He broke my heart

[xchaotic_beautyx]

2 days ago I got the most devestating text I could ever imagine. My bf text'd me saying that honestly he doesnt think its going to work out, because we have diffrent goals in life. I called him and he basicly said his feelings for me went away and he didnt want to hurt me so he stayed in the relationship trying to see if his feelings would come back. Im devestated and Im crying as I write this. The first night I took pills to try to knock myself out and then cried myself to sleep and have been crying pretty much non stop ever since. Right now I dont even want to live. He was my world and I cant picture us not being together. I was and still am so much in love with him. I simply cant comprehend how someone who said they wanted to marry me and for me to have their kids could just let his feelings go away. And for the record it was HIM who would first brought up marriage and kids so its not like I brought it up and scared him away. I am like a numb zombie all I do now is cry and frequently check my cell for a mesage from him saying hes sorry and he ****ed up and wants us to be together again.I need some advice or some stories of people who went through something similar. I feel like im dying.

[JooLee]

i understand what you are going through. my ex also told me he wanted to marry me and he wanted me to be the mother of his kids. we had everything planned out, a future together. he even proposed!!! on one knee and with a ring in his hand. and this was 2 weeks before we broke up!!!

 

when he first left me a month and a half ago i was devastated. i didnt cry but i was shocked and hurt, dissappointed, humiliated to know that this person who once shared everything with me just left me out in the cold by myself. we broke up and he left the country without even telling me.. no goodbye nothing and shut me out of his life. i tried contacting him once, i wrote him an email telling him that i still love him and always will love him. he never replied. it hurt but it was something i needed to do. i wanted to see if he still loves me, and clearly he doesnt and he has decided to move on. the first week was the worse, i would wake up every single day thinking did i dream it? wishing hoping praying that he'll just come back. but he never did and he never will. now the problem is to get that fact in my mind and heart. that its over. the 2nd and 3rd week i broke down and cried my eyes out, the 4th week it got better. but for one month i shut myself in at home and wallow in my misery. then i decided, enough is enough. i still had a hard time but being around friends and family helps. its good when you have support. anyhow i went back to square 1 last week when i found out he's back (and again he didnt bother contacting me , found out through a friend). i cried my heart out again and allowed myself to be in misery for 2 days and then i decide to take charge and make my own happiness.

 

if you feel like crying, cry. dont hold back what you're feeling. allow yourself a certain amount of time to grieve over the loss of him. it helps and i can assure you it gets better as the day goes by. things like these takes time. but please dont go contacting him, and begging him, or to even ask how he is doing. its not worth it. it'll just boost their ego that this girl is so sad, she's crazy about me and i dont want her.

 

i still miss him every single day.. he's in my mind all the time.. haunting me. but i am determined to move on and be happy by myself.

 

its really cruel when someone shuts you out just like that. its like we mean nothing. all the things they said.. are all empty. you know what i call this people? immature bastards!!! i hope he's miserable wherever he is. dont put your happiness aside for a jerk!!!

[butterfly2508]

I was there last year. My fiance and I last June were about 4 months out from our wedding. We had grown distant as we had started living together earlier that year (we bought a house because we were getting married). He just started saying he didn't want to get married. I was just like you are just getting cold feet, it'll go away. I wouldn't believe it because I didn't want to. Of course one weekend (my cousins wedding weekend) he grew really distant. Finally Sunday night he told me that on Friday night he slept with his coworker. I was devistated. Everything was unravelling, and my head was spinning. I had been in a relationship before this one where I was cheated on and was like why does this keep happening to me. I left him that night, just needing to clear my head and think. He took it as we were done, so continued to sleep with her. I moved out the very next weekend.

 

I know how you feel. I felt the same way. Tried sleeping pills, didn't work and ended up crying myself to sleep. We had been together 6 years and it hit so fast I felt so alone and just blah. It's hard. You just have to have good friends who know how to distract you. I did, they kept me busy, but that didn't mean he left me alone. We ended up getting back together after a few months, tried for a year to make it work and now know that it's not meant to be.

 

Try and find something to take your mind off of what has happened. That's the best remedy for a broken heart. Don't blame yourself, because it's not your fault. And you can do better. If he can't see how wonderful you are, he's just dumb! And on a last note, he's such a coward for breaking up with you by texting/talking on the phone. That's something that should be done in person.

[HopeDiesLast]

both those stories sound like mine. i just cant beleive he shut me out like that. i am having trouble convincing myself that the person who was just looking for rings for me now wants nothing to do with me. i dont know how to accept it. its draining for me to even type my whole story. im miserable 2 months later. i pray everyday this is a mistake.

why do you guys think they did this? fear? change in feelings?

