BackonTrack Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Holy ****, I had a really bad break up with my ex about 6 months ago. Since then I've been nc. It turns out she was having an affair on me and plans on leaving me, etherway I found out about it & broke up with her and once I realized she was going ahead with the breakup I ended the friendship. Ok anyway, About a week later I broke down & started to cry & called her & then said lets work it out & she told me to go **** off then began insulting me. Ok fast forward about 3 weeks, I went mad, drove by her house, called her 3-4 hours, emailed her saying sorry. Fast forward 5 months, I stopped by a gas station and called her from a pay phone, she didn't pick up. Fast forward few weeks, I feel NOTHING. I was just thinking about her, its so hard, I have to consontrae to actually see an image of her, I feel nothing, before I use to feel a warm feeling of love when I think about her & that would put me to sleep. No I feel nothing. I think I have lost all feelings/love towards this person. Hell, I don't even think she is coming back anymore, I know she's not coming back. She's gone. Anyway it is crazy that someone I loved so much, now I feel nothing. I wonder if I should try & contact her.
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Welcome to your healing.. this is what healing is.. you are going thru it and will do fine.. just remember one thing.. I wonder if I should try & contact her. No. you should not contact her.. she hasn't changed her mind.. she will just tell you the same things she did before...
Scorpio13c Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Welcome to your healing.. this is what healing is.. you are going thru it and will do fine.. just remember one thing.. No. you should not contact her.. she hasn't changed her mind.. she will just tell you the same things she did before... I agree with this, sorry Backon track, stay the course, all will be well!
0hpenelope Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Echoing Art Critic here. Don't do it. Just keep walking the opposite direction from her.
WiseOne1 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Dude I know exactly how you feel. You feel dont feel that your in love with her anymore right? You feel that your actually able to be her friend with no hard feelings, or you feel that you have a much change at getting back with her if you can stand being her friend. Im not sure how you feel, all I know is I've felt that exact same way about my ex, and I really wasnt over her, but I also felt that exact same way about a past ex and I really was over her. I think you should give it a go. But I Must Say Warning!!!!!!!!! If your wrong, your gonna be set back to day 1. So Enter at Your Own Risk.
wareagle Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Why would you want to contact her? Why would you want to be friends with someone who betrayed you and had an affair behind your back? It's only been six months you say. Are you sure that you are feelings are genuine that your are over her or is it just a short lived phase you are going through? Contacting her might bring you back into reality and make you realize that you are not as far along as you think you are. I would rethink very hard about this! My advice is not to contact her ever again! She cheated on you, she is not worthy of your time, friendship, or anything else you can give her! Like she told you, She can go **** OFF!!!
WiseOne1 Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Why would you want to contact her? Why would you want to be friends with someone who betrayed you and had an affair behind your back? It's only been six months you say. Are you sure that you are feelings are genuine that your are over her or is it just a short lived phase you are going through? Contacting her might bring you back into reality and make you realize that you are not as far along as you think you are. I would rethink very hard about this! My advice is not to contact her ever again! She cheated on you, she is not worthy of your time, friendship, or anything else you can give her! Like she told you, She can go **** OFF!!! Ya know what, wareagle is right. If your 100% over someone you probably would care less about being there friend or having anything to do with them, especcially if they cheated. But then if your really over the person then why not be there friend? Ya see, it can go anyway here. You might be ready to be her friend, if so you can contact, the only thing I find that might give you a problem, is if your wrong! Because if your wrong the last 6 months would have been in vain, for nothing! NADA! ZIP! So before you contact her, really search your feelings, like try imagining her f***ing some other guy and if you can do think of her doing that and not feel anything what so ever. Then your there my friend.
Author BackonTrack Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 Ok, I won't risk it. I can't go back to day 1. I will not go back to that place.
nopainnogain Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 I am in same exact scenerio as you BT. Been split 5months,she was a kaniever,cheated on me, talked smack to me ,and bounced. Lately I have been txt her because I truly feel I am over her. I think the reason we contact someone who betrayed us so bad is to subconcionsly let them know that even tho they treated us like dirt it didnt phase us
nopainnogain Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 Yes .I text her on the olympics opening ceremony after 5 or so months of no contact. Saying.... "Hows life...the olympics are on" she responded.. "it was great ,the chinese really did a good job." thats it. Didnt set me back. I am over her.
Author BackonTrack Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 I've just decieded. It makes no sense to contact her, she's the past, it makes no sense to look back. Things won't be as they were before, it just doesn't make sense to get in contact.
wareagle Posted August 10, 2008 Posted August 10, 2008 That's better thinking BOT. No need in taking chances on setting yourself back! Maybe further down the road, and I mean further down the road, maybe when you have moved on with another, and you feel you may want to be friends then maybe give it a shot, but IMO not enough time has passed! Be strong, she is only one person in a world of millions, we can choose who we want to be friends with and we should choose people who will not backstab us or take us for granted and treat us like ****! Do you feel me? No need to waste our time on people of this nature!!
