Did I do something?

[BurningRoses]

I was not sure which forum to ask, but this one seemed okay.[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] I need some help with an old relationship that just revived sort of. About five years ago, I worked with someone who became my friend. We were in our early twenties and I was his boss. About a month after we became friends I discovered he was having an affair with a married woman who also worked with us. I elected not to tell her husband, despite my conscience’s incessant yelling, and hoped she would end the marriage to be with my friend. Their affair lasted about five months and she was constantly trying to change him. Eventually she slipped and told me has was just a toy and she had him trained. Being a good friend, I told him and he broke it off. About a week later, we were working together and had, out of the blue, an “almost kiss-eyes lock” moment. I was unnerved at that, I have had mainly male friends since I was little and that never happened before. That night he asked if he could come over to my apartment and I was fine with it. Well he came over, we had a few drinks, he mooned over her a bit, and then started saying stuff about “a girl he could actually have”. One thing led to another and we fooled around. He spent the night and left in the morning. I was embarrassed by my own behavior, loss of self-control and the fact that I thought he was in love with another woman. That afternoon he came to pick me up from work and was very affectionate and “boyfriend-like”. I did not respond well. I really liked him at that point but I just kept thinking “he’s in love with her” and I acted like an ice-princess and ignored him. Needless to say they got back together. He and I remained friends and I thoroughly kicked myself in the butt for the three months they were together after that, but I never said anything or saw anyone else. They broke it off again, and the same thing happened, less him mooning. I didn’t have a phone or a car, so it wasn’t your typical relationship, but we saw each other every day for five months, had very moving conversations (not to mention incredible sex) and I was so in love. He never said he loved me, but I thought he did. Out of the blue he tells me that his family is moving out west in a week. I was crushed. He asked if I wanted him to move in, and my instant response after three bad “living together” relationships was hell no. I regretted it as soon as I said it but again kept my mouth shut. The last night we spent together I told him I loved him and got a Han solo “I know”. Unfortunately, a week earlier a condom had broken on us and I was secretly terrified I might be pregnant. So my silly desperate self called him the morning after our good bye and told him this. He brought an ept to my house and when it came up negative we had a much more brutal goodbye ending with me saying, “I’m scared I will never see you again” and him saying “I’m sure we will see each other again”. Heartbroken, I went to work that day only to find out I was fired for another employee’s mistake. Then I returned home to find a letter saying one of my closest uncle’s had died. Pretty rough day. Well, I made a bad judgment call and got very drunk that night and called my friend. The response I got was from his little brother yelling into the phone at me that if I loved him so much why wouldn’t I move and me yelling back through tears that I was never asked. I lost my mind for a few months after that , wrote some really good poetry and eventually mentally thanked him for everything I learned when we were together. Up until about December I haven’t thought of him in years. Nothing really major happened around then and I am befuddled as to why so many memories have come back to me. Well, I said screw it in February, figured it has been years and we did used to be close, wrote him a one page “ hi how ya doin letter” that was 100 % sap free. I don’t want him back as a mate I just can’t get him out of my head. I couldn’t find his address so I just mailed it to his parents out there and included my e-mail and reg. address. On Fathers Day I get a (what I think was a drunk mail) response. I email him back, of course, and he gives me his number. (Bit of and aside- about four years ago I hooked up with a guy who was in the middle of a separation from his wife and we were living together until last week [ he knew I wrote the old flame])Okay so I call, he’s working so he calls back. We talked for six and a half hours. It was awesome, like all the years had never happened, and he apologized for being an idiot back in the day. I told him that I was leaving the guy I was with, and he seemed sympathetic and was actually flirting really hard (bad jokes and all). So I think all is cool, right? Not so much apparently. I text him that weekend to see if he was free, no response. I text him that Wednesday to see if he would be my “phone a friend” the night I left my now-ex. I got “Well you got along without me this long, I don’t think this is fair, I have to look out for myself, I’m not cool with your situation, and I’m going to be busy.”(These were seperate messages) I sent him a message that I was sorry to impose and I was confused by the fact that we seemed okay and suddenly I was a pariah. I also said that when he wanted to tell me what was going on he had my number. I also sent him an e-mail, with just a sub line saying what in the world. The next day I get this[/sIZE][/FONT][COLOR=#333333][FONT=Arial] “yo i shouldn't even be responding to this bullsh%$ so i'm gonna let my man lynard say everything i need to say instead of talkin for fo0r ****n hours instead of r” [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#333333][FONT=Times New Roman]Obvious drunk mail, I sent back “[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#333333][FONT=Arial]Huh? I think your e-mail cut out mid rant.”, kinda catty but I was perplexed. [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#333333][FONT=Times New Roman] So I decided to give him space. It has been a week, am I a total b*&%# for something or what the ? Why is he acting like this so suddenly? Was I right to be confused then and completely mystified now?Thanks all![/FONT][/COLOR]

[nowhereman82]

Welcome to the forum BurningRose...I highly suggest next time you make a long post, please make paragraphs. That was unbearably hard to read because I couldn't keep track of which sentence I was on.

