MIL and my marriage

[mopar crazy]

If it's not one thing it's another w/ my mil. I LOVE her don't get me wrong but this is really starting to piss me off.

 

As I have posted b4 my H is a big golfer. When golf season is here he golfs every day but Wednesday and Saturdays. However there are a few times when he golfs on Saturdays for tournament. He is golfing on his three night a week golf league or he is playing in a tournament. He claims he is giving up one of the courses next year so that will be one more night he is home.

 

He is gone for about 3 or 4 hours for his leagues but mostly all day for tournaments on the weekends.

 

Every time I speak to my mil she ask me if H is golfing. If he isn't and I tell her no she says "Oh" w/ a disappointed tone in her voice. Today she IM's me and ask me if H is golfing today. I IM back and tell her yes. She ask me if he was there yet and when I told her he was still sleeping she says she hopes he gets up on time to make it. I can't remember how it came about but I flat out told her I was tired of him being gone all the time. I told her the only time he stays home the whole night (he works 3rd shift) is on Wednesday nights and she said "Well, golf is almost over." She wants my H to golf and when he actually doesn't she ask him why and he should be out enjoying a day on the course.

 

I do go w/ him once in awhile but I am back to work FT and my weekends consist of getting things done around the house.

 

She spoke to my H later today and she told him I was bitching to her about the golfing thing so much.

 

 

It's bad enough my H is gone all the time golfing but it pisses me off when she ask me why he isn't golfing when he actually takes the day off to spend w/ us.

 

WTF do I have to do to make her realize he has a family and doesn't need to be on the f#cking golf course all the time? This has been going on for our whole M. There has even been times when she has asked him why he didn't golf and he has had to tell her "I had other things to do mom."

[carhill]

Sounds like H is the person who needs the "talking to"

 

BTW, I'm a guy, and IMO that behavior borders on obsession. Any behavior or activity which interferes with otherwise healthy relationships (marriages should be amongst those) bears scrutiny.

 

If you were both retired, perhaps your perspective would be a bit different

 

I'd limit my contact with MIL to things I could be polite and cordial about. If there is a dearth of those, silence is golden

[mopar crazy]

Oh, he knows how much it ticks me off he is gone all the time. In fact he read my first thread when I was bitching about it. His excuse is "But, I am always home during the winter months." How would he like it if I was gone bowling that many times a week? He wouldn't like it.

[Lizzie60]

Is it possible that she knows you very well.. and like to push your button a little too much.. I might be wrong.. but it seems that she is a little bit controlling..

[mopar crazy]

Is it possible that she knows you very well.. and like to push your button a little too much.. I might be wrong.. but it seems that she is a little bit controlling..

 

Could possibly be Lizzie. She has known how I have felt about it for 16+ years. She paid for his flight tickets to fly out to golf w/ them in a golf tournament where she lives. They ended up not putting on the tournament b/c not enough ppl signed up for it but of course that didn't stop them from golfing.

 

She is a big golfer too and goes out a lot to golf w/ her friends and my sfil but they are retired and have all the time in the world to golf. My feelings is that she feels he needs to get out there and golf so he can win the tournmanets. While he does really well w/ those it's not making us rich. I told him in the past since golf is such a big deal to him why didn't he try and become a pro. He said he wouldn't want to do that b/c he would never be home. Well, he is never home now b/c of golf and if he could be raking in the big bucks from the pros at least he would have something to show for it but a bunch of 1st place trophies collecting dust.

[Lizzie60]

Could possibly be Lizzie. She has known how I have felt about it for 16+ years. She paid for his flight tickets to fly out to golf w/ them in a golf tournament where she lives. They ended up not putting on the tournament b/c not enough ppl signed up for it but of course that didn't stop them from golfing.

 

She is a big golfer too and goes out a lot to golf w/ her friends and my sfil but they are retired and have all the time in the world to golf. My feelings is that she feels he needs to get out there and golf so he can win the tournmanets. While he does really well w/ those it's not making us rich. I told him in the past since golf is such a big deal to him why didn't he try and become a pro. He said he wouldn't want to do that b/c he would never be home. Well, he is never home now b/c of golf and if he could be raking in the big bucks from the pros at least he would have something to show for it but a bunch of 1st place trophies collecting dust.

