Author spookie Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 What would be interesting Spook is to revisit those threads a year or so from now.. I'd be curious to see how accurate they really are... The other issue is that even though people gave you advice you didn't use there were people whose advice you did use.. Nothing wrong with that.. Don't be hating on LS... I ain't hatin', A_C. I love this site, I think I'm a lifer. Just wanted to get some opinions on the patterns issue. The advice I have no problem with actually - I didn't mean for this thread to degenerate into a bitchinfest.
Author spookie Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 That's been suggested several times by people in moods similar to yours. If anyone was interested in such a thing, it would already exist. That's similar to saying "why doesn't the media ever focus on the good news??" No one actually cares about that. I actually care, and I think I'm not alone. I'm always reading LB's threads, for example, cause I think despite the occasional rockiness she and her bf have a good relationship and I want to hear they got engaged.
Lovelybird Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I won't seek advices from this site in spite that there are wise ones. People here in general are easily freak out
Art_Critic Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I ain't hatin', A_C. I love this site, I think I'm a lifer. Just wanted to get some opinions on the patterns issue. The advice I have no problem with actually - I didn't mean for this thread to degenerate into a bitchinfest. Now now.. I wasn't trying to pull it into a bitchinfest... I get what you are saying about the patterns... Sometimes though relationships DO follow patterns and even though there is some bitterness here there is also some great info.. I don't think this place is representative of real life though... At my work there are very few divorces and few issues with BF's-GF's.. At work there is nobody talking about feltching or anal bleaching either.. I do think since this place is global you get it all here and in real life you don't .. you only get a segment..
shadowplay Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I ain't hatin', A_C. I love this site, I think I'm a lifer. Just wanted to get some opinions on the patterns issue. The advice I have no problem with actually - I didn't mean for this thread to degenerate into a bitchinfest. I think what makes your presence on this site cool, Spook, is you're so different from the average member. You're too smart and interesting for this site, which makes me happy that you're here.
Lovelybird Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I wonder if personality of a person represent the ones in real life
Author spookie Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 I think what makes your presence on this site cool, Spook, is you're so different from the average member. You're too smart and interesting for this site, which makes me happy that you're here. Thanks, SP. :love:
Citizen Erased Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 This is the most interesting thread I have ever seen. Paul is a feminist lesbian?
Art_Critic Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I think what makes your presence on this site cool, Spook, is you're so different from the average member. I agree with this too!! I tend to give advice on LS instead of ask for it.. but what nobody really knows is that I get my advice from you all.. including you Spookie.. I just don't ask for it.. I get it from reading everyones else's threads and participating in those threads... I guess that is also what I do IRL..
Star Gazer Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 This site is representative only as a cross-section of introspective people who seek out either opinions/advice or validation of their decisions and actions. I think LS members are a completely different breed than those peeps you find IRL...but in a good way.
vonerik012 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Or is it full of fcvked up people who are bad at relationships for one reason or another? I used to think it was representative.. but where I work, for example, everyone's been happily married since they were 22, and all they tlak about all lunch is their pretty children. Or the pretty children they're trying to adopt/conceive. There's no divorces whatsoever and everyone speaks so positively about their SO's. You don't hear this kind of thing at all on LS. I almost feel like as soon as anyone mentions an R here at all, everyone jumps at the chance to mine for "red flags"... and we're told the marriages we fantasize about will last 5 years, tops. Don't get me wrong, I know I learned a lot in the couple of years I've hung around - I think I'm so much wiser than my 22 years of age - but does that wisdom actually count for anything in relationships? I'm starting to think maybe the whole point is NOT to count standard deviations but to accept people for who they are, relying on gut instincts instead of the by-the-book opinions of strangers. Maybe that's the secret to the happy relationships out there - amongst the real people. Keep in mind that everyone on here most likely presents a successful exterior in public as well. Most marriages end in divorce, and even a higher percentage cheat. It's not like you can tell that by conversations people have at the office. I know plenty of people that have cheated, are always tormented by bad break ups, get divorced, become bitter about the opposite sex, etc. So i would say this site is not too far from reality. It just might seem like it because in this format, you are bombarded with story after story from around the world. And of course nobody posts things when life and relationships are at that fantastic stage.
Star Gazer Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 You're too smart and interesting for this site, which makes me happy that you're here. Huh? Are you suggesting that LS members generally are not smart or interesting?
xpaperxcutx Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I think roughly almost all the threads found in the breakup section could be IRL. Dating, however depends on how much information had been provided by the OPs so that fellow LShackers can come to their own opinionated conclusion about the best advice to give. Honestly, most advices are black and white, but that is because most threads are already bias themselves, so we're not really to blame if we tell the OPs to dump the guy or girl. Everyone has to right to follow or completely ignore the advices.
shadowplay Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Huh? Are you suggesting that LS members generally are not smart or interesting? No, I actually think there are a lot of very smart LSers but Spookie seems especially gifted. I mean she got a perfect SAT score and passed all her actuary exams without even studying. I guess I just feel like she should be out curing cancer or something, not wasting time online. But from my own selfish perspective I'm glad she's part of this site. (Sorry to make you uncomfortable, Spookie.)
