Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 ii have posted many threads before some have been good and some have been bad.. but i dont have the luck of people giving me much advice..i hope i get some this time.. backround information: me and my bf have been 2guether for almost 2 years...me and him have had trust issues mostly on my part because there was some cheating on both parts..but mostly it was him so i always picked up fights bringin other girls up and making him mad.we have broken up about 4 times which i have done including a break for a month which he called out...the last time we broke up we both talked with other people..ii was basically going out with the guy i was talkin to but my bf was just talking with other girls....after a while...he came back to me so we got back toguether again... well since that time its been about 6 months since we got back....and things have ben ok sometimes bad and sometimes good...i still picked up fights with him and have not been able to trust him but after all we still loved each other. and recently i had noticed that he was acting distant from me like he didnt care about me anymore and wasnt texting me or calling me anymore and if we saw each other he would treat me bad.. he would be mean and would not a ppreciate the things i do for him like renting a car so we can go away for the weekend to the beach just me and him or the other little things i do for him to show him i love him he was acting strange so..i confronted him and he said it was because of the way i have been acting that i act stupid and dumb. well i told him it was his fault because at the very begginin he shouldnt have cheated on me and we woulld be good at this point.. he always said he wanted things to work out like they used to when we started going out... ok well we talked a couple days later in person and i told him that we needed to decide what we were going to do.. if we tried fixing this relationship if we wanted to be toguether or we brake it off for good..i told him i could not stay friends with him so he had to pick either one. he said he wanted me in his life but he was confused and didnt know what to do but at the end we stayed toguether...later things seem the same.. he was still not calling me or texting me not even to say hi anymore.. and so i went to see him at his house 2 days ago... i yelled at him and i told him everything that was in my mind.. i told him that i didnt deserve all this he puts me through and that i felt like i was the only one in the relationship because i felt like i always tried to fix things and he didnt..i told him that if he didnt want to lose me that he had to change and that i wanted him to act like he used to before and he said he grew up and his mind thinks differently now. i told him that no other girl will ever take all the shyt he put me through. that no girl will ever take him for who he is like i have. i told him he was noone that he had no future ahead of him and i did.. i told him that he smoked 24/7, he didnt have job , got kicked out of school, and has nothing goin for his life. and said "do you think a girl will ever want to be with a guy like you? no! because you a nobody but i have taken you like you are because i love you and i care for you and i dont care what other people think of you..and i dont deserve all this, i want to be with you or else i wouldnt be here trying to fix things!" i told him that i let go of a perfect guy(which was the guy i was talking to whe me nd him broke up the very last time) who had something good going for his life who was about to graduate at the same time as me and who had a job and on top of that he was a very sweet and nice guy but that at the end i chose him because i loved him and he was the only one that i wanted. well he got mad when i started talking bout that guy and told me if he was so prefect than to go with him.. and well later i got frustrated and i started getting physical with him and i pulled his hair and scratched him and getting on top if him..well later i told him i still wanted to stay with him and that i loved him he asked why i had pulled his hair and did all that to him and i told him because he didnt understand and the only way he pays attention to me is when i speak loudly to him and when i get physical with him.. i gave him a kiss and i told him i was sorry he kept covering his face with his blanket but refused to kiss me back or give me a goodbye hug because he said he didnt deserve what i did to him that day because he wasnt doing anything wrong, well i was 1 hour late for work because i was talking to him...i left and i thought everything was clear now that i put all the cards on the table.. just yesterday i was feeling good and happy and i felt like i can trust him again since i knew he still loved me even if sometimes i am a bitch and to make it up i decided to buy him a little tiny stuffed puppy because i thought it was cute and it represented that we were going to be happy and good again. well at night i called him like 50 times or even more and he would deny the calls and i thought his brother was using his phone so i didnt worry about it too much.. and much later i got a text from him sayin " ey my bad i didnt pick up is just that i didnt want you crying and talking shyt to me...what im trying to say is that i cant go out with you anymore because i treat you badly and you deserve better..its not over a girl"....i thought i was dreaming he has never done this before he has never broken up with me all he ever did was call out a break. i kept texting him back telling him that i loved him and that i was sorry if i hurt his feelings the other day but that i didnt want anyone else i wanted to be with and to think about it that he cant throw these 2 years away just like that...and etc...but he never replied he never picked up i couldnt sleep i probaly fell asleep crying until like 5am and i had nightmares of him not bein with me anymore... when i woke up i realised it wasnt a dream that it was real that he wasnt there with me in my life anymore..... i know, im not going to call him anymore or text him if he decided to do this it was probaly foreal this time and its over for good i doubt hes going to come back thiis time...:'-(.....any thoughts or advice? i am very depressed right now.....please help..!!
