Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Guys, what do you think of a woman who doesn't kiss you on 1st, 2nd or even 3rd date, but clearly shows that she likes you? Is that a turn off for you? Would you think she's playing games? Would you respect her more?
likestolaugh Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 when it gets to the third date I might start to wonder.... but before that, some girls just to don't do that... and you gotta respect their wishes. some guys might not like it... but they are usually playerz...
LolitaAnastasia Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Girls can be shy. It is normally put into our minds that only men should kiss girls. So how about you kiss her. You never know she will kiss you back.
flc Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 My experience is generally kiss on the cheek for the first date, kiss on the lips for the second date and then some prolonged kissing starting on the third date. So I too would wonder if there was no kiss by the third date.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Yeah? But why do you wonder if you can see all signs that she likes you?
Balthazar Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I think the most important sign that she likes me is the kiss. Without that, all other signs are a bit moot. I went out with a young lady in June, and after 2 weeks and 5 dates, there was no kissing,other than simple, neutral cheek kisses. Sure enough, she bailed on a sixth date with the excuse that she was not in the right frame of mind for a relationship. So, the kiss is very important. CHeers,
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 I think the most important sign that she likes me is the kiss. Without that, all other signs are a bit moot. I went out with a young lady in June, and after 2 weeks and 5 dates, there was no kissing,other than simple, neutral cheek kisses. Sure enough, she bailed on a sixth date with the excuse that she was not in the right frame of mind for a relationship. So, the kiss is very important. CHeers, Yes, the whole Joanne thing is still fresh in our minds, Balthazar.. So I haven't kissed, or made any physical contact with him yet (even holding hands) by our 2nd date which was yesterday. He looked confused. I like him a lot but want to take things slow. Third date is today. My plan is to hold his hand, but again, no kissing. See, the way I see it, if I open up to kissing, the next step is clearly going to be intimacy. Something I'm not prepared to do right now. Advise me please. Am I ruining my chances?
Lucky_One Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 What do you call "intimacy"? Intercourse? oral sex? Fondling and manual mutual masturbation? Making out? There are hundreds of steps between a first kiss and intercourse. And it is a WHOLE lot of fun getting there!
Balthazar Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Yes, the whole Joanne thing is still fresh in our minds, Balthazar.. So I haven't kissed, or made any physical contact with him yet (even holding hands) by our 2nd date which was yesterday. He looked confused. I like him a lot but want to take things slow. Third date is today. My plan is to hold his hand, but again, no kissing. See, the way I see it, if I open up to kissing, the next step is clearly going to be intimacy. Something I'm not prepared to do right now. Advise me please. Am I ruining my chances? You may not be prepared to be intimate, but do you see yourself becoming intimate with the guy? I would recommend a short kiss, a peck on the lips done sometime during the date. If he wants more(which he will), you can then tell him about taking it slow. He will be much more understanding because you will have clearly shown him your interest in him. I didn't know the Joanne situation was so well-known. Cheers,
flc Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I agree that kissing in no way means sex on the next date. If you hold hands I think it will be even more confusing if he doesn't get the kiss on the lips. To me it is a clear signal that your interested in a romantic relationship.
SnapCracklePop Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Yes, the whole Joanne thing is still fresh in our minds, Balthazar.. So I haven't kissed, or made any physical contact with him yet (even holding hands) by our 2nd date which was yesterday. He looked confused. I like him a lot but want to take things slow. Third date is today. My plan is to hold his hand, but again, no kissing. See, the way I see it, if I open up to kissing, the next step is clearly going to be intimacy. Something I'm not prepared to do right now. Advise me please. Am I ruining my chances? I hope this control you are taking over showing affections is not in response to a hurt caused by a previous relationship. And if it is, why are you holding it against this new guy? Maybe you are not ready for a new relationship. But, if this is just you wanting to take it slow, I guess I'd be wondering if this is how you are, and would the potential relationship be as controlled as what is going on now. IMO - nothing wrong with a kiss on the cheek (or lips), and if he indicated a wish to get more intimate, you can always say you are not there/ready yet... To answer your question though, yes I'd see this as games being played. It would feel like "show me how much you like me, and I will decide if you are worthy of my affections".