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

i am going throught the same thing as you are right now...my bf did this last night.. but alteast ur answered you call..mines didnt reply my txt or piked up my calls.... ...ii feel so lonely and i feel like im dead....

[JooLee]

i dont know why. if its fear then why say such things in the first place making such promises? and if change in feelings why all of a sudden? my ex told me he had a change of heart. just like that. like everything before didnt even matter!!!!

[HopeDiesLast]

yup, he said he "doesnt feel it anymore". what the hell is that? let me know how i can do that please!

[xchaotic_beautyx]

Thanks for posting and I am so sorry about what your ex did to you. I also throughout the day find myself wishing that I will wake up and it was all a dream. Truth be told I honestly thought he would have text'd me by now begging for me to take him back and as every minute ticks by without that message or call Its starting to settle in that this may actually be the end. Im also having very conflicting feelings. As much as I want us to be together I know deep down that I can do better. I deserve someone who wants to fight for the relationship and can be honest with me. When I called him after the text we talked for over an hour and all he could do was apologize he didnt even want to try and work it out even when I explained that our goals were different but I loved him enough to stay with him while he completed his. Im just so confused how all our plans (moving in together, marriage, kids) are gone now. How our love (at least on his end) is gone.

[JooLee]

Im also having very conflicting feelings. As much as I want us to be together I know deep down that I can do better. I deserve someone who wants to fight for the relationship and can be honest with me. When I called him after the text we talked for over an hour and all he could do was apologize he didnt even want to try and work it out even when I explained that our goals were different but I loved him enough to stay with him while he completed his. Im just so confused how all our plans (moving in together, marriage, kids) are gone now. How our love (at least on his end) is gone.

 

and that is what that will give u the strenght to get you through this. to know that you deserve better.

im just as confused as you are how it can all disappear. perharps they still feel it but are too ignorant or prideful to go back against it? perharps they are miserable but they feel there is nothing they can do but move on? i dont know, i wonder about that sometimes.

[xchaotic_beautyx]

Yea but even thought I know I deserve better. I dont want better. I want him. The past two days I have read a ton of stories on the net about guys who "fell out of love" with their gf/wives. And It seems alot of the time there is I guess what you would call a warning sign. Distance. My ex was pretty distance the last few days and then I asked him to be honest and tell me whats up and thats when he told me. Also here is a great little chunk from an article I found while searching

 

One thing that may give you some hope is it is more likely for men to come back to women than women to come back to men.

 

The simple reason for that is women tend to take their time and come to the conclusion to end the relationship with men after much, much thought. Men to do it off the cuff without thinking things through and as such, are more likely to admit they made a mistake.

Women have a much stronger support structure than men. Women have friends that validate their decision. Men don't tend to talk about relationships to the degree women do. That's another reason women tend to stick to their decisions.

 

Women usually tend to come back to men having been dumped, not the dumper. (thrill of the chase, folks!)

 

When women are the dumper, odds are they are satisfied with their decision.

Reading that gave me hope that he will come back, He has alot of stuff going on and maybe he just spur of the moment broke up with me. Only time will tell though. Im curious to all your opinions of that article thing. I found it to be pretty dead on.

[tinke]

May seem harsh, but I have learned in my experiences that when they leave sudddenly, there is usually another force guiding it. Do you suspect another woman?

 

Please trust that you will feel human again, it will get better. Unfortunately, going through the painful stages is part of the healing. There is that doubt, denial, and physical turmoil in the begining, but slowly...you will find yourself once again.

take care of yourself.

[xchaotic_beautyx]

That was one of the first things I asked him (If there was another woman) He swore there wasn't but I just dont know anymore. Even if there was another woman I dont see how he could even think that she will give him what he had with me, especially if they just met.

[SarahT111]

Aw hun my heart goes out to you

I was in your exact position 8 months ago!

My ex bf of 2.5 years dumped me through txt out of the blue saying he didn't love me anymore.

I simply wanted to die. I had no idea it was possible to hurt so much. For the first time in my life I couldnt eat or sleep for months on end, I was so heartbroken that I would be physically Ill from stress.

I was so shattered that I didn't care about me any more and even tried to end my life.

I hit ultimate rock bottom

But im here now 8 months on and I am happy. Life is back on track and im with a wonderful man.

I NEVER EVER in a million years thought I could be where i am now.

I thought life was over, That I would die from pain and that I would never get over my ex. I hit rock bottom but I made it so I KNOW you can to.

 

Its going to be a VERY rough time ahead for you but you need to understand that things will get better.

What you are going through now will ultimately make you a much better person.

Take the time to work on youself.

For example whe I was with my ex I hardly had friends, I was grumpy a lot and selfish.

Since my hear got shattered I grew up so much, I now have so many friends and go out all the time, i like me a lot more now, Im never grumpy and so much more appreciative of life and people in general.

