Walking into ex while out...

[df273]

I've been broken up with my ex for 2.5 months now (3.5yr relationship, lived together 3+yrs). She feed me a bunch of lies, and broke it with me. I still care about her a lot and i still want to know how she is doing and what she is doing, even if it is with another guy (yea i know, i'm still healing), but she keeps running into me while out.

 

The last time we talked was July 19th, when i got the remainder of my belongings. (i was strong this day, and she knew it) Since then, i do my best to keep my distance. I've seen her on the bus every now and then, which is unavoidable. Over the last 2-3 weeks, i've ran into her at a bar i like. i have intentionally avoided a couple bars which she always liked and frequented, but she does not seem to have the same respect for me. She always comes with her new guy friend (she met via myspace from 300miles away, wow), and goes out of her way to make it known to me. (There is 3 entrances to the place, but she always takes the 1 which i sit by.) When i do run into her, finish my drinks and take off to else where. Funny thing is, when i first started to go back to the bar after our breakup, a waitress took a picture of me there (without me knowing) and sent it to her via cell. I found out about it a week later. it wasn't till a week after that did we start walking into eachother.

 

Why the hell is she doing this, and what should i do? i don't want to see her like this, and i have enough respect to give her the other good bars. I don't want to talk to her (to tell her back the **** up0). i don't want to have to give in and abandoned that place too. I know i most likely will have to break my routine as much as i dont want to. the more i see her/them, the more i want to expose her for the scum she really is, not just to him, but her friends and family as well.

 

ty for taking the time to read my rant

[0hpenelope]

Why the hell is she doing this, and what should i do? i don't want to see her like this, and i have enough respect to give her the other good bars. I don't want to talk to her (to tell her back the **** up0). i don't want to have to give in and abandoned that place too. I know i most likely will have to break my routine as much as i dont want to. the more i see her/them, the more i want to expose her for the scum she really is, not just to him, but her friends and family as well.

 

ty for taking the time to read my rant

 

Bro, this is totally a good opportunity for you to be 100% class act.

 

Don't be vindictive. The revenge thing is so high school/ middle school status. Hard lesson I learned about my thing with Lawrence: just because he treated me one way doesn't mean he's going to treat anyone else the same. In fact, he's going to treat them better. Good for those girls, too bad for me. I just have to take it for what it is. Besides, the revenge thing only serves as an interesting plot twister in a scripted scenario. Those shiny Hollywood actors and actresses look good as vindictive people - something us average Joes and Sues aren't... really. We probably look crazy as vindictive individuals.

 

Say, you don't want to see her at your familiar haunts, huh? Well... if you don't want to see her and she keeps going to 'em, then you might have to change your routines. Remember: your focus is all on you, bro. Or! Or you put your foot down and say "You know... Eff this, ok? I'm too old, I've give you too much of myself already, and I'm not going to change my routine just for you. I'm going to stay here in my favorite club." Then ignore her. Ignore her like you've never ignored anything in your life. She's the annoying song that got stuck in your head and you want to get rid of super badly. She's the host of the newly mutated Bubonic Plague. She's what candy is to diabetics. Whatever analogy works for you, stick with it. Anything to get you to avoid her if she's in "your" club or wherever you're at.

 

Sounds like you've maintained NC and ignore her. Another lesson learned from my personal Lawrencegate: people hate being ignored. They can handle having someone mad at them - anger is fleeting and they know that they have some semblance of that angered person's attention. But indifference? Indifference means you really don't care at all. No one likes knowing that someone doesn't give a rat's butt about them. Indifference also gives an Ace or a trump card: it gives you a cool, detached head. And a cool head definitely wins over a bothered person's head.

 

Good luck!

[saams]

your best revenge is to show her your much happier without her..

 

dont change anything, dont leave the place when she gets there, stay there and have a good time, just completly ignore her.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Either keep going and just enjoy yourself. Try to forget she is there and focus on having a good time. Go with a big group of mates and just have NATURAL fun nothing too phony or obvious. Just be natural - like you don't even know her. If this becomes too difficult for whatever reason then you might want to try some new places, perhaps you'll even like them better? The truth is you shouldn't HAVE to break your routines but if you are in the healing process and seeing her sets you back or causes you hurt, it might be the best thing for you. In break-ups where you have similar friendship circles or social haunts, it can be difficult to keep your social life the same whilst dealing with the break-up therefore you might need to alternate things somewhat if you truly do not wish to see her.

[mark982]

i'm not a fan of running. man up, go have fun and just act like youu don't care if she's there or not.

[JooLee]

i dont know but i find it weird and harsh that you are not acknowledging her existence. how can you just throw someone out of your life just like that? yes she did a bad thing ( you didnt mention in details what exactly) and you got hurt real bad. i understand all that. but doesnt everyone deserve a second chance?

