jshims Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Hello All, I'm having some relationship issues (who isn't). Anyway, heres a little background: I was going out with this girl for about 3 years come last summer. We had some issues, and a bad breakup. She basically cheated on me, lied about it, strung me on for another month while she was cheating on me, broke up with me, tried to get back (while she was "dating" others), etc. All in all, a bad couple months for me. A few months later, I guess she came to her senses and I decided to let her back in my life. I understood the repercussions of this, but it seemed like she had changed, and I wanted to give it a shot. Anyway, that was about the beginning of this year, and its been about 6-7 months since then and things are going ok. She is staying with me this summer (shes still in school). I work most of the day, so we don't really see each other all that often. I've always felt a little disappointed in the relationship, because I feel she never "does" anything for me. I.e. I've never gotten a birthday gift (aside from a hallmark or E-card), no random surprises, no "nice" things. Maybe its a lot to expect? I understand she doesn't have much money cause she doesnt work and such, but for me its not even about the monetary value of things. It would be nice to have someone do something nice for you (like cook or something) once and a while. I do my best to get her small gifts, or do whatever I can even with my limited time. Maybe I'm ranting a bit, but it all boils down to the fact that I feel she doesn't really care "that" much. I know shes trying harder this time around, and she hasn't done anything bad in that sense, but I just dont feel loved sometimes. Best part is, she'll take out her friends, including the guy I talk about below, when she hasn't once in her life taken me out. (She has a linked card on my account, and took her friends out using it). I never really make an issue at all with money, but combined with the relationship issues I guess I make it an excuse. I've been mad at her recently because for the last couple of weeks shes been going out studying with her (male) friend from school. Shes studying for her graduate exams, so it's understandable in that sense, but she'll spend a solid 6-7 hours a day with him going for lunch and studying and she does it ever single day. I've met the guy and I understand she has no interest in him in that sense, but it still seems really akward for me. I mean I guess it is jealousy in some sense, considering, by the time I do get home, the most I can do is have dinner, watch a little TV and go to bed (forget about sex!). But, to top it all off, she comes home AFTER I do most of the time, even when its in her power to come home earlier cause she can really study anywhere. I make an attempt to come back home as early as I can, but whats the point? Anyway, I got mad at her about all of this today. I got mad at her for using my money (like I said before she has a linked account, I told her that its fine for her to spend if she needed something) on taking her friend out for lunches, and I brought up the past and said that her behavior was "suspect", I didn't directly accuse her of anything because I don't really think that she would do something like that to me again, but maybe it was just frustration with the relationship. I don't know what to say. I try as hard as I can in this relationship, but it always results in anger for me. I feel like she doesn't care, and I care too much. I guess I'll add more information as people respond, thats all I can think of right now. Any advice?
Treasa Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 What did she say when you got mad at her? I think you're justified in telling her (politely) that this isn't working out for you, because you don't feel appreciated. You're supporting this girl but receiving little in exchange. Ask her to please move out as soon as she can, and remove her from your credit account and take her card away. If and when she proves that she's worthy of your love, then perhaps you can let her back in.
SierraSnow Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 It seems from your post that you feel like the relationship is going one way but you still seem to be forcing the issue and hanging on obsessively. My advice to you would be to just end things (politely). I think that she doesn't seem to value you for what you do for the relationship. So it would be in your best interest to move on and do so as fast as you can without thinking about it. ive seen this before from my personal experience, PM me if you need more advice.
butterfly1216 Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 i hate to say this my friend but theres a reason for everything. you seem oblivious to the fact that she's probably moved past the relationship, and it seems you've finally reached that conclusion as well. it sounds like this relationship is over, and it's drawing to a close and youre being clingy. I would end it now on your terms rather than giving her the satisfaction of ending it herself sooner or later.
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