 

it seems to me that she is very generous.. and she doesn't like people getting in her way.. maybe she thinks you're trying to 'stop' her from indulging with her son and grand kids... she might resent you a little bit for that.

[LakesideDream]

Mopar, Your post struck a chord with me. Your H's hobby in impacting his marriage. That's not good. At the least it's inconsiderate. I cannot imagine being lucky enough to have a committed relationship with a woman I love and pissing her off for something so trivial...

 

Plus, Golf? You said you have watched him play... tell the truth, you were really watching the grass grow right? Golf, how very boring.

 

Now if he was watching the NBA, I could understand.....

[mopar crazy]

it seems to me that she is very generous.. and she doesn't like people getting in her way.. maybe she thinks you're trying to 'stop' her from indulging with her son and grand kids... she might resent you a little bit for that.

 

Oh, she is VERY generous, I wont deny that one. Let her resent me if she thinks I am trying to get in her way. I am his W and she needs to respect that. While I think she does, she doesn't like it when I tell her he needs to be a father and a H b4 golf.

 

He wants to move out to AZ where she is and there is no way in hell I will do that. I told him if he seriously wants to move out there he can, but he will go w/o me. Maybe that is terrible but if we move out there he will be spending all his waking moments on the course w/ his mom and/or step dad.

 

As for my kids, they are her only blood grandchildren so she does spoil them a lot more than my parents do.

[mopar crazy]

Mopar, Your post struck a chord with me. Your H's hobby in impacting his marriage. That's not good. At the least it's inconsiderate. I cannot imagine being lucky enough to have a committed relationship with a woman I love and pissing her off for something so trivial...

 

Plus, Golf? You said you have watched him play... tell the truth, you were really watching the grass grow right? Golf, how very boring.

 

Now if he was watching the NBA, I could understand.....

 

Your reply made me giggle, thanks. Honestly, I actually did watch him golf, but I also had a few beers so it wasn't so damn boring.

 

As I sit here and think about him being gone all the time I realize that both of my brothers are not home much either HOWEVER they are working their asses off to provide nice things for my sil's. While I don't totally agree w/ that at least they making money and that is why they are gone. My brothers are both business owners and my sil's knew b4 getting M to them they had a busy life w/ the business. I didn't get into my M thinking my H was going to be gone all the time golfing. He is obsessed. Another excuse for his golfing all the time is that when he gets older he wont be able to do it anymore. That is a crock of *****. Well, all I can say is when the kids grow up and he wants to spend time w/ them they wont want to. What is that song called "The Cat's in the Cradle" or something like that? That reminds me of my H and my kids.

[Ronni_W]

WTF do I have to do to make her realize he has a family and doesn't need to be on the f#cking golf course all the time?

Mopar,

Adding this to how your MiL did the car for your son, she sounds like a control-freak -- wants to have a say in EVERYthing that is going on around her. Her "generosity" and "concern" may well be a way to accomplish that. Can't bitch about it (too much) cos she's just being "nice, kind and generous", right?

There's also NO reason for HER to be worrying whether or not her adult son makes his tee-off time, or if he gets to golf at all...she is working from a place of 'dysfunctionality' about that, too.

 

But. You really don't need to convince HER that he is neglecting his own family/marital responsibilities and obligations. You need to help HIM to see that. So, possibly her constant checking up on it is just triggering your own frustration and concern? That is, not so much that you're pissed off at her, but at HIM...and she's doing all the right things to help set-up herself as a more acceptable and/or easier target for how you're feeling about your 'golf nut'?

 

Obviously pursuing hobbies and interests is important for balance but, as someone already mentioned, when something starts causing resentment within the marital relationship, then it is time for a change. When it comes to detrimental impact, golf addiction is no better than work or substance. What is hubby using golf to "hide" from or deny? He does need to 'man up' and face the real problems.

