soserious1 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 or anything involving passion,romance or fun then it also stands to reason that I'm too old to do other things My husband hit the roof tonight because I got up and walked away from the dirty dinner dishes.. I looked at him and said "oh I'm much too old to wash dishes"" Later he asked what I have in mind to celebrate my birthday, he was all eager and hopeful looking, thinking I'd suggest a concert or other expensive activity that of course I'd be paying for.. I smiled and said "oh I'm much too old for birthdays to be anything to celebrate, I'm planning on sitting at home learning to knit and sipping tea,you can sit in your den and jerk off to porn" When he talked to me about rising gas prices, projected winter heating costs, asked if I intended to try to pick up more hours at work.. I again smiled sweetly and said "Oh I can't possibly do that, I'm much too old" so help me make up my list.. if my age means I'm no longer allowed to do fun things, it should also mean I am excluded from a lot of unpleasant, heavy lifting,physically over taxing things as well !
porter218 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 You have one of the strangest Ms I have ever heard of. Why are you still in it?? I just can't wrap my head around that???
Author soserious1 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 You have one of the strangest Ms I have ever heard of. Why are you still in it?? I just can't wrap my head around that??? Wrap your head around this... If I divorce I'll have to split everything including my 401K.. this is a LOUSY time to be messing with my retirement accounts. Divorce will mean I get to pay him alimony and would need to take and keep a second job,it would also most likely mean that I'll have to keep working till the day I die. I'm not willing to pay that penalty in order to leave.
porter218 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Wrap your head around this... If I divorce I'll have to split everything including my 401K.. this is a LOUSY time to be messing with my retirement accounts. Divorce will mean I get to pay him alimony and would need to take and keep a second job,it would also most likely mean that I'll have to keep working till the day I die. I'm not willing to pay that penalty in order to leave. No , you just need a better lawyer. Which ever one told you this needs not get the job. Why would you end up with such penalty??
quankanne Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 If she's considered the breadwinner, yeah, I imagine she'll end up having to split her 401K. screw the "I'm too old" bit, SS – just slap a juicy grin on your face like you're privy to some secret he has no access to, and let it do the talking. making the kinds of comments you do ("I'm too old") just lowers you to his level, and you really don't want to do that. Just kill the jackass with kindness, and smile, smile, smile. Because telling someone they're "too old" is plain mean. And jackassish. as for your birthday, tell him you haven't decided yet, but you sure are going to have fun with your buddies!
Jake Barnes Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 good god life is so depressing, help me end it now
Author soserious1 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 No , you just need a better lawyer. Which ever one told you this needs not get the job. Why would you end up with such penalty?? I am the sole breadwinner, he's over age 55, cannot do any heavy lifting and has been out of the workforce pretty much for over 10 yrs, he won't be expected to retrain and I will not be allowed to walk away without making sure he doesn't become a liability on the taxpayers. I've consulted with more than one attorney here. I just want to have some fun with this thread.. as it occured to me that if I'm too old for fun things then it stands to reason that I'm also too old for some things that aren't much fun, heck this could be useful to me:)
J2FT1 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I am the sole breadwinner, he's over age 55, cannot do any heavy lifting and has been out of the workforce pretty much for over 10 yrs, he won't be expected to retrain and I will not be allowed to walk away without making sure he doesn't become a liability on the taxpayers. I've consulted with more than one attorney here. I just want to have some fun with this thread.. as it occured to me that if I'm too old for fun things then it stands to reason that I'm also too old for some things that aren't much fun, heck this could be useful to me:) If it's any consolation, not many women are in your position, they are usually the ones reaping the benefits. Think of it as a low-blow to the male population, which includes your husband.
Rorocher Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 You know what? your marriage is essentially over for all intents and purposes. It doesn't sound to me like there is any love left here. You seem to be living with a roommate, albeit a mooch who lives off you. It doesn't mean your life is over. Just 50 years old, you have plenty of living to do. I'll say to have a frank talk with your husband about living separate lives, finding your happiness elsewhere. You don't have to get a divorce, if you must, you can still take care of him. But that shouldn't prevent you from making new friends, if you know what I mean;). If he doesn't agree, venture out on your own. He shouldn't be the only one who gets to have fun here, and definitely not at your expense. Your self esteem could use a serious boost.
