The Same City...

[l0stMike]

EDIT: If you want to skip the story, my main question is this: Is it possible to move to the same city for a good job where a person you once loved is living without doing anything stupid and knowing that you've changed and become a better person since said relationship? Like, move there for the betterment of yourself, and that's it?

 

Well, I have a conundrum that I have been pondering for the last few months here. In January of this year, I first wrote a post about my "long lost ex" story and all the mistakes I made after we broke up, blah blah blah, you know the story. After making that post, I met a girl a couple days later that I dated for close to six months until about mid-May or so when she basically began showing 0 interest in me unless I initiated it first. At that point, I wrote a post entitled "Why Are We All So F*cked?", detailing the process about how I still think about my ex all the time, even when I was with the second girl, and how I questioned the fact that I might be f*cked forever, or at least for the indeterminate future when it comes to thinking about my ex.

 

Before I begin, I must say that I blocked my ex of nearly 2 years (Sept. 2005 - April 2007) on Facebook and Instant Messenger on my birthday this year (May 11th). My last attempt at contacting her was a friendly birthday phone call I made to her on her birthday (May 3rd, eight days before mine). She, of course, didn't pick up. I had also texted her the night before at midnight, only because I've done that with everyone that I care about on their birthdays. She definitely knows when my birthday is being so close together, so her final test in my eyes was to see if she would call me to return the wish. She didn't. So, she got blocked immediately the next day on every medium that she would be able to see me or hear what I'm doing.

 

We had seen each other only twice this past semester, once at a bar in January and once at a Greek-related function in April (we were both Greek in college). I consider the Greek function a fluke because I had no intention of talking to her the entire day when I saw that she was there (her sorority came over for a classy, booze-filled afternoon with our fraternity). Why she came when she knew I would be there, I'm not too sure. I still haven't figured that out. Either way, like I said, I saw she was there and I immediately started pounding straight whiskey. I had no, and I repeat, no intention of talking to her. Eventually, about an hour later, she came up to me and hit me on the shoulder. She was smiling at the time, said "Hi", did that whole bit. She wanted to talk to me after literally, literally, writing me out of her life and ignoring me from the point we broke up until that very moment; 3 weeks shy of a year. Again, I had no intention of talking to her that day, but she approached me and I'm not a rude person, so I inclined and we sat on a bench away from everyone else.

 

Needless to say, all that straight whiskey I had been pounding (and I'm positive she was heavily under the influence too) hit me about five minutes into our conversation. I don't remember anything after that. All I was told the next day was that we were both crying like dumb*sses, she was running around telling people she still loved me, and we talked privately, a lot. I don't remember any of it. Neither does she, apparently, because I sent her a message the next day telling her that when she was being driven home in my car at the end of the afternoon, she had picked up the wallet she had gotten me while we were dating (which I leave in my car), and turned around the picture of us that she had put in there. When we broke up, I turned the picture to its back but kept using the wallet because frankly, its a really nice wallet. She responded to the message with "I don't know, I was really drunk."

 

That was the last time we really talked until I called her on her birthday the next month. We saw each other a few days later at a bar, and we all have the same friends, so we were civil with each other and at first, awkwardly talking, but we eventually just started standing next to each other and sharing small talk with everyone. Afterwards, people said it was like we were still dating.

 

Well, all of that aside, the end of the summer is now here, and I have been applying for jobs in four major cities across the country; Raleigh NC, Tampa FL, Austin TX, and San Diego CA. I'm from Pennsylvania and have lived here my entire life (23 years and counting), so I'm ready to GTFO, you know what I mean?

 

The problem is, and the reason I'm writing here, is that my ex told me in the five minutes of conversation we both remember that she was moving to Austin TX. I still didn't have a plan at that point, so I didn't really share with her where or what I was doing at the end of the summer.

 

I know what you're thinking..."He applied to the same city as his ex because he still loves her." Well, that's not true. Maybe in the slightest sense to play same-city fate again, maybe, but in the so slightest sense that if I were to move there, it would be for me and me alone, not her. I already chased her to Orlando FL as per my first post on here, and that completely backfired and Ill never make that same mistake again. I enjoy putting myself through challenges that make me a better person in the end. It's weird, but true. Regardless, Austin TX is a very techy city, #1 in the country for job growth for people my age, and #3 in the country for singles my age. It's a win-win-win for me had I never met the girl.

 

I applied to those four cities because they are all cities of interest. Still, out of all of the choices, I have friends in Austin already, I have the best professional opportunity in Austin because my career path is web design, and its the bronze medal for available people to date. I also have multiple job offers from there already, and that's the only place so far. I know I shouldnt base things around statistics, but come on, its staring me in the face that its one of the best places I could be...FOR ME.

 

So, I ask this; has anyone encountered a similar scenario when moving to the same town where an ex is going to reside? Is it possible, or will it be too much mental strain again knowing that I might run into her? It's a big city, but eventually we might run into each other being social people and having the same friends. I don't even know if I should tell her or any of her friends that I'm going there, if I do go that is. I have self-control now and self-respect for myself that I didn't have last January and prior to that, and I know what I have to do to not make the same mistake again.

 

Still though, and I can't lie about it, I still think about the girl every, literally, every day since we broke up. She haunted my dream as little as a week ago. It just won't end, but I can deal with it now and handle independence. I am a better man now, well, I AM a man now. I was a dumb little boy when we dated and for four months following the breakup. I just grew up and honestly changed my flaws over the last year, and I can handle meeting someone else down there and starting a life with another person other than her. I am ready to do all of that in a city that fits my life perfectly right now. But, with that said, if I stay NC with her and play the "I'm better than this now, I changed" card while staying NC, and she comes up to me and something sparks between us again, I'm not shutting the door on that either. I know and expect it not to happen, but if it ever did, and as far as I can see right now, I would cautiously let it happen. Some love never dies. We had great chemistry and we were in love, but we both needed to grow up. I know I did and can be my own person in Austin TX.

 

Yet, no matter the circumstances of my future, she will also be there lurking in the shadows. So, I ask you kindly, my good e-friends, is this a hangup I should worry about?

[nowhereman82]

Enjoyed the story...

 

But honestly this one is your call. You move where you get the best job offer. She shouldn't be part of your equation or concern. Just don't contact her.

 

Like you said, #3 place for singles....lots of fish in the see and there are a lot more women then men...so you will be sitting in a good place.

[l0stMike]

Enjoyed the story...

 

But honestly this one is your call. You move where you get the best job offer. She shouldn't be part of your equation or concern. Just don't contact her.

 

Like you said, #3 place for singles....lots of fish in the see and there are a lot more women then men...so you will be sitting in a good place.

 

I agree with that, and I won't be contacting her. Also, she wasn't originally blocked on all communication mediums because I wanted to spite her for not calling me on my birthday. It just got to the point where I didn't want to see or hear what she was doing. I wanted my curiosity to end, and it did for the most part.

 

I'm just wondering if I can move to the same city as her and keep that "strength", if you want to call it that. I think I'm at the point where I can now, but still, it's something to think about. Anyone else have any other thoughts?