JoeNewbie Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Guys and gals, this girl I know made (what I think might be) a sexual remark today and I thought I was in the green. I mentioned I had tickets to a concert this Friday. She said she would've been happy to go but could not cancel dinner with her girlfriends. She thanked me for thinking of her and left it at that. I know one of the cardinal rules of dating is that a girl should never be too busy to hang out. Do you think I struck out? I was just about sure she really liked me...
xpaperxcutx Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 There's not much to follow on except you believe that just because she made a sexual remark, it was a go for you to start asking her out. Maybe she really is busy, I know most girls would never cancel plans with their girl friends for a guy. It's like the saying "Bros before Hos" with guys. Yes one of the cardinal rules is that a girl should never be too busy to hang out, but how well do you know her? Always give a person the benefit of the doubt until you've seen the inconsistencies between their words and actions.
Star Gazer Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 "Never too busy to hang out" only comes into play when things like reading a book, shopping for sheets, and catching up on DVRs is concerned. When someone has legitimate prior plans or commitments - like this girl's plans with her friends - that "rule" doesn't apply.
Author JoeNewbie Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 Thanks for answering. I don't know her all that well. I was clearly under the impression that she was into me though. I bumped into her after she turned me down. She was all by herself and had a smile on her face. She seemed shy and looked down (unlike the way she normally behaves). Is it really lame for a girl to cancel an activity with her girlfriends for a nice date with a guy? Is it a big no-no?
Author JoeNewbie Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 "Never too busy to hang out" only comes into play when things like reading a book, shopping for sheets, and catching up on DVRs is concerned. When someone has legitimate prior plans or commitments - like this girl's plans with her friends - that "rule" doesn't apply. Thanks Star Gazer. I appreciate your feedback. Maybe I'm the loser here, but if I have plans with my friends and an interesting girl asks me out, I'd probably cancel with my friends (without letting the girl know of course). Also, if she acted shy when I bumped into her afterwards, is that a good or bad sign?
xpaperxcutx Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Thanks for answering. I don't know her all that well. I was clearly under the impression that she was into me though. I bumped into her after she turned me down. She was all by herself and had a smile on her face. She seemed shy and looked down (unlike the way she normally behaves). Is it really lame for a girl to cancel an activity with her girlfriends for a nice date with a guy? Is it a big no-no? Like SG said people normally wouldn't cancel prior engagements for someone, even if it's a date. It's not lame, per se, it's like choosing to go out partying over attending a friend's birthday party. In regards to relationships, friendships are more valued until the guy has somewhat played an important role.
jadedone Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Unless that's her excuse several times in a row.
Balthazar Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I disagree wit the ladies Joe. A woman who is interested may or may not break a date with her girlfriends, depending on her interest. If she has high interest, she will go out with you, have no doubt about it. She will explain it away to her friends, and they will understand completely. A woman who has high interest will go out with you, no matter what. I remember a woman going out with me with a fever once. If she is just interested she may not change her plans, but will propose another day or leave it open for you to pan.This is also good. If she has low to no interest, she will thank you but not mention the prospect of a future get together. I am afraid you are in the last category. BUT, give it another shot because not everybody is the same. CHeers,
serial muse Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I disagree wit the ladies Joe. A woman who is interested may or may not break a date with her girlfriends, depending on her interest. If she has high interest, she will go out with you, have no doubt about it. She will explain it away to her friends, and they will understand completely. A woman who has high interest will go out with you, no matter what. I remember a woman going out with me with a fever once. If she is just interested she may not change her plans, but will propose another day or leave it open for you to pan.This is also good. If she has low to no interest, she will thank you but not mention the prospect of a future get together. I am afraid you are in the last category. BUT, give it another shot because not everybody is the same. CHeers, Disagree, of course. Not knowing anything about the nature of her prior engagement, except that it's with friends, you can't possibly assume anything about how important it was to her or why she didn't want to break it. There are plenty of people on these boards (men AND women) who say that they wouldn't ditch pre-arranged plans with their friends for a new date. So: a) it's not a gender issue; and b) it's unhelpful to make assumptions without ascertaining the facts. Just ask her out for a different day - if she says no, that'll be your answer.
