want to get my ex back effectively!!

[ryanrigney22]

well for the most part Im having a good time been single not having to worry about much but myself and having fun and living life!!

 

I know we don't have any physical control over our ex's, I mean **** happens...Im sure she is dating...I mean that bothers but im doing the same and its life...but I mean anything can make a mind change...i believe in the Chaos Theory... I know it's not right to leave flowers at her door step every week lol...but do something that just leaves her curious and thinking every once in a while.... im pretty good with ideas...

 

for now like u said...she knows where i am, she has my info, she just doesn't want anything to do with me...but only people can make things change and if you have 2 people thinking alike...then things will never work out...someone said here...hope for the best but expect the worse that way you don't get hurt and at least i did what ever i though felt right instead of wondering what could have happen if...

 

 

i mean does anyone catch my drift? or should i do completely otherwise...

 

How the old saying go? "it takes two to tango?". hehe

[Melrapuo]

All of the advice here is spot on. Just live your life. Or as my friends say, "Do You." Just as much as we cannot convince you to stop caring about your ex, you cannot stop your ex from sticking to their decision - its up to them to determine what they want.

 

Now I've heard strict NC is key, so does that include ignoring them if they do try to contact you? I'm just trying to clarify here. I know if I talk to my ex all it will do is hurt. I was walking around town today and I could've sworn she was in a car driving around with another guy. God did that hurt me...

[foxh1234]

All of the advice here is spot on. Just live your life. Or as my friends say, "Do You." Just as much as we cannot convince you to stop caring about your ex, you cannot stop your ex from sticking to their decision - its up to them to determine what they want.

 

Now I've heard strict NC is key, so does that include ignoring them if they do try to contact you? I'm just trying to clarify here. I know if I talk to my ex all it will do is hurt. I was walking around town today and I could've sworn she was in a car driving around with another guy. God did that hurt me...

 

You have answered your own question. If it hurts you to talk to your ex, you are not ready to talk to them, simple as that. If they call, ignore it.

[Melrapuo]

You're absolutely right, fox. I guess my rant kinda answered my question without me knowing it.

[0hpenelope]

You can put in a search for badbrit's posts here, too. He has a different perspective on break-ups and getting back together.

 

I'm a little biased, though. To me, if you want to get back with your ex, let go. You can't miss someone who's not gone.

 

Heard of this?:

 

Why do we say goodbye?

So we can say 'hello' again

 

A bit mushy - yeah, beneath the crusty, crusty surface of my beating heart lies a true softy - but it's a positive spin on goodbyes.

 

By the way, I was schooled in The Academy of NC with Headmaster CaliGuy and Headmaster vivrantflo - and Supreme Chancellor Gunny376 of the Separation and Divorce forum. My classmates in all of those NC courses have been totally awesome (TLB, foxh1234, sunshinegirl, v33, kizik, etc.)

[lindsey87]

Tobe...I'm pretty much going through the same thing. My ex and I broke up a few days ago. People keep telling me to do the NC thing, but my gut is telling me that I should just call and talk to him. Not right now but maybe wait a week or two. He told me that a big part of him thought that we can't go back to happy and have no future because we keep fighting but he never really said it was over. I walked off and told him that I think it sounds like he can't be with me anymore. He didn't stop me but I still don't see it as him dumping me. Yes he could've called but he is a stubborn man and it only has been a few days. Plus his boys like that he is single cuz they are and probably aren't helping the situation. Something is still telling me that if I don't contact him that i will regret it for the rest of my life. i'm just giving him some time to cool off. I know he misses me. I wish he would call me...i really do but he used to always be the one who begged me not to break up with him until the last time. Now i feel like i'm in his shoes and should be doing it to show him that i really do care and don't want to let go. Not that fast! I love this guy...and i feel like it is my fault we're broken up. People on LS keep saying NC, bla bla, but why are they on here when they say it works? Shouldn't they be out having a LIFE and fun with other people, like they say in their advice? I just went out on a date and kissed a guy a few hours ago. Yes, he was super hot, smart and nice, but as soon as i kissed him i felt guilty...doesn't that say anything? i can't be with other people until i know that after i tried he still doesn't want me around!

[0hpenelope]

Tobe...I'm pretty much going through the same thing. My ex and I broke up a few days ago. People keep telling me to do the NC thing, but my gut is telling me that I should just call and talk to him. Not right now but maybe wait a week or two. He told me that a big part of him thought that we can't go back to happy and have no future because we keep fighting but he never really said it was over. I walked off and told him that I think it sounds like he can't be with me anymore. He didn't stop me but I still don't see it as him dumping me. Yes he could've called but he is a stubborn man and it only has been a few days. Plus his boys like that he is single cuz they are and probably aren't helping the situation. Something is still telling me that if I don't contact him that i will regret it for the rest of my life. i'm just giving him some time to cool off. I know he misses me. I wish he would call me...i really do but he used to always be the one who begged me not to break up with him until the last time. Now i feel like i'm in his shoes and should be doing it to show him that i really do care and don't want to let go. Not that fast! I love this guy...and i feel like it is my fault we're broken up. People on LS keep saying NC, bla bla, but why are they on here when they say it works? Shouldn't they be out having a LIFE and fun with other people, like they say in their advice? I just went out on a date and kissed a guy a few hours ago. Yes, he was super hot, smart and nice, but as soon as i kissed him i felt guilty...doesn't that say anything? i can't be with other people until i know that after i tried he still doesn't want me around!