 

You do get to ask him to get back involved with his marriage and family EVEN in the summer. Screw how MiL is gonna view that. Tell her to butt the hell out (in a nice, kind and generous way, of course .)

[FlyingToaster]

I agree with Ronni, Mopar. Your H is the one that needs to realize that he's neglecting his family. Once he gets the picture, you'll then have a larger front in dealing with your MIL.

 

What bothers me is that he defends himself on not spending time with you and your family by saying that he doesn't golf in the winter, and yet he wants to move to AZ. Doesn't AZ pretty much have golfing weather year round? Stand firm on not moving.

 

I agree that he's using golf as an escape. Somehow, he needs to figure out what he's trying to escape from.

 

I can sympathize. I have a similar issues in my marriage. I wish you the best.

 

Take Care

[mopar crazy]

Mopar,

Adding this to how your MiL did the car for your son, she sounds like a control-freak -- wants to have a say in EVERYthing that is going on around her. Her "generosity" and "concern" may well be a way to accomplish that. Can't bitch about it (too much) cos she's just being "nice, kind and generous", right?

There's also NO reason for HER to be worrying whether or not her adult son makes his tee-off time, or if he gets to golf at all...she is working from a place of 'dysfunctionality' about that, too.

 

But. You really don't need to convince HER that he is neglecting his own family/marital responsibilities and obligations. You need to help HIM to see that. So, possibly her constant checking up on it is just triggering your own frustration and concern? That is, not so much that you're pissed off at her, but at HIM...and she's doing all the right things to help set-up herself as a more acceptable and/or easier target for how you're feeling about your 'golf nut'?

 

Obviously pursuing hobbies and interests is important for balance but, as someone already mentioned, when something starts causing resentment within the marital relationship, then it is time for a change. When it comes to detrimental impact, golf addiction is no better than work or substance. What is hubby using golf to "hide" from or deny? He does need to 'man up' and face the real problems.

 

You do get to ask him to get back involved with his marriage and family EVEN in the summer. Screw how MiL is gonna view that. Tell her to butt the hell out (in a nice, kind and generous way, of course .)

 

That is what I can't understand. Why she is so concerned about it. It's not like if he doesn't play it's going to effect her personally so I don't understand why she gets all worried if will miss his tee off. She needs to realize there is more to life than golf and honestly, I don't think she ever will. I love to bowl, but I don't let it control my life. I am happy to bowl once a week. I know there is much more to life than bowling. When I was growing up my passion was horses but I didn't spend all my time riding my horse. I had other responsibilities. However, I do regret not spending more time w/ her.

 

That is all my mil basically talks to my H about. They do talk about our kids and such but the main thing they discuss is golf. It gets old hearing them talk about golf all the time when we get to see her. My mother was a bowler for many, many years but we hardly ever talk about it. I guess maybe b/c she doesn't bowl anymore.

[Ronni_W]

She needs to realize there is more to life than golf and honestly, I don't think she ever will. ...That is all my mil basically talks to my H about.

No, YOUR HUSBAND needs to realize that there is more to life than golf. Who cares what she realizes, at the end of the day? And if they enjoy talking about golf, that's their business.

 

But. Golf has become the thing that you and she appear to be on "opposite ends," so to speak -- it's her entry into getting her hooks into his heart by making herself come off as, "See, son, I care about you and what you're passionate about more than ANYone else on this planet." (She doesn't have to say that out loud, for it to be her agenda.)

 

I'm still going to suggest that you take your rightful place in your marriage. This is about how his actions (interests, hobbies, passions) are impacting you, the kids and your family life. Stop making MiL the problem. How she acts and the content of their conversations is not the problem.

Lack of communication in your marriage caused, and is perpetuating the problem. You and Hubby are equally responsible for ensuring that the marital relationship is happy, fulfilling and supportive for ALL involved. MiL has no power in that, except what you are giving her.

[mopar crazy]

No, YOUR HUSBAND needs to realize that there is more to life than golf. Who cares what she realizes, at the end of the day? And if they enjoy talking about golf, that's their business.

