one too many times... =(

[luckyinlove]

so i think i've let my boyfriend down one too many times. we've been together for over 2 years, and over the course of that time we've been very happy together, but have been through a lot.

 

i was on birth control for about 8 or 9 months at the beginning of our relationship, and was switching between different types. during that time i was having severe mood swings and was constantly starting arguments, etc. since then i've come off the pills and he's forgiven me. he definitely welcomed back the old me. shortly after he also stopped smoking marijuana.

 

for awhile things were perfect.

 

now, about 4 months ago my mother passed away. i wasn't very close with her, and didn't even live with her, but it was still an extremely painful time for me. i've been continuing to have nightmares since then, and have been pretty depressed every so often but haven't really shared anything with him.

 

now that summertime has come we've been spending a lot of time out with friends drinking and socializing and such. i've found that since then i've been having these extremely emotional drunken episodes. getting mad about nothing, crying, accusing him of things, and calling names. now, he isn't the most pleasant person to argue with, but i would agree that i cause most of the issues. he has been getting so frustrated with me, and i don't blame him. the next day i always apologize and say i realize i was stupid (which is totally true!) but it seems to be adding up.

 

4 or 5 days ago it happened again while over at a friends get together. beforehand we had just gotten back from a nice weekend together and things were going fine. anyway, this time he was being fairly crabby and short with me the entire evening, and had really upset me by doing something that i asked him not to. upon asking him to make a phone call and fix what he had done he told me to 'stay out of it and get the f*** away.' well, eventually things caught up with me and i started on another rampage. i said some horrible things and even threatened to break up with him. i caused a scene and really made an idiot out of myself before storming out. i even managed to bad mouth him to a good friend of his.

 

since then he hasn't spoken to me. i asked him to talk about it and apologized, and he said no, to stay away, that he needs to clear his head because he was really hurt by me. i've given him space, and have done nothing but sent him a text message earlier to tell him i love him.

 

it seems as though he's fine though, going out with his friends everynight, and ignoring me. this is how he usually is when he's upset, but it usually only lasts a day at most. and, he'll at least tell me he loves me still.

 

i called a therapist today to make an appointment for myself to get things sorted out. i've also decided to stop drinking. but, im afraid its too late. i just don't know what i can do, if anything, to fix this.

 

help? thoughts? please?

[Water Tiger 08]

Stop drinking. Get serious help. Really commit yourself to change. Don't go back to old ways. Your relationships should change accordingly. As long as you keep him though you might not have much incentive to change, as you're in a codependent relationship.

 

Curtis

[luckyinlove]

i wouldn't consider this a codependent relationship, i just love the man.

 

i realize what i'm doing, and i don't want to lose him because of it.

[Mako482]

If I were him and you came to me and acknowledged all of your problems and what you realize you have done to me, that you are seeking help, I would give you a huge hug and tell you that you have my 100% support. Then again I haven't been on the other side of this like he has. So tell him what you just told us. The only problem I could see is if you have told him before and did not go through with it. Stopping the drinking is a given.

[luckyinlove]

so after almost a week of recieving the cold shoulder, i took it upon myself to make contact with him. i apologized, told him i've been unstable and depressed since my mother passed, have decided to seek help and stop drinking. in turn, i asked for his support.

 

and he responded with a "Thats good, but i don't think things are going to work out between us anymore."

 

more painful breakup words followed.

 

and i'm still trying to surface for air.

 

 

help... anyone...please...

[Mako482]

so after almost a week of recieving the cold shoulder, i took it upon myself to make contact with him. i apologized, told him i've been unstable and depressed since my mother passed, have decided to seek help and stop drinking. in turn, i asked for his support.

 

and he responded with a "Thats good, but i don't think things are going to work out between us anymore."

 

more painful breakup words followed.

 

and i'm still trying to surface for air.

 

 

help... anyone...please...

 

Sorry to hear that, but right now you have to work on taking care of yourself and "getting right". He might not think you are serious, or he might not be able to imagine who you are when you are well since he hasn't seen it in so long. Hard to know since I don't know you guys or your relationship, but regardless of that I do know you need to get yourself straight before you can give to another. Do you have any other support? Friends? Family?