Davinci Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 My girlfriend and I decided to break up. No arguing was involved but rather a discussion about what was happening. She said that although she cared for me but she was having intimacy problems which led us, although sharing a bed, not much more. I said that sex wasn't everything in a relationship and the other stuff, like touching and kissing and just being there for one another was more important. She said that she didn't know the time it would take to return to that level of intimacy. I said that I can't put my life on hold especially if "the one" is out there (I also reiterated this for her). So we went our separate ways. Not for long however. We do care for one another and soon enough we began sharing a bed together (nothing more). We even kissed last weekend. To put that into perspective we haven't kissed for months. I am in love with her but she has so many "problems" and she finds it hard to open up concerning her feelings. In an attempt to try and force her into missing me, I have now decided to sleep in the spare room and I am trying to act aloof with her. I am trying to make her realise what just being friends would be like as I feel she is really taking of advantage of me by just being there (cuddling her in bed, discussing her problems) and I am not getting much in return. Is this a stupid approach or is it time to cut my losses? Any help greatly appreciated.
journey1 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 cut your losses. I was there to be cuddled as well and its just comfort for the other person and leaves us confused. Just say goodbye, maybe that will show her
Ronni_W Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 In an attempt to try and force her into missing me, ... trying to make her realise what just being friends would be like as I feel she is really taking of advantage of me by just being there (cuddling her in bed, discussing her problems) and I am not getting much in return. Is this a stupid approach It isn't "stupid", no. Ineffective and futile, most likely. You can't "force" someone into a feeling (of missing or hating or loving.) And you can't "make her realize" that you feel taken advantage of by her. She would need ESP/mind-reading skills to 'see/feel' that. So...you really just need to use your emotional vocabulary to clearly and honestly express your true feelings. As you say, the current relationship is NOT allowing too many of your own needs to be fulfilled. And, unless she does some personal growth work to sort through and overcome her intimacy issues (I assume you mean emotional as well as sexual), she won't have the capacity/ability to be able to support you in fulfilling your needs and desires for such intimacy, either. If you can/want to stay "just friends" and act like her pseudo-therapist while also suppressing/denying your "love feelings" for her, then great. But it would be non-productive for you to expect her to be able to be supportive and empathic of your needs UNTIL she demonstrates that she has the ability, desire and willingness to do that. Her intimacy issues may be making that impossible for her, right now.
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