 

There are just way too many posts here from people who broke NC and regretted it. The trend is very hard to ignore.

 

We are on LS because we are trying to be a support system. If you're feeling that you need to get in touch with your ex otherwise you'll regret it, you'll find some of us will be equally supportive. Like me. Your choice.

 

Yes, that's correct too. Don't give up until you know you've exhausted every option, every resource, every possible thing that you could do and if that snags your ex back? You're one of the few success stories and we wish you the best. badbrit's one of the users anti-NC all the way, amongst others.

 

So you've discovered that NC doesn't work for you because you've tried it. We're giving OP reasons why he should try NC and if that doesn't work for him, then he can go back to the drawing board and find something else that will.

 

If that includes trying to get back with his ex, then so be it. But none of us will be idle and not call him out when it doesn't work.

 

Good luck with your situation.

[CaliGuy]

You can put in a search for badbrit's posts here, too. He has a different perspective on break-ups and getting back together.

 

I'm a little biased, though. To me, if you want to get back with your ex, let go. You can't miss someone who's not gone.

 

Heard of this?:

 

 

 

A bit mushy - yeah, beneath the crusty, crusty surface of my beating heart lies a true softy - but it's a positive spin on goodbyes.

 

By the way, I was schooled in The Academy of NC with Headmaster CaliGuy and Headmaster vivrantflo - and Supreme Chancellor Gunny376 of the Separation and Divorce forum. My classmates in all of those NC courses have been totally awesome (TLB, foxh1234, sunshinegirl, v33, kizik, etc.)

 

LOL. Glad NC is working for you. It did wonders for foxh1234!

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

i have a question?....everyone here says to do NC to get your ex back or to forget about your ex...iif you want to get your ex back how will you do that if you have no contact with the ex, you dont see the ex, or even hear from the ex? basically NC is to forget and heal...so in instead of gettin the ex back you will lose them for good since they will forget about you since your not present....am i right?

[CaliGuy]

i have a question?....everyone here says to do NC to get your ex back or to forget about your ex...iif you want to get your ex back how will you do that if you have no contact with the ex, you dont see the ex, or even hear from the ex? basically NC is to forget and heal...so in instead of gettin the ex back you will lose them for good since they will forget about you since your not present....am i right?

 

Here's a hint: The more you want your ex back, the less likely they are to come back.

 

Why?

 

Because you will not be happy, care free and showing them you can live without them. Look, it sucks but when a S/O decides to move on it's normally because they found someone else they like more than you. That's just life. But the more you mope around, the more you cling to hope they come back, the longer you will delay your own healing.

 

It's a pretty well known fact that when you finally let your ex go and move on, you feel better. And when you do meet someone else you will quite often muse to yourself "What did I see in him/her anyway?!"

 

Do you get what I am saying here? Whether you want your ex back nor not, NC is essential to give you the time and space necessary to regain your confidence, self-esteem and happy self back.

 

And that will NEVER happen if you are pining around for and scheming ways to win your ex back. Never, ever.

 

Cheers.

[tobe1424]

I mean NC seems effective on certain times but for example I saw my ex last night... we hang around the same group of friends...I want to talk to her so bad but things are still a little weird I mean it like 3 years of been together and now we are around each other and quite...

 

I find the NC way to be the best for yourself. But at the sametime I believe little things do make a difference...maybe not a flower but maybe something that you know she knows would come from you when you relationship was perfect...but deliver it in a random friendly way rather than romantic way...

 

what if the other person was thinking about contacting you but they decided not to because of something stupid and then you decide to contact them and they somehow think that it was meant for you guys to communicate...

 

Just stupid little things that make a difference....

[tobe1424]

I have another question... NC, yes it suppose to help you out but I don't really need any help. I am ready to take anything that hits me. Like i say you only live once. Of course you can't call every day or very often because then you do get on their nerves but I mean if the relationship ended because it wasn't fullfilling. How is NC going to make things better..

 

yes there are always those memories that should overwrite the bad ones but the mind is weird. I feel like I didn't do my part in the relationship....yes i was really nice to her but i didn't satisfy her needs. I could tell by the look in her face...how is NC going to help me?

 

I mean i know it will but to a certain extent. she might miss me an all but she will always think of why she left me and that will more than likely concur her overall decision...

