HiItsMe Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I noticed a trend among women that, as a man, and asking a woman to "get together" Should you "assume" it's a date. What indicates "a date", to me...two single, available people of the opposite sex getting together, alone for an activity or an event to get to know each other better. But sometimes, some women might taken aback when you suddenly say, "So, you ready for our "date" Saturday. And they go, "woah woah woah, hold on here...what made you think it was a date?" Then it ALL goes down hill from there. For instance, had a situation like that happen with me, but it didn't get as far as calling it a date. I asked a woman to get together with me, and she agreed to it, then a few days later, she calls me back and she asked me, "Um...when you talked about "getting together" you meant as friends, and not a date, right?" And I said, "Well, what did you think it was?" After that the conversation got seriously awkward, and she mentioned, "Well, I thought we were just getting together as friends." I said, "Well, no actually, I thought it would be a date." We had met at a gathering with other friends, and she said she'd just prefer to see me when we go out as a group. At any rate, our plans were cancelled simply because of a misunderstanding of what "getting together" is about between a man and a woman. ANOTHER situation happened. I met this woman at a bookstore, she was the manager of the place, and she was assigned there rather recently. I talked to her back and forth for a while, and I asked her if she'd like to get lunch together? She agreed to it, and we had l unch....during our lunch, she mentions "the boyfriend" I was completely mortified....I stopped her right there and said, in a calm fashion, "So your boyfriend doesn't mind it when strange men ask you out to lunch that you join them?" And she goes, "No, he doesn't mind that I have friends" First of all, I'm a complete stranger to this woman, so I guess I was friendzoned from the get go...but I told her I thought it was inappropriate to do what she did. So I never bothered with her anymore. My question is. 1. If you call it a date, you might scare her off from the get go because she might think you're practically proposing marraige toher when you call it that. 2. Just go out together and enjoy each others time without calling it anything? 3. Go out together, enjoy each other's time, and then get this awkward misunderstanding that it was NOT date (or so SHE, typically the woman, thought)? Anyone? I feel kind of silly saying, "Just thought I'd remind you, you DO realize that we are going out on "A DATE", right?"
sultry33 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 hi op... im normally screened before i go on a date during the "chatup" im asked something about my bf/husband etc.. if im interested i reply im single.. if not i lie;) maybe you need to introduce something similar in your tecnique.. although i have not had another date since a few weeks back.. it really is quite scary/awkward really..
Author HiItsMe Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 hi op... im normally screened before i go on a date during the "chatup" im asked something about my bf/husband etc.. if im interested i reply im single.. if not i lie;) maybe you need to introduce something similar in your tecnique.. although i have not had another date since a few weeks back.. it really is quite scary/awkward really.. LOL...good basic technique there. Actually, I had meet her at a social gathering amongst friends at a restaurant, then emailed her later one, we had emailed back and forth, then I put my feelers out and I asked her if she was single, and she says, "Yes, I am single, and you?" So she she added the...."And you?" part...because she wanted to confirm that I am indeed single as well, so I think it was a good sign. I even asked her about her single status with, "So, why are you still single" and she gave me a good reply back with, It's hard to meet guys that aren't hot headed or have emotional issues or possessive" or something to that effect. So she felt comfortable telling me about her basic "Why am I still single" questions. lol We have made plans to get together so, I just wanted to know what was up with the whole "is it a date" thing. Oh, what is so "Scarey and awkward" for you?
