Author Lights Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 Lights I know the situation you’re in. You exist but nobody seems to know you are there. I know this because I am in the same situation. You’ve tried things a couple of times but with no success. It takes a lot more effort and a lot more perseverance than that, to get what you want. It's worse than not existing. It's as if actually being viewed in any genuinely positive light just isn't available. What's your definition of "a couple"? Does it range in the hundreds or possibly low thousands? The psychologist Albert Ellis in his young age forced himself to approach hundreds of women randomly in a botanical garden (mainly to destroy his anxiety and to build his confidence) only to be rejected hundreds of times. That would be disheartening for anyone, but eventually his confidence grew and his anxiety over rejection disappeared and he got a few dates out of it. The point is you’re going to be rejected (or ignored) in the course of finding someone; this is going to happen heaps. The remedy for this is simple: get over it, forget it ever happened and do it again. Old news. I did exactly that many years ago. It brought me little more than anger. During these last several years, however, things are tougher in that I don't have access to hundreds or even tens of them, and nor do I know ahead of time if I'll find even one of interest at a given location; repeating that will be more difficult. You also seem to reject many suggestions, from what I have read you don’t seem to want to turn things around. I agree with konfuzd, the outcome to that way of thinking will be the status quo I have rejected those suggestions because I have done them myself several times over time. If those suggestions actually worked, I wouldn't reject them. I’ve recently been putting all my energy into self-development (doing what I mentioned earlier, building my career path, getting fit etc etc), because when you do that you build confidence and when that happens you will find Lights that you will become an entirely different person, one who may not be ignored at all I've lived that life myself--I spent some years of my life doing exactly that some years ago. It's a worthy path, and excellent for accomplishing other things in life, but it will not change the social situation. You'll never turn it around until you realize that there is a chance of success. There's an underlying theme in your posts that just feels like you think that it's futile. Further, there will never be any hard evidence or data of your progress. You'll just need to have faith in yourself. I just want to improve the chance to something far greater than what it is now (apparently near zero).
BlueHarvest Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 well imagine if fate predestined that a year from now, you're going to meet a girl you're really into who falls head over heels in love with you, no matter what you do. if you knew this for certain ahead of time, would you really still be worrying about all this aggravation and misfortune in your life right now? what if you also knew that this girl was going to leave you a few years later and then the following year, you'll meet the girl you're going to marry. would this take away from the prior relationship? what if five years later, your wife dies of cancer and you live the next several years of your life alone. would this make it a 'failed' marriage in your eyes? what if by losing her, you learned to better appreciate the small things you still have in life, even when it seems nothing is going your way. my point is, loss and gain are matters of perspective. life is change. struggle is inevitable. everything is temporary, except for the impact that life lessons can impart on you. it's not fate or failure that's keeping you down, it's your perceptions. the way you view yourself interacts with how others view of you. if i can sense your desperation through an online forum, it's no wonder most women steer clear from you in real life. they can sense it on you from a mile away. lighten up. being alone doesn't make your life any more important or less worthwhile, and having a woman will never fix your life or your self-worth. considering your current emotional state, i think a relationship in your life at this point in time will only temporarily distract you from self-deprecation. learn to love and respect yourself more and you'll make it easier for others, guy or girl, to want to be around you. In other words what this person was trying to say to the OP is simply this: "Life is not about the destination, it's about the journey. Everyone's destination is inevitably the same...it's what you do with your life that counts."
reflecting zen Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 I have rejected those suggestions because I have done them myself several times over time. If those suggestions actually worked, I wouldn't reject them. My point exactly, you've done them several times. As I said before you need to do more than that, try thousands of times. Any technique is not going to work the first time, you just have to forget the failures and try again. Old news. I did exactly that many years ago. It brought me little more than anger. Yeah, it is old news, but it's useful news; and don't get bitter, get better! During these last several years, however, things are tougher in that I don't have access to hundreds or even tens of them Yep, same problem here. Let me tell you from experience that this will not change by sitting here writing about it. This will not change unless you change your way of thinking. This will not change unless you force yourself into social situations where you are in the presence of women. How big is your city?
Author Lights Posted November 17, 2008 Author Posted November 17, 2008 My point exactly, you've done them several times. As I said before you need to do more than that, try thousands of times. Any technique is not going to work the first time, you just have to forget the failures and try again. Which things are you referring to? Approaches? Or time units expended on activities one is not interested in in hopes of finding more female-heavy demographics? Regarding the former, I have likely reached numbers of attempts on that order of magnitude already (thousands) quite a ways ago. The latter, well, I have not bothered to keep count of it. It's more than I should have spent, and I have no intention of repeating that mistake. Though I may not have spent thousands of any given time units in such a fashion, I can truthfully warn you that doing so will only bore one and eventually one's patience will give out. As I explained to Konfuzd, the "meet-through-activities" path is not a rewarding one. Yeah, it is old news, but it's useful news; and don't get bitter, get better! How is it useful if it is clearly demonstrated to be ineffective? Yep, same problem here. Let me tell you from experience that this will not change by sitting here writing about it. This will not change unless you change your way of thinking. This will not change unless you force yourself into social situations where you are in the presence of women. Being in the presence of any given woman is nevertheless rather meaningless if they walk right by you or insult you. It doesn't improve the situation. I'm asking how to improve the situation, not how to merely continue banging my head on a wall. I am quite skilled at that! How big is your city? It's a small town. Occasionally I may travel to a nearby large city, but my work schedule is such that it doesn't happen that often.
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