 

But. Golf has become the thing that you and she appear to be on "opposite ends," so to speak -- it's her entry into getting her hooks into his heart by making herself come off as, "See, son, I care about you and what you're passionate about more than ANYone else on this planet." (She doesn't have to say that out loud, for it to be her agenda.)

 

I'm still going to suggest that you take your rightful place in your marriage. This is about how his actions (interests, hobbies, passions) are impacting you, the kids and your family life. Stop making MiL the problem. How she acts and the content of their conversations is not the problem.

Lack of communication in your marriage caused, and is perpetuating the problem. You and Hubby are equally responsible for ensuring that the marital relationship is happy, fulfilling and supportive for ALL involved. MiL has no power in that, except what you are giving her.

 

Right, I agree w/ everything you said. However, I am tired of hearing "I hope he doesn't miss his tee time, I hope he makes it to his golf tournament, why isn't he golfing." etc. I feel like she is making me be responsible for him waking up to make his tee time. My H knows how I feel about his constant golfing, but both him and his mother agree "it's only April through late August." I could see H quitting one of his leagues nights and she would be blaming me for him quitting. He has said he isn't going to renew his membership to one golf course so it will be interesting what she says then.

 

If they want to talk golf I don't care, but they shouldn't expect me to sit there and listen to their conversation when I have better things w/ my time. I don't have the interest in golf as they do and I shouldn't be called rude or unsociable b/c I don't want to sit there and listen to their golf talk, especially in my home.

 

I knew when I M him he was a jock, and I accepted he was one but he didn't golf as much then as he does now.

My H also knew that when he M me I was not into sports. I never liked sports. I have given golf a try and while it's not my thing I will continue to try it when I am in the mood to golf not when he thinks I should.

 

I just want his mother to leave me out of his stupid golf crap, that is all I want.

[Ronni_W]

I just want his mother to leave me out of his stupid golf crap, that is all I want.

If you have already asked and told her, she's just not listening to you, change your strategy: next time she starts up, respond with something totally unrelated and insane...like, "Ya know, I hear it's raining in London...do you think that's true?" or "Hey, what would you do if I said there is an alien in my kitchen RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT?" The crazier, the better.

 

YES, she will ask her beloved son if his wife has finally flipped her lid...so what? And, if either of them really want to know, simply repeat that you are tired of hearing about golf and just doing what you must to entertain yourself. And promise and assure them that you will continue your (new) behaviour as long as they continue their old.

[mopar crazy]

H played in a tournament yesterday. While I didn't mind b/c it was his bday weekend. We did spend some time together as a family all day Saturday. He went to work for some OT for a few hours. His tee off time for Sunday was 11am. He came home, went to bed for a few hours, and then went to golf.

 

When he got home from that he did not go take a nap b4 he went to work last night. He has to be to work at 11pm. Sometimes he will take a short name between 9 and 10pm, gets up and gets ready for work but he didn't do this last night. I went to bed around 10ish. He came in the room and said he just got off the phone w/ his mom. She called a little after 10pm to make sure he was up and ready for work. WTF? Even if my H is late for work it's no big deal, as long as he puts in his 8 hours they don't care. He isn't the only one that does this. I thought it was just ridiculous that she called him to make sure he was up and ready for work.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Wow, she's a smother, not a mother.

 

That would drive me crazy. But if your husband allows it, there's really nothing you can do without being the bitchy DIL. I have a problem with my FIL, but I finally got tired of waiting for my husband to deal with it, so I did. Tossed his butt out of my house. He still talks to the H all the time, but he stays well away from me, which works for all of us!

 

Hugs to you.

[D-Lish]

Wow, she's a smother, not a mother.

 

 

I love that terminology. Good one.

 

My ex MIL was evil.... Ever seen "Everybody loves Ramond?"

 

She was so obsessed with her son that she would call the house upawards of 15-20 times a day. She also cried incessantly that he didn't spend enough time with her. This woman was always sobbing and smothering her son. When we would visit (I rarely went because she was mean to me) I swear she would stare at him like he was a lover she was infatuated with rather than her son. I hated that woman.

 

I don't relate to that kind of "smother-mother"... My mom wanted my brother and I to leave the nest as soon as humanly possible...lol.