 

even though we agreed on moving on and we are both dating, i still feel like i should do something about old us....

[CaliGuy]

It seems you are hell bent on doing something to remind your ex that you are still around. She sees you, she knows you are there.

 

Do what you must, but like I said, the more you try and pull her to you, the more she will pull away.

[lindsey87]

In my opinion you really should do what your heart tells you to. I mean if you don't and 3 years from now still think about her and miss her, you WILL look back and wonder what if. So yes, you only live once, so I say do what you think you should do! Because in the long run, if its meant to be its meant to be...no stupid games like doing the NC are going to help unless you want to move on. Though if you love her, truly love her, then I say do it! I've actually broken NC yesterday and not only did it make ME feel better we also decided to have dinner and talk about things. My parents even told me to talk to him and tell him how I feel and I will. If he says No than at least i tried. At least I won't be looking back a few years from now regretting not doing anything! Good luck!

[tobe1424]

caliguy- sometimes i feel like by doing certain things im pushing her away...but I just feel like we were so close..for the most part she was in love with me and all that crazy stuff first and it was a bit bumpy at the beginning but then things got smooth...the reason why i do somewhat believe in NC is because I don't know why, but for some reason in my life everytime i tend to forget about something I'm looking for or when you least expect it, it shows up...something like a phenomena.

 

 

lindsey-I hear u...and there is always going to be that what if...it sucks but at the sametime i should play it smart...like i said she is dating now and so am I so I don't want to try and fake fate...but at the sametime i will try because if not...like stated....u will never know and have that feeling in your chest that you never got to do what u think u should have...

[tobe1424]

cali guy was right..

[scootncash]

Good post caliguy. And how right you are. Its so true folks. If they want you they will find you. You cant fix it, you cant change it and most of all no matter what you do,

 

YOU CANNOT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE, YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEIR FEELINGS, THEIR NEEDS, THEIR DECISIONS. The only thing that is changable is YOU!

 

Here's the clue, if they aint calling, if they aint trying to see you, they're just not that into you. And like Caliguy said, why in the world would you want to try and get back with someone who isnt wanting to get back with you? Time will tell. But in the meantime, go work on you. Get healthy, learn what real love and committment is not just what you give to the relationship but what a healthy partner should be bringing to the table as well.

 

Of course there will always be the what if. People have written poetry about it, people have written self help how to's about it, and people have written songs about it. Its normal to feel the what if's but its also better to live in the well, right now I have to live with what I've been given.

What you've been given is you.

[CaliGuy]

cali guy was right..

 

In what way? What's happened since August?

[Dmoney28]

Hello all. First off, just want to say PLEASE listen to Cali on this one. I wish i had listened to the NC advice. It would have saved me Months(8 months since the break up) of stress, heartach and pain. I, like so many of you refused to listen to this advice, i held on to false hope and believed "our love was diffrent and stronger than everyone elses". Or "if i show her i love her by dropping constant reminders...she'll eventually see the light" It just dosent work out that way.

 

1. you have to accept the situation for what it is...you guys are not together anymore. You sound like you havent reached the acceptance stage yet. I know this sounds cliche...but you have to Heal, and simply go through the pain you are denying inside. you have to weather the storm so to speak during NC. This is the only way for you to get better...the only way. Once the pain subsides you 'll get to a point where you will think about her alot. After a while the thoughts slow down and you'll accept your life without her, and enjoy your self more. You'll still think about her...but the pain associated with those thoughts will lessen. Its a process, it will take time

 

2. Anything you do...and i mean anything, will only drive her away. You have to be a ghost. Trust me, she wont forget you. I thought the same thing. But after 6 months of going back and forth, i was tired. So after our last phone conversation, i dissapeared. No phone calls, no txt and no e-mails. It was really hard, but over the months, i focused on myself...well tried to atleast. It was rough, but i forced myself through. I forced going out with friends, forced myself to go the gym. After a month of forcing myself...i found i was liking my life more and more. I kept telling myself, "she has moved on, so must i". "She might be with someone else, so i need to go ut and meet people"

 

Well after a month my ex e-mailed me. It was a obvious e-mail with a excuse to contact me. And i accepted it for what it was...a attempt, nothing more. Unless she said, "lets get together, and try to work something out", i didnt read too much into it. And yes it made me think about her more. But i simply replied "im ok, hope your doing well".

 

The more you try and devise this master plan to get her back, the more damage you are doing to yourself...and any chance at getting back. Now we all know you wont follow this advice, so im guessing you 'll be like me , and post here months later on how you should have used NC to the fullest. But listen to the ghost of break-up past...NC...for godsakes man, i cant be anymore clear, you have to be in total NC. Both people need time to heal, and rediscover themselves. Give some time for the negativity to die. Give it some time for the hurt to die. Once those things fade, any attempt to rekinddle anything thats left, will have a far greater chance. Let Time do its thing, and nature run its course.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175464/