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 please give me some advice...
JooLee Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 it seems like you both still have issues to deal with. i know you want to be with him, but are you sure you can stand the fights and drama? it has gotten bad to the point its physical and i feel him as a man, he must have felt his pride was burnt and he has decided he cant take it anymore. i would say leave him alone for a while and if he still wants you he will come back. i think both of you have lost respect for each other and its more of a situation of "i cant live with or without you". its hard but whats the use of being together if both of you are not happy anymore? letting go is hard but sometimes what choice do we have?
journey1 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 :pHey please read my post and the responses to Anyone ever heard this BS before and thean read the second post Is this more BS. Sounds like were dating the same guy
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 ok.. 2day i was at work and i almost felt like i was going to faint.. my legs were shaking my hands were shaking, and i felt like someone shot me straight in the heart...... i was texting with my xs sister who realli likes me. and i was telling her that her brother had dumped me last night and everythig and i asked her if she thought i should try to get him back. she said she dint think so because he was a biitch and she knew why she sed that.. later i told her if she could do me a favor. and i told her i wanted to go c my x and talk things in person and if she could please tell him to meet me outside by the park behind their house and she asked me if i was sure and i told her yes that we needed to talk. but she told me that she didnt think he was going to want to talk to e and i aske her why and she thats when she told me that my x was already seeing someone else...that they had been talking for more than a week we were still toguether and thats when he started acting much different with me,, about more than a week ago...well she told me that he had taken her home already but his mom didnt like her..well i didnt want to hear anymore of this because was hurt and i told her i didnt want to be friends with her anymore because she reminded me of him... and of course i crashed...i went in the backroom and cried i found a lady friend sitting in the staff lounge and i just hugged her and started crying....i explained to her what was goin on and she gave me advice telling me to let time pass by and that he was going to come back and regret what he was doing because i was a goreat girl and beautiful.. that no man deserved my tears.. and all that good stuff....well i texted my xs sister back and i asked to go with me to the county fair tomorow...so i am going to go toher house and meet her.. and were going to leave.... well right then she told me that my x had asked her if she thought he had done the right thing.....and she told him that she didnt know but told me that now would be the time to try to talk to him because he is startin to regret leaving me....of course with the advice i am getting from here and from other people i am going to give him time and if he contacts me then ok if not than ok...but i wont chase him this time...
JooLee Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 yeah dont contact him. try to be strong n wait for him to contact you. he did the **** n now he has to undo it. show him how much you're worth. p/s: are u going out wt yr ex's sister in hope to see your ex at his place?
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 lol...well in a way i do want to see him and in a way i want him to see me but i am not planning to talk to him or anything,i want him to look at me and think "damn do i really want to lose her?", but im scared because i feel nervous just by thinking bout seeing him again since the very last time when i almost killed him lol...i guess that was not the best thing to do...getting physical and pullin his hair..i just had so much anger that i just wanted to hurt him because outside wounds go away quick but inside wounds take a very long time to heal. i know hes regreting it at this point because hes asking for advice like asking his younger sister (the one i will be hangin out with 2day) if she thought that he did the right thing. last night i was on 3way with my friend and she was talking to my xs twin brother but he didnt know i was on the line..and i heard my ex in the backround nd he was talking to his older sister about what had happened and what i did to him and she said something like "thats why u shouldnt play with her like that"..whenever we fought she always defends me because she likes me and knows i am a good person and he pushes my buttons. my xs brother told my friend that my bf was drinking at that point and she told him that he was depressed because he missed me and his brother doesnt really like me so i dont know if he exxagerates but he said "my brother doesnt give a **** about that bytch, and hes not depressed trust me hes chillin right now" and it slipped out and he almost said that he already had someone else..it hurts hearing that because it makes me think that all this time did not mean anything to him and he threw it all away just because of his manly pride.......... i dont even have any tears left and i have so much inside me...maybe because i havent slept as much or ate or even drank anything....
