wonaholla Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 After reading alot of posts, I was just thinking about my most recent breakup and wanted some input. My ex and I broke up in February which kinda took me by surprise. After I thought about it, I realized that I hadn't been the best boyfriend the previous few months. We had been friends for about 3 years but had always been attracted to each other. Actually, when we first met, it started out as a little more than friends but never got to the boyfriend/girlfriend level. Then last July, we started hanging out and talking more and one thing led to another. I never cheated on her or abused her, but I was just miserable at my job and since she was the one who was always around. At the end of January I took a new job and was immediately happier and even started being better to her. Then one evening in early February she just said she was done. Now we had already had a nice evening planned for Valentines Day and everything and I had plans to really go out of my way and make things up to her. I had bought her a promise ring to show her I was serious about us and had a whole everning planned. We ended up just going to dinner anyways and that didn't turn out too well. I was hurt and of course made the common mistakes that everyone makes (calling/texting) but we still kinda talked alot. Over the next couple months, we continued to talk and everythng but never saw each other. I really took that time to better myself and in early April I actually met someone else that I was attracted to. Now I still loved my ex, but she wasn't sure about us, yet still didn't want me to see anyone else. So I went out with the new girl, and we had a good time, but neither of us wanted anything serious. I just went to keep my mind off of things. I never told my ex but its like she sensed it. She basically started calling and texting and we ended up hanging out and she acted like she wanted to work things out. When I finally give in after a few weeks, she cant seem to get over the past so of course we argue. We continue talking and then end up going out for a nice dinner on her birthday in June which was actually a nice night. We start talking about things again but she still cant seem to get over the past. I ask her why she builds me up just to tear me down and she said she doesnt. So it gets to the point where Im hurt again and back to square one ( calling/texting) which is of course not the right thing to do when youre trying to get someone back because it does push them away. Now since February, I had listened to everything she complained about and had molded myself into a much better guy and worked on any issues that she had. Last month, I realize how hurt she still is and she tells me that she is still hurt and what really hurts is that she sees how much Ive changed but its probably just too late. We actually get along again for a week or so and then out of nowhere she just says what would make her happy is if I would just leave her alone and that shes not hurt anymore and that Im just a jerk and she hates me. I truly have been nothing but nice for months and never even really brought a relationship up either. Anyways, she knew about the promise ring for a couple months and still wanted it. I asked why she would want it and wear it if she didn't want to be with me because it wouldn't have any meaning but she never gave me an answer. So finally, after just getting fed up with everything and her asking about it, I tell her if to come get it if she thinks its appropriate for her to accept it. I didnt think she would come but sure enough she does, so I kept my word and just handed it to her not saying much. We text for a couple more days and then all of a sudden, she just quits responding to my texts. I didn't send many and wasn't saying much when I did (What's up, etc.) but never heard from her. I was a little ticked about her taking that ring and then pulling this so I was curious why she did it. Then I find out she blocked me from sending her a message on myspace or facebook too. So basically, I just have quit wasting my time for the last few weeks and just let her be. Is it wrong for her to take that promise ring like that and what do you think could be going through her head? Im just really confused right now.
nowhereman82 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 If she breaks up with you its generally considered right to give you the option if you want it back. If you break up with her she gets to keep it. But those are just guidelines...in the end it was a gift. It's rightfully hers.
Ronni_W Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Is it wrong for her to take that promise ring like that and what do you think could be going through her head? Not "wrong", really. Maybe "materialistic" or "delusional" or whatever -- it depends on what she was thinking at the time, which only she knows for sure. My question, though: What was going through YOUR head when you offered to give her the ring...and then when you actually gave it? (Was it really just a case of "I got too weak-willed so I allowed myself to be worn down by her"? Cos then you wanna take steps to ensure THAT never happens to you again, right?)
Author wonaholla Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 Yea..good point. I just couldnt return it and had had it for months. I mean I bought it in January and she didn't get it until the beginning of July. At the time we were still communicating, but that stopped a couple days after she took the ring..very materialistic in my opinion...I just dont understand why a girl would want something like that that is supposed to mean and stand for something when they wont even talk to you. And she broke up with me so should she have given it back? Granted, we were broken up before she got it but I honestly didn't think she would truly think it was right to accept it given the situation. She has always just been so back and forth with what she wants so that's whay threw me off I guess.
The Collector Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Funny how (some) women say something is a problem, and when a man changes to please her, it's 'too late.' It's as if the first thing was never much of a problem really, and the act of changing to please her is what actually put her off. Also, funny how (some) women are really into you when there's some competition, but cool off when they've won the battle. Like it was only ever really about their ego.
Author wonaholla Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 Yea, it is funny how they seem to just know when theres competition. And to be honest, I haven't even tried to contact her for over a week. Im actually kinda glad I got to see how shallow she was by wanting that ring and then cutting off all forms of comunication with me as soon as she gets it. I mean we have been "broken up" since February even though we saw each other off and on but the communication was always there. Now its gone that she gets this ring that she know meant so much to me and obviously didn't mean anything to her. Thats why I always be confused about why she ever wanted it.
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