasted only one minute because his phone cut out, I could hear him but he couldnt hear me. He told me he would try to call me later. That was 6 days ago. He hasnt been calling his family much over here, and when they try to call him over there, he is always out. I feel so neglected that he hasnt called me...I feel that my worst nightmare is coming true. I dont understand why he wont call me? He is European...Albanian to be exact...and they are very hard to deal with! LOL...But I am very sad...cant eat. cant sleep. I dont understand...he told me if he ever wanted to leave me he would tel me right away and not waste my time....should I be worried that he hasnt been calling or should I just relax and calm down and realize he must be so busy seeing people he hasnt seen in so long and take into consideration it is expensive to call me? When he did call me for that one time...he sounded not happy...likeit was a job to call me...i asked why he sounded so weird and said it was because he was sick....am I being paranoid? Please, any advice or words from anyone would be so grateful and helpful...Honestly give me your opinion! thanks all!
Graduate Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Oh man, I am so sorry for what you are going through Nicole, I have been there myself. My advice to you is to try and not go crazy over it. He may be very busy or sick, but mostly I think guys are just not like us girls who want to be in touch 24/7 if possible. Especially if he has not seen his family in 10 years and knows he is coming back to your town soon. I fretted over my guy not calling me for 12 days and in the end he had a logical explanation for it and has now been in daily contact with me for nearly a week. So keep telling yourself that this doesn't have to mean anything, and try to spend as much time as possible with friends and family. When is he coming back? Don't worry about things you can't control, but wait and see how he acts when he comes back. All the best!
Jordane Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 He is probably extremely busy seeing all those people he hasn't seen in so long. It's hard to tell family you have to leave to make a phone call when they are fretting over you 24/7. I have trouble telling my mom I have to leave sometimes and she lives 10 minutes away. I would say give him a couple more days to call you but when he does voice your concerns or you'll go over this all over again. I am the type of person who needs dates and times and when my boyfriend didn't understand the urgency I explained it to him. We need to be able to met each others needs in order to make things work even if some things seem excessive to the other. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to know what in the world he is up to and taking over a week to call you is too long. In the meantime, assure yourself that he is ok. If you are in touch with his family, you'll know if there is something wrong. If he is planning on leaving, he will whether he calls or doesn't so don't even think about that. Focus on fun things you can do by yourself or with friends and when he does call make sure you have that talk.
Ariadne Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Well, Being there is probably like being in another world. At least that's what I feel when I am in South America.. I forget it exists America. Now... I "never" forget about Denver guy (the guy I love) no matter where I am. I'd go to a cyber cafe, even if I was at a beach resort, and email him from there. (One time I took a bus to a near city when I was in an isolated place, just to email him). So I think that if he really loved you he'd contact you some more. They have cyber cafes everywhere now a days if he doesn't have internet at home, and he could contact you via email, send you pictures, etc. So I'm surprised that you are out of his mind, even though I can see how one can forget all the rest.
dazed.1 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 You shouldn't worry at all about this. He is at a very far distance visiting family he has not seen in a decade! You should be patient and understanding of his situation. I know you feel lonely and left out but really, he is visiting his family, and to many cultures that is a very important thing, did you ever think it may be disrespectful to the people he is visiting to be on the phone with you all the time? Just another way for you to think about it. Also, if he is going to leave you, worrying yourself sick isn't going make any difference in that fact. You can't force people to be with you; you can only be the best partner you can be. If he wants to stay in the relationship he will, and if he doesn't, he won't, and either way, you will be fine.
torranceshipman Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I wouldnt worry...he hasnt seen home for 10yrs so its probably so overwhelming and exciting for him, and so many things he wants to fit in...and time with family and friends, visiting old favorite spots...must be amazing! He is probably cherishing every single minute out there and that must be special to him. Dont worry! He'll come back soon then I am sure it'll be fine. Let him 'drink in' the whole experience of visiting home after so long away and I think he will appreciate that you gave him the space to do that.
Author nicole430 Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 Thank you so much guys...I feel a little better for the reassurance...No I would definitely never try to make a guy be with me...I was just worried that I should be taking the hint that with him not calling me that its over. He should be back sometime between mid september to mid october...i know, such a big gap! I do understand that he has so much to do and lots of people to see, maybe I am having a hard time readjusting...this came so fast! We werent expecting this for another couple of years. But I am very happy for him and told him that I am really happy that he got to go because I wouldnt want it any other way. Even if we do break up we are the best of friends and want the best for him either way. He also told me that even if we werent together he was still gonna miss me when he was gone. I am just so paranoid, but thanks again guys...any more advice, comments, personal past experiences, etc, would be greatly appreciated too! thanks
dazed.1 Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Thank you so much guys...I feel a little better for the reassurance...No I would definitely never try to make a guy be with me...I was just worried that I should be taking the hint that with him not calling me that its over. He should be back sometime between mid september to mid october...i know, such a big gap! I do understand that he has so much to do and lots of people to see, maybe I am having a hard time readjusting...this came so fast! We werent expecting this for another couple of years. But I am very happy for him and told him that I am really happy that he got to go because I wouldnt want it any other way. Even if we do break up we are the best of friends and want the best for him either way. He also told me that even if we werent together he was still gonna miss me when he was gone. I am just so paranoid, but thanks again guys...any more advice, comments, personal past experiences, etc, would be greatly appreciated too! thanks Exactly! And now you can take this time to find yourself again, do the things you love, be with the other people in your life that you love (ie family, friends). If you allow yourself to grow during this time apart it will only strengthen your relationship (happened with me and my ld bf). Anyway, good luck!
Author nicole430 Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 just a little update in case there was anybody that was wondering or anyone who was looking for a happy ending to a long distance relationship....i found out why he hasnt been calling...turns out the only source of communication he is using is via webcam on the computer. He has very very bad reception where he is staying and only gets a cell phone signal when he is out in the big city. He finally called me again for the second time last week and it turns out we are perfectly fine, we are still together, no worries or second thoughts about eachother, just all good news! It actually turns out that he is not having a good time there...he says it changed a lot since he was there 10 years ago and the people there are just not the same either. He wants to come back very soon to the states, and as selfish as this might sound, I am happy to see him sooner than I thought, although I do feel very bad that he isnt having such a good time and things there have changed Thanks again to everyone who encouraged me to think on the brighter side
Jordane Posted August 23, 2008 Posted August 23, 2008 Thanks great news! ...and we can understand a little selfishness.
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