D-Lish Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I think it's important to keep in mind that lots of people find LS in a time of crisis.... People that begin posting here are representative of the population that has seen hard times and are seeking respite and solace. Some are even seeking pseudo-revenge by projecting their pain and hurt on others. When I am feeling awesome and things are going great... I don't google "life is great" to find answers, because I don't need them. lol. However- lots of people go through a crisis, find LS and remain here because it's a cool place to talk about love and life and other interesting things. There's a good cross-section going on here though. Because everyone seeks help at some point in their life, and the internet has provided a new avenue to do so. Like real life- there are both, lots of morons, and lots of cool people- and everyone else in between.
almost famous Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I do not because I think that many people (not all) are troubled and have their own agenda when they are replying to your posts to your problems. their are going to be some very biased responses, just like shadowplay stated. For example, ifyou state "I love my boyfriend, but I made a mistake" lots of the responses are going to be from biased, bitter posters who will rail on you instead of constructively try to help you. Then we have the 'women are evil' posters who are going to blame you for being a woman.
stefspets Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 The site may not really be representative of real life but only because a) people mainly post when they have a problem and b) the advice comes from the same core group of people, who give it based on their personal experiences (i.e. a lot of it is very similar). Not to say the advice is bad, just that the limited information you get from a post lends itself to making a lot of assumptions. I started reading the site while going through a breakup, and even though I never posted, I found it was helpful to read about others going through the same thing. Now, I come back all the time--because I want to see how people are doing. I got invested in the people here. I'm addicted to LS, I think...
Balthazar Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 When most people have a problem, they pick up a phone, or have a coffee/drink and discuss it with a friend. LS is just the modern,internet equivalent of this. I think many people have relationship difficulties, but do not discuss them for lack of an audience. Their friends may not want to hear about relationships or give very bad advice. LS is full of people who desire/enjoy talking about relationships and its great advantage is the large cross section of individuals and ideas. I find the majority of people on LS to be helpful and I believe their advice is given with good intent. Some of the comments may not be correct, relevant or useful, but doesn't that apply to advice given by real life friends also? Does LS have a pro-female bias? Without a doubt it does, but isn't that to be expected on a relationships forum? After all, don't women talk about relationships more often than men? However, calling it a collective of female lesbians with serious issues of misandry is ,possibly, slightly overstated. I personally have interacted with females on the site who I am relatively certain are not lesbians nor ,possibly, even man-haters. Do LS-ers speak in absolute terms of black or white? Sometimes they do but I seem to recall many threads where people do nothing but psychoanalyze the meaning of seemingly meaningless nuances in a relationship. So, again, LS offers the best of both worlds, whether it be hard and fast advice or verbose Freudian analysis. Another part of the appeal of LS is that you will get the whole spectrum of opinions running from extreme Gloria-Steinhem feminism to male supremacist. I view LS as a collection of people who will listen to my problems and offer ideas(many of which I would not have thought about). Like many things in life, LS can be used positively or negatively, but I think it has been beneficial in my maturity regarding relationships. CHeers,
trubella Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Or is it full of fcvked up people who are bad at relationships for one reason or another? lol i think this represents atleast half of LS, these are usually the ones who are quick to tell a poster to dump their bf of gf here.
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Or is it full of fcvked up people who are bad at relationships for one reason or another? I used to think it was representative.. but where I work, for example, everyone's been happily married since they were 22, and all they tlak about all lunch is their pretty children. Or the pretty children they're trying to adopt/conceive. There's no divorces whatsoever and everyone speaks so positively about their SO's. You don't hear this kind of thing at all on LS. I almost feel like as soon as anyone mentions an R here at all, everyone jumps at the chance to mine for "red flags"... and we're told the marriages we fantasize about will last 5 years, tops. Don't get me wrong, I know I learned a lot in the couple of years I've hung around - I think I'm so much wiser than my 22 years of age - but does that wisdom actually count for anything in relationships? I'm starting to think maybe the whole point is NOT to count standard deviations but to accept people for who they are, relying on gut instincts instead of the by-the-book opinions of strangers. Maybe that's the secret to the happy relationships out there - amongst the real people. Relationships die in real life. So do marriages. All those happy people you hear about at work, might be posters on LS behind the scene. Or, they might actually be happy people... Advice is freely given on LS by a group of non-professionals. Sometimes we're bang on, other times, we're not. You can only analyze what's provided and offer insights based on biased information. Keep in mind that sometimes, you see repetitive pattern amongst some of the frequent posters over time, sometimes years, so it's not surprising that certain conclusions are reached.
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