Jay34 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 i let her know this was an important talk about our relationship and she knows we could very well be breaking up, i gave her an exact time i would call and she said ok, she did not answer the phone, she has been playing games like this for awhile and i think she is afraid to break it off but this is an insult, it is long distance and we had so much, should i never call her back ?? we have been together almost a year and we know everything about each other, i know she has a problem facing her problems but she is really disrespecting me, i don't know if i should call back or answer her call.
coffeemaker Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Wait for her to return your call and answer if she does. Don't play these stupid phone games. Things happen, perhaps something unexpected came up. If she does not return your call and apologize for missing it, then cut your losses and move on.
Author Jay34 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 she has been doing this for awhile and it's pissing me off, nothing happened she is just afraid of these talks
pinksugah Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I would also suggest that you give her sometime to return the call. Put a magic number of days in your head, let's say 5, and wait until then. If she doesn't call by then, then don't call her or answer her calls unless she came up with a valid and convincing excuse. It's this simple!
Shygirl15 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 If you feel you really need to express things to her and she keeps avoiding calls, drop a harsh email to her. If it was me though, I would have never called her again, ever, forever.
Author Jay34 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 the only reason i haven't dropped her is because i am still really in love with her, and we have been in it for a year but it really hurt me, all i wanted to do was discuss our relationship.
A.G.Doren Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Since you know she is afraid of these types of phone calls why did you even arrange a phone call to talk about your relationship?
Author Jay34 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 that is a very good point, well i guess i shouldn't have done that, either way its something i need to talk to her about and by avoiding it she is keeping me on a string, should i approach her
A.G.Doren Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 that is a very good point, well i guess i shouldn't have done that, either way its something i need to talk to her about and by avoiding it she is keeping me on a string, should i approach her I would give her a little time to call me back. Then I would call her. If you think she is avoiding you for the purpose of manipulating you then you might want to reconsider the relationship. If her avoidance is fear based than she has a problem and I would reccommend showing her some compassion. If you don't hear from her and you call her and you still don't get to talk to her I would assume that she is no longer interested. I would not send her a harsh or angry email as that seems immature to me. Has she been doing this type of thing since your relationship became long distance?
Author Jay34 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 not entirely no, but part of it yes, is there anything i can do to make it work because the last time i visited she was not happy at first but towards the end she seemed very much in love and even told me so, but since i left it went away.
A.G.Doren Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 From my perspective any type of issue or phobia that starts to interfere with the functioing of the relationship has to confronted. Can the relationship function like this? Can you live with her being a little goofy? How long is the relationship going to long distance? Most importantly will she confront it? I have to go, but keep us updated.
Author Jay34 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 well i have been planing to move fairly close to her, within driving distance, not just for her but it happens to work out that way and in her frustration through im'ing she told me she needed a person not just a phone and asked me if i was moving.
Author Jay34 Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 yea she still hasn't called back, im not sure if i should call her yet, it has been 2 days since she was supposed to answer the call and she never called back, i also wonder if its worth telling her im moving close, not for her but it just worked out like that
Ronni_W Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 i let her know this was an important talk ... i gave her an exact time i would call ... this is an insult ... she is really disrespecting me ... it has been 2 days since she was supposed to answer the call You seem to be under wrong impression that she has to jump whenever you tell her to do so. She is not 3 years old and you are NOT her parent. You feel "insulted" and "disrespected" just because she didn't do what you ordered? Seriously? Even though she agreed to your initial demand, she obviously changed her mind about talking with you at that time. She has the right and the authority to do that. She doesn't HAVE to make herself available just because that's what you want, demand and expect. Anyway, why are you bothered over someone who leaves you feeling "insulted" and "disrespected"? And you're right not to tell her that you're moving closer -- it's not for her, anyway, so why would she care? It also doesn't seem that you really intended to break-up with her because you wrote: "i am still really in love with her" and "i have been planing to move fairly close to her, within driving distance," (even though you said, twice, that you're not moving for her.) So honestly, it just sounds like you tried to scare her (bully, control & manipulate her) with your big talk about your "important relationship, we're-gonna-break-up" telephone call, and maybe she decided to just break-up WITHOUT all your drama. She called your bluff, basically. The frustration and other feelings you're experiencing now are the consequence of your own actions, IMO. A tough lesson, but one worth learning.