I could never have grown up in this way had I not had my heart broken! And these changes I made to myself helped me attract the right kind of guy.

 

Please keep posting if your feeling down,

Remember things WILL get better and we are all here to help you untill then!

[CaliGuy]

Yea but even thought I know I deserve better. I dont want better. I want him. The past two days I have read a ton of stories on the net about guys who "fell out of love" with their gf/wives. And It seems alot of the time there is I guess what you would call a warning sign. Distance. My ex was pretty distance the last few days and then I asked him to be honest and tell me whats up and thats when he told me. Also here is a great little chunk from an article I found while searching

 

One thing that may give you some hope is it is more likely for men to come back to women than women to come back to men.

 

The simple reason for that is women tend to take their time and come to the conclusion to end the relationship with men after much, much thought. Men to do it off the cuff without thinking things through and as such, are more likely to admit they made a mistake.

Women have a much stronger support structure than men. Women have friends that validate their decision. Men don't tend to talk about relationships to the degree women do. That's another reason women tend to stick to their decisions.

 

Women usually tend to come back to men having been dumped, not the dumper. (thrill of the chase, folks!)

 

When women are the dumper, odds are they are satisfied with their decision.

Reading that gave me hope that he will come back, He has alot of stuff going on and maybe he just spur of the moment broke up with me. Only time will tell though. Im curious to all your opinions of that article thing. I found it to be pretty dead on.

 

Hmm where did you find that??!! Sounds familiar.

[ellen24]

Xchaotic beautyx,

 

I feel your pain, and want to make a few comments. In my experience, the article that you quoted is quite right. Women tend to think very thoroughly about letting go, but when they are done, they are done. Even if they are the one that is dumped, they tend to speak with friends, cry, talk, and then heal, while men tend to tuck it away and pretend they are not hurt, but thus, never fully heal. every single guy that has broken up with me, had come back in the end. The sad part is that usually it is way too late and by then i have never even contmeplated giving them a second chance. There was a guy that i was with on and off for 4 years that my friends thought i would never, ever get over. They even joke now and say if i could get over him anyone can gt over anyone. He did come back, but when he did , i had no interest and even felt ptiy for him for being such a shallow and pathetic individual. I knew i deserved better, but wanted him, but was scared that i would nevr find someone that i felt the same way about.

 

i say the article is right b/c i also have a female friend who ws with her ex-fiance for ten years. for the last two years, she talked to me about maybe leaving him. the day she finally decided to, she never looked back, bot once. foudn a new boyfriend, had a baby, and they never spoke again.

 

now for some hope, i recently ahd a similar experience with my boyfriend of 5 1/2 year. he gace me a promise reing, and up until a few months ago, was talking about marriage, kids-- even perhaps trying to start a family in august... then about a month and a half ago, he started acting distant, saying he needed space and then we "took a break" three weeks ago.... i thoguh i ws going to die. i ws on the phone with his brother 24-7, crying, drinking myself to sleep... then two weeks into it, i went away with my college roommates. had great girl time and started to feel empowered. i went to on vacation last week to get away and clear my head, and suddenly when i got back, my "ex" asked me out friday night and the stayed the whole weekend. it was almost as if he could sense that i was ok and moving on emotionally. we hahd a great time this weekend- movies, dinner, etc... i am not sure what will happen with us, but all i can say is try to be ok by yourself. do fun things. work out. i lost ten pounds and started getting manicures again. got a new haircut. I serioulsy felt like carrie in the sex and the city movie and could not eat and needed to be spoon-fed, so i sought out friends-- i could only eat when i was around people-- and it got better... even before he called this week to go out on friday, i was better....

 

i know that you will get through this, and alsothis website helps sooooo much b/c you see you are not alone....

[xchaotic_beautyx]

CaliGuy I got the article from a board on pof (plentyoffish) about second chances. Its hard for me to read so many stories of how people can just lose feelings and drop their partner and not look back and not even care. I can relate to a lot of the stories and thank you all for sharing, its deffinatly makes me feel better. Right now im still so depressed I still cant stop crying and I feel so weak like I ran a 10 mile marathon (minus the out of breath feeling) Im at a point where I cant picture him not in my life but also dont know if I'll take him back if he even comes back.

[HopeDiesLast]

xchaotic- i feel the same way and its 2 mos post break up. im pretty sure that article is acurate. but the hope part is scary. its hard to have hope and let that lead you through this- bc in case were all wrong and the ex doesnt come back, you're going to be disappointed again.

I know its been excruciating for me, but sometimes to help yourself, you have to think that hes just done for good. so u wont have to be disappointed when that really happens.

[xchaotic_beautyx]

I've pretty much told myself he's gone and he's not coming back. Now Im just grieving at the loss of our relationship and trying to get my life back.