he came back like a ghost

[aloneatnights]

long story sorry but i need to put it down to get my head around it and help me move on.

i went out with a guy 21 years ago (i was 22 yrs old at this time, he was 20) but i was young and impetuous and i finished it after 3 yrs and went my own little way in life.

i had one son, met a man, got married, had two more boys and two years ago, became divorced, not a problem, never cheated and me and ex are amicable and kids sorted out etc etc.

a year afteri was divorced i had a phone call from ex from over 20 yrs ago and he came round on my invitation and we had a quick catch up over coffee. the chemistry and attraction was there as soon as we met again but it was a few months before i saw him again.

in the 20 odd years we were not together, he kept up contact with my parents, which i knew about but never thought anything of it. i never did dwell on his life really, just got on with my own.

now last year from july, i met up with him and fell deeply in love and we had sex and talked about us, his marriage, what we were doing and where it was going. many times i tried to break it off but just couldnt and ended up back again meeting him .

anyway, things came to a head in november i guess and i felt myself withdrawing and i knew it would end, just needing the time to make it end.

it wasnt a great affair anyway, didnt give me what i wanted or needed but there was just something about this man i wanted.

i finished it in may this year and since july have had no contact completely. i took back the phone i gave him to text me, changed my numbers etc.

i did say, come see me when you are single and he said he had no way of contacting me. to which i replied, show up like you have done and tell me its just you and me. (he brought forgotten charger round after last final meeting)

anyway, i've had a month on my own without seeing or hearing from him and i have come to conclusion that i only wanted him because i couldnt have him. what would i do if i could? i have no idea to be honest.

the feelings were intense, i still think about him every day and wonder what he is doing and if he is thinking about me as much as i do him.

the bottom line is, i want him to be happy, with or without me, i just want him to be happy and content.

 

if he does become single, i will give it a shot and see where that takes me but until then i feel i am wasting my time waiting around for that knock on the door. luckily there was no pc communication so i dont obsess about him here.

 

sorry for the long post, i am confused about my own feelings and trying to second guess his. saying 'i love you' means nothing without the actions

9 months was long enough to wait for him to make a move about his so called crap marriage. couldnt have been all that bad cos he didnt change his situation

[astra77]

Firstly let me say welcome to the LS Club, and I am so sorry that you had to join, but please know that you are not alone my dear, there are many others here, like myself, who are in a similar situation and we're all here to support you.

 

You wrote 9 months was long enough to wait for him to make a move about his so called crap marriage. couldnt have been all that bad cos he didnt change his situation.

 

Im sorry if i sound harsh sweetie, but if you read what you wrote here, REALLY REALLY read it, you have answered your own question, 9 months is plenty long enough for him to file for D, BUT he didn't. He chose to stay in the M. And truthfully, his M probably wasn't all that bad, you made it better. And that will only ALWAYS benefit HIM - and you get nothing in return but heartache, tears and more tears

 

This scenario has happened to me and 99.98 % of OW on this forum. (ok so my stats may not be 100 % )

 

You have done the right thing ending the A and doing NC - give ya self a (((((hug)))) Your emotions must be all over the place, and yes, it unfortunately does take time to heal. 20 years apart is a long time, i can only imagine the rush it gave you seeing him again after all that time, but thats all it was - a rush. Unless he can come to you and say "sweetheart, it's just you and me, i got a D" this R will not work.

 

You are so strong and have come so far, dont let a small hurdle keep you down for too long. Take care of you and please keep posting

[wildsoul]

Hello and welcome! You're doing the right thing.

 

When I was thinking of getting divorced, I had a ghost of over 20 years return too. It was "the guy who got away." And what I didn't know until we reconnected was that I was "the girl who got away." He even wrote about me in an autobiographical book. He was ending his marriage, further along than me. I was just getting ready to set a decision date. We did not have a PA (physical affair) as I wouldn't do that, but I admit having some strong feelings. However, my friend did serve as an important catalyst for my divorce. By feeling myself come alive again, after being so unhappy in my M, it propelled me to make changes. Yes, I had some fantasies that maybe I was supposed to be with this guy I had thought about for so many years, but ultimately I knew he was just a catalyst.

 

There is no telling how your guy sees it, and it matters not as you have to decide what it is that you want. But I'll venture to say that if you leave, then perhaps you are a bit of a catalyst. If you keep seeing him though, then you'd just be a crutch.

