Tripped up Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 My girlfriend and I have been broken up for almost a month. For the first week after the break up we did not speak at all. We then spoke several times on the phone and she surprised me by showing up to my work. That evening we decided to attempt to work things out. That went well for about a week. I was stating the night at her place one night( we were going to a water park the next morning) and she told me she could not work it out with me. The next day I ask if she still wanted to go to the park with me and she said yes! So we went and it was wonderful. At the end of the day she tells me that she does want to be with me she is just not sure how. We spent the next few days together and they were great. Holding hands, went out of town together, kissing, I love you's.....etc. I didnt see her for a couple days, but we spoke on the phone. One night she was upset( had been drinking) and started yelling at me about how she will never find the right person for her. At the end she just hung up on me and would not answer my phone calls. The next day I went to her place with a flower and a note( hoping she wouldnt be there, she was). The note was just something to make her feel better, not begging for anything. I wasnt planning on staying long at all, but then wanted to see a movie. So we went and saw a movie and I stayed the night. More of the same....kissing, I love you, holding hands. I left the next day with her crying saying she loves me and misses me. That was 3 days ago. The last time I spoke to her was 2 days ago, she was upset again, I calmed her down and she said she loved me and will talk to me tomorrow. This is now day 2 of NC. I dont know what to do. Is NC the right move? She seems so wishy washy.
nowhereman82 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Hey bro....she is obviously not emotionally stable enough to work it out at this time. She is obviously conflicted. You need to do what's ebst for you and her and stop talking to her so she can go through her emotional rollercoaster. You just confuse her at this point I imagine. She is torn. Just going to hurt yourself at this point in time man.
Water Tiger 08 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Right, go for the happy chicks; not the confused depressed ones. You can't cure them they can only cure themselves. I've heard there's actually a few happy chicks out there LOL. Water
Author Tripped up Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 Its so damn hard. I dont understand how she can be so sweet, nice, and loving me one second, but then not even care to call me for 2 days??!!!??!! Maybe I am making myself too available??? I have been putting forth a ton of the effort, and simply recieve not even one phone call in 2 days. I dont understand how it can be that easy for someone to go from loving you and crying that you are leaving, to not even bothering to talk to me. Blows my mind. This NC stuff is hard hard hard hard. I want nothing more than to call her right now, but I am trying my best not to. I am so damn lost.....
Author Tripped up Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 So she ended up calling me yesterday. I answered and we had a good talk. Nothing too serious but she still got off the phone with I love you's and I miss you's. Today I called her and she was in a very different mood, much happier I guess(which is good). After talking for a little bit she mentioned that she had some margaritas the night before with some of the people that live around her, including the son of one of the ladies. So in a moment of weakness I asked her if she had any feeling for this particular guy. She said she didnt, but it wouldnt matter if she did. Does someone who says they love you, care for you, miss you repond like that? Not sure if I am being used, as in just here for when she needs me. Funny thing is we were going to go see a movie this saturday. Makes no sense whatsoever. Any more advice......I am just trying to feel out thoughts and opinions....How she can go from one extreme to the other is beyond me.....how she can just seemingly leave me out of her thoughts and heart, but all of a sudden realize that she loves me and misses me is beyond me.....what does this sound like to you guys???
BackonTrack Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I don't think there is anything you can do. When things get like that, its best to just give her space and don't contact her. She doesn't want to be with you sexually anymore but probably doesn't want to loose you. I do not have much experience on these topics and I cannot give any valid advise. What I can say is, it is clear she is confused and uncertain of her future and uncertain of your relationship status. But its not about her, its about you and your feelings. Pretend for a moment someone is telling you the following situtation. Hey Peter, I have a girlfriend, she is acting weird and I think she's unhappy. She keeps going from one extreme to the next extreme, its so bizaree that I'm starting to get as confused as her. I would tell peter this, Peter, she's a female. I don't know what I can tell you, all my girlfriends left me and I'm not married. But I do realize that passionate sex tends to snap them back into focus. I had something like this happen to me before, my ex was so confused she made me confused, I didn't know what to do, I was just rolling along with the punches instead of being proactive to the situation. In the end, she made up her mind to leave. So whats your situation? In your heart you know whats going on. So I ask you, tell us what do you think is happening?
Author Tripped up Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 I think she is angry at the situation. Angry at me. But at the same time missing me. I believe she has kept contact with her EX in order to replace what I gave her in support. She would make comments to me about how it was nice to have someone who knew about her past and could relate. I almost feel as though I am being kept here while she works her own things out, but in the end those plans may not involve me. I was debationg on whether or not to tell what follows. When I had spoke to her a few days ago, she had mentioned a dream that she had about us. It was her and I and our baby.( Niether of us have children) She said something along the lines of it kinda made her miss me more and want to rethink the break up. That evening I spoke to her again. This time she was asking me to come visit her so I could get her pregnant and she could have a baby. Turns out this wasnt a joke either. I asked her the obvious....what about marriage....having a daddy around....support...etc.....She didnt want any of that. No committment to me. Yesterday she told me that it would have been a way for me to stay in her life no matter what happened, but she was happy I said no. (this is when I realized she was being serious.) I do not feel at liberty to give out too much info about her. But there is one more thing that may help anyone understand or give advice. She is Bi-Polar. I also have a very big fear that our breakup may be sending her on a Manic phase.......anyways thanks for your responses in advance.
Author Tripped up Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 We were supposed to see each other today. Instead we spoke about how she needs time for herself and cannot heal or focus on herself when I am around. She says I tend to just confuse her more and more. So I have decided to do the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Let her go. I love her, and I believe its best for her. I write sometimes....just my thoughts and emotions. Kinda let everything just pour out. Below is what I wrote while grinding the decision in my head. It helped put what I should do in perspective. Day 1 NC starts now. Have you ever had something so wonderful, so meaningful or so extraordinary that you have no idea why you were blessed with what you have?? I have. I was blessed with an incredible girlfriend whom I loved dearly. She had it all, looks, personality, and a great mind and soul. I had never connected with someone on a level like her. Simply put, she was the most intriguing person I have ever met, and I loved her and respected her for that. So why do things not work out like you think they should? Man, thats the million dollar question right there. Why do people do things they do? Can people make mistakes and recover from them? Can such a wonderful thing survive ups and downs?? Does love conquer all? Maybe love isnt enough all the time.......but it sure as hell is a good start! So when do you let go of something so dear to you?? How do you determine what is right and what is wrong? I figured out the answer to that question today. When you truly love someone, you do what is best for them. No matter how hard, or how much you will miss them, you have to let them go. It's not easy, in fact its the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do. Loving someone involves putting thier needs before yours. I have always done that for her, and there isnt any reason for this to be any different. It's saying "I love you" without ever saying the words.
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