Balthazar Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Disagree, of course. Not knowing anything about the nature of her prior engagement, except that it's with friends, you can't possibly assume anything about how important it was to her or why she didn't want to break it. There are plenty of people on these boards (men AND women) who say that they wouldn't ditch pre-arranged plans with their friends for a new date. So: a) it's not a gender issue; and b) it's unhelpful to make assumptions without ascertaining the facts. Just ask her out for a different day - if she says no, that'll be your answer. It is my belief that a woman with very high interest WILL break a date with friends to be with a guy. Does that mean all women would.No.... But what i added(to help Joe), is that an interested woman would NOT break the date with friends but WOULD propose another day for the date. This lady neither canceled her date with friends nor propose another date. In all probability, her interest is low.
serial muse Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 It is my belief that a woman with very high interest WILL break a date with friends to be with a guy. Does that mean all women would.No.... But what i added(to help Joe), is that an interested woman would NOT break the date with friends but WOULD propose another day for the date. This lady neither canceled her date with friends nor propose another date. In all probability, her interest is low. Would a man do that too? Just wondering; it sounds from what you posted that you think it's only women who would behave this way.
Balthazar Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I referred to women because the OP's problem was with a woman. I think the same pretty much applies to men. Men are probably a little less likely to break dates, even when not so interested. CHeers,
Author JoeNewbie Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 This lady neither canceled her date with friends nor propose another date. In all probability, her interest is low. You have a point here but I should point out that the tickets are valid for one evening only, thus rescheduling was not an option.
torranceshipman Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Thats a silly rule! If she is a cool girl, she wont flake on her good friends and drop everything, just because a cute guy asks her out. In fact I think it's a better sign of her character - being a cool. non flaky girl - that she wouldnt let her friends down at short notice like that. She probably also wouldnt want to come across as overkeen or desperate either, i.e. dropping everything at short notice just because a guy asks her out. I would really disagree with that rule for a man OR for a woman - where does it come from?
D-Lish Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 It is my belief that a woman with very high interest WILL break a date with friends to be with a guy. Does that mean all women would.No.... I wouldn't break previous plans with my gf's to go on a date with a guy. My friendships are pretty important to me- so it wouldn't occur to me to cancel those plans. an interested woman would NOT break the date with friends but WOULD propose another day for the date. That's exactly what I would do. If I was interested, I would tell him I'd love to go with him, but had other plans and suggest going out another time. This lady neither canceled her date with friends nor propose another date. In all probability, her interest is low. That's a possibility- unless she got nervous or something.... I would just continue to monitor how she acts around you. You can always try asking again after feeling her out for a bit. I would have definetely suggested another night if it were me.
jadedone Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Thats a silly rule! If she is a cool girl, she wont flake on her good friends and drop everything, just because a cute guy asks her out. In fact I think it's a better sign of her character - being a cool. non flaky girl - that she wouldnt let her friends down at short notice like that. She probably also wouldnt want to come across as overkeen or desperate either, i.e. dropping everything at short notice just because a guy asks her out. I would really disagree with that rule for a man OR for a woman - where does it come from? If she and her friends were just going to sit around watching Terms Of Endearment or some other chick flick, then it's probably not a big deal to drop those plans to go on a date. Her friends may even encourage it so they can live vicariously through her.
serial muse Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 I referred to women because the OP's problem was with a woman. I think the same pretty much applies to men. Men are probably a little less likely to break dates, even when not so interested. CHeers, What's weird about this is that the OP's experience is potentially evidence to the contrary, but you're still pretty sure of your premise. Huh.
vonerik012 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 It's silly. If a girl is interested, she will break plans with her friends. If a man is interested, he will break plans with his friends. Friends are always there for you. Sometimes romance depends on timing. If I can have a regular night with the boys, or go to a concert with a female I am interested in, I am going to the concert and my friends would have no problem with it.
Jilly Bean Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 If she has high interest, she will go out with you, have no doubt about it. 110% true, B. You so get us. If I am crazy about a guy, I would drop everything. If I'm lukewarm, he gets back-burnered
Capricciosa Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Oh big deal, she said no because she had other plans. There are 6 other days in the week, so why didn't you make some suggestion about another day since the concert didn't work out. Not only would I not ditch my friends, I'd be pretty offended if my friend ditched me at the last minute for some guy she just met--unless he was from out of town, or she was dying to see that concert. And sometimes a sexual comment is not personal.
Balthazar Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 110% true, B. You so get us. If I am crazy about a guy, I would drop everything. If I'm lukewarm, he gets back-burnered Now, all I need to do is follow my OWN advice.
Balthazar Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 What's weird about this is that the OP's experience is potentially evidence to the contrary, but you're still pretty sure of your premise. Huh. I lost you Muse.What are you talking about? How is the OP's experience evidence to the contrary? The girl is a no show. She didn't propose any future date to see him. She is showing very little to no interest.
Author JoeNewbie Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 Like I previously mentioned, I personally would cancel my friends to go on a date. However, it seems like the majority of people on this board would not. Just for context, she has remained very playful with me, teasing me whenever she sees me. I have also received a good share of teasing by e-mail. I'm not too optimistic about this although I must say I was convinced she was clearly into me. But then again, some girls are just very good actresses.
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