 

In regards to your post. I am sure you want answers but honestly what will they do for you? He seems to still have feelings for you and is possibly upset at having these swell up again...perhaps him thinking you only called because of your ex upset him? I would be crushed if my ex contacted me under those circumstances.

 

Sounded like he had commitment issues as well since he didn't say he loved you and wouldn't invite you to move.

 

Don't let this eat you and perhaps consider NC.

[BurningRoses]

I was not sure which forum to ask, but this one seemed okayI need some help with an old relationship that just revived sort of.

About five years ago, I worked with someone who became my friend. We were in our early twenties and I was his boss. About a month after we became friends I discovered he was having an affair with a married woman who also worked with us. I elected not to tell her husband, despite my conscience’s incessant yelling, and hoped she would end the marriage to be with my friend. Their affair lasted about five months and she was constantly trying to change him. Eventually she slipped and told me has was just a toy and she had him trained.

Being a good friend, I told him and he broke it off. About a week later, we were working together and had, out of the blue, an “almost kiss-eyes lock” moment. I was unnerved at that, I have had mainly male friends since I was little and that never happened before. That night he asked if he could come over to my apartment and I was fine with it.

Well he came over, we had a few drinks, he mooned over her a bit, and then started saying stuff about “a girl he could actually have”. One thing led to another and we fooled around. He spent the night and left in the morning. I was embarrassed by my own behavior, loss of self-control and the fact that I thought he was in love with another woman. That afternoon he came to pick me up from work and was very affectionate and “boyfriend-like”. I did not respond well. I really liked him at that point but I just kept thinking “he’s in love with her” and I acted like an ice-princess and ignored him.

Needless to say they got back together. He and I remained friends and I thoroughly kicked myself in the butt for the three months they were together after that, but I never said anything or saw anyone else. They broke it off again, and the same thing happened, less him mooning. I didn’t have a phone or a car, so it wasn’t your typical relationship, but we saw each other every day for five months, had very moving conversations (not to mention incredible sex) and I was so in love. He never said he loved me, but I thought he did. Out of the blue he tells me that his family is moving out west in a week. I was crushed. He asked if I wanted him to move in, and my instant response after three bad “living together” relationships was hell no. I regretted it as soon as I said it but again kept my mouth shut.

The last night we spent together I told him I loved him and got a Han solo “I know”. Unfortunately, a week earlier a condom had broken on us and I was secretly terrified I might be pregnant. So my silly desperate self called him the morning after our good bye and told him this. He brought an ept to my house and when it came up negative we had a much more brutal goodbye ending with me saying, “I’m scared I will never see you again” and him saying “I’m sure we will see each other again”.

Heartbroken, I went to work that day only to find out I was fired for another employee’s mistake. Then I returned home to find a letter saying one of my closest uncle’s had died. Pretty rough day. Well, I made a bad judgment call and got very drunk that night and called my friend. The response I got was from his little brother yelling into the phone at me that if I loved him so much why wouldn’t I move and me yelling back through tears that I was never asked. I lost my mind for a few months after that , wrote some really good poetry and eventually mentally thanked him for everything I learned when we were together.

Up until about December I haven’t thought of him in years. Nothing really major happened around then and I am befuddled as to why so many memories have come back to me. Well, I said screw it in February, figured it has been years and we did used to be close, wrote him a one page “ hi how ya doin letter” that was 100 % sap free. I don’t want him back as a mate I just can’t get him out of my head. I couldn’t find his address so I just mailed it to his parents out there and included my e-mail and reg. address.

On Fathers Day I get a (what I think was a drunk mail) response. I email him back, of course, and he gives me his number. (Bit of and aside- about four years ago I hooked up with a guy who was in the middle of a separation from his wife and we were living together until last week [ he knew I wrote the old flame and things ended because we were more plantonically compatible than romantically])

Okay so I call, he’s working so he calls back. We talked for six and a half hours. It was awesome, like all the years had never happened, and he apologized for being an idiot back in the day. I told him that I was leaving the guy I was with, and he seemed sympathetic and was actually flirting really hard (bad jokes and all). So I think all is cool, right?

Not so much apparently. I text him that weekend to see if he was free, no response. I text him that Wednesday to see if he would be my “phone a friend” the night I left my now-ex. I got “Well you got along without me this long, I don’t think this is fair, I have to look out for myself, I’m not cool with your situation, and I’m going to be busy.”(These were seperate messages) I sent him a message that I was sorry to impose and I was confused by the fact that we seemed okay and suddenly I was a pariah. I also said that when he wanted to tell me what was going on he had my number. I also sent him an e-mail, with just a sub line saying what in the world.

The next day I get this “yo i shouldn't even be responding to this bullsh%$ so i'm gonna let my man lynard say everything i need to say instead of talkin for fo0r ****n hours instead of r”

Obvious drunk mail, I sent back Huh? I think your e-mail cut out mid rant.”, kinda catty but I was perplexed. So I decided to give him space. It has been a week, am I a total b*&%# for something or what the ? Why is he acting like this so suddenly? Was I right to be confused then and completely mystified now?Thanks all!And I am NC right now, just freakin puzzled.