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Guys, first of all, I want you to understand that I'm so desperate to make this one work out and last longer than previous relationships I have had. I don't usually freak out over things like these, and basically go with the flow. I'm matured, and have gone on countless dates but right now I feel like a naive 18yo asking these silly (but-important-to-me) questions. Thank you for your support. I agree that kissing in no way means sex on the next date. If you hold hands I think it will be even more confusing if he doesn't get the kiss on the lips. To me it is a clear signal that your interested in a romantic relationship. Yes, I'm very interested in a romantic relationship. You may not be prepared to be intimate, but do you see yourself becoming intimate with the guy? I would recommend a short kiss, a peck on the lips done sometime during the date. If he wants more(which he will), you can then tell him about taking it slow. He will be much more understanding because you will have clearly shown him your interest in him. Of course, I want him so badly. I fantasize having sex with him sometimes. I just don't want to rush into that for now. I really want this one to turn into something worthwhile, rushing into sex tends to ruin things sometimes. What do you call "intimacy"? Intercourse? oral sex? Fondling and manual mutual masturbation? Making out? There are hundreds of steps between a first kiss and intercourse. And it is a WHOLE lot of fun getting there! Intimacy is all of that you have mentioned, and more. I'm just not ready for that right now. So what do you guys think? A full french kiss, or just a simple kiss on the lips or cheek?
SnapCracklePop Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 So what do you guys think? A full french kiss, or just a simple kiss on the lips or cheek? Simple kiss on the lips or cheek. Save the french kiss for "the signal".
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 I hope this control you are taking over showing affections is not in response to a hurt caused by a previous relationship. And if it is, why are you holding it against this new guy? Maybe you are not ready for a new relationship. But, if this is just you wanting to take it slow, I guess I'd be wondering if this is how you are, and would the potential relationship be as controlled as what is going on now. IMO - nothing wrong with a kiss on the cheek (or lips), and if he indicated a wish to get more intimate, you can always say you are not there/ready yet... To answer your question though, yes I'd see this as games being played. It would feel like "show me how much you like me, and I will decide if you are worthy of my affections". I'm not playing any games at all, in fact I'm not the type that play mind games. He knows that. I know how much he likes me already, he has repeatedly expressed that to me, so I'm not holding back because I'm not sure if he likes me or not. My aim at this point is not to get too emotional attached to him, which usually happens immediately after I initiate physical contact with guys. We learn from our own mistakes, and of course I'm trying to prevent what happened to me in my previous relationship, and I don't see any harm in doing that. It's not like I'm toying with his affection, just want to make sure I take the necessary steps at the necessary time, that's all.
flc Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 As far as sex, you are in control and if he is a good guy he will wait until you are ready (but not forever). You feel this may be a good relationship then give him a nice kiss on the lips and he will be floating on air for a few days. If things are good but you still want to hold back a bit holding hands and kissing will hold him over and will send the right message.
Balthazar Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Just give him a small, simple peck on the LIPS(no cheek, that is too neutral/impersonal and does not convey ROMANTIC feelings!). Do it during the date or at the end if you like... doesn't matter, he will get the message loud and clear. And I guarantee he will stick around. CHeers,
SnapCracklePop Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Yes, I'm very interested in a romantic relationship. Of course, I want him so badly. I fantasize having sex with him sometimes. ? My aim at this point is not to get too emotional attached to him, which usually happens immediately after I initiate physical contact with guys. Ok, based on what you have responde, I think you already are or are quickly getting there (emotional attachment). But you are holding back. These are mixed messages. The unspoken communications are the way we safely communicate our interests and allow the other person to respond accordingly. One person edges forward a little and if it is too much, you don't go that far. A kiss on the cheek or holding hands... does not say "lets sleep together". What you are communicating is something like : "I really like you.... don't touch me". Safe for you, but confusing for him.
