emily d Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I have my up and down complex feeling toward MM. However, I become extremely anxiety and furious whenever I thought about how that man humiliated me 3 years ago! The more I think of it, the more I hate that MM. Please give me some advice on this one. Thank you! Three years ago, I had emotional affair with a married man when I worked for his family as a live-in nanny. I didn't do anything inappropriate even though I was in love with him. It was all about him. He was smitten which put me in an extremely awkward situation. Non-stop talking about me, teasing, and flirting, even right in front of his wife. His wife knew about it but never said anything. However, it did bother me when he did those ridiculous things. I tried to quit after the first week I started working for them. They both begged me to stay. I then promised to stay till their second child was born, which was 2 months later. It seemed like they had some kind of agreement. As long as the man didn't hide from his wife, it was not cheating and was acceptable. Instead of disciplining the husband, the wife watched me like hawk. The way I was treated as if I was their slave. My feeling and my rights didn't exist to them. I felt like a piece of meat. Finally, I left. After I left, I became depressed. It was the unfinished business feeling got into me. I thought I should talk to that man, clear things out and had a closure, so I could make peace with him and with myself. The result? The man called his wife while I was talking to him. His wife rushed over and screamed at me in public until he started screaming at me "it's over! If you come back again I'll call the police". And that's not enough; they did call the police accusing me for harassment. Was I so wrong and deserved it, or I was just bad luck to meet odd couples like them? If my closure talk with him was harassment, does that mean his flirting and teasing can be count as sexual harassment?
whichwayisup Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 The thing is, he KNEW you were inlove with him, and that's why he flirted. You fed his ego and he fed yours (because it sounded like you allowed the closeness and flirting to happen so you can't put all the blame on him).. Honestly, the best thing to do is try your best to get past this and don't see/talk to them again, stay out of their lives.
whichwayisup Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I had emotional affair with a married man when I worked for his family as a live-in nanny. I didn't do anything inappropriate even though I was in love with him But you DID do something inappropriate! You had an emotional affair with him! The feelings were inappropriate! You allowed yourself to fall for him, become attached to him, even if it didn't get physical.. You can't put this ALL on him, sorry.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Sexual harrassment is unwanted sexual advances, flirting, posting of pictures that are offensive etc. You've fully admitted you were in to the guy so what he was doing couldn't possibly be called that.
Author emily d Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 Sexual harrassment is unwanted sexual advances, flirting, posting of pictures that are offensive etc. You've fully admitted you were in to the guy so what he was doing couldn't possibly be called that. Yes, I know it. It was not the main point I post exactly. My post: they did call the police accusing me for harassment. Was I so wrong and deserved it, or I was just bad luck to meet odd couples like them? If my closure talk with him was harassment, does that mean his flirting and teasing can be count as sexual harassment?What furious me was he called his wife to get me, insulting me in front of his wife in public, and the police called on me. For what? A woman who cared about you and took care of you and your family just tried to talk to you? I was sincere with good manner and didn't say anything inapropriate. all I tried was making peace with him and with myself. There was no need to turn thing nastyly. Maybe "sorry for misleading you, I'm a married man and you left. We don't want to have anything to do with any more!" Was it so difficult for a Cambridge graduated and a vice president of an investment company to say? Instead, they made a big scene out of it. Not to memtion of the police called accusing me for harassmt. I don't get it and never will! That's why I still holding grudge against them and can't move on.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I think you want a pound of flesh because you were in to the guy and he wanted to stay with his wife. You need to forget about this and move on. His wife reacted the way many women would be if they thought someone who was a threat to their marriage had come back around. Yes, you cared for their kids and such but you still had feelings for her husband. I don't understand when people say they need closure. Closure is the fact that he's not contacting you and is with his wife- what more could you need. Closure is often just an excuse for contact- because you're hoping the person has changed his mind. If I were you I'd move on and live my life happily and not worry about what he and his wife are doing. It's been three years and you sound like your young and have your whole life in front of you. Chalk it up to a bad experience and move on.
Author emily d Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 MzPixie: Your advice hit the nail and very helpful. I really appreciate! I was rather venting than asking a question at beginning. My apology! Thank you all for taking time to read and answer my question. It’s been three years and I wanted to make a closure. However, I was incapable do it on my own, so I started posting question for answers. I’m ready to move on! Thanks again!
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