replicator Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I was just doing some random web surfing, and I ran across the weblog of Adrian Sudbury, a 26 year old with Leukaemia with a life expectancy of only a few weeks. According to his blog, his girlfriend of seven years called off the wedding in April. http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk After reading his blog entries, I really feel for him. Seems like such a good person - someone I would want as a friend. He's standing brave as his very life is slipping away. I know when you're in bad situation, some will tell you to think of those who have it worse than you to make yourself feel better. I don't feel better about my situation when I read his blog, and that isn't what I am suggesting. What it does though, is give me perspective. It reminds me that I need to be much more courageous, and that I should appreciate all that I have.
motive2002 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 My first honest gut reaction was, "I can't believe she left him. If he has only so much time left, why not keep him as happy as he can be? How can someone break his heart when there's so many other things that are broken?" I really feel for this guy. I couldn't even imagine what he's facing.
LikeCharlotte Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 why not keep him as happy as he can be? How can someone break his heart when there's so many other things that are broken?" Because there are plenty of people in this world who cannot concieve unconditional love and kindness and are only willing to protect themselves and their pride at all costs. You are a good person motive... of course you thought that way. I cannot judge her because I am not her an illness doesn't make someone a good match but I can't imagine being unwilling to sacrifice some of my own needs to see someone I care about through a hard time. Heartbreak in the midst of something so awful is simply inconceivable to me. I wish there was a way we could send our love and compassion.
nowhereman82 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Like charlotte said...haha likecharlotte..dur...anyhow i digress....her love wasn't unconditional it seems. But then again they would of been married for such a short time he never would of found out in the long term if she had gone through with it. I understand her view point though. She is young....does she really need the baggage of being a widow at less than 26 years old....know how much mental trama should would go through for that. I think she did the right thing, though obviously ****ed up, and protected herself in the long run.
roghornio Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Utterly terrible. Maybe not so bad, but certainly bad enough... but a friend of mine who lived with is fiance found out she was cheating on him with his best friend. They both owned the house they lived in, so she moved in the "best friend" whilst my friend had to sleep on the sofa - only for a couple nights... till he found somehwere to live. Utterly destoyed the boy. Things like the story above and that wee story really pull things into perspective.
foxh1234 Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 That is so f**king sad, my heart is breaking for that guy. It really puts my problems in perspective,I never realized how good I've got it. She should have stayed with him.
Author replicator Posted August 23, 2008 Author Posted August 23, 2008 Adrian passed away on August 20th. I don't blame his ex - and really I shouldn't have even mentioned that now that I look back. I can't judge her. When I ran across his blog, it just reminded me how precious life is. He is an inspiration though, and he spent his last months working really hard to bring attention to leukaemia and bone marrow transplants.
pandagirl Posted August 24, 2008 Posted August 24, 2008 I don't want to place judgment, but...isn't loving someone mean being with them through thick and thin? If she felt she had to leave, then that is her own choice and she did what she thought she had to do. Love, true love, is unconditional. That's what marriage vows are about: through sickness and health, until death do us part. It makes me realize how rare real love is though and how many of us are not capable of it.
MalachiX Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Poor guy. Kind of wish I hadn't read that though since I'm a total hypochondriac and always think I might be dieing of something (started since my Mom got cancer seven years ago). I just want you all to know that if I find out I really am dieing of something, I'm totally not going to act noble and courageous like that guy. I'm gonna be a whiny pain in the a$$ and give all people with cancer a bad name.
sedgwick Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I have a dear, dear friend who was single for almost 10 years before meeting his current gf and falling madly in love. They had been together for about a year when she got uterine cancer. She had a full hysterectomy at 35, and they'd been talking about how much they wanted to have kids. Yesterday I found out that she's expected to pass away any day now. Nobody I know deserves happiness more than this guy, and damn if it's worked out. It gave me a lot of perspective on my own situation. At least the person I love is out there alive, even if he's not talking to me.
kingofclubs856 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 wow its sound sad i read some of it than xd it out wow man god help that man i hope he gets better n gets his girl back
Prodigal Princess Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I know when you're in bad situation, some will tell you to think of those who have it worse than you to make yourself feel better. I don't feel better about my situation when I read his blog, and that isn't what I am suggesting. What it does though, is give me perspective. It reminds me that I need to be much more courageous, and that I should appreciate all that I have. But do you? I mean, apart from the few minutes you actually think about it? Everything is relative. I was really upset last weekend when the heel on my favourite pair of stilletos broke right before I was to wear them out to a party. Was this comparable to living with a terminal illness? Well I don't know what it's like to live with a terminal illness; all I know is that I really wanted to wear those shoes and it almost ruined my night. Seriously, this reminds me of when my mum used to tell me to "think of all the starving kids in Ethiopia" when I didn't want to eat my peas. Just because there's someone out there who is dying from starvation doesn't mean I hate eating peas any less.