 

You're totally doing the right thing by going NC (no contact) and coming here to work it through.

[aloneatnights]

reading through the posts on here, i have come to the conclusion that i am stronger than i thought. i've had my moments throughout the 9 months i was seeing him, really dark, down days and i went through something i never thought i would do. everything, not just him, became too much for me to bear and i just wanted out.

anyhoo, life went on BUT being in that situation, i realised i had no way to go but up and forwards and as well as wanting to leave everything behind, i decided then to withdraw from him and our affair.

i'm not on any meds or counselling, i just .... its hard to explain.... grew up i suppose.

i have 3 lovely kids and i never break my promises to them. i have promised theyoungest (4yrs old) that i will always be around for him. now that has put the kaybosh on any self destruction plans and i know today, that i will never ever let anyone bring me that far down again.

one thing i learnt is the fact i can love someone, wholely and completely which was a revelation and i thank him for that but the next person will be mine completely too.

i honestly think that the affair was one of the hardest things i have been through, the wanting, waiting, disappointments, second guessing and finally feeling like an unpaid whore. yeah he had the best of me , emotionally, physically and mentally but i can move on and each day is a little bit further along.

i guess i'm slightly resenting him but i have gone past the self loathing stage i felt for myself

[astra77]

aloneatnights i get your pain. Your kids are so worth fighting this for.

 

And fight we will - we all will. This my most vicious, cruel and horrible nightmare come true, i have never felt like this before in my life. To give yourself to someone so completely and whole heartedly should be a gift to that person, not something they shove in your face when you are hurting because you only have a small part of them in return. And believe me when i say they know it.

 

I have since realised ending my A that i was a mere blip on his radar, a very small and insignificant one at that. I was not his # 1 priority, but he did a good job of making me put HIM first and foremost in my life. I still cant believe the power and control he had/has over me.

 

As painful a journey as it has been, and may be for a while to come, what doesnt kill us can only make us stronger. I am so surprised i am still in the land of the living, and for that i am so very greatful. I thought it would be the death of me before, but know i see that i have more than i could ever ask for here at home right under my nose, I was just distracted for a short time.

 

Keep posting aloneatnights, and hold on tight

[White Flower]

aloneatnights i get your pain. Your kids are so worth fighting this for.

 

And fight we will - we all will. This my most vicious, cruel and horrible nightmare come true, i have never felt like this before in my life. To give yourself to someone so completely and whole heartedly should be a gift to that person, not something they shove in your face when you are hurting because you only have a small part of them in return. And believe me when i say they know it.

 

I have since realised ending my A that i was a mere blip on his radar, a very small and insignificant one at that. I was not his # 1 priority, but he did a good job of making me put HIM first and foremost in my life. I still cant believe the power and control he had/has over me.

 

As painful a journey as it has been, and may be for a while to come, what doesnt kill us can only make us stronger. I am so surprised i am still in the land of the living, and for that i am so very greatful. I thought it would be the death of me before, but know i see that i have more than i could ever ask for here at home right under my nose, I was just distracted for a short time.

 

Keep posting aloneatnights, and hold on tight

Hi astra77,

 

I know we haven't exchanged a lot of words but I wanted you to know I really relate to this post. I understand fully the pain of giving yourself wholeheartedly to someone who only ever meant to give you a sliver of himself. This will make us stronger and together you and I can warn new posters of the types they are dealing with.

 

To new posters: I wish someone had told me what I'm going to tell you now. You are here because you are seeking truth and wisdom on your current situation. Some of us got our answers even if they didn't make us happy in the end. Keep posting and sharing until you've sorted everything out and we'll be here to listen. Again, some OWs/OMs get their happy ending while others don't (we end up happy anyway;)) and some just linger for years as the OW and are perfectly happy that way.

 

And AAN (aloneatnights), I'm glad you were able to make that decision after only 9 months! Some (I'll try not to mention my own name:confused:) of us go on for about 3 years before we finally get it! You and I are close in age and I have three beautiful kids too. I never neglected them in any way, thank goodness, but they are the main focus of my life and I didn't need the possibility of exMM interfering with their lives, not that he would have intentionally, but you know what I mean. I didn't want them seeing me arguing with him on the phone or crying about him, etc., which surely would have eventually happened had I stayed with him.

