Grace112 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Quick summary: My ex called off the wedding 6 weeks before we were going to walk down the aisle last year. 2 weeks after he called it off, he met a girl online and a few months after that, he moved across the country to live with her and her 2 kids. I haven't contacted him since August of last year and that was via text. He's in town this week and I feel awful because in my heart of hearts, I know he isn't going to try to contact me. What's wrong with me? He lied to me. He lied to our therapist. He lied to all of his co-workers and friends. I SHOULD be angry. I SHOULD be upset. I SHOULD be done. The idea that we're on the same side of the country and thought of me doesn't even cross his mind makes me feel worthless. Part of me wants to run to him and beg for validation. I know I'm not so awful that someone needs to cut me out of their life. I'm a good, kind and caring person. Why do I need his attention so badly? What can he give me that makes me so desperate?
Meaplus3 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Quick summary: My ex called off the wedding 6 weeks before we were going to walk down the aisle last year. 2 weeks after he called it off, he met a girl online and a few months after that, he moved across the country to live with her and her 2 kids. I haven't contacted him since August of last year and that was via text. He's in town this week and I feel awful because in my heart of hearts, I know he isn't going to try to contact me. What's wrong with me? He lied to me. He lied to our therapist. He lied to all of his co-workers and friends. I SHOULD be angry. I SHOULD be upset. I SHOULD be done. The idea that we're on the same side of the country and thought of me doesn't even cross his mind makes me feel worthless. Part of me wants to run to him and beg for validation. I know I'm not so awful that someone needs to cut me out of their life. I'm a good, kind and caring person. Why do I need his attention so badly? What can he give me that makes me so desperate? First of all stop beating yourself up here. This guy lied and treated you like dirt your so much beter off without him. You don't need him to validate you, you simply need to focus on other things in life that make you happy. Best wishes. AP:)
Arise_Serpentor Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Hey, it could have been worse! He could have married you and THEN left you for the women with kids!!! Maybe he is easily fooled or convinced or whatever! A guy I work with ended up leaving his wife for a single mom with kids! Now he is miserable again! He feels she just totally did whatever it took to hook him in because now she needs someone to be instant daddy!!! I tell him, 'its your own fault dummy!" I think your ex is a dummy too! you are better off!
anotherother24 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I wish I knew what caused this, or the magic cure....I guess it must be a normal feeling. I feel pretty much the same way. It's like ...what the heck is wrong with me to make someone treat me this way? I've always considered myself a pretty decent person and never treat anyone bad...and then someone comes in and treats you like dirt...and we blame it on ourselves! isn't that wonderful....I'm pretty sure he'll think of you, maybe not completely in the way you hope, but i doubt he has forgotten you. Just try not to beat yourself up over it....he totally doesn't deserve it! (I'm also trying to convince myself of this very same thing! lol)
anotherother24 Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 Hey, it could have been worse! He could have married you and THEN left you for the women with kids!!! Maybe he is easily fooled or convinced or whatever! A guy I work with ended up leaving his wife for a single mom with kids! Now he is miserable again! He feels she just totally did whatever it took to hook him in because now she needs someone to be instant daddy!!! I tell him, 'its your own fault dummy!" I think your ex is a dummy too! you are better off! I agree with this also, just try to remember that, obviously he wasn't the man you thought he was, so just thank god that you didn't start off your life together only to have him cheat on you or run off on you for someone he didn't even know...that doesn't sound like the kind of person you deserve.
Lovelybird Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 I'm a good, kind and caring person. Why do I need his attention so badly? What can he give me that makes me so desperate? because you think he took away something from you, now only he can give back to you that. BUT it is so wrong to think this way. He didn't and couldn't take away your value as a desirable woman. why do you give him this power over you? in spit of this I understand your feeling. you have to try to frame your thinking a new way maybe the newess factor is working in him now. you know, he is bored at life and maybe there are some issues between you two haven't been resolved, instead of trying to solve the problem, and look at himself and change himself, he run and found new excitement, to make him feel not bored, feel like all things are fine, he doesn't need to change or face himself. But as long as the newess wear out, he either has to face himself or continue to run to new woman. In this sense, you are lucky, now you have chance to find a brave man who won't quit on you, who dare to face himself and change himself in order to love more better.
Author Grace112 Posted August 14, 2008 Author Posted August 14, 2008 Thanks to everyone for their words of their encouragement. I know in my mind that it was certainly better for him to leave when he did rather than wait for us to get married. It's just been kind of hard to get my heart around that idea. I guess the fact that he was able to replace me so easily is what really turns the knife in my heart the extra time. It's like it cements the idea that I was unworthy of him. If he can sign onto MySpace and pick some random girl out of millions and have her be the one he choses to be with over me - how can I not help but feel awful about myself? She's some random widow that didn't even live in the same time zone!
beautifullove Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 You must be in so much pain. I am 60% sure his relationship will not work out. He met her online, she has two kids - unless he has kids of his own and knows what it means to be a family man, he may get some shock therapy. I think he will try to come back to you. However, I think you need to be prepared mentally to make the right decision when he does come knocking. Keep us posted!!!
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