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 11, 2008 Author Posted August 11, 2008 iim feeling sick...i have a fever..i think im just love sick..... my xs sister told her that he didnt want to talk to me because he knew that i was going to convince him to go back with me...what does that mean? that he doesnt want to get back with me? or that he does but hes just scared....
Lishy Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I think you need some help You talk to him in a way that I would not talk to my dog and now you are crying that you have lost him???? eh?????? He deserves more and he will get it and you need to address that you are abusive!
Lishy Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 iim feeling sick...i have a fever..i think im just love sick..... my xs sister told her that he didnt want to talk to me because he knew that i was going to convince him to go back with me...what does that mean? that he doesnt want to get back with me? or that he does but hes just scared.... It means that he has had enough and that he will not be controlled anymore. You need to own your own behaviour and realise the damage you do when you holla verbal abuse at him and physically attack him!!!!!!!!!!!
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 12, 2008 Author Posted August 12, 2008 yeah lishy, maybe because i havent been able to trust him ever since the cheating i have turned more of an abusive and angry person.i get mad for every little thing and i get so emotional. i have so many moods at the same time and i always take it out on him. i told him i wanted to stab him sometimes or shoot him. lol...i picked up a candle which was heavy since it was in a glass container and i almost threw it at him because he wouldnt answer me a question....damn i do have a problem... ok, well i saw him yesterday night after i went to the fair i droped off his sister at their house and went to his other sisters house where he was at..he came outside and as soon as he came out he looked sad and was looking down and i asked him wat was up nd wat he was doing nd he said chillin...after i just came out and said it.. i want you back!...and he said why that everyone told him that i deserve better than him and that its not going to change that everything is going to be like it was..me not trusting him, him having mood swings with me, us fighting, and me bitching and cussin at him... i told him that all we needed is trust because that is what is making everything worse..well he said he wanted to be with me but he didnt know at the same time and i said why is this what you want? to lose me? and he said for now and he told me not to think this was for another girl because he wasnt talking to anyone, i asked him why for now?what do you mean and he said he needed to get his shyt toguether like get his education , get a job and i asked him why couldnt i be there while hes doing all this and he said that he wasnt going to concentrate that by the way he is (he called himself slow) he has to concentrate on one thing and that he didnt want to ignore me and i told him i understood but that i could help at the same time and i can still give him his space that he needed that i wasnt going to bother him, he told me that why dont you give me that space right now, cant you wait for me? and told him yes and that its just i didnt want to lose him, he said i wasnt that he was going to come back since he already came back once before when we were on a break after a month, i said i was scared that he might forget about me and he said he wasnt. well i told him i was going to give him his space that he needed that i was going to wait for him. and he said ok he said to cal him or text him sometime he gave me a big and tight hug i hugged him very tight and then i gave him a kiss and he kised me back and i hugged him again and i told him i loved him he said ok and he told me just dont do anything stupid and i said you too we said bye and he walked back up to his sisters apartment. i left feeling sad and depressed...i kept telling myself to have faith and and trust that he will come back.....i havent ate anything in 3 days since we broke up...ifeel very sad...i dont think when i do anything anymore....and thats a problem...
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 any more advices or thoughts?
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 ..oh..god.... tonight one of my friends sent me a text telling me that he saw my ex holding hands with some girl.....what the hell man he told me he wasnt talking to any other girl.... .........i am so deppressed now...