 

 

Situations like this are so hard to deal with- because mom's like this feel entitled to remain in that role, even when their sons are grown men.

I know my MIL meant to do harm... I don't think your MIL does. She doesn't understand boundaries though.

 

It's frustrating when the husband's are too intimidated to step up to the plate. It should be your husband's role to enforce the boundaries.

 

My ex was so intimidated by his mother that when we would go to his parent's place for a visit and she would begin to insult me he would leave the room and go down to the basement with his dad and brothers. All the men hid in that house...lol.

[carhill]

I had a real strong-willed mother and am an only child, so you can only imagine

 

I was single a long time and mom and I did a lot of things together. When it came time to have another woman in my life, I simply told her we had our time and now it was my time with my girlfriend, later wife. A man can command respect from his mother if he is strong and loving with her. She just knew that my wife would come first. That's just how it was.

 

I would never tolerate the behavior of the OP's MIL, much less enable it. That's awful. He needs a major testicle adjustment, along with re-prioritizing his M. It doesn't matter to me if my wife turns out to be the wrong person for me. While we're married, she's still the priority.

 

I can say that even after a tough day in MC

[mopar crazy]

I love that terminology. Good one.

 

My ex MIL was evil.... Ever seen "Everybody loves Ramond?"

 

She was so obsessed with her son that she would call the house upawards of 15-20 times a day. She also cried incessantly that he didn't spend enough time with her. This woman was always sobbing and smothering her son. When we would visit (I rarely went because she was mean to me) I swear she would stare at him like he was a lover she was infatuated with rather than her son. I hated that woman.

 

I don't relate to that kind of "smother-mother"... My mom wanted my brother and I to leave the nest as soon as humanly possible...lol.

 

 

Situations like this are so hard to deal with- because mom's like this feel entitled to remain in that role, even when their sons are grown men.

I know my MIL meant to do harm... I don't think your MIL does. She doesn't understand boundaries though.

 

It's frustrating when the husband's are too intimidated to step up to the plate. It should be your husband's role to enforce the boundaries.

 

My ex was so intimidated by his mother that when we would go to his parent's place for a visit and she would begin to insult me he would leave the room and go down to the basement with his dad and brothers. All the men hid in that house...lol.

I bet your thankful at times you don't have to deal w/ that anymore. And I thought my MIL was bad.

 

I don't think my mil would ever insult me to my face. I am sure she has probably complained to H about my attitude but as for her insulting me to my face, no. If she was going to she would have done it by now and I would have a hard time putting her in her place b/c everything she has done for us.

 

My H is an only child also carhill. She had several miscarriages b4 she got pregnant w/ him. The doctor told her she may never have any biological children of her own. My H was a twin, his brother was still born. B/c of this I think she really spoils him at times. My children are her only biological grandchildren so they get spoiled too much at times too.

 

H never seems to be bothered she does these kind of things but if my mother was always calling me making sure I was ready for bowling, or ready for work I would get irritated and tell her she needs to stop as I am an adult. My mom would never do this. We love each other very much and out of all my brothers and sisters my mom and I have the closet relationship out of all of them but she also knows I am an adult now and she isn't responsible for my life.

[D-Lish]

She obviously has an attachment issue!

 

I am definetely glad to be free of my ex's mother.

My gf is engaged to a great guy who is divorced.

She is having the same problems that you are experiencing with her future MIL. She treats her 38 year old son like he is a child. She still keeps his wedding album from the first wedding on her coffee table in plain site when the two of them visit. She's even mentioned to my friend that her ex DIL was "hot" and has opened up the old album in front of my gf. I keep warning her she is in for a heap of trouble and misery from this woman.

 

It's hard to confront someone who means well- even harder that your husband doesn't find the smothering annoying. It's hard to break old habits, I am sure the two of them are quite comfortable with how thier relationship is and obviously neither have any intention of changing that.

 

I used to get in the habit of turning the ringer off on the phone when we wanted peace and quiet. Of course, that worked for a bit- then she just started showing up unnanounced at the door! Nothing kills a romantic dinner faster than seeing your MIL's face peering throught the kitchen window! lol.

