butterfly2508 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 My boyfriend of 7 years and I have finally called it quits. It's been a rough year, from our cancelled wedding last June, to breaking up then, to getting back together last fall to give it one more try. Well, we did give it a try, and it's not working. He once wanted to get married and settle down. But, he's changed. Last year we were supposed to be married in October, but in June he started pulling away and instead of talking to me he cheated. I broke up with him of course because he was such jackass about it. We were apart for about 2-3 months, when he begged for me back. I took him back because I needed to know whether or not it truly was meant to be. It's not, he wants different things than me. I still want to get married and have kids. He isn't sure and isn't sure when he'll know. So yesterday after several months of fighting and distance I ended it. It was a mutual thing as he was feeling the same, it just wasn't working. Now here's the dilemma, we own a house together that we bought about 6 months before the 1st breakup. Now that it's really really over, I don't know what to do. I have the option to move back to my parents house. However, I would still have to make my part of the house payment and bills. Part of me wants to stay living here just as room mates, but part of me thinks it's a bad idea. It would be awkward and hard. I want to put this all behind me, but that's impossible to do at the moment since we have the house. I need advise on what to do. We are going to try and sell the house, but that could take a really long time with the way the housing market is. What should I do, stay living with him as a room mate, or move out and keep paying the bills and move on. Please HELP!!!
JooLee Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 do you really think you can handle living with him? why dont you jus ask him to move out. its your house too!!
carhill Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 If you don't mind some specifics, share with me how the mortgage is written and how you hold title. Also, advise whether you live in a common-law state (where people who cohabit openly can be considered married in the eyes of the state after a certain period of time). If you have a trusted friend who is savvy with financial stuff, they can give you practical advice as to the pros and cons of choices you can make. Normally, I use a lawyer for this purpose, but your circumstances might be different. I'm sorry to hear the R didn't work out. I know what you mean about the married and children part. It's a path you both have to be 100% on. Constantly slipping the timeline just leads to resentment. In the meantime, my advice would be to not leave the residence, at least until you've received legal advice. Document your contributions to the mortgage, expenses and improvements of the residence. Best wishes!
Author butterfly2508 Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I don't know if I can handle living with him. That's why it's so confusing. He seems to think it would be ok, but I'm not as sure as he is. I don't know if he would move out and still keep paying on the house. I can't afford this place on my own and neither can he. I thought about getting a room mate, but I am not sure about living with a stranger. Not to mention our house has one and half bathrooms, so only has one shower. That makes it a challenge because things are not separate.
Author butterfly2508 Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Our mortgage is set up as a 30yr fixed with an escrow account, we both pay equally each month, split 50/50 on everything. We've only had the house about a year and a half. so I don't even know if we could sell without losing our asses. I have a family friend who's a realtor so I plan to contact her on Monday to find out what she thinks. We live in Minnesota so I'm not sure if it's one of those states, I guess I never checked.
carhill Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 From my information, common law marriages in Minnesota after 1941 are not recognized. Assuming you do not have a domestic partnership agreement, are co-borrowers on the mortgage and hold title and joint tenants, you'll have to negotiate a settlement or one party will likely have to sue the other. One alternative, especially with little equity, is for the parties to walk away, take the credit rating hit, and let the bank have the residence. This is currently commonplace in California. We place offers on such properties nearly every week. I call them "dead" properties. Some have even been stripped of anything remotely valuable, like appliances, fixtures, even electrical wiring and plumbing. You have to see it to believe it Anyway, I'd still suggest getting some advice. I use a respected local firm for my work and the initial consult is free, retainer is 500 bucks and they charge 225/hr on monthly billing. Not atypical. Your situation is a business partnership of sorts, so you'll use a similar firm. If anything gets into the domestic/family law area, they can refer you out. Personally, if your portion of the asset proceeds is under 10K, I'd try to find an amicable non-legal remedy. A lawyer can advise you of options, even if you don't use their services for the process. I hate their fees but I love the scenarios they can cook up in their heads Whatever you agree to, get it in writing, signed and notarized. No ambiguities
Lishy Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 My best friend is in the same position. She split with her husband a year ago and they put the house up for sale instantly, a year later it is still not sold and they are at stalemate. She has gone from feeling indifferent to him,to hating him and she is so down in the dumps still living together with their 5 year old.
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