rocketgirl138 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Hey I just need some advice on this particular subject. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. He works at a restaurant that his mother owns. His mother hates me and has tried to sabotage our relationship on a few occasions. No matter what lies she spreads and the amount of times she has talked down to me I’ve been very respectful to her. I do not like his mother due to how she treats her son and her lack of respect for our relationship. A while back she hired this waitress that she considers her “adopted daughter”. After a while he befriended her and wanted me to meet her figuring that we had a lot in common and would get along. I was excited to meet her and when the opportunity arose she bailed out but continued to text him through out the night. My bf expressed his concerned that she might have liked him. So I gave him the advice that it might in fact be true but take in consideration that she is lonely and since she moved from out of state she probably wanted friends. I did say that he should be aware just in case anything happens he should not be caught off guard. A few days later she had told him that she didn’t come out because she didn’t want to meet me, which was the same day they kissed. While this happened we were going through some tough relationship problems and that is his reasons for doing this. When his mother found out she was happy that he did this and encouraged him to be with her. Shortly after that he told this girl that he loved me and wanted to fix things and because of his mother’s reaction along with mine he quit his job. Since he couldn’t find employment and job stability he went back to work at his mother’s restaurant. I supported his decision because we needed money and I figure that if he was going to stray again it would be someone else, so why fret over this one dumb girl. Since than he has not been friendly to her if anything he is rude to the girl. I’m not going to lie, its refreshing to see him act cold to her and because she did put up somewhat of a fight when I confronted her on the issue along with teaming up with his mother. However the reason for him acting this way is because of me. He had told me that he wouldn’t mind befriending her again and the reason he will not is because of me. I feel good about the situation but im still feeling messed up because I want him to not befriend her not just for my sake but on his own intuition. Just recently his mother started inviting this girl to family functions. That really bothered me. I came face to face with this girl and I was extremely nervous and scared. Not because of her but I was afraid of my own reaction. So after thinking about it for a while I decided to take the bigger approach and to introduce myself in a friendly matter since we all had a few months to stew over it. I still feel upset by this whole thing and is trying my hardest to move on but im finding it impossible considering that this girl will always be looming in the backround still having eyes for my man.
2sunny Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 obstacles are working against you and your relationship with him. to continue further is only going to postpone the inevitable breakup.
LikeCharlotte Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 hi rocketgirl - It seems that the two of you have worked through some tough things already. I'm hoping other LS'rs will come help out. I don't think this is a futile situation. Anyone?
Author rocketgirl138 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 i don't necessarily think that breaking up is the answer. i'm just trying to figure out how to cope with this girl and his mother.
LolitaAnastasia Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Your situation reminds me of an episode I saw of Everybody loves Raymond. Ray and the family went to a wedding on the trip there, Ray retells a story of when he took a girl to the winter prom. How he felt guilty for letting the girl walk to the front door by herself instead of walking with her. Ray's mother Marie happily said something about this girl would of been way better for him and that the girl had a big crush on Ray in front of Ray's wife. Mothers can be influencing at times. I mean my own grandmother puts her opinions in on my relationship with my boyfriend. Have you asked why she doesn't like you and what does this girl have that is better then you? I do however feel it is wrong that the mother invites the girl to family functions considering the tension there is between you all.
0hpenelope Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 You know.. we can choose our attitude in a situation. It's so easy to say "Just dump him and get it over with," but he's duking it out with his mom ultimately. I have some sympathy for the girl because now she's caught in the crossfire. It's still an issue among the 3 of you. The girl's just a tactic. He sounds like a really good guy. You know what they say, right? Kill them with kindness. Some might not agree, but he and you will come out better because of the kind attitude you choose. If it's not this girl OP, it's going to be another girl or another opportunity. If his mom is as determined to get you guys apart as you say she is, she's going to exploit any opportunity that comes her way that will best serve her intentions. You have him right now. The present matters! To quote my favorite poem: and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.Don't let jealousy overtake your better judgment! You're gonna let the enemy win like that? I don't think so.
Author rocketgirl138 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 Have you asked why she doesn't like you and what does this girl have that is better then you? I do however feel it is wrong that the mother invites the girl to family functions considering the tension there is between you all. A few years back i have left a 7 yr relationship w/ father of my son due to physical and alcohol abuse. Shortly afterwards i met this guy (who is my current bf) and started dating him. At the time I was not ready for a long term relationship and broke up w/ him. I had told him that i didnt give myself enough time to heal from the last relationship. We remained friends which thinking back on it was very confusing for him. I was going through some tough times when my car broke down and he was generous to help me by letting me to stay at his place and use his vehicle to get back and forth to school and work. At the time i didn't realize that he still had intentions on getting back w/me. Stupid huh? i broke his heart by kissing some dude that knew years back at a party when i was out. i understand that had hurt him and why his mother disapproves of me. Months later we decided to go back out and work on our issues together. We both as a couple had major baggage that pre dates our relationship. Mine was coping w/ the abuse that my x had put me through since i was 16. I would be the first to come out and say that i am far from being a saint. My bf is a great guy who stuck w/ me through all of my meltdowns. At the time i was not an easy girl to be w/. So i can understand why his mother feels the way she did. however, 3 yrs later we still managed to pull through together. i just wish his mother would understand that i am not a bad person. She claims that she was in an abusive marriage w/ my bf's father so i would think that she would understand the leaps and bounds that you would have to take in order to improve you self worth.
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