 

You asked about why you needed to sort this out. Do you really believe you just wanted him because you couldn't have him? If he had left his wife and backed up the 'I love yous' with actions, would it not have been satisfying to you? If so, I'm glad he didn't leave the M for you, but I'm not sure you really meant that?

 

Then you say you think about him every day and wonder if he does the same. That is why I don't think you meant the above statement.

 

I am not poking at you, I am just really curious and these questions help you clarify your own confusion. Good luck and keep posting!

[astra77]

Hi astra77,

 

I know we haven't exchanged a lot of words but I wanted you to know I really relate to this post. I understand fully the pain of giving yourself wholeheartedly to someone who only ever meant to give you a sliver of himself. This will make us stronger and together you and I can warn new posters of the types they are dealing with.

 

To new posters: I wish someone had told me what I'm going to tell you now. You are here because you are seeking truth and wisdom on your current situation. Some of us got our answers even if they didn't make us happy in the end. Keep posting and sharing until you've sorted everything out and we'll be here to listen. Again, some OWs/OMs get their happy ending while others don't (we end up happy anyway;)) and some just linger for years as the OW and are perfectly happy that way.

 

And AAN (aloneatnights), I'm glad you were able to make that decision after only 9 months! Some (I'll try not to mention my own name:confused:) of us go on for about 3 years before we finally get it! You and I are close in age and I have three beautiful kids too. I never neglected them in any way, thank goodness, but they are the main focus of my life and I didn't need the possibility of exMM interfering with their lives, not that he would have intentionally, but you know what I mean. I didn't want them seeing me arguing with him on the phone or crying about him, etc., which surely would have eventually happened had I stayed with him.

 

You asked about why you needed to sort this out. Do you really believe you just wanted him because you couldn't have him? If he had left his wife and backed up the 'I love yous' with actions, would it not have been satisfying to you? If so, I'm glad he didn't leave the M for you, but I'm not sure you really meant that?

 

Then you say you think about him every day and wonder if he does the same. That is why I don't think you meant the above statement.

 

I am not poking at you, I am just really curious and these questions help you clarify your own confusion. Good luck and keep posting!

 

WF, you helped me alot in the early days, and i thank you for that

 

There is no worse feeling in the world than wholeheartdley and honestly believing that someone loves you for who you are, when in reality, they only love you for what they want you to be - OUCH - i just stabbed myself there.

 

The PAINFUL truth is, we have to truely see this for ourselves and this is the hardest part. Lets face it, who the hell wants to admit to themself that "mr oh so ****en perfect" is so very far and removed from perfect. I want nothing more than to believe i meant something more than a shag to him, but the cold hard fact is - that is all i was to him, and all i will ever be to him. Hookers atleast get paid after the deed, OM/OW dont.

 

And that HURTS, damn it hurts, but you know what, when you take the power back, and start to use it to empower YOURSELF, what better revenge to dish out to him than to turn around and say "huny, i know how BADLY you want me, but you can never have me again" Lets see how much THAT hurts.

 

Lets face it, when you are in your deepest darkest hour, your most desperate time of need, does HE comfort you, does HE hold you and let you cry and scream and carry on til you cant breath? Does HE pick up the pieces of this broken mess - that HE created by the way?

[Lookingforward]

Lets face it, when you are in your deepest darkest hour, your most desperate time of need, does HE comfort you, does HE hold you and let you cry and scream and carry on til you cant breath? Does HE pick up the pieces of this broken mess - that HE created by the way?

 

ummm no...you BOTH created the mess.... if we're telling the 'painful truth' here, you need to own that.......

[astra77]

ummm no...you BOTH created the mess.... if we're telling the 'painful truth' here, you need to own that.......

 

Absolutely, but his role in this was pretty full on considering i had real intentions and he only intended to **** my ass off. Sorry but although i played a part, my feelings for him were genuine, his were not. I was in a unhappy place in my M when i met xmm. He lead me to believe that we had a future together as a proper couple, when all he intended to do was make me his part time hooker without payment and intended to use me like this until i either woke up and smelt the coffee in brazil or until the w found out.

 

I played my part in this yes, and **** me i own it, but when a OM/OW is only using a girl/guy for sex, and has no intentions of doing anything more, i think they have alot more to answer for.

