MusicChick24 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I just dont think No contact works. Because if they are "the one" they will come back nomatter what you do. I do practice LC with my ex however because I want him to realize during our "break" I'm not going to fall over myself for him like I did when we were dating even though I am still very in love with him and want him back. I have proposed the idea of staying close friends since we have been such for 4 years, and hopefully hanging out. I'm going to the mountains soon and I think that will be a reality check for him. I won't be his high school girl anymore, I'll be a SINGLE college girl around other single college guys. And I know he doesn't like that because he has told me he wants me to wait and not persue other guys, so he can be with other girls and figure things out and I told him that wasn't going to happen. If we are on a break I'll persue other things in the meant time. I want him to come back and I hate what he's doing to us but I expressed my feelings and views and now we just talk about other things. Class schedules and such. He has told his family and I haven't told mine. I did what some of the books and stuff say and I've limited contact and made him think I'm totally okay. I told him that I was going to have a great time in the mountains because I would have a chance to do a million things before. No clue what he thinks. He doesn't talk about our break with our mutual friends. If they ask he just says "we are on a break" and leaves it at that. <3
CaliGuy Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Do what you have to but you won't make him want you back. You'll just delay your own healing for a very long time. If I have learned anything it's simply that you can't make someone love you...
Angel1111 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Well, first of all, I agree with you - I'm not a fan of NC at all except in cases where the person has been abusive, or they've behaved in such a way that you don't ever want to speak to them again. Then I think it's totally appropriate to never speak to that person again. But even then, that's just a personal choice and not some pact you need to make with yourself. All this other stuff, I totally do not get. And most people drop it the moment their ex calls, and then they talk about how they broke NC, etc., etc. It seems more like a way to make an unrealistic deal with yourself only to break it. If the purpose is to not call someone because they've broken up with you, well, that's just common sense and really, they've kinda set NC up themselves and you don't have a choice about it. Maybe we're missing something, MusicChick. I just don't get it. I have an ex that I still talk to as a friend and even though it's hard sometimes, I would much prefer to have him in my life as a friend than not at all. He never treated me and I would be a mess if I never spoke to him again. Although, if that's what he wanted, I would honor it - and vice versa. On the other hand, I do have an ex who doesn't deserve one minute of my friendship and I wouldn't speak to him for any reason, nor would it occur to me to even think about contacting him. But again, that's not a pact I've made with myself, it's just something i'm not motivated to do. I think your bf is silly to think he can see other people but wants you to wait. Right. But I will say this, if the two of you have been dating since around 9th grade and are about to go into college, I can kind of understand his need for this break. I think he's very attached to you but, as much as I hate to point it out, the timing is really bad because neither of you have had enough time to yourselves to explore the world and figure out who you are. I'm sure that is what he's struggling with. It's not about you, it's about his need to stretch his wings. And wanting you to wait for him is just his way of clinging to that part of his past that he's not sure he wants to let go of. This is a very touchy situation that could potentially backfire on you - if not now, it can 10 or 15 yrs down the road. Because if he has only been with you, goes thru college, marries you, has kids with you, there is going to come that time when he will become very agitated about missing out on his younger years and exploring his freedom. And you'll probably feel that way, too. This issue will most likely not go away unless you free him completely. I think it's fine that the two of you stay friends but that's going to be very difficult if he or you starts dating someone else in college. Are you prepared for that? But, as you said, if something is meant to be, I believe the two of you will reunite somewhere down the road. Still, don't underestimate this need for freedom at this point in both of your lives. It's very critical to your growth as people and you're both way too young to be this committed to someone.
ahhhchooo Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I look at it this way - anything but NC is a waste of time and hurt feelings. NC lets you get over things faster and make them really miss you. By the time (if ever) you have the option of reconciliation, your head will be far more clear. I'm a sucker for love but I'm not going to let another person trample all over me again and leave me feeling worthless for months/years to come. Life is once and we want to believe that person we loved will come back because it makes sense. But it's so short you also shouldn't waste any time waiting for it
Author MusicChick24 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 Yeah I know he needs this break. And as Angel stated I would feel bad for the BOTH of us if he married me and didn't get the chance to see what else was there because I wouldn't feel loved I would feel like he settled. I think him and I are meant to be, but the fact is NC or no NC if we are meant to be we will end up together. <3
CaliGuy Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 but the fact is NC or no NC if we are meant to be we will end up together. If it's God's plan for you to be with anyone, it will happen....
xpaperxcutx Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Normally NC should be applied when the break up ends badily and you need serious time to distance yourself for healing. There's nothing wrong with not applying it in your situation although I do think it would hold you back in some ways for new budding relationships.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 NC is what you make it. Most people do break it but rue the day they do. Another worthwhile experience earned and gained. If and when you're ready for it, we'll be here to support you through it. More often than not, LCers get tired of being strung along and finally realize that they're being reserved on the backburner, in case the other person can't find anyone better. I do sincerely wish you luck in attempting to maintain a connection, thus potentially saving your relationship. Maybe you'll be one of the few who make it happen.
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