 

It sounds as if she has problems sharing her son. If he's an only child- she has nothing else to focus her energy on. I sympathize with your situation. AT least if your husband was on board you could stand united.

 

She doesn't sound evil- just a tad controlling and smothering.

Try turning the ringer off when you need some peace.

[swansong519]

As I sit here and think about him being gone all the time I realize that both of my brothers are not home much either HOWEVER they are working their asses off to provide nice things for my sil's. While I don't totally agree w/ that at least they making money and that is why they are gone. My brothers are both business owners and my sil's knew b4 getting M to them they had a busy life w/ the business. I didn't get into my M thinking my H was going to be gone all the time golfing.

 

So you wouldn't mind as much if he were gone all the time as long as he was making lots of money to buy you nice things? Although...if he can afford memberships to multiple courses things must be going ok financially.

 

Your kids aren't interested in golfing with their dad? It's a great way for kids and parents to spend time together. And kids can learn a great deal about patience, respect, self control, and sportsmanship from the game.

 

You've never considered taking it up? It's good exercise if you walk...it's challenging, stimulating, allows for the company of friends, allows you to get outdoors.

 

He's not "escaping" from anything. Golf is a terribly addictive activity. It is very easy to become "hooked"...because it's a game you can never "win". If you went out a few times and actually felt the rush of hitting a couple of good shots you might be "hooked" as well.

 

Did you not know he was a golf nut before you married him? I find it hard to believe that if he were you wouldn't have known about it.

 

Granted if it's causing problems there should be some middle ground...and it appears as tho he's willing to compromise by dropping a membership...but we have such a short season here in Canada specifically, that when golf season arrives golfers want to make the most of it...because in a couple of short months it's all over.

 

Frankly...he should have married someone that was as passionate about it as he is. It's not terribly fair to you if you don't enjoy the game.

 

One thing I can tell you FOR SURE...he will never lose his passion for the game. So you're going to have to find a way to deal with it...together.

[mopar crazy]

So you wouldn't mind as much if he were gone all the time as long as he was making lots of money to buy you nice things? Although...if he can afford memberships to multiple courses things must be going ok financially.

 

Your kids aren't interested in golfing with their dad? It's a great way for kids and parents to spend time together. And kids can learn a great deal about patience, respect, self control, and sportsmanship from the game.

 

You've never considered taking it up? It's good exercise if you walk...it's challenging, stimulating, allows for the company of friends, allows you to get outdoors.

 

He's not "escaping" from anything. Golf is a terribly addictive activity. It is very easy to become "hooked"...because it's a game you can never "win". If you went out a few times and actually felt the rush of hitting a couple of good shots you might be "hooked" as well.

 

Did you not know he was a golf nut before you married him? I find it hard to believe that if he were you wouldn't have known about it.

 

Granted if it's causing problems there should be some middle ground...and it appears as tho he's willing to compromise by dropping a membership...but we have such a short season here in Canada specifically, that when golf season arrives golfers want to make the most of it...because in a couple of short months it's all over.

 

Frankly...he should have married someone that was as passionate about it as he is. It's not terribly fair to you if you don't enjoy the game.

 

One thing I can tell you FOR SURE...he will never lose his passion for the game. So you're going to have to find a way to deal with it...together.

 

I don't have a lot of time to answer your whole reply but will try. First, my H worked a lot of OT to purchase those memberships. If he had not done that there was no way we could have afforded it. The one course he pays a monthly fee but has to continue to pay throughout the whole year, even the winter.

 

Let me rephrase that "gone all the time making money" paragraph. My brothers are working to provide for the family, not just their W's. They both have gorgeous home, new cars, etc. They don't work 24/7 but they do work around 12 hours a day. They get home around 7'is but there are times they do get home a little sooner, enough time for supper w/ the family. My dad was the same way. What I am trying to get out is at least my brothers are gone working so they are trying to provide for the family. Neither one of my SIL's work either so they aren't bringing in any income either, I do. I wont deny there are things I would like to have but I am not materialist. I could tell my H to stop playing golf so much and instead work to get me this and that. I am not that way. I already have enough on my plate where I can't get another job. I work FT outside the home, I am a mother, a cook, a housekeeper, a launderer, a teacher, I have my hands full. The only thing my H does around the house is mow the lawn.