Trimmer Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I know how much he likes me already, he has repeatedly expressed that to me, so I'm not holding back because I'm not sure if he likes me or not. The problem is, he has clearly expressed himself, but have you? If he is trying to communicate his feelings with you, but you are not reciprocating in any way, whether physical or otherwise (talk!) then it could end up that: He looked confused. I've had a couple dates with a woman who is warm and attractive and interesting when we're together (when I initiate something,) but there's no effort on her part, as if she enjoys my company well enough if something "just happens," but I'm not worth reaching out to or initiating anything with. So, as much as I like her, I have to assume that I'm just not that interesting to her, and I'm about to give up here, as I'm getting no indication in return. What do you think he's thinking? He sounds confused...
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 What do you think he's thinking? He sounds confused... Like he knows that I really like him (have equally expressed that to him multiple times), but I don't really show it when we're together. On our first lunch date (last Friday), he called me up in the evening to ask what I thought of him to which I happily clarified. He said he couldn't pick any sign of interest from me during the date. Then yesterday, the setting was really romantic, we went to the park and there was hardly anyone there, but I didn't hold hands or kiss him. I hope I'm not blowing this off.
flc Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 The biggest problem I run into in dating is women who give inconsistent or mixed messages. Remember at the beginning both people are trying to move forward without know the other persons real feelings and pace. So you both need to establish this with words and actions. The actions reinforce the words. When the words and actions are inconsistent it leads to doubt and pullback rather than a steady progression. This for me becomes emotionally draining and if it lasts too long I give up and move on. A lot of this is driven by fear that you will find out your feelings are not matched or you will make a mistake that will blow the relationship. If someone likes you you will not blow the relationship by being honest, if they don't, then it is better to find out sooner than later.
Star Gazer Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I think the most important sign that she likes me is the kiss. Without that, all other signs are a bit moot. I went out with a young lady in June, and after 2 weeks and 5 dates, there was no kissing,other than simple, neutral cheek kisses. Sure enough, she bailed on a sixth date with the excuse that she was not in the right frame of mind for a relationship. So, the kiss is very important. CHeers, Agreed! It's soooo important. But, if you're forced to wait a couple dates for that kiss, it's just that much better!!!
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Thanks for your insights. So it's agreed. Some sort of physical contact needs to take place today. I'm sure I'll have no problem with that after my second glass of whisky sour..
carhill Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Go light on the alcohol. A good guy will stop short if he thinks his lady is inebriated. Can't explain it but it feels "wrong". If you like to go slow to pace your emotional involvement, teach him about non-sexual physical affection. That's affection like kissing, holding each other, caressing each other without expectation of sexual contact. Sounds odd, but it's quite enjoyable and a great way to pace yourself. If a woman told me "I love it if/when you do xxxx; let's enjoy that just by itself" or something like that, I'd understand completely what she meant. Communication is important. Don't try to read each other's minds. Tell him what you want and let your actions back up your words. The worst mixed message I've ever received is words that say "I love you" and body language that says "stay away". It's really confusing and disheartening.
tanbark813 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Guys, what do you think of a woman who doesn't kiss you on 1st, 2nd or even 3rd date, but clearly shows that she likes you? 1st I can understand. Once it got to the 2nd or 3rd I would assume she wasn't into me. Either that or she has hang-ups about physical intimacy. Is that a turn off for you? Yes. Would you think she's playing games? No. I would think the reasons listed above. Would you respect her more? No. Yeah? But why do you wonder if you can see all signs that she likes you? Kissing is one of the signs so you can't have "all signs" without it. Advise me please. Am I ruining my chances? Realistically, you're hurting them, yes. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say "ruining" them.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Go light on the alcohol. A good guy will stop short if he thinks his lady is inebriated. Can't explain it but it feels "wrong". Okay, so maybe whiskey sour is not a great choice; does anybody have suggestions on ladylike drinks that do not feel "wrong"?
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