stupid crappy day

[sunshinegirl]

More a venting post than anything else. I've just had one of those days today. Had a hard time getting up, didn't get a whole lot done at work, but looked forward to my counseling appointment... only to realize I'd locked my keys in my house and therefore couldn't get to the appt.

 

I really needed to talk to my counselor, too. It's not just Eric I'm dealing with. That sucks enough on its own. But it feels like most areas of my life are up for grabs: I've lost my religion, I need to really revamp some career-related stuff, and family dynamics are driving me crazy right now.

 

The net effect is that I feel like all the rugs have been pulled out from under me at once. My self-confidence is at an all-time low. I used to have answers and now I feel like I only have questions. And I got back on match.com and eharmony only to get winks and stupid one liners from ugly dumb trolls. Which makes me angry at Eric for forcing me back into the stupid dating pool.

 

Worst of all are the lonely evenings at home. I've been traveling a lot but in the one week I'm home before my next trip, my friends are otherwise occupied so I have nothing to do. I'm running a lot (and will go for a run soon) but I otherwise feel incredibly, depressingly, alarmingly lonely. I get teary just writing that. It's hard to trust that this is a temporary phase.

 

Where is the kickass luminous self-confident SSG? Where's the woman who believes she deserves a kickass relationship with a great guy? Why didn't she stand up and demand more from Eric? Why didn't she walk away from him when she *knew* she was missing connection and warmth and communication?

 

It's as though because Eric didn't see or appreciate me, I've started to believe that all the stuff I do, think, and believe isn't that great after all. How can I give such power to a liar and a cheater? How do I reclaim my power and self-confidence?

 

Does anyone have ideas of how to get me unstuck from this oh-so-fruitless thinking?

[foxh1234]

More a venting post than anything else. I've just had one of those days today. Had a hard time getting up, didn't get a whole lot done at work, but looked forward to my counseling appointment... only to realize I'd locked my keys in my house and therefore couldn't get to the appt.

 

I really needed to talk to my counselor, too. It's not just Eric I'm dealing with. That sucks enough on its own. But it feels like most areas of my life are up for grabs: I've lost my religion, I need to really revamp some career-related stuff, and family dynamics are driving me crazy right now.

 

The net effect is that I feel like all the rugs have been pulled out from under me at once. My self-confidence is at an all-time low. I used to have answers and now I feel like I only have questions. And I got back on match.com and eharmony only to get winks and stupid one liners from ugly dumb trolls. Which makes me angry at Eric for forcing me back into the stupid dating pool.

 

Worst of all are the lonely evenings at home. I've been traveling a lot but in the one week I'm home before my next trip, my friends are otherwise occupied so I have nothing to do. I'm running a lot (and will go for a run soon) but I otherwise feel incredibly, depressingly, alarmingly lonely. I get teary just writing that. It's hard to trust that this is a temporary phase.

 

Where is the kickass luminous self-confident SSG? Where's the woman who believes she deserves a kickass relationship with a great guy? Why didn't she stand up and demand more from Eric? Why didn't she walk away from him when she *knew* she was missing connection and warmth and communication?

 

It's as though because Eric didn't see or appreciate me, I've started to believe that all the stuff I do, think, and believe isn't that great after all. How can I give such power to a liar and a cheater? How do I reclaim my power and self-confidence?

 

Does anyone have ideas of how to get me unstuck from this oh-so-fruitless thinking?

 

Hi SSG, I have had the same type days and they suck. Just when I thought this whole mess was over, something would happen to make me sad again. You will get better and you will feel great again, I promise you that. We all give our ex's power by thinking about them too much and for me at leastr, I was always thinking what she would think of things I was doing. Really, why should we care what they think ? You are doing things for you, not for anyone else and if you fail or succeedit is because of you, not him. Tomorrow the sun will rise and you will get out of bed have a coffee and get on with it. Eventually we will both feel better. I know this doesn't help much, but it's all we got.

[Meaplus3]

More a venting post than anything else. I've just had one of those days today. Had a hard time getting up, didn't get a whole lot done at work, but looked forward to my counseling appointment... only to realize I'd locked my keys in my house and therefore couldn't get to the appt.

 

I really needed to talk to my counselor, too. It's not just Eric I'm dealing with. That sucks enough on its own. But it feels like most areas of my life are up for grabs: I've lost my religion, I need to really revamp some career-related stuff, and family dynamics are driving me crazy right now.

 

The net effect is that I feel like all the rugs have been pulled out from under me at once. My self-confidence is at an all-time low. I used to have answers and now I feel like I only have questions. And I got back on match.com and eharmony only to get winks and stupid one liners from ugly dumb trolls. Which makes me angry at Eric for forcing me back into the stupid dating pool.

 

Worst of all are the lonely evenings at home. I've been traveling a lot but in the one week I'm home before my next trip, my friends are otherwise occupied so I have nothing to do. I'm running a lot (and will go for a run soon) but I otherwise feel incredibly, depressingly, alarmingly lonely. I get teary just writing that. It's hard to trust that this is a temporary phase.

 

Where is the kickass luminous self-confident SSG? Where's the woman who believes she deserves a kickass relationship with a great guy? Why didn't she stand up and demand more from Eric? Why didn't she walk away from him when she *knew* she was missing connection and warmth and communication?

