Beee Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Some background info first I guess.... I've been working with the guy who left me for about 3 years. Most of this time was spent hardly knowing he existed. We occasionally used to socialise out of work with other colleagues, but that was it. In the past year we started talking more and more. Just before Christmas we saw each other out of work a couple of time, but all very friendly and nothing happened. Over the Christmas holidays we txted one another.... and then, back in January it all come together and we started dating. I wanted to keep it very casual to begin with as I had been hurt a couple of times and quite badly in the past. We are also very different people, he's 2 years younger than me and into very different things for me. I half expected it not to last long. Things seemed to progress well and we even started telling our close colleagues at work. The casual seeing each other turned into a proper relationship and as I strated trusing him more and more things got better and better. He made me feel loved and respected for who I am (as from the beginning I told him I wouldn't play any mind games or put up with any) and always told me how beautiful I was. Things I thought were going really really well... but I think the relationship "calmed" down after about 5 months and maybe we slipped into some form of routine. We spent more time together and maybe did less of our own things (on our own).... and this is where I think it all started going wrong. He is a very driven person and always looks for a challenge. I was not an "easy" catch and made sure that I saw my friends. But the more I trusted him the more we became involved in each other's lives (and maybe less in our own??). About 10 days ago, after he'd spent most of the week being in a bad mood, he came over and told me we needed to talk. He said he still thought I was an amazing person and cared for me very much, but he flet that he couldn't be with me. That maybe his feelings hadn't grown as he had expected them to. He felt horrible and said it was probably one of the toughest things he has ever had to do, but thought it wouldn't have been fair to be with me. He told me he loved spending time with me and (and only if I agreed to it) wanted to try and be friends. After a horrible weekend and a very hard week last week I'm now still standing. We haven't really seen each other out of work (except one evening last week when he came over again to talk things through - and I managed to be relatively cool about the whole thing). I got a couple of txts from him over the past weekend and a few emails from him at work. If I am honest I think the relationship became less of a challenge, less stimulating and sunk more into routine. As I said he is a very driven person and I think was missing the thrill of not being sure whether he would see me or not, whether I would be busy doing my own thing or not. We work in the same place, 3 doors down from each other, so not seeing him is not an option. I bump into him every day. So far I have managed not to send him any txt's (only in response to his). I kind of mentioned a casual light hearted dinner some time but leaving it up to him. Its hard sat in the office, knowing he's only a few doors down. Its hard to see him and act casual. Its hard to see him come into my office for a chat, while all I can think is how much I want him to hold me and kiss me (please don't be sick). Its quite obvious that I can't really do the whole NC thing properly.... Does seeing him in the office and being happy and cheerful, making him think I'm ok and getting on with my life, work the same? What makes me want him back is the way I thought we worked really well together..... Any suggestions welcome..... Thank you!
saams Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 bad situation really, but i think you should go out and date some people and show him life is just fine without him in it. and avoid contact with him as much as possible, just focus on your work while your in the office and dont talk to him about relationship or feelings or anything like that, keep it simple with him and dont let him close to you. if he really loves you he is gonna miss you and eventually start talking more and more to you, if not then it really doesnt matter becourse he doesnt love you anymore and there is nothing you can do to change it.
0hpenelope Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Disclaimers appropriate here again. NC is "Me" time. You focus on what heals you. It's one of the tools - not the only tool - to help you get over the ex. NC should not be used to manipulate an ex to come back - it doesn't work that way. Free will doesn't work that way. How does NC work if I want him back? Well, for starters... he can't miss me if I'm around. He can't miss me if I'm moping - who likes having Debbie Downers in their lives? So I'm not around. I'm unavailable. If I see him, I avoid him like he's a walking, breathing HIV. Am I moping that he's not around? Nah. I used to, but I'm happy now. I'm doing things I like doing and while he's on my mind everyday, it's not as all consuming as it used to me. My hobbies have never made me cry. NC works when you accept that your guy is never going to come back. That's the biggest hump of NC, but when you're over it... Then you really work on getting a semblance of your old self back. It's really basic stuff. I'm not undermining your feelings - and if only the Great LS Blackout didn't happen my past posts will reflect just how much feeling we have (or had? I don't know) in common towards our exes - but it's the feelings that cloud what we need to do. Also: Prof. Elie Wiesel. Wise man.
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