Author Jay34 Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 is it even worth calling her back, i didn't give her an ultimatum and the call was really more to discuss things, i didn't want to end it and didn't imply it though she did by saying i want a person not a phone, i asked if she wanted to end it and she said no, she asked me if i was right for her ? then said it wouldnt work i deserved better and i asked if she wanted to end it and she said no
A.G.Doren Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 You love her and want to be with her. Tell her your moving closer and don't put stress on the fact that it worked out that way. It is okay for you to make the woman you love a priority.
curiousnycgirl Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 Ronni - i think you are way off base here you cut out some of the relevant parts, like the fact that she agreed to speak at that time. OP - a definition of insanity is someone who continues to do the same thign expecting a different result. Why are you anxious to call her again? Why not drop her an email telling her you are disappointed she did not pick up the phone or call you back - then ask if everything is ok. Then outline the things you had hoped to discuss over the phone. Do it in a postivie/constructive way - as you imply has been your intent all along. Then stop with the dire/ominous warnings about the pending phone calls. If you want to discuss something, just do it. Don't make it feel bad for her - there are most defnitely times that you sound like a parent or authority figure but it doesn't feel like that is your intent
Author Jay34 Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 yea i was thinking about sending her a text message telling her how i understood why she didn't answer the call but i just wanted to discuss where things were headed in a calm way, it kills me to think that it's not even bothering her right now, i mean i just saw her 2 weeks ago and she told me how much she loved me and missed me and wanted to see me again, but all of a sudden it went right back to the old stuff. rarely answering the phone and if she did it was to tell me she would call back and then usually call me near 1-2am, im so confused
Author Jay34 Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 she still hasn't called and im wondering if it is worth it to just send an email and basically explain that i just wanted to discuss things and i know how it's hard for her to express herself on the phone, but its better because you can understand more where someone is coming from if it is a voice and not just text
almost famous Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Absolutely 100% in agreement here, Ronni. Good job. You seem to be under wrong impression that she has to jump whenever you tell her to do so. She is not 3 years old and you are NOT her parent. You feel "insulted" and "disrespected" just because she didn't do what you ordered? Seriously? Even though she agreed to your initial demand, she obviously changed her mind about talking with you at that time. She has the right and the authority to do that. She doesn't HAVE to make herself available just because that's what you want, demand and expect. Anyway, why are you bothered over someone who leaves you feeling "insulted" and "disrespected"? And you're right not to tell her that you're moving closer -- it's not for her, anyway, so why would she care? It also doesn't seem that you really intended to break-up with her because you wrote: "i am still really in love with her" and "i have been planing to move fairly close to her, within driving distance," (even though you said, twice, that you're not moving for her.) So honestly, it just sounds like you tried to scare her (bully, control & manipulate her) with your big talk about your "important relationship, we're-gonna-break-up" telephone call, and maybe she decided to just break-up WITHOUT all your drama. She called your bluff, basically. The frustration and other feelings you're experiencing now are the consequence of your own actions, IMO. A tough lesson, but one worth learning.
D-Lish Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I agree that the "we have to talk" ultimatem probably threw things off. I know I would feel incredibly pressured by that and probably avoid the phone call as well.
Author Jay34 Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 yea i realize now that i shouldn't have brought it up, i hadn't been treating her the way she needed to be for the past few months and she was always crazy about me, but i should have given her some time and not mentioned serious things right away, i don't want to smother her so i won't call, but i will email her Monday, i don't want her to fade out of my life, i don't think thats what she wants anyway, she is very bottled up emotionally and i think thats part of it, as well as clingy but im hoping i get another shot at it, i really feel like we are meant for each other
almost famous Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 That's good you can admit you were in the wrong here. You might have a shot.
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