 

clearly she is not over you. and perharps she goes to all these places in hopes when you see her you will soften up and talk etc. perharps she's struggling herself with the loss of you, suffering everyday with you in her head, and being compeltely miserable. sometimes at nights, she'll cry herself to sleep. people make mistakes. to err is human. and if she's sorry about it, doesnt she deserve forgiveness?

 

if you think she's being everywhere jus to giv revenge or whatsoever, that is definitely not it. in fact i can bet she's suffering more than you are. to shut someone out of your life just like that is the meanest thing a loved one could do. you dont have to give up your fav bars and so on because once she realises that she's just hurting herself by being there, she'll avoid all the places that reminds you of her altogether. you're on the winning end here- not her.

[SweetTux]

i dont know but i find it weird and harsh that you are not acknowledging her existence. how can you just throw someone out of your life just like that? yes she did a bad thing ( you didnt mention in details what exactly) and you got hurt real bad. i understand all that. but doesnt everyone deserve a second chance?

 

clearly she is not over you. and perharps she goes to all these places in hopes when you see her you will soften up and talk etc. perharps she's struggling herself with the loss of you, suffering everyday with you in her head, and being compeltely miserable. sometimes at nights, she'll cry herself to sleep. people make mistakes. to err is human. and if she's sorry about it, doesnt she deserve forgiveness?

 

if you think she's being everywhere jus to giv revenge or whatsoever, that is definitely not it. in fact i can bet she's suffering more than you are. to shut someone out of your life just like that is the meanest thing a loved one could do. you dont have to give up your fav bars and so on because once she realises that she's just hurting herself by being there, she'll avoid all the places that reminds you of her altogether. you're on the winning end here- not her.

 

Why should he want to talk to her? It seems more like shes doing it to make him sad or angry... shes purposely going to this bar that she knows he's going to now with her new guy from 300miles away that she met on myspace!! I mean come on now... This is no way to try to soften him up to talk to him.

 

Anyways... df273.. I agree with the others when they say that you should just stay there and enjoy yourself. Keep trying to have fun and just ignore her. Go sit in a different entrance and when she walks in she won't see u and might just leave because she might just be there to ruin your right. If she is then you leaving lets her win, so just stay and show her you are good and having fun without her! Be strong!

[wareagle]

Joo Lee, that is the biggest load of bull**** I have read on LS in a long time!!! Come on she broke his heart, and now she's prancing some knucklehead around in front of him!! You think she wants him back? Where is your head at?

[wareagle]

Oh and how is he on the winning end here? His heart got broken!!! She is suffering more than he is that's why she is out with some dude she met on myspace, give me a break!!!

[0hpenelope]

i dont know but i find it weird and harsh that you are not acknowledging her existence. how can you just throw someone out of your life just like that? yes she did a bad thing ( you didnt mention in details what exactly) and you got hurt real bad. i understand all that. but doesnt everyone deserve a second chance?

 

clearly she is not over you. and perharps she goes to all these places in hopes when you see her you will soften up and talk etc. perharps she's struggling herself with the loss of you, suffering everyday with you in her head, and being compeltely miserable. sometimes at nights, she'll cry herself to sleep. people make mistakes. to err is human. and if she's sorry about it, doesnt she deserve forgiveness?

 

if you think she's being everywhere jus to giv revenge or whatsoever, that is definitely not it. in fact i can bet she's suffering more than you are. to shut someone out of your life just like that is the meanest thing a loved one could do. you dont have to give up your fav bars and so on because once she realises that she's just hurting herself by being there, she'll avoid all the places that reminds you of her altogether. you're on the winning end here- not her.

 

I call this method of healing the Door Mat method, which clearly the OP doesn't want to be.

 

If he wants to compound that much more time to slow his healing process or being in contact really does help him, then I'm pretty sure he's going to approach this desperate lady who is starting to act like a stalker and I think it's creepy. More often, though, being a martyr isn't a method to healing that works.

 

Forgiveness takes time. It's not as quick as dropping trow.

 

Yours, though, is a compassionate perspective. Thanks for sharing.

[df273]

thank you all for your insight.

 

just for the record, and i'm not going into details, but she is the devil. she has hurt me in ways i never thought she or i could be capable of. i am going to stand my ground. when she comes into MY place(bar), i'm going to continue to be the life of the party. i like to make people laugh, it is probably my best talet. alot of people know when she is there based on how my additude changes.

 

i have met and picked up ladies in this place since the breakup. i think this is why the waitress(s) were snooping around, but then again, she broke up with me. i will date and screw whatever i want. (even though i havn't taken things beyond exchanging #s and hanging out) i am 21yo, she just turned 24yo. many people will not believe me, but i am more mature and have grown more in the past 5yrs then she has her entire life. (rough teen yrs, led to me having to man up and take care of myself at 16yo.) even now, she is irresponsible and could not bear half the responsibility and respect i do.

 

all in all, i still care about her alot. i still love her.(not in love) she gave me the best 3.5yrs of my life, and i'm waiting to meet the next girl to put those years to shame. she was my first true love, and there will always be a peice of me that cares for her.

