evilNsweet Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I am A 31 year old woman who has been M for 11 years,and during these 11 years I have had 8 EA and my H has had 3 PA. We would always come clean and admit to the A's and we would seperate for A bit. I began the first A and soon after my H followed with his PA,we knew we had problems in the M but we never discussed them never tried to fix them. 6 years into the M is when it all started to happen we began to distant ourselves from each other,the attention,love and conversation,the laughing all stopped. We never kissed each other with passion anymore infact we never kissed anymore at all,we never just held each other and hugged one another anymore I stopped telling him I love you and he the same. I was too busy giving all my attention to who ever I was having a EA with at the time. My H and I had A great sex life,the sex never left the M,I never understood that how could we have sex but not kiss or hug when we werent having sex. During these years I have always wanted to show my emotions towards my H but I always held back I never understood why I was so shy around him and he could'nt be himself around me. A month ago I was starting my 8 EA and my H was in the middle of his 3rd PA,I could'nt take us being like this anymore I mean why should we still stay togther if we never tried to fix our problems. I told my H that we need to end our M and not look back,I had been thinking about this for some time,during my whole M I never stopped loving my H,sure I had A short period of time when I thought I did'nt love him anymore,but I realized I did love him. It was hurting me not being able to show my real feelings for him all these years,I only held back because I felt he did'nt love me,when I look at my H it does something to my heart when he smiles I smile. My H always told me I don't give our M 100%,but you know what he was'nt either. I told my H we need to end it,things are not working out and we are not happy. He had this look on his face and he began to confess about his 3rd A,he told me he can't end our M because he has always loved me but held back for the same reasons I did,he told me before I make my choice that I need to give our M one last try that we need to do it right and work on all our problems and stop avoiding them like I like doing so much. Everything was put out on the table that day his real feelings for me why he couldnt be himself around me,he handed me over a piece of paper and told me here this is the password to my email account everything is on there,here is the phone number to my OW. I know alot of you will think we are crazy and say we shouldnt be togther,my H hurt me just as much as I hurt him,I went to Om because of what I was lacking at home. I'm not sure what the future holds for our M,can we make it,I hope so are we crazy no. After having these A's do you think we can finally forgive,with the right healing process?
imagine Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 To quote Tom Jones... "It 's not unusual....". By the sounds of it, your marriage can become fabulous very soon. You have already begun the healing by setting a foundation of honesty. Please read "His Needs/Her Needs" at the marriage builder website.
Author evilNsweet Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Thank you,for the first time in 6 years I feel my M has hope,it has been 7 years since I or my H has said I love you or even actually told one another how we really feel,but that has changed.
whichwayisup Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 After having these A's do you think we can finally forgive,with the right healing process? If you two are BOTH willing to stop cheating on eachother, go to marriage counselling together and also do individual counselling as well - And work your tails off to make your marriage better, then it is possible. Each of you need to look at yourselves, change your behaviours, learn to never cross lines with other people, TRY to work on trust and faith again, learn how communicate and really listen to one another, then yeah it's possible. One thing, please don't have kids until your marriage is on the up and up.
Author evilNsweet Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I have been honest with him since that day,I would have always been honest with him all he had to do was ask,but he never did. I have gave him my password as well to both my email accounts,phone number to the Om. I feel he is being honest with me as well,we are going to IC. The communication is there finally after so many years. I know we still have a very long healing process.
Author evilNsweet Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Imagine, thanks for not being judgmental towards my situation.
theobserver Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 The correct steps are being taken that's why you are having a lack of negative critism. You'll get none from me either. Please do keep it going and you can both finally have a more well rounded happy marriage.
John Who Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 This certain thread grabs my attention because I too was in a relationship where the affection and attention left the M. I thought I did'nt love my W any longer I was anger at here because I blamed her for the affection and attention leaving the M so I got this fu-k it attitude this is how she wants it to be fine I'm going to go get that affection somewhere else and I did. I later realised if I had these complaints then imagine the complaints my W had i never took her feelings into consideration or thought maybe she feels lonely too. I'm not sure if my W ever cheated on me but reading this thread has made me wonder I neglected her I was not there for her emotionally so if she did I don't blame her. I hope after all the affair's between you 2 that you can finally get your M right if you love him and he loves you and you are finally opening up towards each other I don't see whay it won't work.
InaPanic Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 The correct steps are being taken that's why you are having a lack of negative critism. You'll get none from me either. Please do keep it going and you can both finally have a more well rounded happy marriage. is this the same man who told me he would have 'left my ass in the hospital' after i had ONE affair?? Glad you have some compassion for someone, lol Anyway, i'm glad no one is being judgemental because it really doesn't help anything at all anyway. But it may come so buckle up. I hope you two are able to get past all of this. My biggest concern would be after all these years of doing it has it just become habit? It is going to take some time to break those habits but if you both are on the same page i think it can be done for sure : )
Recommended Posts