Author BackonTrack Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 In all honesty, I don't think talking to her will set me back. Its been a very long time, since we were together, I don't remember her anymore, all I have now is just snapshots of images within my mind, some good, some bad, as far as wanting to contact her, I don't feel the urge anymore, I drunked text her a few days ago though, not sure why, maybe because I'm in a relationship and I was feeling on top of the world.. What did I say? "I don't remember you anymore, I don't want to be with you but I don't want to forget you. I got rid of all your things, please do something. This is crazy" I honestly don't remember her, that warm feeling I had when I thought about her, that use to put me at ease and put me to sleep is not there anymore, I think she's no longer in my system. I would tell her all the time she makes feel calm, in hindsight, she made me feel at peace within myself, I guess I could not do that for her. Despite her cheating, for a time the relationship was good, somewhere along the lines it got messed up, I noticed the attitude shift, but I never understood what was causing it or what I could do to fix it. I had no experience in these areas. Since my mind is now clear and I can analyze things in a different manner, The relationship which I had was not built on solid foundation, it initially was built on sex, and passion. For a time things were good but my ex was very young minded. She grew comfortable and then began having sexual escapades with another man. By doing this, this severly confused her mind, she began to think allot of negative thoughts about me, at the same time I did not know what was happening. Eventually she left me for him. I believe she is now truely happy, in my heart, I'm happy for her but from a mental stand point, she disgusts me. I have a few more internal struggles to deal with but other than that, I'm in the clear. I never thought it would end this way, she seem to have predicted this would happen though, she would always say things like "I'm playing with fire" "This is going to end in flames" "You are to good for me, you deserve someone better" In the end, the person I knew & loved was not the person I knew & loved.
foxh1234 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 In all honesty, I don't think talking to her will set me back. Its been a very long time, since we were together, I don't remember her anymore, all I have now is just snapshots of images within my mind, some good, some bad, as far as wanting to contact her, I don't feel the urge anymore, I drunked text her a few days ago though, not sure why, maybe because I'm in a relationship and I was feeling on top of the world.. What did I say? "I don't remember you anymore, I don't want to be with you but I don't want to forget you. I got rid of all your things, please do something. This is crazy" I honestly don't remember her, that warm feeling I had when I thought about her, that use to put me at ease and put me to sleep is not there anymore, I think she's no longer in my system. I would tell her all the time she makes feel calm, in hindsight, she made me feel at peace within myself, I guess I could not do that for her. Despite her cheating, for a time the relationship was good, somewhere along the lines it got messed up, I noticed the attitude shift, but I never understood what was causing it or what I could do to fix it. I had no experience in these areas. Since my mind is now clear and I can analyze things in a different manner, The relationship which I had was not built on solid foundation, it initially was built on sex, and passion. For a time things were good but my ex was very young minded. She grew comfortable and then began having sexual escapades with another man. By doing this, this severly confused her mind, she began to think allot of negative thoughts about me, at the same time I did not know what was happening. Eventually she left me for him. I believe she is now truely happy, in my heart, I'm happy for her but from a mental stand point, she disgusts me. I have a few more internal struggles to deal with but other than that, I'm in the clear. I never thought it would end this way, she seem to have predicted this would happen though, she would always say things like "I'm playing with fire" "This is going to end in flames" "You are to good for me, you deserve someone better" In the end, the person I knew & loved was not the person I knew & loved. IMO, your not ready for contact with her and why would you want to anyway. She cheated on you, forget her and move on and find happiness with someone better. I have felt like you feel now, thinking I'm done and over her. The next month I was crying my eyes out again, lol. I'm not saying you will go back that far, but it is a rollercoaster and this could be a nice high point, with another low down the track a bit. Just keep moving forward and don't look back, you are doing great.
ed-205 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Should you contact her again? The short answer: NO! The long answer: That warm, fuzzy feeling that you used to get when you thought about her is all part of the "Cathexis" (bonding) of falling in love. It involves the release of opiate-like chemicals inside your brain that are so powerful and addictive that they would most certainly be illegal if you could buy them on the street, and YES, you *can* get addicted to your own brain chemistry. That's why we have people jumping off of bridges with a rubber-band tied around their ankle - they get a bio-chemical buzz from the cocktail of endorphins their brain squirts into their bloodstream. In a similar manner, you can get addicted to Love. I know this, because it's happened to me. It is the bio-chemical equivalent of bashing yourself it the face with a baseball bat because it makes you feel dizzy - Stop it NOW! Do whatever you have to, take a cold shower, work out, masturbate, whatever, but DO NOT CALL THIS GIRL IN AN EFFORT TO FEED YOUR FEEL-GOOD GLANDS! You will only manage to exhaust them and make yourself feel worse in the long run, and at worst wind up with a protection order issued against you. Give yourself a break, and don't worry - the I'M IN LOVE feeling WILL come back to you in time... ...It *always* does.
tealeafbud Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 i agree with everyone else. Don't contact her. your situation might be like mine. I used to think I missed my ex, but I only missed the idea of her if that makes sense.
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