[BackonTrack]

I don't know what to say but your girl is crazy, I think she is seeking attention. It doesn't make sense to go to the bars that you go too unless she wants you back but it also doesn't make sense for her to bring her new boyfriend there unless he is just some invisible person and using him to take her around while she tries to win you over.

 

It seems that she did something to you, that your not going to share, not even to complete strangers on the internet, it must be something awful. I don't know what to say but I don't think you can get over her if your still in the same area of her.

 

Sooner or later, your going to crack & try to spark up a conversation with her, she won't crack on the other hand, she has someone to keep her company and to talk to which is why I find this SOO strange she choose to go to the bars you visit.

 

Are you sure she is going to those bars because YOU are there? If I was you, I know this is going to be hard and I don't think I would be capeable of doing it, espcially since you lived with the women for the last 3 years but, start bringing dates to the bar, just for fun, because its YOUR bar and when you see her, don't even say Hi. Just ignore the **** out of her.

 

In all honesty, I wouldn't bring a new girl around my EX or places she visit unless

a) I feel as if the place belongs to me or

b) if i really didn't give a **** about my ex (I no longer respected her)

[JooLee]

well i didnt know she was going to the bar with the new guy. now that changes everything.

[df273]

after thinking about things, i've decided that if she wants to stroll into my places, then so be it. if by chance she does continue to do it, i'm not going to be running away from her, but if i happen to be on my way out, whiles shes on her way in, i figure it gives me the opportune moment to go to those bars which i consider hers. i miss them alot, but out of respect for her, i avoid them hoping she would of given me the same respect. **** it. if she walks into my place, then it gives me perfect time to hit up those other places because i know she is not there.

[df273]

just as an update...

 

i went out last night. she was a my place with some friends. i said the hell with it and took a walk to the bar across the parking lot. had a few drinks there. (some people she knows were there, eyeballed the **** out of me) i left after 2 drinks, and stumbled into a bar that mainly sells packaged goods (its next to a strip club, so they sell for them) i hung out for a little bit because it was empty and a struck up a interesting convo with some guys there. after i ran out of money, the bartender kept taking care of me. (thats always a good feeling, 3 free drinks)

 

to get to the point, a girl i sort-of knew from high school was there. (she works at the non-alcohol bar at the strip club, never any1 there) we never really talked to much, but for some reason she remembered my name after 4yrs. the funny thing is, which i still tossing around in my head, is i had a big high school crush on her. she looked the exact same the last time i saw her. i kind of regret not shaving for a week and a half. i probably looked like ****. i found out from idle chit chat with the bar tender that her BF broke up with her a week or 2 ago. he dumped her on her b-day. (yea, ****ed up huh) i'm going to let her relax for a while, but i feel like i need to pursue this. i know there's potential for potential because both our break-ups, but i never like talking about ex's to people i want to pursue. sometimes i scares them off, or makes it look like you havnt moved on.

 

is it bad to try to relate with someone by talking about their/my breakup? i don't want to be a rebound, hence the relax period, but i never could man up in high school to get the know her, and don't want to miss this oppurtunity.

 

thanks for reading more of my rant... i hope good things come, and wish everyone else the best.

[0hpenelope]

just as an update...

 

i went out last night. she was a my place with some friends. i said the hell with it and took a walk to the bar across the parking lot. had a few drinks there. (some people she knows were there, eyeballed the **** out of me) i left after 2 drinks, and stumbled into a bar that mainly sells packaged goods (its next to a strip club, so they sell for them) i hung out for a little bit because it was empty and a struck up a interesting convo with some guys there. after i ran out of money, the bartender kept taking care of me. (thats always a good feeling, 3 free drinks)

 

to get to the point, a girl i sort-of knew from high school was there. (she works at the non-alcohol bar at the strip club, never any1 there) we never really talked to much, but for some reason she remembered my name after 4yrs. the funny thing is, which i still tossing around in my head, is i had a big high school crush on her. she looked the exact same the last time i saw her. i kind of regret not shaving for a week and a half. i probably looked like ****. i found out from idle chit chat with the bar tender that her BF broke up with her a week or 2 ago. he dumped her on her b-day. (yea, ****ed up huh) i'm going to let her relax for a while, but i feel like i need to pursue this. i know there's potential for potential because both our break-ups, but i never like talking about ex's to people i want to pursue. sometimes i scares them off, or makes it look like you havnt moved on.

 

is it bad to try to relate with someone by talking about their/my breakup? i don't want to be a rebound, hence the relax period, but i never could man up in high school to get the know her, and don't want to miss this oppurtunity.

 

thanks for reading more of my rant... i hope good things come, and wish everyone else the best.

 

Looks to me like she's someone who can be a good friend to you.

 

But if you're going to go into exes territory, that pretty much will put a huge damper on whatever :love: potentials between you guys.

 

Tread carefully. Besides, you really want to date right now? It seems like this would be a good time to evaluate who you are, what you're looking for, etc. Some "Me" time, basically.

 

Just my $0.02.