[beautifullove]

To WS, WF, A77, and OW posters, I guess I'd like to let you know that reading all of your stories has helped me to understand that I am not alone in my grief, sadness, pain, hurt. Although many of my feelings have turned to anger, I still have love for him underlying the anger. I wonder how he could just walk away and never look back again. I wonder if he even remembers me at all. I imagine that he's so happy without giving any thought about me. He was so sure about his seperation to begin with, we planned a future together, moved to another state together, etc. I guess this is one of my down days. I went away for a few days, but coming back home brings all the memories back. Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I am reading the posts daily, and yes WS's signature is very powerful!

[astra77]

To WS, WF, A77, and OW posters, I guess I'd like to let you know that reading all of your stories has helped me to understand that I am not alone in my grief, sadness, pain, hurt. Although many of my feelings have turned to anger, I still have love for him underlying the anger. I wonder how he could just walk away and never look back again. I wonder if he even remembers me at all. I imagine that he's so happy without giving any thought about me. He was so sure about his seperation to begin with, we planned a future together, moved to another state together, etc. I guess this is one of my down days. I went away for a few days, but coming back home brings all the memories back. Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I am reading the posts daily, and yes WS's signature is very powerful!

 

Darling, i hear you, i feel your pain, i know it too well, but there is strength in numbers and we are not alone. We are all here for each other.

 

I have to go to work, but i am thinking of you all until i sign in later today.

[aloneatnights]

i ask myself frequently 'what did i get out of it?' answer ..... nothing ! so i am fuelling my resentment, anger, hoplessness, all the negative feelings into positive actions ie decorating, reading, even started cooking *shock horror*. my youngest goes to school this sept so getting him ready and excited about it. keeping up with reading practise with middle one and booting the eldests bum into college. its working.

lets face it, no one likes being rejected and i think thats what i felt i had been BUT i also took back control by walking away with a smile on my face and the best shag that man ever had, and knowing he will never have better than me.

bit of an oxymoron there but i know what i mean.

i'm not going to jump straight into dating again, just taking some time out for me and those close to me.

yeah i own my pain, i hold my hands up to that, and in a way, no matter how painful it is, i'm glad i went through it. it has taught me a lot about myself

[aloneatnights]

also, i expected a lot of bashing on here but its nice to see the support and encouragement. my excuse i suppose is that he came looking for me... i was divorced, i should have said no, i know that now but not everything is black and white. its done now. his wife doesnt know, she wont find out from me but crikey, sometimes i wish i was her

[astra77]

i ask myself frequently 'what did i get out of it?' answer ..... nothing ! so i am fuelling my resentment, anger, hoplessness, all the negative feelings into positive actions ie decorating, reading, even started cooking *shock horror*. my youngest goes to school this sept so getting him ready and excited about it. keeping up with reading practise with middle one and booting the eldests bum into college. its working.

lets face it, no one likes being rejected and i think thats what i felt i had been BUT i also took back control by walking away with a smile on my face and the best shag that man ever had, and knowing he will never have better than me.

bit of an oxymoron there but i know what i mean.

i'm not going to jump straight into dating again, just taking some time out for me and those close to me.

yeah i own my pain, i hold my hands up to that, and in a way, no matter how painful it is, i'm glad i went through it. it has taught me a lot about myself

 

Oh yes - a breakthrough. Well done huny, well done

 

Things can only get better from here.

 

Honestly - just between you and me ;) (and everyone else)

I know for an absolute fact i was the best shag my xmm has ever had, and you know what, he aint ever getting it from me again. Whats that Pink song..... its just you and your hand tonight. hahahaha LOL

 

Seriously, you have come along way. Keep busy, hold onto your thoughts and keep posting.

[aloneatnights]

everyone has their breaking point, mine was 20 yrs ago with him, i became bored of the relationship young love such as it was. probably would have ended up marrying him if i had stuck at it. then again i got bored of it this time round after a few months. i think the most exciting bit was the fact we talked about the before time. anyway, he remembered so much more than i did and for 20 odd years i didnt dwell on him so i dont need to now.

i kind of always knew i'd be on my own even in old age and you know something.... it doesnt scare me!

my own nature tends to burn hot and cold and i need osmeone more stimulating for me.

oh, a bit of history, my ex and i finished due to his mistress.... the bottom of a bottle. i have moved on from that and so has he and he is a good father to the kids and everyone seems settled and happy. so looking back at my own achievements, i dont really need a man in my life at this time anyway.

