xpaperxcutx Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I've never said being friends doesn't lead to a relationship, in some cases it does, but a huge proportion of people do not befriend someone they are interested in -- in the vain hope they'll end up having feelings for them. I bet your Mom and Dad didn't intend to befriend each other in order to one day date one another. It happened naturally, over a period of time. It couldn't be more different to what you are doing. Your logic is about as sensible as Communism. But stick with what you know and feel comfortable with and I'll stick with mine. I agree. I don't date my friends. People I show interests in are acquaintences. I would not in any way jeoperdize my relations with my friends, because if we break up, then we can't be friends anymore. See the concept? Of course you can date your friend if you harbor feelings for them, but mostly it would just be unrequited love. Best to save yourself the heartbreak.
thethinwhiteduke Posted August 11, 2008 Posted August 11, 2008 I agree. I don't date my friends. People I show interests in are acquaintences. I would not in any way jeoperdize my relations with my friends, because if we break up, then we can't be friends anymore. See the concept? Of course you can date your friend if you harbor feelings for them, but mostly it would just be unrequited love. Best to save yourself the heartbreak. i went out with a friend and broke up with her and we are still very good friends.. occasionally romantic situations arose again but were just passed over... no hard and fast rules... just dont be needy...
LovehateLove Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 i went out with a friend and broke up with her and we are still very good friends.. occasionally romantic situations arose again but were just passed over... no hard and fast rules... just dont be needy... It’s great when exes can remain friends, my SO is friends with one of her ex boyfriends and unfortunately I didn’t remain friends with any of my exes due to the manner in which we parted ways. However it is not universal that friends become boyfriend and girlfriend. It does happen, but it’s not as common as meeting up with a girl, going through the trials and tribulations of dating and then entering a relationship. This is far more common and as a result produces a lot more relationships. The OP argued that his method of befriending a girl “falsely” as a “stepping stone” produces results and is adamant he can get with a girl who he befriended (in order to date her at some point), whom she trusts as a friend. Now, maybe she does feel the same way, if so, and then the OP will reap the rewards he has chosen to sew into the soil. However, I detest this approach because it’s dishonest and false from the very beginning and nine x’s out of ten it doesn’t work. Life is so much easier when you are open, honest and direct. I guess two of these traits come with confidence and the other one comes with how you are raised and your moral viewpoint on life in general.
Davey McG Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 LovehateLove, for what it's worth I completely agree with what you have posted. Brady-to-moss, I hope that this works out for you. However, it would seem you're already friend-zoned. That's why she will talk about her boyfriend to you. Let us know how it goes
GoodOnPaper Posted August 12, 2008 Posted August 12, 2008 . . . i dont care about sex.... I don't buy it and neither should you. Sounds like you are trying to set yourself apart from other guys by being "above" mere sex. Speaking from my very unsuccessful single days, this won't help you attract women. It's OK to simply want a woman physically without slowly working up to it with a few weeks or months of "friendship". I feel your pain. For me too, the friendship part of male-female relationships has always come much easier than the attraction/chemistry part. Unfortunately, most dating and relationship deal-makers and -breakers seem to revolve around attraction and chemistry.
Chojin Posted August 13, 2008 Posted August 13, 2008 This is a very interesting topic, and one that I am freshly familiar with myself. I have come to realize, however, that my efforts of always being readily available for her was the dumbest thing I could do. Your situation parallels mine in an eerie fashion (she likes me, I like her, she's somewhat already devoted to someone else who sometimes makes her upset...). I think perhaps you don't want to accept that she has used you for emotional support, but that is essentially what she has done. I don't want to accept it myself, but I know it is true. She comes crying to you when her bf is being a jerk, and while yes, it does feel nice to be needed by someone, I don't think this is kind of need you want. And are you sure you like her? And I mean, like her, like her. Or do you think you like her out of convenience? Out of convenience that she's the only girl who has given attention to you like this in a very long time? I should really be taking my own advice on this one. I have always, ALWAYS played the "knight in shining armor" role, and it has NEVER gotten me anywhere. And why am I just now realizing this? Who the hell knows. I am in the process of emotionally detaching myself from her. And it is especially hard for me because we're freaking cubicle buddies at work.
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