 

It's as though because Eric didn't see or appreciate me, I've started to believe that all the stuff I do, think, and believe isn't that great after all. How can I give such power to a liar and a cheater? How do I reclaim my power and self-confidence?

 

Does anyone have ideas of how to get me unstuck from this oh-so-fruitless thinking?

 

I'm so sorry your having a tough day. I think your giving Eric way to much power here. Just because he may not have appreciated you in the way that you deserve does not mean that every guy out there will be like him. Look in the mirror and see all the great qualities that you have right there before you. There qualities inside of you and unique to you alone. If you can, try and focus on a hobby or do something extra special just for YOU. Hang in there. Best wishes.

 

AP:)

[saams]

Imo right now what you need to do is focus 100% on yourself..

 

i wont lie to you, it will take awhile probably before it gets better...

i dont think there is anything to make you feel better here and now but you can try to make your life better day by day and after awhile you will most likely forget about all the bad stuff and you will just see how wonderful your life have become.

 

for me personally it helps alot talking to other people about it, friends or even here online.

 

just be strong and remember it aint the end of the world, do alot of stuff for yourself, do things you like to do and just focus on how to make your life better and forget about everyone else for now.

[roghornio]

I think we all have days like this… I know I certainly do.

Some days I feel I can take on the world – others well I would be happy to stay in bed.

But it has nothing to do with an ex or ex’s … We are only human being’s and this is part of life I guess.

I find myself in ruts every few months – usually because I have something that is all enveloping – a project, a hobby.. a girlfriend! And once they are complete or out the way suddenly I am in the void. Over the past 18 months ive gone through 2 breakups (one initiaed by me, in fact so was the other but anyways)… a house move and month long trip to china. The build up through all of this I was really happy – so much to do, not enough time. The past few months have been seriously miserable as I have nothing really planned, nor do I know what or where to go next – as I mentioned before though I am moving abroad for 6 months, once I get there well I will be happy and my time full. But the past couple months run up have been terrible. Drinking for the most part which makes things worse. Yesterday idecided to get my self fit for my trip away so the next 6 weeks I will be hammering the gym and TRYING to stay out the pub and saving for going away.

 

So I guess what im asking/saying is – do you have something to look forward too? Anything to consume your mind? That really does help!! Keep your chin up and all will work itself out - you already know it alwys does

[mollers]

Hi SSG, I'm in a similar place, as you know as you have just replied to my post about being invited out for a drink! I'm also wondering where the 'new' Mollers has gone, the one who was dealing with the break-up and getting on well with her life. I'm sure that person is still inside me somewhere and will come back out when she is ready.

 

But I agree, having something to look foward to does help. I'm going away for a week on Sunday and am so looking forward to a change of routine.

 

As you say, you just needed to vent, and you will find your way again soon. You've had one of those s**t days. I'm having a s**t week. We'll come out of it. We are stronger than this aren't we?

[sunshinegirl]

At some level I know this is temporary, but it's really the existential loneliness issue. It seems I spend about as much time in relationships as I do in the post-relationship blues stage, where I wring my hands and kvetch and blame myself and am generally miserable until the arc of time sweeps me back into a connected life... and the next relationship. I guess part of me wonders when I get to get off the up-down cycle of getting-together-and-then-breaking-up, and settle into a long-term committed, trusting relationship?

 

Part of my problem, while I'm in this crummy in-between place, is that I don't have an immediate "community" to turn to. I have a lot of friends, but they're mostly single-point connections, ie I don't have a group of 8 or 10 that always hangs out. In my mid-30s now, I think that's a really hard thing to find anyway, but I really notice its absence. In grad school I had my crowd, but we now live all across the country. I don't have a social "net" as much as a social scattergram - individual people, each of which is extremely supportive. Increasingly, I feel like a total lamea$$ for still being upset about Eric so I try not to burden my friends with it.

 

As one example: I have taken strange comfort in knowing that Eric is most likely just downsizing from his condo into an apartment. And for the money, he's going to have to downsize in quality too - so I get to stop worrying that he's moving upward and onward in every way without me. This can't be a move he's especially excited about except maybe to save some money. He's not going to move into the gourmet kitchen, hardwood floors + fireplace house that we were looking at together 6 months ago. Not in this market, not in this part of the country.

 

See? Dumb. Dumb that I am wasting brain space on him. I'm embarrassed to tell all but one friend about it because, rationally, why should I care?

 

ETA: My crushed self-esteem is also in desperate need of repair. I was remembering last night that before the breakup, Eric had told a mutual friend that I was "a keeper" and the day we broke up he told that same friend, who was astonished at the breakup, that I WAS a keeper and that it wasn't me, it was him, and that the friend should punch him in the face next time he saw him. I forget this part when I think of him cheating and wanting the hooch over me.

[roghornio]

 

ETA: My crushed self-esteem is also in desperate need of repair. I was remembering last night that before the breakup, Eric had told a mutual friend that I was "a keeper" and the day we broke up he told that same friend, who was astonished at the breakup, that I WAS a keeper and that it wasn't me, it was him, and that the friend should punch him in the face next time he saw him. I forget this part when I think of him cheating and wanting the hooch over me.

 

Hey the last time I was with my ex before we split she was talking about goiong on holiday, told me how hot she thought I was – what do you know 48hrs later its done.

 

Some strange stuff goes down!!

[nowhereman82]

We're all far from rational us humans....really weird how we work.