 

in a way i feel sorry for the exlover because he isnt happy. if he was, he would never have sought me out or kept up contact with my folks.

am i happy? for sure, i have 3 little people who are well balanced, happy and not afraid to express their feelings... i did that

 

 

roll on 70 and my 17 cats.

[mytruelove]

very nice to meet you. it's very insightful for me to read your situation because i am in something very similar.

 

i met my guy - who i consider to be the love of my life - 10 years ago (so halfway to your 20). instant attraction, love at first sight, however, neither of us have every been truly "available" for each other. timing as always been an issue.

 

he has had a girlfriend, been married, as have I. we have always remained friends though. i've helped him through breakups, life issues, etc. and we have been there for each other through some really tough times.

 

when i decided that my marriage was over. i finally told him exactly how i felt, not expecting anything to come of it, but he returned the same feelings and it has progressed from there.

 

i dont' want to hog your post and go into everything, but reading your post has been very insightful to me as i see where i could be in 10 more years. maybe you could read some of my posts and give me some insight?

 

wishing you the best!!!

[aloneatnights]

wow, would that i were you. a girlfriend is less complicated than a wife although feelings will get hurt but i have an experience of this situation with a friend of mine. bear with me...

she met him about 5 yrs ago and he was seeing a girl and then my friend became the OW. lots and lots of ups and downs, more downs if she;s honest and she saw him on and off, mainly on for the past 3 years. finally he broke up witht he girlfriend and they are now a dating couple, so yes, it can happen! and i wish you luck and perseverance and the strength to hang in there.

 

with me, i know if he turned up at the door and this is THE only way he can contact me, i would accept him ONLY if he could give me the love and time i need and want ie at least be seperated. his work is his home and therefore he cannot leave, she has to but according to him the marriage is 'ok' even though he is fed up with it. they dont talk, dont have sex often blah bloody blah.

someone said they would start at dating and getting to know each other and that is the route i would take. we are now two different people from 20 yrs ago and would need to get over that past. would i trust him? oh yes. he has proved its me he wants time and again, despite marriage. (or this is what i choose to believe)

hand on heart, it doesnt hurt like it did while i was seeing him. i've had the heartbreak, the despair, the absolute not knowing what i am doing stage and the tears.

about 3 weeks ago, he turned up at the door returning my phone charger to me which i gave him to text me so he wouldnt get caught and we sat in his car outside the house just talking for about 10 mins. i had a smile on my face and was saying 'cant sit here all day, things to do. take care, see you' i also said come back when you are single, so the door is open for now. i couldnt be friends with him, i want more, or i think i do.

 

anyway the bottom line is if he wants to be with you, or me, nothing on earth would stop him, not a wife, girlfriend, finances or children. it seems to me you have at least made a good friend. i would give him a deadline and take it from there. if nothing else, even NC for a couple of months will give you a chance to get everything into perspective.

 

once again i wish you luck

[aloneatnights]

i have to point out my mother and stepdad left their respective spouses to be together when i was 8 yrs old. for this reason, i have always had attachment issues. she left her kids (for a while), he left his. they are still together and married since then...35 years. not sure what message that has given me except i find it hard to trust anyone and near impossible to get close or allow them to become close. one for the therapists i think lol.

so this is where my confusion and contradictions stem from regards the exlover. do i, dont i, would i, could i ???? its a puzzle for sure

the only thing i do know is i felt love for this man and would have made every effort to be with him if the boot had been on the other foot

[White Flower]

also, i expected a lot of bashing on here but its nice to see the support and encouragement. my excuse i suppose is that he came looking for me... i was divorced, i should have said no, i know that now but not everything is black and white. its done now. his wife doesnt know, she wont find out from me but crikey, sometimes i wish i was her

I used to feel this way, but no longer do. So she has him in her bed each night, there to open the door for her and carry her groceries, etc. But, she has a man who lied to her, held a major part of his life from her. In reality, she does not know him; only the parts he wants her to know.

 

I loved the whole man which was his greatest gift considering I knew everything about him.

 

I'm glad you got bored with him and don't ever forget you did. It will be the reminder you need to never go back.

