stevoswanson Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Hi Guys, I am new to the board and website. I was searching around the internet and ran into this awesome site. Here is my story and it would be great if someone would please give me some advice on my relationship. I am in a tough situation. My name is Sean and i am a 24 year old male. I have been with my high school sweet heart for 6 years. I have known her since the eight grade. I come from a family of just my Dad and my Brother. My Mom was a drug addict and was in and out of my life. As of 5 years ago she has been in my life and thank god she has kicked her drug habit. My Dad raised me and my brother and he always had girls come in and out of his life including my step mom who i consider my mom and has raised me since i was a kid. After my step mom and dad had divorced i always remember my dad telling me and my brother that we need to go to school and then get married after. It never really dawned on me and you will soon read the correlation on why i am telling you this. Fast forward to my Junior year in high school and my girl friend and i deciding that we want to be together. We never fought, it seemed like we were in a perfect relationship. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. We spend everyday together and it was great. Before our Senior year her mom decided to move to a different town that happened to be 30 miles away from our life and school. Her mom taught in the same area and so there was never the need to transfer schools. We both made a lot of sacrifices such as giving up our friends to be with each other. She had a different circle of friends and i was a popular person in high school and pretty much got a long with everyone. I graduated a semester early and decided it was best for me to take her to school everyday. At the time it was no problem, gas was only a dollar a gallon and i didn't want to spend any time away from her. As the years went on we became a lot more serious. We loved each other very much and pretty much did what we had to do to see each other everyday. If i wasn't with her then it was a strange day. Here is when the problem began I live in Utah (i am not mormon, neither is she). The best way i can describe Utah is that we live in a bubble and the Mormon church and local government does everything in its power to protect Utah from the real society. Utah has a real problem with teen pregnancy, people getting married to young and filing bankruptcy, etc. Now i know every state my seem like this but i can honestly tell you that Utah has a higher rates on what i have listed above. Being together for three years now people would always ask us "when are you getting married". These were words i dreaded for a few reasons. Reason A - My dad had always crammed "graduate from college, get a career, then get married". Reason B - It was none of any ones business when we were getting married. When people would ask this question i would always say a sarcastic remark because that is how i hide uncomfortable situations. Every time i would say a remark it began to hurt her and she started to get the idea that maybe i didn't want to marry her. In year four we did a lot of partying with some of her old friends from high school. She got into the myspace thing and ran into an old friend. My GF and her friend went out on a few dates before we were together. What i didn't know was that even though we were together he was always trying to get her to break up with me and he was trying to get in her pants. This caused a few problems but after having a long talk we both decided that the guy was a loser and that she would no longer talk to him. I really thought this was the end of her looking for other guys but this is where the problem lies today. Fast forward to year six of our realationship and up until about two months ago i thought we were going to get married. We purchased a condo, had some credit cards tied to each other. And my truck is in both of our names. I didn't really worry about it because i knew that we would be together forever. In December of 2007 i finally committed to her and told her that i want to marry her. In January we went ring shopping. I hadn't asked her and took her along because she is a very picky girl and is very materialistic. I bought the ring and like a dumbass i brought it home and showed her. She got her hopes up and i had planned on asking her to marry her in a fancy way because she told me that is what she wanted. Before January of 2008 my job was awesome and i was pulling in just under 5k a month by myself. Money was never an issue. However, come January the economy tooka dump and i was only making enough money to pay the bills with our paychecks combine. So this dream of asking her to marry me in a fancy had slowly started to disappear. Again like a dumbass i would dangle the ring in front of her face and joke around about it. I would use the term "a carrot on a rope". No matter how fast you ran at the carrot you are never going to get it. Now i didn't mean this and it was all a joke to me but this really hurt her. At the time of me buying the ring she started to get some second thoughts about our relationship. She was getting the urge to date other people and of course it didn't help the cause when i was acting like a dick and dangling the the ring in front of her. If i could go back i would honestly asked her to marry me ASAP so that there was never a doubt in her mind. But i screwed up and am paying for it now. Fastforward to July 4th. When i bought the ring and someone had asked if i was going to marry her i would say "soon". I slipped up said something sarcastic and i believe that was the straw that broke the cammels back. Few days later she tells me that she wants to date other people. I thought she was joking, she wasn't. Right around the last week of July she started to act funny. It was always "Babe, can you do this" or "Babe can you do that". It was now "Sean, can you do this", etc. Now she can be a very jealous person and become very sneaky. She always had the habbit of reading my phone to see if i was talking to other girls which in the six years of being together i never did. I was a good boy. I got this idea of checking her phone to show her how i feel when she checks mind. Come to find out she is talking to another boy. This boy happened to be Mormon and just got back from his mission. This is totally odd because Mormon boys are not her type. I will admit i was jealous and hurt. I began to ask question and all she tells me is that "we are just friends". Now i heard that before and luckily it ended good. I had 100% trust in her, so it didn't bother me. Then i began to think about what she said about dating other guys and put 2 and 2 together. I asked about it again and she told me that this guy had asked her out and she had accepted. I was freaking out, i couldn't believe the girl i was going to marry accepted to go out on a date with another boy. I can't imagine to tell you how hurt i was. Last weekend she goes out on her date while i sit at home. I figured it would have been a date where she meets him somewhere, he pays for dinner, she comes back home. Come to find out it is a double date and they go back to his house to play fricken Guitar Hero. Nothing wrong with the game but if you are going to WOW a girl you don't bust our Hero. She didn't get home until 2 AM. I was so pissed off and hurt, i couldn't believe it. Again she insisted that they are just friends. The next morning we have a long conversation about where our realtionship is going and she tells me she is confused and that our relationship is on hold. Again i was hurt. I am not going to lie this one stung an bit. That night she has a bachlerette party to go to. I was like ok, cool. I will go out with my brother in law and watch the UFC fight. The fight gets over, i am drunk as hell. I get home and pass out. I remember getting home at 11PM. I pass out on the couch. During the time i am passed out she comes home, sees that i am passed out, supposedely tells me that she will be right back. I woke up and called her and all i got was the voicemail. I called a few more times and then the thoughts started running through my head about where is she, who is she with, what is she doing, why is she doing this, etc. She didn't get home until 4AM. She went to her party, left the party and met the Mormon boy and they talked the whole night. At this point i am livid but i am so hurt that i get very upset and begin to cry in front of her. I don't cry much, out of our six year relationship i have only cried three times. I can honestly tell you that my heart is broken. She tells me she doesn't know how long it is going to take to find herself and find out what she wants with our relationship, whether that is to stay or go. I am a glass half empty person and i expect the worst. So in the back of my mind i know that we are done and it is a matter of time before she realizes it. We are financially attached to each other so it makes it harder. I have told her that if she plans on staying out that late every weekend that i cannot stay and go through that again, she basically told me that i need to do what i need to do. I have arrangements to stay with my sister for a bit but eventually i will have to find something a little more permanant. The only thing i can think of is just dating other people but i really don't want to and am not ready for it. I know i did a lot of things wrong but i really hope there is a chance we stay together because i do want to spend my life with her. I just don't think she feels the same way. I didn't mean for this post to be so long but this is just me venting online. I need some advice guys.
saams Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Imo ignore her for abit, go date other people and show her your living a happy life without her.. i see it this way.. if she really loves you, she'll miss you alot and contact you, if not she has no more love for you or is not interested in making it work and then there is nothing you can do about it anyway.. you should completly stop talking to her for awile, when you then talk after awhile let her know how you feel but in a verry gentle way and dont sound desperate or needy.
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