Ocean-Blue Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Adrian passed away on August 20th. I don't blame his ex - and really I shouldn't have even mentioned that now that I look back. I can't judge her. When I ran across his blog, it just reminded me how precious life is. He is an inspiration though, and he spent his last months working really hard to bring attention to leukaemia and bone marrow transplants. I hope he didn't die alone. I can't help but think the same thing as motive, how come she didn't stick around...for his sake? I mean, the end was near... I wonder how she is dealing with all of this (especially considering the traffic that blog must've gotten) - and her pic is up there too! Methinks he got a little jab in, a revenge of sorts (if he really respected her privacy and loved her that much, he wouldn't have put her pic up). But the guy was allowed to be passively vengeful. How sad.
Nevermind Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I don't think that it was about revenge. It was a goodbye, a reminder of the good old times they had. A farewell of sorts. He was terminally ill, he saw the end of his life approaching fast and he had lost the girl he loved. I doubt he sought petty revenge. It's very sad. Who knows what their lives were like together? Hopefully he was not alone in the end.
Mending1985 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Wow, that's harsh...why wouldn't you just stay with the guy a few more weeks so he could die happy? Or maybe she just couldn't handle watching the man she loved die...
Prodigal Princess Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 It's very sad. Who knows what their lives were like together? Hopefully he was not alone in the end. We're all alone in the end.
Nevermind Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 He wrote in his blog that he needed human company to feel alright, at peace. I hope that in his last clear moments he had that. Beyond this...we're alone, it's true. He also wrote that she was a companion during his illness until the break-up. Maybe she simply couldn't take it anymore. Maybe she couldn't bear to say "until death do us part" and look at him, dieing. It might not be the best reaction..but it would be very human.
Author replicator Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 But do you? I mean, apart from the few minutes you actually think about it? Everything is relative. I was really upset last weekend when the heel on my favourite pair of stilletos broke right before I was to wear them out to a party. Was this comparable to living with a terminal illness? Well I don't know what it's like to live with a terminal illness; all I know is that I really wanted to wear those shoes and it almost ruined my night. Seriously, this reminds me of when my mum used to tell me to "think of all the starving kids in Ethiopia" when I didn't want to eat my peas. Just because there's someone out there who is dying from starvation doesn't mean I hate eating peas any less. I'd like to think that we can often choose what we make relative. I still fall into the trap of focusing on minor let downs, and feeling miserable about it, but it's work in progress. You need to be conscious of your thoughts and learn to combat negative thinking.. Controlling your own mind is one of the most difficult things to do. The reason I was glad to find Adrian's blog is that he proved that even when you face the most difficult of situations, you still have power. You have the choice to decide whether or not you will be brave, in the face of something so horrifying, yet unescapable. He found an opportunity to grow beyond who he was, and was able to find meaning in his life, even while knowing that it was coming to a premature end. He lived his days with courage and dignity. Imagine what you can achieve if you carry that attitude and you have a full life ahead of you.
Prodigal Princess Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I'd like to think that we can often choose what we make relative. I still fall into the trap of focusing on minor let downs, and feeling miserable about it, but it's work in progress. You need to be conscious of your thoughts and learn to combat negative thinking.. Controlling your own mind is one of the most difficult things to do. The reason I was glad to find Adrian's blog is that he proved that even when you face the most difficult of situations, you still have power. You have the choice to decide whether or not you will be brave, in the face of something so horrifying, yet unescapable. He found an opportunity to grow beyond who he was, and was able to find meaning in his life, even while knowing that it was coming to a premature end. He lived his days with courage and dignity. Imagine what you can achieve if you carry that attitude and you have a full life ahead of you. Do you write for Hallmark? This thread is making me nauseous. If I found out I was going to kick the bucket soon, I'd just go out and be as decadent with alcohol, drugs and sex as humanly possible. Why waste precious time trying to be a better person when it doesn't matter in the end anyway. You can live with "courage and dignity" or you can have a kick arse time. I know which I'd choose.
Mending1985 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Prodigal Princess, this thread was about trying to make people feel better and you seem to be really negative about it. It's just about making the small things count...
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