[mytruelove]

" so yes, it can happen! and i wish you luck and perseverance and the strength to hang in there." these are the kindest, most inspiring words i've heard and i'm touched.

 

the truth is YES if he truly loves me NOTHING will stop him from being with me. i know nothing would stop me from being with him.....

 

Thank you for the kind words. i really think you did the right thing to keep yourself and any chance at a relationship with him down the road in tact.

 

if i feel i have to go no contact in order to preserve myself and my guys friendship i will. it will not be an easy choice, but i do reason that it may be needed at some point.

 

i can tell you that taking a break has ALWAYS worked in our favor. there was a time when we went no contact for a month because he was hurt i had made a decision to try and give the marriage on more chance and he declared no contact... that was the worst month of my life and that is EXACTLY when i took my ring off for good and commited to him realizing that there was no turning back.

 

so, there is ALWAYS hope!!! take care.

[aloneatnights]

there IS always hope whether it happens or not. you cannot look in from the outside while amongst it i think, or at least i couldnt but now i can. i have beaten myself up about my part in the affair... now lets be honest, my part was only 50%, i refuse to take all the blame, i'm not that much of a martyr.

when things were at their worst, i did try to take my life and at that point, no, the kids didnt matter, nothing did, i was in a dark place where holding onto my sanity seemed madness in itself. i wanted to let go, i wanted out, BUT the attempt didnt work and i decided enough was enough of everything miserable and negative. so i turned things around slowly.

on top of the emotional situation with him, was the divorce, the bankruptcy, schooling, absolutely everything piling on top and he was the straw that broke the camels back. i'm not blaming him, of course not, but it didnt help going through the turmoil of him while trying and not succeeding dealing with the rest.

so off i went from hospital to the doctors because i had to and managed to talk my way out of meds or therapy and getting both feet back on the ground and basically starting again, mainly with my children. now the youngest two dont know anything but my eldest does and the hurt i caused him, made me realise i have a lot of making up to do and also i had to put my priorities in order. so kids first, anything else comes secondary.

 

all i can say is just take care of you and the rest will follow. if you are not eating, then force yourself.... thinness adds old age to your face you know.... just try to be the best you can and try to be happy.

 

my gut instinct tells me you will get what you want and wish for but on the other hand, there's a saying...'be careful what you wish for'

i sincerely hope you remain friends whether together or not. you seem to be each others support

[aloneatnights]

actually you know what STUFF HIM!!! reading back through my posts sounds more like he hadnt gotten over me in 20 odd yrs. i had him again, so what? i didnt need him then and i dont need him now woohooo happy single life here i am... now where did i put my cats???

[aloneatnights]

ironically another man has asked me to hang out with him and he is married !!! i must be a magnet... anyhoo i said yes, course we can hang out WHEN I GET A CALL FROM YOUR WIFE SAYING ITS OK

funny, not heard from him since .... LOL

[wildsoul]

ironically another man has asked me to hang out with him and he is married !!! i must be a magnet... anyhoo i said yes, course we can hang out WHEN I GET A CALL FROM YOUR WIFE SAYING ITS OK

funny, not heard from him since .... LOL

I would take this as a sign that your healthy boundaries are coming back. Wa-hoo. You attracted the same situation, but responded differently. Good job!

[mytruelove]

"on top of the emotional situation with him, was the divorce, the bankruptcy, schooling, absolutely everything piling on top and he was the straw that broke the camels back. i'm not blaming him, of course not, but it didnt help going through the turmoil of him while trying and not succeeding dealing with the rest." - yes the juggling act...

 

- this serves as a real warning to me because i am dealing with a lot all at once too (him, my mom having surgery, divorce) - i want to keep my sanity at all costs!!! i need to take care of myself also - that is why i say if i need i am going to take a break. i don't want to though because i am happy when i am with him. my question is ...is it worth going through the hurt? i'm so glad you made it out!!!

 

"my gut instinct tells me you will get what you want and wish for but on the other hand, there's a saying...'be careful what you wish for'

i sincerely hope you remain friends whether together or not. you seem to be each others support" - THANK YOU!!! God willing the rewards will come...if it doesn't feel "right" in my gut i'm not going to do it...and YES we are each others support.

 

CONGRATS ON THOSE BOUNDRIES GIRL!!! YOU'VE LEARNED AND GROWN. i don't see you making the same mistakes again ever