luvstarved Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Well I would venture to say that moping around in a funk and making sarcastic remarks will never regain his interest...but on the other hand I don't blame you at all after some of the things he has said to you. I am your age, and I don't consider myself too old. Don't let HIS opinion rule your life. You are going to put up with him having half your assets, and hand him your self-esteem, if not your soul, on a golden platter too? F**K HIM! (not literally). This is probably the one situation in which I can justify an affair. I am generally dead set against it, but what has he left you with? Join a gym. Pamper yourself. Buy some flattering clothes. Laugh. Make friends. There are plenty of men out there looking for affection and yes, hot sex with an older experienced woman. And no, you don't have to be a supermodel. Not many women are. And not many men could have them anyway. If your husband prefers living some pathetic fantasy life in which he imagines even for those few glorious minutes that these porn women would actually touch him in a bajillion years, let him. Go find a real man who wants to be with a real woman. Show some confidence and you'll find one. What's your husband going to do? Divorce you??? Sounds like he won't get any more or less no matter what you do. And if he tried, I think you have a good case for mental cruelty, if that legally applies. Your husband's attitude is not normal. You need to quit acting like it is. HE is the one with the problem. Don't continue to let it ruin YOUR life. My heart goes out to you....
flc Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I was in the opposite position and f**k the money. I split everything 50/50 and pay 30% of my income in permanent alimony. It sucks but I am much happier paying the money and being divorced than staying in loveless marriage. BTW the alimony is tax deductible so I look at as coming out a net gain since she was probably spending that much when we were married on herself anyway.
The Collector Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 What's your '401K'? Your salary? So you couldn't lead a comfortable life on half that?
Jersey Shortie Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 My husband hit the roof tonight because I got up and walked away from the dirty dinner dishes.. I looked at him and said "oh I'm much too old to wash dishes"" My mom is 51 and is a fire-cracker! She lost alot of weight the last few years and has alot more engergy and is alot happier with herself. She gets hit on still. Unfortunetly, my father is like a wet noodle in the romance department and although she craves more intimacy, my father, who is a a good decade plus older then her, fails. She always tells me never to marry a many older then me, even though she loves my dad. She is still full of engery and he just wants to stay home and watch sports or putter around on the lawn mower. I digress. Soserious apparently gets some kind of pay off in her marriage for her to stay. As does my mother. My mother doesn't get the romance she longs for unfortunetly but she has security in being with the same man she has been for 30 years. At least my dad doesn't look at porn. Never uses a computer and certainly never rents any. All I know is that there are some aspects of my parents marriage I would want..and alot I wouldn't. Other people don't always understand why other people do things or stay in situations. They don't have to understand. But people that stay in situations that aren't altogether postive are getting some kind of pay off anyway.
Rorocher Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Join a gym. Pamper yourself. Buy some flattering clothes. Laugh. Make friends. There are plenty of men out there looking for affection and yes, hot sex with an older experienced woman. And no, you don't have to be a supermodel. Not many women are. And not many men could have them anyway. This post is dead on, you can create your own safe and secure paradise that he can't and won't be able to penetrate.
quankanne Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 it occurred to me that if I'm too old for fun things then it stands to reason that I'm also too old for some things that aren't much fun, heck this could be useful to me :p:p so he actually handed you the ammo, huh? THEN BY ALL MEANS USE IT.
Lookingforward Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 What's your '401K'? Your salary? So you couldn't lead a comfortable life on half that? 401k is like superannuation (retirement funds)
PandorasBox Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I guess for some people its more about the money than it is happiness. I mean gee looks like contacting a lawyer and finding out exactly what would or would not happen if you were to divorce or seperate might at least be worth a shot.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 "I'm too old to waste any more of my precious time with an unappreciative jerk like you."
Author soserious1 Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 I guess for some people its more about the money than it is happiness. I mean gee looks like contacting a lawyer and finding out exactly what would or would not happen if you were to divorce or seperate might at least be worth a shot. I've consulted in person with 2 different lawyers. and let me tell you, without enough money to make alimony payments and pay my own bills the only place I'd be going to find "happiness" is to a second job and I'm not willing to do that.
Sum1'sGot2RepThe530 Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I've consulted in person with 2 different lawyers. and let me tell you, without enough money to make alimony payments and pay my own bills the only place I'd be going to find "happiness" is to a second job and I'm not willing to do that. Eh, well, you've made your bed so I guess you get to lie in it. No one else can help you if you're not willing to help yourself. I can't say anything else that hasn't been said already in this thread so I'll leave it at that.
stoopid_guy Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Soserious, what does your husband do all day? There are jobs that aren't physically demanding. Is he really incapable of supporting himself? (Or just too lazy?) And if he's not working, he should be doing ALL the housework. I really feel for you. Is there any way you could get him institutionalized? >
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