sultry33 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 LOL...good basic technique there. Actually, I had meet her at a social gathering amongst friends at a restaurant, then emailed her later one, we had emailed back and forth, then I put my feelers out and I asked her if she was single, and she says, "Yes, I am single, and you?" So she she added the...."And you?" part...because she wanted to confirm that I am indeed single as well, so I think it was a good sign. I even asked her about her single status with, "So, why are you still single" and she gave me a good reply back with, It's hard to meet guys that aren't hot headed or have emotional issues or possessive" or something to that effect. So she felt comfortable telling me about her basic "Why am I still single" questions. lol We have made plans to get together so, I just wanted to know what was up with the whole "is it a date" thing. Oh, what is so "Scarey and awkward" for you? seems the one you emailed is quite open then so yes id say it was a "date" date 1 anyway.. lol scary and awkward for me... erm because im not over my ex yet.. so for me it would be just friends.. on my 1st date when i thought id be ok to date it was scary and awkward as we both had come out of rs and both kinda clicked.. except i didnt like the way he kissed me.. was quite rough' y know.. seemed strange trying kiss someone after kissin same guy for 4yrs;) on the date itself it was fun.. friendly and we had good conversation.. bit of flirting, but after date 1.. he was very attentive.. infact too much that he scared me away.. after that i began to think that im just not ready and so it be unfair to date atm.. its also scary meeting new people as you get used to someone and now your meeting someone new who could be opposite to what you like.. it can be hit an miss.. its also hard to not judge and compare:o i only decided to date again after reading that it can help.. but i think for time being im better as one;)
imbewildered Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 My question is. 1. If you call it a date, you might scare her off from the get go because she might think you're practically proposing marraige toher when you call it that. 2. Just go out together and enjoy each others time without calling it anything? 3. Go out together, enjoy each other's time, and then get this awkward misunderstanding that it was NOT date (or so SHE, typically the woman, thought)? Anyone? I feel kind of silly saying, "Just thought I'd remind you, you DO realize that we are going out on "A DATE", right?" Dude, you need to devise a surefire method of screening out the users, and losers who either have a B/f but still want MORE male attention ( it is their drug of choice) or want free dinners, movies, and entertainment on your dollar. The situation that you wrote about in which women say "..we are just friends, right" is just plain stupid. Women know that men date women to haves sex or audition her for an LTR, not to add to his circle of "friends". No man I know seeks out women for "friendship". YOu are doing OK. If you hear that crap about being "friends", just assume that she has no romantic interest in you or you are about to be played for what she can extract out of you.
Star Gazer Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Men and women CAN be friends. When FRIENDS "get together," they...get together. When a man and a woman get together with romantic intention, that's when it's a date.
Author HiItsMe Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 Dude, you need to devise a surefire method of screening out the users, and losers who either have a B/f but still want MORE male attention ( it is their drug of choice) or want free dinners, movies, and entertainment on your dollar. The situation that you wrote about in which women say "..we are just friends, right" is just plain stupid. Women know that men date women to haves sex or audition her for an LTR, not to add to his circle of "friends". No man I know seeks out women for "friendship". YOu are doing OK. If you hear that crap about being "friends", just assume that she has no romantic interest in you or you are about to be played for what she can extract out of you. Well, we hadn't mentioned disussion of money usage, however, we did agree to go biking together, and she said I could use one of her bikes...and and I offered up in appreciation for letting me use her bike, I'd buy her lunch/dinner. Day date more than likely...so lunch. But are there men who spend money on women, who these women just call friends and not dates?
sultry33 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Dude, you need to devise a surefire method of screening out the users, and losers who either have a B/f but still want MORE male attention ( it is their drug of choice) or want free dinners, movies, and entertainment on your dollar. The situation that you wrote about in which women say "..we are just friends, right" is just plain stupid. Women know that men date women to haves sex or audition her for an LTR, not to add to his circle of "friends". No man I know seeks out women for "friendship". YOu are doing OK. If you hear that crap about being "friends", just assume that she has no romantic interest in you or you are about to be played for what she can extract out of you. you know im not so sure women do know this.. my ex used to tell me that any guy who says they want to be your friend or any guy that was my friend just wants to sleep with me:eek: i honestly never saw it the same way.. but since being single i think i can see your point and his.. it is a shame though that women cannot just be friends with a guy.. i have guys that i class as friends only who i go out with and i treat them fair.. pay my way.. by them dinner.. drink too, so to me im not leading them on or taking advantage, but i do sometimes think i hope they dont want more:love:
jadedone Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I think it's time for HOllywood to remake 'When Harry Met Sally". People seem to have forgotten the truth about male-female friendship.
sultry33 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I think it's time for HOllywood to remake 'When Harry Met Sally". People seem to have forgotten the truth about male-female friendship. ive never seen that film except for the orgasm bit maybe thats why...
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