Hurtnhen Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I caught my wife in a bunch of lies, and seen messages on her phone, but yet she continues to lie and I cant get pass the hurt. I never thought she would do this to me and it hurts so bad, and I have no one to talk to. We have been married fo 14 years and have two kids and this is tearing me and my family apart. Can someone please help with some advice.
imagine Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Sorry you're here man! The short answer. Lie detector test. Get a copy of surviving an affair. Pay attention, this story is an old one and your early action can be make or break to the outcome.
norajane Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 1. Start seeing a counselor to help you through this. 2. Talk to a lawyer and find out what your rights and responsibilities would be in a divorce. 3. You know she's cheating and is lying about it. There's really no hope in salvaging a marriage if that's her stance. If you live in a state where you need grounds for a divorce, start collecting the evidence. Send those texts to your own phone or email. Get copies of her cell phone calls. Check into her email and print out her emails to this guy. 4. Find out who this guy is and tell his wife - she deserves to know what she's married to. 5. Tell your friends and family what's going on - you will need their support through this whole thing. Good luck.
evilNsweet Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 The only way for you to heal is she needs too admit to her cheating,then you can decide if you want to work on your M or not and start the healing process. Or you can choose to leave her,the choice is your's I know it can be difficult not knowing the wondering if she's cheating or not.
joedee1957 Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 Seems like theres not too many sympathetic ear's on here for anyone. I am sympathetic to you because my wife also had an affair on me , with a woman co - worker of hers.how's that for a twist ??? I have my own post !!! The truth will come out eventually but trust your instincts. They are usually always on the money. Once the truth is out you will have a better chance of solving your problems with more options. Tell her you love her and can forgive her if she just tells you the truth. This will work eventually and she will come clean. Thats when you can begin to heal. You definitely will have your ups and downs emotionally. I have felt anxiety, hurt, anger and have been on a real roller coaster. Its all normal and won't really get better for some time after you have found out the truth. Good luck to you and i hope you and the wife can solve your problems. Just remember that karma is real and will come back to bite the perpetrator in the ass !!!
Lookingforward Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 1. Start seeing a counselor to help you through this. 2. Talk to a lawyer and find out what your rights and responsibilities would be in a divorce. 3. You know she's cheating and is lying about it. There's really no hope in salvaging a marriage if that's her stance. If you live in a state where you need grounds for a divorce, start collecting the evidence. Send those texts to your own phone or email. Get copies of her cell phone calls. Check into her email and print out her emails to this guy. 4. Find out who this guy is and tell his wife - she deserves to know what she's married to. 5. Tell your friends and family what's going on - you will need their support through this whole thing. Good luck. You assumed her A partner was married - that was interesting.
norajane Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 You assumed her A partner was married - that was interesting. I've just come back from a conference...and am always jaded after conferences because so many 'happily' married men are so willing to cheat. So, yep, I made an assumption that her OM was also married!
LakesideDream Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I caught my wife in a bunch of lies, and seen messages on her phone, but yet she continues to lie and I cant get pass the hurt. I never thought she would do this to me and it hurts so bad, and I have no one to talk to. We have been married fo 14 years and have two kids and this is tearing me and my family apart. Can someone please help with some advice. Sorry, Hurt. You have joined a not so exclusive club. Cheating and walking away are all the rage these days. Everybody is empowered to do whatever makes them "feel good". You will get a lot of advice here, especially if you post more details on your situation. The only advice I can give is gather information. Don't make a decision based on what your cheating wife tells you.. she will lie. She will lie so much she will forget she's lying!
soda Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 Sorry, Hurt. You have joined a not so exclusive club. Cheating and walking away are all the rage these days. Everybody is empowered to do whatever makes them "feel good". This is what's sad. I know that many of us here have been on either end. I've never cheated, but I've been burned. Why is it that people just can't learn to be happy with what they have? Why do they need to leave a trail of broken hearts just to sate their happiness?
soda Posted August 14, 2008 Posted August 14, 2008 I caught my wife in a bunch of lies, and seen messages on her phone, but yet she continues to lie and I cant get pass the hurt. I never thought she would do this to me and it hurts so bad, and I have no one to talk to. We have been married fo 14 years and have two kids and this is tearing me and my family apart. Can someone please help with some advice. Be prepared for her to deny, deny, deny. This is what cheaters do. She is in a fog, and she's convinced that she can explain away anything while she's in affairyland. She's wrapped up in fiction. Her affair is like curling up with a great book, which is what she SHOULD have done instead. There are few details here. If you choose to attempt to salvage your marriage, you can benefit from the advice at LS. The first thing that you can do is send a bolt of reality to the affair. If OM has a SO, you need to talk to her. Your wife and her jerk are two primates. Get yourself a teammate, too. If this doesn't work, get yourself the most talented, prettiest lawyer that you can find. (Your W will hate that.)
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