 

I have tried the golfing thing, it's boring. Maybe I haven't given it enough of a chance but from just going out on the course a few times I was bored.

My kids golf but dad doesn't take them often. And when he does ask them to go, they don't want to b/c they have other things to do.

 

I did not grow up in a sports family. It was cars, horses, dogs, camping, skiing, and boating. I never tried skiing until I was around 12. The next summer dad sold the camper and boat. I guess he figured since we were all getting to be teenagers it was time to sell.

 

My H did not golf as much as he does now when we were dating or even M for several years. He golfed one night a week on league and maybe once on a weekend day for a tournament. He would have a ***** fit if I bowled four to five days a week. I don't want to bowl that much, I have a family and a house to take care, but if I wanted to, he wouldn't hear of it and but I am suppose to accept it. I am gone one night a week to bowl, that is it.

 

I understand golfing is addictive but so is my bowling but I only do it once a week. I have a family but he doesn't seem to act like he has one. I can see him playing twice a week, but this four to five times is total BS.

 

So, you think I should accept his passion and deal w/ it. LOL! I will deal w/ it. I will D his ass and find someone who isn't a freak when it comes to sports.

[swansong519]

I appreciate you taking the time to address my questions.

 

Hmmmm....well, from the sound of it...there doesn't seem to be much "give and take" on his part.

From my outsiders position it seems as though he is only interested in making himself happy.

 

When I said you'll have to work it out...I meant "together". Which means him realizing that he has other responsibilities that must be addressed before he spends so much time golfing.

 

In case you couldn't tell...I'm a "golf nut" too...but during my last LTR I was fortunate because one of my step daughters was a golf nut too...so we would go a lot together and Mom really liked that we spent so much time together. But we also never went until the other family matters were taken care of. And...I did more than cut the grass.

 

It sounds like you have your hands full with your H...and his Mom.

 

Hopefully at some point he'll realize that even tho golf is perhaps the greatest game ever invented...his kids are only young for a short time...and his wife wants him around a lil more.

 

I never asked...how old is your H? Because golf is a game for a lifetime. He'll still be playing when he's 70. So he could certainly spare some time for you and the kids now.

[mopar crazy]

I appreciate you taking the time to address my questions.

 

Hmmmm....well, from the sound of it...there doesn't seem to be much "give and take" on his part.

From my outsiders position it seems as though he is only interested in making himself happy.

 

When I said you'll have to work it out...I meant "together". Which means him realizing that he has other responsibilities that must be addressed before he spends so much time golfing.

 

In case you couldn't tell...I'm a "golf nut" too...but during my last LTR I was fortunate because one of my step daughters was a golf nut too...so we would go a lot together and Mom really liked that we spent so much time together. But we also never went until the other family matters were taken care of. And...I did more than cut the grass.

 

It sounds like you have your hands full with your H...and his Mom.

 

Hopefully at some point he'll realize that even tho golf is perhaps the greatest game ever invented...his kids are only young for a short time...and his wife wants him around a lil more.

 

I never asked...how old is your H? Because golf is a game for a lifetime. He'll still be playing when he's 70. So he could certainly spare some time for you and the kids now.

 

 

My H is 41 and if he is as healthy as his mom and late grandma are he will have a long life so he probably had another 40 years of golf,lol. His step dad is almost 80 and still hits the course several times a week. H says that he golfs as much as he can b/c one of these days he wont physically be able to

 

If our children were more active in the sport maybe he could spend more time golfing w/ them. My teenage son is going to play golf for his HS team this Spring so maybe H will take more time out to take him more. Like I said, I tried the golf thing and it is a frustrating sport for me. Even though he said I did pretty good the first time I golfed it's still boring. Maybe I need to give it another shot but I get easily frustrated and it doesn't seem fun for me.