BrianG Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 After being broken up for 8 months after a 5 yr. relationship my ex recently reached out to me for friendship. I declined her offer of friendship. She will be graduating nursing school in a few days and I'm very proud of her and i wanted to send her a card regardless. Just saying congrats on graduating and signing my name. I dont want a response. Anyone's thoughts? I thought it would be nice
Meaplus3 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 After being broken up for 8 months after a 5 yr. relationship my ex recently reached out to me for friendship. I declined her offer of friendship. She will be graduating nursing school in a few days and I'm very proud of her and i wanted to send her a card regardless. Just saying congrats on graduating and signing my name. I dont want a response. Anyone's thoughts? I thought it would be nice Since you declined her recent offer for friendship, I think sending her a card at this point would just confuse her. AP:)
Angel1111 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 No, it wouldn't be nice, it would be confusing.
Ariadne Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Anyone's thoughts? I thought it would be nice I think it would be wonderful. Just do what's in your heart.
stillafool Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Don't do it. Say what you mean and mean what you say!
SweetTux Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Well I do agree with some of the posters that it would be confusing since you did decline her offer of friendship... But it would be really nice of you to send her a congratz card. You really don't have to be friends to congratulate someone anyways..
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 If you broke up with her; sending her a card might give her a confusing message. If she broke up with you and you WANT to send her a card, then why not!
Author BrianG Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Yeah, I agree on both sides. She broke up with me and even though i can't handle being friends with her, I am still proud of her. So confused??????? My heart says send it, why not your proud of her even though were not friends. My head is saying no because she got rid of me.
nowhereman82 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 You have chosen your boundary. You care for her but can't be her friend. I say send the card as described. It's safe. You did what you wanted to do. And any confusion is on her own part. You told her you didn't want to be friends.
Ingenue Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 In some ways I think maybe you're not ready to send the card because you're mulling it and thinking about it to the point of indecision. If sending the card makes you feel better as a person and won't have any (emotional) consequences for you, then maybe you might want to send it. But my opinion is that I probably wouldn't send a card. I think it's a nice gesture but the timing seems weird since you rebuffed her earlier attempt at friendship. If anything, it might just confuse her and confuse you too(?). For example, in my case my ex of 5 years dumped me over email. Two weeks later he sent me a birthday greeting (which would normally be nice from any other person) but confused the heck out of me since his sign off was "lovingly [ex's name]). While you're not expecting a response from your ex, I still think sending the card might disorient and confuse her as to what you're trying to communicate. Good luck with your decision
nopainnogain Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Send her the card but explainwhy you cant be a friend but your proud of her accomplishments as a fellow human being
wareagle Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Why? Are you looking for her to acknowledge you in some way? If you don't want to remain friends like you said why send a card if you are proud of her or not? She broke your heart, would she send you a card if she was proud of something you accomplished? Probably not since you declined a chance to be friends with her. Let it go man, it's not worth it!
serendip Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 You aren't friends with her and you are not in a relationship with her...therefore you guys should be strangers to each other Do you send strangers cards?
Author BrianG Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 I guess your right serendip, I guess you put it in way I could understand. Thanks. I still miss her and I am proud of her, but your right, she wouldn't send something to me if she was proud of me. Gotta think about myself
nowhereman82 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Thanks Brian...your last post actually answered a question for me. I will not be sending a card to my ex if she doesn't send one to me first.
sailing Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Don't mean to confuse you further, but I'd say send the card. Yes, it might be contradictory and even counter-productive, but isn't what we're aiming for to protect ourselves from further hurt, not to become emotional misers? By declining friendship on her terms, you put down your boundaries. By sending a card (and in your case, I believe you will leave it at that), you act with a big heart.
Author BrianG Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 Good posts you guys. Definetly gives me something to think about. But ultimately in the end I have to do what I think is right. For the most part I always think of my head, but with this girl my heart seems to be the one overpowering the mind. Most likely will not send the card, but food for thought sailing.
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