NewKid99 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Hi all... I need some advice as I have been dating a woman for the past 3 weeks. I have been on several dates with her. On each date I have felt sparks fly between us - we have really enjoyed each others company thus far. Further, she is someone I want to date long-term. Now, with that all being said. I have one problem - she NEVER calls me. I mean like maybe twice in the past 3 weeks. She'll text me from time to time, but I am the one who has to set up the dates etc... A. This is getting really old and annoying as we are both adults and do not want to waste each others time (atleast I don't) B. How do I really know her interest in me if she never initiates any communication? Should I ask her about it? Should I keep to dating/calling? Should I stop contact. Thx!!!!
Mako482 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I'm kind of in the same boat right now with a woman I have been dating and am really interested in. I think the dating game is being played, either by wanting you to chase her or not wanting to scare you away with too much contact. Either that or she is dating other people too, you can only make so many calls. Tough to know man, I would like some insight myself. This dating thing kind of sucks. Remember the days when you liked someone and they liked you so you became boyfriend/girlfriend? lol. I'd call her, just not everyday. If she still is interested in going out on dates it can't be a bad thing, however you could be part of a dating circle waiting to be picked from the litter.
Ronni_W Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 This may sound insane (because it is) but in the "olden days" it was totally frowned on for a woman to make contact with a male -- it meant she was "loose", to put it mildly. So, maybe this woman is just living from her mother (or grandmother's) really outdated values and beliefs. Ask her if she would be comfortable calling you, or say something along the lines of, if she wants to phone you sometimes, you would be totally cool with it. (Just know that, if this is the case, it may take her a while to get used to the idea and actually call -- even once I realized it was just moronic and a stupid hang-up, it still took me a long time to "get over" because of how long I'd been "programmed" to believe such crap.)
monkey00 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Having been in the same kind of situation, I wouldn't say it's a communication problem. I'd have to go with what Mako said. For a girl to not initiate contact or make dates show lack of investment on her part. I think there are many reasons why a girl would not want to get emotionally invested with a guy (or not immediately anyway). I say in your situation, bring up certain things w/o pushing for it too much. Tell her it's OK to contact you if she feels like it, and if she has any ideas for dates you're always open to suggestions. After a few dates, if nothing changes, it's up to you to be more blunt about what you expect when you date someone or drop her. I have been on several dates with her. On each date I have felt sparks fly between us - we have really enjoyed each others company thus far. Are you certain this is a 2 way street? Or is it really just you? I think a really strong indicator of a girl's interest are her actions when she's with you.
Walk Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 When I started dating my H he rarely if ever called me. Rarely set up dates, etc. I asked him about it. We'd been dating about... maybe 3-4 weeks by that point. I phrased it in a way that said "this is what I've noticed, what are your thoughts?" type of way. He said he hadn't wanted me to feel pressured, so he was letting me do the initiating. I told him I'd like it if he initiated a little more, and he did. 5 years later, happilly married. I always live by the rule of "if you want to know, ask". If you phrase it as curiosity and not blame, then you won't ruffle any feathers. She knows her reasons, we can only guess. And if you don't say you'd like more initiating from her, then she won't know its okay to do that.
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 It's only been three weeks. Many women have learned that at this early stage in the game, the woman should NOT be doing the initiating. She could be one of those women. How does she respond when you contact her? Is she warm, receptive, encouraging? That should be just as good an indicator of her interest level.
sptu Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 okay probably my story might help you!!! two month ago, i found out that i have feelings for one of my very good friends.actually he started saying that he has feelings for me and i said that i want him too. although he is the boy and he is the one who initiated all the story, he calls me veeeeeeeeery rarely, and he doesnt answer to my sms!!! i told him that this could drive me crazy and he said that "you should now, that this is me!"!!its amazing how different people are!one could find me just by listen my phone ringing as i have it always with me, but it can take a whole day to find him on phone as he is setting it to silent and he doesnt take care of it! what i want to say, is that by no calling you doesnt mean she wants you less..people show their interest in a different way..
Lishy Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 okay probably my story might help you!!! two month ago, i found out that i have feelings for one of my very good friends.actually he started saying that he has feelings for me and i said that i want him too. although he is the boy and he is the one who initiated all the story, he calls me veeeeeeeeery rarely, and he doesnt answer to my sms!!! i told him that this could drive me crazy and he said that "you should now, that this is me!"!!its amazing how different people are!one could find me just by listen my phone ringing as i have it always with me, but it can take a whole day to find him on phone as he is setting it to silent and he doesnt take care of it! what i want to say, is that by no calling you doesnt mean she wants you less..people show their interest in a different way.. This guy is SO not interested, this is a bad example IMO. If a guy is interested, YOU WILL KNOW!!!!!!!!! A girl is a different kettle of fish, the fact that she is not initiating calls is probably because she has been burned and wants you to chase, we are always telling girls on here to let a guy chase you as they like it lol Keep initiating IMO, then in a few weeks bring it if it remains the same - Or you could say to her "hey maybe we will go out Friday, ring me Thursday night so we can plan it"
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I know if I had only been dating someone for 3 weeks, I would probably let them do most of the calling. At this stage, my experience has been that if i start calling, they start to lose interest. Not every guy, of course, but that is where your girl could be coming from. I would casually mention that you would love it if she called you now and then. Let her know it is ok.
Lishy Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Yep that is so true! The reason that you are getting antsy is because she is not doing any running, it is making you more interested in her or you would not be feeling this insecure! Had she initiated from the beginning you would have probably lost interest lol Clever girl really!!!!!!
Mako482 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Yep that is so true! The reason that you are getting antsy is because she is not doing any running, it is making you more interested in her or you would not be feeling this insecure! Had she initiated from the beginning you would have probably lost interest lol Clever girl really!!!!!! Doesn't that work both ways though? If he calls her all the time doesn't she lose the interest? I will never understand these games lol.
Lishy Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 Doesn't that work both ways though? If he calls her all the time doesn't she lose the interest? I will never understand these games lol. I think it balances out - Men like to chase, women like to be chased and men will lose interest too fast if a girl persues too much
Recommended Posts