Lishy Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 What do you expect from him? He is a proven cheat and in return you abuse him This is a toxic relationship - I do not know what you expect people to tell you, he is not your prince charming and you are not a match made in heaven. I am guessing you are both very young and have alot of learning to do but let me tell you that you need to get away from this dude and meet someone you can trust Respect, trust and communication are key to ANY relationship - You will learn that and realise that without the above, you have nothing! He is a dog and you should not expect anything from a dog but a bark! I hope you realise one day that you had a lucky escape
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 13, 2008 Author Posted August 13, 2008 ...i guess so....i have been expecting something that will never happen with him...he tells me to wait for him while hes out haviing fun with another girl...****in bitch...why am i so stupid? how did i end up with this guy in the first place...2 years ago i said to myself "the next guy i end up with thats going to be that one i will marry, and if that doesnt work then im dun for god i am not going to get into another relationship or fall in love, i will b done for good"....and then he appeared.....we have always came back to each other..other than the fights and lies, we had something nice..we could play around like we were friends we would wrestle like i was one of his boys..lol one time he was to rough with me and made me cry lol and he felt bad he kept saying he was sorry and that he couldnt even look at me because he hurt me... ....i rather cry while im with him than cry because hes not with me.... but i guess this was the last time this is the end....and i shouldnt even wait up for him anymore..im done
JooLee Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 i feel you. i was in a similiar situation with you... and its hard but it gets better in time. have faith. what are the updates nw?
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 15, 2008 Author Posted August 15, 2008 well..umm i havent heard much about him just that he is smoking and drinking alot still talking to the other girl or girls and i guess hes having fun....but i did something that i dont know if it was correct lol me and my friend who goes out with my xs twin brother went to the fair 2 days ago toguether along with her younger sister.. we were looking for guys to get their number and we found two of them we got their number and we started talking to them and the one that i ended up talking to is in the same position my x is...he just broke up with is girl 2 weeks ago and is planning to have fun and chill and **** bitches before he goes back with his x... well umm yesterday me and that guy met and we did it..lol..after i got out of work i followed him on my car to his his house and we ****ed.. we talked about it and it was just to have fun i was craving it and basically my x is doing the same thing with that other girl so i might as well end up doing what he is doing .. right? my friend might also mess around with the guy she met and we planned to have a foursome..lol....do you think this is correct? i am just trying to have fun while my x is having fun and i do not want to wait up for him while he ****s anotha girl and then comes back to me like nothing happened...this way i do what he does and were even....yesterday when i was in my car following the guy to his house i kept calling my friend and i was trying to tell her what i was about to do...and she told me to not talk too much because she was in ma xs nd her bfs house and that you could hear everything..later at night she told me that my x got really mad when i was calling her but the thing is that his brother was talking shyt about me and saying that my x didnt give a **** about me and supposedly my ex said nothing and was smiling while he was on his phone texting....i guess that means he doesnt care about me...so i dont regret doing what i did...i was nervous because for almost 2 years i have only ben with my x and afterwards when i was heading home i got teary and felt weird like i had cheated or something....what do you guys think? lol
Rooster_DAR Posted August 15, 2008 Posted August 15, 2008 I also agree this is a toxic relationship. You mentioned that there were cheating issues on both sides, that has to be dealt with first and forehand before you can address any other issues. In my experience, trust issues will almost always be the demise of a relationship. Good luck,
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 this week has been rough. i have been so depressed and i think i lost a few pounds. when i try to get something in my stomach i start thinking about my ex and i get this knot in my throat and suddenly i dont feel hungry anymore. i think this "break" has been harder for me than the last one because atleast last time even though we didnt talk but i would see him at school everyday but now i havent seen him in 6 days and we broke up a week and a day ago...i am missing him more than ever. at work i fake my smile i fake being happy.. but inside im always crying...i dont know how to get him out of my head..
Ruby Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I dont think there is any helping you I think you like the drama!
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